a very present help…

Posted on February 12, 2009 by elizabeth

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Yesterday started out so great. The photo shoot with the newspaper was fun.  It has felt amazing to start having success with something I'm passionate about. I felt like I was flying. Now I'm freeeeee….free fallin'. You know that feeling?

And then I had my annual physical. And it all came crashing down.

The lump is in my left breast. It's fairly large. I don't know how I missed it. But then again, I haven't been good about doing the monthly self breast exams. Still, it took me by surprise.

The doctor was calm, professional. And at first, I stayed calm, too.

She wrote out the order: breast ultrasound + mammogram.

I didn't cry until I got into the car. I was alone and the children couldn't see me, so I decided to cry it all out before I got home. And the prayers fell from my lips: Oh God, please. Please. I have five children. This doesn't happen to moms like me. I'm too young…

After the rush of tears, I calmed down. I surrendered to it. I told God that whatever it was, I would trust Him. But it would be nice if it turned out to be nothing. Just a cyst. Benign. Could ya work that out for me, Lord?

And then life crowded in. The truth is, I don't have time to feel sorry for myself. Which is sorta awesome. I drove the boys to baseball practice and prepped dinner. I took refuge in the small, immediate needs of the moment: meals, homework, bedtime routines. It takes energy to worry. I would rather spend that energy living my life.

Besides….God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Ps. 46:1 Isn't this why we have faith? For exact moments like this?

Anyway, if you think of it, I would appreciate your prayers tomorrow. I've never had a mammogram before.

And if I'm honest, I'm a little scared.

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  • http://heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather

    I will definitely be keeping you in my prayers as I go about my day. Keep us posted.

  • Susan

    I am praying for healing in your body and peace in your heart.

  • destry

    E…I am praying…and believing.

  • http://churchyear.blogspot.com Jessica Snell

    Oh, wow. Bless you. May it be completely benign.

  • Lynn

    Definately will be praying for you. Thankful that He is your Refuge and Strength…your Very Present Help during this time.

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot.com/ mary bailey

    Your attitude is great. Draw your strength from the Lord and rest in Him. Praying for you.

  • abby osborn

    i have been a blog lurker of yours for a while now and am consitstantly blessed by your words.

    i too had a lump in the summer, had the ultrasound and mammogram and it all came back normal. after much reading and researching i realized that the numbers are higher that it is normal breast tissue or a cyst than for it to be cancer. i will pray that yours is normal and that during this time of waiting you will be still and know that god is in control.

    when is your mammogram… i hope soon because i know the agony you can have while waiting.

    much love,
    abby osborn
    atosborn@juno.com

  • Liesl

    I lurk and don’t know you personally. But I am praying for you. May the anxiety be free until tomorrow and may the results be consclusively o.k. Lord father, protect and bless Elizabeth.

  • http://www.thepipers.wordpress.com Molly Piper

    Praying for you. As I read this I could hardly breathe.

  • Kate Johnson

    I, too, have been there and the waiting to find out is the worst… but each time (as I have had lumps more than once) it has been benign cysts. I pray you go to a place that tells you right away what the results are. I found such a place a few years ago and now go only there where a dr is on premises. Otherwise, you end up waiting for the dr to get the results and then to call you. UUGGHH! You are in my prayers…

  • Whitney

    Hey…hang in there. My mother went through the same thing a few months ago. She was freaked out, and it came back ok. When something goes bad like this, I find listening to praise music really helpful – it tends to reorient my thoughts someplace more helpful. Just a thought. I will be praying. :)

  • http://confusedagnostic.blogspot.com/ Hannah

    According to Google: “Among breast conditions for which biopsies are often done, the results show that some 80 percent are not cancer.” (http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/womenshealth-Benlumps.html).

    I’m only 19, and yet I’ve had a fibroadenoma! My mother gets lumps every few years, but so far they’ve all turned out to be benign (Even though my maternal grandmother had breast cancer, caught relatively late by a mobile mammogram van, but she’s absolutely fine now).

