They arrive on Razors, bikes and skateboards–a pack of boys ranging in age from kindergarten to 3rd grade. They all want to know if James & Jude can come out and play.
"Can we, Mom? Can we? Can we?" my boys ask, bouncing up and down.
"As long as you follow the rules and stay in your boundaries," I say.
"YEEEEEEHAAAWWW! LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!" James yells and runs pell-mell for his Razor.
The best thing about our move this past summer is the neighborhood. It takes time and effort to build a safe, happy neighborhood and in my experience, that means parent-to-parent communication.
Just like the best schools are the ones where parents take an active, on-campus approach to their children's education–the best neighborhoods are ones where all the parents are involved.
Here's how it works for us:
1. Find the at-home parents in the neighborhood: I know them and they know me. We've exchanged home and cell numbers. We've been inside each other's homes–we know all the kids' names and all the pets. In order for parents to feel safe about letting their kids out to play; we need to know that there are other parents we trust watching out for our kids. It doesn't have to be a ton of moms—in my last neighborhood there were only one or two of us.
2. Establish rules & boundaries: All the kids know the boundaries–we've made it an obvious neighborhood landmark everyone knows. Also, the older kids are expected to include the younger kids; no intentional exclusions.
3. Communication: If the pack is playing up at my house, they have to check in with me before heading off to another family's home. I call ahead to that mom and give her a heads up. In other words, I'm sorta passing the "watchful-eye" baton. In our neighborhood, someone is always watching.
4. Time limits: My experience has been that on weekdays kids do well for 2 hours. On weekends we allow them to play for 3 hours. After that they tend to get bored or get into trouble. I think it's best to pre-empt these problems by sending everyone home for a break.
5. Let them work out their differences: I like to let the kids work out their problems. I do keep an ear out for prolonged arguments and I will step in to change the direction of the game or suggest something different. Kids need these real world life skills and problem-solving among their peers is necessary. I'm not afraid to let my kids play with other kids–in fact, I encourage it.
6. Limit snacking: When kids play outside, they get hungry. Our rule is one snack per day. Otherwise we'd have a revolving door of kids asking for snacks, water, boxed juices. After all, if they're really that hungry, their house is just a few doors away. I send kids home at meal-times.
7. Share the load: It's unfair to expect one mom to do the lionshare of supervision. If my kids have been playing for a long time at a neighbor's house, I try to invite the kids to play at my house next time.
8. Get to know the Dads, too: This was a huge trust-building exercise for me. Knowing the Dads, what they do, when they're home, etc. really helped me feel confident about my kids playing in or around the different homes.
9. Plan neighborhood parties: Our neighborhood has a Halloween party and Christmas caroling. This is a great way to connect with other parents you may not see too often. Plus, kids LOVE a good, neighborhood party. And while these gatherings require a little extra effort on the parents' part–the payoff lasts all year. People remember stuff like that and it helps build neighborhood connections.
10. Combine resources: Neighborhood carpools are one of my favorite things to do. It's a mutually beneficial service. Also, I use carpool time to get to know kids better. And when you're sick, there's nothing like being able to call your neighbor and ask for help. You know you'll be able to repay them once they catch the tummy flu you've got!
How about you? Any good ideas for building better neighborhood connections? Please share!
