Thanks A LOT, Octomom.

Posted on February 19, 2009 by elizabeth

"Is she your first?" the elderly gent asks me. I'm holding Jossy, tickling her and making her laugh while we wait for the rest of the family outside the candy store.

"No," I answer, smiling. He waits, expectantly. I don't want to say it, but the other kids are coming so he's gonna figure it out anyway. "She's my fifth."

His face changes, almost sours at my answer. He shakes his head.

"Well, at least you don't have 14 kids like that crazy lady who had octuplets."

"Right," I answer. I don't know what else to say. Would he believe me if I told him how many strangers have compared me to "that crazy octuplet mom" in the past three weeks? Probably not.

I don't blame these folks. People tend to see our family as one big herd. They don't see individuals. So it's easy for them to think: "Oh, hey, you're a big family! What do YOU think of Nadya Suleman?"

Honestly, I don't have much of an opinion about her in particluar. Now that the 14 children are here, we should extend compassion–and not
judgment–to Nadya Suleman. Yes, what Nadya did was wrong. But the way
she is being attacked is wrong, too. And if Mommy is being attacked,
this will hurt her children.

What Nadya Suleman did (having babies to meet her own psychological
needs) and how she did it (via a sperm donor and thereby intentionally
depriving her children of a father) is abhorrent. It's morally
reprehensible to view human beings as a means to an end. It's
dehumanizing to view children as the means or hindrance to achieving
one's dreams. Human beings are not commodities to be bought and sold
for our own personal happiness.

However, no matter how they got here, children are a blessing. Children
are a gift. All children. Not just those born into affluent, two-parent
families. Our culture doesn't really get this. Sure, it's OK for Brad & Angie to have a bunch of kids. But overall sentiment seems to be that Nadya Suleman should have aborted several of hers.

When strangers react negatively to seeing me with all my children, a little part of me feels like I need to produce a husband and W-4 to prove that not everyone who chooses to have a big family is irresponsible. But this would be pointless. We live in a pro-choice culture. Explaining my pro-life lifestyle to a stranger would be like explaining Dante to my babies. They truly wouldn't understand. Also it's impossible to explain theology in 2 minutes.

So until I figure out how to do that, I guess I'll have to put up with being compared to Nadya Suleman.

I don't know what the answers are for Suleman. I have many of the same questions: how will she support, feed and nurture all those babies? How will those children thrive without a father? Who should help her?

I know one thing for sure: the only reason I can do my job well is because I have an awesome team-mate. I have a devoted, loving, responsible father for my children.

Fathers are important. No, fathers are VITAL.

It's tragic that Nadya Suleman didn't think so.

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  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    amen. i’ve felt much the same way since all of the media criticism of her. what she did, and further that which some supposedly stable doctor did as well, is tragic. but now, there are children to care for. that is the bottom line.

    you asked who will support them? you are. you and every other california tax payer.

    i think less talk in the realm of pro-life debates, and more living the reality of pro-life is all that we can do anymore.

  • http://www.withcontentment.blogspot.com Mel

    Very good points!!!
    My sister-in-law had triplets recently which were her 3rd, 4th and 5th gifts. People have definatley started counting her ‘herd’ as she has ventured out for a walk. The best thing we/she can do is be polite and pray that our families are an example of godliness, not self-ambition.
    I have people couting mine and there are ‘only’ three so far.

    It is the quality of the arrows in the quiver that count and not the number…Praying that my children will be strong arrows for God’s kingdom!!!

  • http://ahomewithasmile.blogspot.com/ Rhonda in OK

    Amen from me too!
    It is so nice to read a responsible opinion about Nadya and not just a fierce attack. Thank you.

    I have no idea how she is going to manage but I am certain she loves her children deeply.

    I hope when it comes down to it, that her neighbors and friends will rally around and help out and maybe some big corporations and charities too.

  • Whitney

    Good points. Her actions are tragic, especially her lying, her manipulations of the public, and her using her children for her own means. It makes me very angry and I’m from a big family!