    I only know you through internet lurking, but you are in my thoughts and prayers :)

  • http://confusedagnostic.blogspot.com/ Hannah

    Hey :)

    Don’t worry, apparently “among breast conditions for which biopsies are often done, the results show that some 80 percent are not cancer”. (http://www.memorialhospital.org/library/general/womenshealth-Benlumps.html). My mum finds lumps every few years, but they’ve always turned out to be benign. I’m only 19, and I’ve had a fibroadenoma! Your lump is far more likely to be benign :)

    Although I only know you through internet lurking, you are in my thoughts and prayers at this scary time.

    (Sorry if this is a repeat – my computer started doing funny things last time I tried to post)

  • http://www.morningstarr.typepad.com Dina

    praying for you. hard. and lots. much love, Dina

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    i pray for peace in your heart and wisdom and guidance for the doctors performing any and all tests. i will especially pray and ask the blessed mother to be with you tomorrow as you walk this journey!

  • http://jasminlovescoffee.blogspot.com Jasmin

    This JUST happened to my mother (we found out today, in fact, that everything was ok after a second mammogram, thank goodness). The hardest part is the waiting. I will keep you in my prayers and in my thoughts.

    God bless,
    Jasmin

  • http://andi-horton.livejournal.com Andrea

    I’ll be lifting you up, tonight and tomorrow. May this quickly prove to be nothing more serious than the opportunity for God to remind you of His constancy in all stages and seasons. Hugs, peace, and many, many prayers to you.

  • Cathy

    E,

    I’m praying.

    Cathy

    “There is none like God, O Jeshurun,
    who rides through the heavens to your help,
    through the skies in his majesty.
    The eternal God is your dwelling place,
    and underneath are the everlasting arms.”
    Deuteronomy 33:26-27

  • http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com Andrea

    oh Elizabeth.
    I am praying, friend.
    You will be lifted up tomorrow.
    He has your in His hands…..please trust that.
    love to you, andrea

  • http://saltforthespirit.blogspot.com April @ SALT for the Spirit

    EE — I read you on google reader all the time and never comment, but I wanted to do so today. You are held in my prayers tonight and I will be praying your name tomorrow. God bless you and yours.

  • http://www.kitchenfamblog.blogspot.com stephanie

    I will be in prayer for you as well. I trust the Lord will sustain. This same thing happened to me last week at an appt. I will not go in for the mam and us until March 4th – and that is expedited. Rest assured, you have the King of Kings and Lord of Lords to carry you through this trial.
    Much love and compassions -
    Stephanie

  • http://www.ardamar.blogspot.com colleen

    oh elizabeth i’m sorry…i’ll definitely pray for you. love, c

  • http://yielded.wordpress.com flo

    praying…

  • http://restoringtheyears.blogspot.com Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years

    I was just telling my girls the other day, “You know what? The LORD has never, ever, steered my life in a direction other than the one He had planned for me! Even if the circumstance wasn’t what I thought I wanted. It was exactly what He wanted for me.”

    You know the likelihood of it being serious is remote? Right? You know that? I’m praying for you; I’m sure the waiting and wondering is the hard part.

    I just had both diagnostics done within the last six months, myself. Piece of cake–especially if you are…uh…well…well-endowed. :)

  • http://terrysoapbox.blogspot.com terry, ornament of His Grace

    Praying for you, Elizabeth. Stay encouraged.

  • http://macs.vox.com Philippa

    Praying for you Elizabeth. That the Lord will put his loving arms around you and carry you through. That he will heal the lump and take your worry away.

  • Sarah

    Praying for you Elizabeth.

  • http://www.belikethesun.blogspot.com Margie

    Oh my. Thanks for sharing with us. Obviously, it’s a concern for all of us, too. And we’re praying.

  • Christine

    Praying for you.
    Take care
    Christine

  • http://www.goodforsomething-stilltrying.blogspot.com Frances, New Yorker in the OC

    I wish you swift peace of mind. If it’s any comfort, I’ve had the same procedure done for the same reason and things came out well–so I’m hoping the odds are in your favor.

    You’re in my thoughts–