I hardly know how to write about what happened today. It was one of the craziest, most amazing days I've ever experienced as a Christian.
"We can't be afraid," Matt said to me yesterday when I was bemoaning the Earth Day indoctrination that would be happening at our kids' schools.
Those words changed my entire mindset. Be not afraid. Fear not. Trust in Me.
Little did I know how those words would change my life today.
This morning at breakfast, we prepped the kids for what they might expect at school on Earth Day. We told them how God created the Heavens and the Earth and how as Christians we are to take good, responsible care of this precious gift.
We talked about God as our Creator, His great love for us and for everyone.
Then they went off to school. I thought I would have a normal day ahead of me. HA HA.
Today was one of the hardest, most exhausting, most emotionally wrenching days I've had since the twins were in the NICU.
I screwed up. I lost my temper with my husband and I was plagued by doubts and CRAZY thoughts all day. Thoughts like: Elizabeth, you're such a failure. You're such a bad mom. You can't do anything right.
Where were these thoughts coming from? I fought off these thoughts all day and was so physically exhausted by the time Matt arrived home that I burst into tears. I had begun to believe those thoughts.
"Let's pray," Matt said, taking me in his arms. He told me he'd had a difficult day, too. So, we prayed. Afterward, I felt a little better but I still doubted.
And then my kids started talking.
Every single one of them had shared the Gospel of Jesus Christ with their friends today! Even my kindergartner! It wasn't a weird thing at all, it was just my Jesus-lovin' kids being Jesus-lovin' kids at school!
They shared stories of how they had to listen to a book about "great, Mother Earth who gave us all life" and the "animals who are our brothers and sisters." They asked questions, they were gracious, and they just told their friends that they loved Jesus.
It blew my mind. They were so excited about sharing Jesus' love with their friends.
As they spoke, the weight was lifted off my shoulders. Every doubt, every anxiety, every evil thought I'd had was whisked away.
I FELT LIKE DANCING!
Matt was smiling, I was smiling, it was an AMAZING conclusion to our day.
It taught me one great big huge lesson: my children belong to God. They are His. He has to take care of them, keep them, protect them and win them to Himself.
Yes, I'll do my job and point them to Him. I'll plant the seed, I'll love on them and be here for them. But ultimately, God has to bring their faith to fruition.
I know we still have a long way to go.
But I'll never forget this day, the day that God's love broke through and proved to me that I can trust Him.
And I don't have to be afraid.
EVER.
"..greater is He that is in you than he who is in the world." I John 4:4
"Be not afraid, only believe." Mark 5:36
