A Pocketful of Rocks

Posted on September 9, 2008 by elizabeth

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"Mommy, I have some special rocks for you. I found them at recess."

Jude rummages in his pocket. He carefully lines up the rocks on my desk.

"So, who did you play with?" I ask.

"No-one," he answers. "I don't have any friends."

"Really, Jude? Why not?"

"Some kids said my coloring was stupid. But in my head I said my coloring was good. I took a lot of time to do it, Mommy!"

"May I see your drawing?" I ask.

He dashes to his backpack and retrieves the paper. It's a picture of several animals sitting on a dock, fishing. He has neatly colored within the lines. He has cut along the squiggly fishing lines precisely.

"This is so neat and tidy!" I tell him. I display it on the fridge, proudly. Inside, my heart is aching. Who wouldn't want to be friends with my gentle, quiet boy?

"Can I stay home with you and my twins tomorrow?" he says.

I hug him and explain (for the fifth time) that he's a big boy now and has to go to school. He nods, quietly.

I won't coddle him. As much as I want to draw him into me and gosh-darnit– FORCE kids to be his friends–I won't. He has to learn. On his own. He will grow stronger because of the struggle. I will let patience have her perfect work (James 1:4).

Some days he will bring home pocketfuls of rocks. One day he'll bring home a friend.

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  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    aw man. that is just one of the toughest parts about being a parent.

  • http://carefulwisher.blogspot.com Melissa

    As a teacher, I see this everyday. He will soon have many friends who love rocks too! God Bless, Melissa

  • Cathy

    I don’t know, Elizabeth, I’m not a proponent of coddling kids, but I’m not sure that protecting him at his age is coddling him. Any thoughts of speaking to the teacher? My husband and two daughters are teachers. While my man and one daughter teach high school, my other daughter (now she stays at home with her son, Judah) taught elementary and middle school. If my husband or daughters knew/know about kids being mean to other kids, they would definitely look out for it (discreetly) and put a stop to it.

    When one of my sons was in high school (he has since graduated from college and married), he really didn’t have any friends. It wasn’t that he wasn’t liked by other kids or a pariah. I remember pleading with God to give him friends, but knew that if he “needed” friends, then God would provide for them. Praise God, there is a strong youth group where we attend church. So, while he was “friendly” with lots of kids at school, he wasn’t “friends” with them. He was on the high school baseball team, but most of the team was into partying and he didn’t want to get into the whole party scene; hence he figured that no friends were better than bad ones. It was somewhat lonely, but God filled the void with Himself.

    You may have said before, but how old is Jude?

    I will be praying for him–and you. I often say that parenting isn’t for the faint of heart…and I’m faint of heart, particularly when one’s heart is aching over this kind of stuff.

    Cathy

  • http://monkswife.blogspot.com Michelle

    That just makes me want to cry. Or at least sniff quietly. I just hate it when kids are mean.

    I’m watching this same sort of thing (not mean kids – just the making friends part) unfold as my 8yo daughter tries to make friends at our new church. No one is being mean, just not really giving her the time of day. It breaks my heart, but I can’t make friends for her.

    I’ll be praying for your sweet boy. :)

  • http://www.elizabethesther.typepad.com Elizabeth Esther

    Yeah, this first week of school is a tough adjustment for everyone. Me included. Oh, Cathy, if I even get a whiff of Jude being bullied you’d better believe I’ll be ALL over that!

    I know what you mean, Michelle. Sometimes watching them struggle is the hardest part of all.

  • Cathy

    You may have said before, but how old is Jude?

    Is it top secret???

    I’ve been praying for him.

    Cathy

  • http://restoringtheyears.blogspot.com Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years

    You know who would totally “groove” on his pocketful of rocks (or twigs, or dug up treasures like broken toys and roof shingles)…my middle girl, Dumpling.

    And Cuddlebug too, come to think of it.

    But alas, you’re near to the wrong beach…or maybe we are. (And yes, we call the Texas Gulf coast a beach, though a “gravel flat” would be more accurate.)