    Children are a blessing and are a blessing whether you have two or 10. I think this woman needs a lot of prayer and practical (since she seems to have no money sense at all) support from many, many fronts.

    And yes, fathers are amazing. I have a cousin who’s a single mom and I’m so humbled by how she does it. I feel so overwhelmed by everything and I’m one of two! It makes so grateful for my hubby.

  • Beth

    I was compared to her last week at a doctor’s visit. I have three children and a husband. I laughed. Seriously, what is with people today?

  • http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com Andrea

    here, here. Thanks for saying so eloquently what i was thinking in my head the past couple of days. I’m linking you this weekend.

  • http://fromthegridandbeyond.blogspot.com/ Emily Childers

    Wow. You just articulated all the thoughts drifting in and out of my mind that I couldn’t pinpoint. Thank you.

  • http://mysmalltreasures.blogspot.com Kristen

    Perfectly said. Thank you for articulating beautifully what many of us have been thinking.

  • http://restoringtheyears.blogspot.com Grafted Branch@Restoring the Years

    Well, first of all…move to Texas and you will hardly be noticed with your 5 children! :) I think that’s probably the median family size ’round here.

    I’m sad to say I think that the Octomom must have been counting on freebies and reality shows from the get-go.

  • http://www.sixblessings.blogspot.com Carmen

    Amen!

  • http://www.fullcirclemother.blogspot.com Lisa In TX

    Thanks for putting into words the thoughts that have been running through my head! I also have five children (all girls) and I get so tired of the comments we get when we go out together. I don’t think there is anything more wonderful than having FAMILY. You are so right about the father too. I couldn’t do it without my man.

  • http://andi-horton.livejournal.com Andrea

    I know you didn’t mean it that way, but as somebody who may be (actually, will quite probably be) called to adopt as a single woman (still quin-tilly-uple checking with God on that one . . . just in case He got the memos mixed up . . .) and who is already daunted and humbled enough by the prospect of such a thing . . . I just got a little more so, lol! Just something to think about ;)

    I do agree with you, though, on the combination of sorrow and the call for compassion, here. Nobody is doing her kids any favours by attacking their mama. There is a definite need here for help, though, and I hope she gets it, or else those babies won’t be done many favours growing up as their mum expects them to fill this void that she has.

    Adopting as a single parent is not a prospect I air a lot, even now, especially because once I start to tell the truth I feel compelled to tell the whole truth, which is that I think I will be applying to adopt a sibling group, not just one or even two children. Goodness knows that some people have a hard time understanding this and really, growing up I never thought it would be the way I’d be called to do things, either– bringing home “babies” who walk and talk and carry their own set of baggage. But then, this isn’t MY plan I’m supposed to follow anyway, is it? I am scared at what I might be asked to deal with as a mother, but at the same time, I know that if this IS God who is calling me forward to do this, maybe even as soon as sometime in the next couple years (gulp!) then He will be faithful to equip me with whatever I need to parent whatever children He sends me.

    Then the good ol’ fear sets in and I beg “but don’t send ‘em yet!” and back and forth we go :P

  • http://www.simplyeclectic.blgospot.com Suezi Gurzi

    Well Said!

  • http://www.yahoo.com CLINT RUSHTON

    I’m not sure how much the media has made off of “Octomom”, but I’ll bet it’s enough to launch a new reality show. It’d be sort-of a hybrid of “The Nanny”, the crew from “Foreclosure Home Makeover” and “The E.R. Apprentice”.
    Wow, think of all the potential brand impressions and cross-marketing opportunities!
    I’m not sure though, if America is ready to see the “Extreme Makeover” that some help, the benevolent use of a wasting asset (home) and 2-3 years of education will do.
    Leaving her situation the way it is, we get to watch her plight and simply feel better about who we are.
    Maybe I’m crazy…could you run it by Dr. Phil?

    Clint Rushton.