    Truth is, with very rare exception, kids are mean unless they’re made not to be. I hope there is another nice kid in his class that he can befriend.

  • Yvonne

    We’re going through the same thing with Justice at Sunday school. It’s hard to know what to do. I’ll pray for wisdom so you know how to help him.

  • http://www.belikethesun.blogspot.com Margie

    This post made me cry. Just a little. Growing up can be so hard sometimes.

  • Caroline

    Oh, Elizabeth….this really tugged at my heart. Give it time and prayer. I have often prayed for my Matt to “find favor” with all, the way Joseph found favor with Pharoah and became a loved and trusted leader in Egypt.

    Matt is now the leader of of a rough & tumble, merry band of boys on the playground. He’s been through his fair share of fights with bullies, too. We’ve taught him to never start a fight, but, if someone starts a fight with him, he has permission to finish it. We have the philosophy that such fighting builds character—He must learn to kick some tail and he must learn to get his tail kicked. God has always been there, molding and shaping his character and protecting him from physical harm. And Matt has truly, truly found favor with teachers, principals, other children, and eventually those bullies.

    Anyway, I know you are not talking about Jude being bullied. When Matt first started pre-school, he stayed around his teacher at recess and she told us it was because he had trouble talking to the other children b/c his speech and vocabulary were so superior! You never know what is going on with those little ones—the other children may have been jealous because Jude’s coloring was better. You tell him to rock on! and soon he’ll be leader of the class rock club. Bless all of you with love and prayers!

  • http://www.goodforsomething-stilltrying.blogspot.com Frances

    Ugh–the trials that kids go through. You’re right, you can’t force other kids to be friends with him. But fear not, as long as he stays true to himself, he’ll have true friends he deserves. Those other kids will hopefully wise up or they will get the friends they really deserve.

  • Sarahstew

    “my twins”
    :)

  • http://karennkool.blogspot.net karenkool

    Last year I received a phone call from the school nurse who had some concern over my daughter eating or chewing on rocks. She said she was just trying to get her loose tooth to come out like Lauren’s. The monitor at recess sent her to the nurse. (At least it wasn’t the principal).

    Be watchful. Rocks can be very tempting.
    :-) Sorry. Just adding a little levity.

    I’m sure Jude will find his way. It is heart breaking.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.typepad.com Elizabeth Esther

    thank you all so much for the kind words. jude had a better day today. sort of. some kid pushed him out of line and knocked him to the ground. tomorrow, he has my permission to defend himself. hoo boy.

    he feels much better now that he knows exactly what to do. :-D

    bullies stink. you just can’t placate a bully. they just don’t listen to “Please stop.” they keep punching.

    too bad i never took karate. i don’t know any good moves to teach Jude. argh.

    Cathy: your son’s story was helpful. i’m glad i have you around to help me see the longview. HEY DOES EVERYONE KNOW CATHY? SHE HAS 10 KIDS! :-D she rocks!

    GB: are you guys anywhere near hurricane ike? yikes!

  • sarah

    hey, i know this is an old post…but i stopped by after not visiting here for a while and was so touched that i had to respond. jude reminds me so very VERY much of myself when i was his age. everything from not having friends, playing alone, even bringing rocks home to mom!!! i actually teared up a little when i finished reading…and here’s the honest truth: the Lord *will* use jude’s struggles to form him…grow him up…change his heart. it might not be the easiest road…school sure wasn’t fore me growing up. but the Lord used it mightily. i would not be the woman i am today if i hadn’t struggled so. i don’t know what the Lord has in store for jude….he might find a group of friends or a friend who gets him…he might not. our hope isn’t that. our hope is that God will make us more like his Son. i know he wants to do that for jude. you’re a wonderful thoughtful loving mother. do all that you can to support him, let him know he’s loved, encourage him in what he’s good at and make the home a sanctuary of rest and peace and the Lord will do His work. you’re in my prayers…i think jude is rad.