Silencing Chicken Little

Posted on May 17, 2009 by elizabeth

In fundamentalism, the sky is always falling, the world is always ending and kids like me prayed apocalyptic bedtime prayers: Lord,
please no earthquakes, wars, famines or pestilence tonight. And please
don't leave me behind if my family gets raptured. Amen.

Fundamentalists like to read the Bible in one hand and the newspaper in
the other. When I was a kid, events both big and small foretold that
the end was near: the proliferation of credit cards, Gorbachev, the
year 1988, the first George Bush's "New World Order."

Remember
the public interest surrounding Y2K?  Now multiply that by 1,000 and
you'll know what it felt like to be a fundamentalist in the months
leading up to New Year's Eve 1999.

Eschatology is the pet hobby
of fundamentalists. Nothing gets their blood pumping like a natural
disaster–or just the threat of one. It's also lucrative. You can make
bank by selling apocalyptic books. Or by making movies starring Kirk
Cameron.

When I was kid, we didn't have real Hollywood movie stars. But we did have our campy, quasi-horror flicks. One was called Thief In the Night and it scared me so badly that I had nightmares for years.

For
a few years after that movie, I would panic every time I lost sight of
my parents. I mean, most kids who lose sight of their parents in a
public place assume they're lost.

I assumed the rapture had happened and I'd been left behind.

As
a kid I was forever worrying about not being "counted worthy of escape"
because I might do something really, really bad. Like tell my sister to
"shut-up."

Herein lies the end-game of fundamentalism: a
deep-seated
insecurity. No matter how hard I tried I was never good enough. When I
failed, I believed God might disown me. The onus was always on the
individual to perform well as the pre-requisite for earning "rewards."

Heavenly
rewards were riches, mansions, streets of gold and new bodies. I think
the adults were pretty stoked about the whole new bodies thing. But being a
kid, I would have settled for a cessation to my nightmares. And maybe a
TV.

Of course, there were consequences for not performing well and these included being cast into outer darkness, weeping and gnashing of teeth.

In other words, the closest you could get to Hell without actually being in it.

When
I left fundamentalism, I had to unlearn the belief that love was
conditional. Up until that point I believed God loved everyone–except
that He loved certain people more. There were degrees to His love.

It
has taken some concerted effort to re-align my thinking with the truth:
I am God's child and He is pleased with me. He loves me. Period.

I
have stopped asking myself questions like: am I saved? Will I be
"counted worthy of escape"? Instead, I focus on the bountiful blessings
He has bestowed on my life. I practice gratitude and thanksgiving and
find beauty in imperfection. I try to overlook the faults and
shortcomings of others and emphasize their strengths.

Whenever
I'm tempted to default into all-or-nothing thinking, I use my mind to
objectively analyze what has triggered that reaction. Usually I can
think my way out of Chicken Little syndrome. When I get stuck, I have a
few go-to people whom I can rely on for a balanced perspective.

Ultimately the road out of fundamentalism has been a journey away from extremism and toward moderation.

I
realize now that recovery is not a straight road. There are bumps,
twists, turns and backwards steps. I still have a long way to go.

But at least I know one thing for sure: God holds my hand and He has promised never to let go.

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  • http://adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com molly

    Oh! Oh, oh, oh!

    This is so very very good!

    This is so very good!

    Oh, I already said that. *happy dance* Yes, yes, this is it. You have done such a great job of narrowing down one of the big fundamental (pun intended) issues that, if met head on, force a person out of the fundie-hood and into a different world.

    When I left fundamentalism, I had to unlearn the belief that love was conditional. Up until that point I believed God loved everyone–except that He loved certain people more. There were degrees to His love.

    This, THIS, this very thing, is what prompted me to begin re-looking at so many of the bedrock foundational things that I thought were 100% infallible truths from God. The way I parented, the way I looked at marriage, the way I looked at gender, all of those things and SO much more slowly began to be re-examined as I left the performance paradigm.

    It was and is a long slow shift, but I couldn’t be more delighted with the results thus far, in that I am becoming a happier, healthier person, my CHILDREN, wow, there’s not even words for the difference in the underlying foundation for parenting them now and the way they respond to it… and, though it’s kind of odd to say that this is “good” (because it’s not good at all, but it’s a heck of a lot better than it WAS), helped me begin to (agonizingly) realize/admit just how deeply deeply UNhealthy my own marriage was… (had things been more normal, I think it would have been so beneficial to my marriage…and it may yet be…we’ll see how things go)…

    When it comes to God, especially, the difference is not even able to be charted. Leaving the land of the performance-based relationship to God and coming into the land of (true) grace-based relating to Him??? Galatians 5 says it better than I ever could. It’s just two whole different worlds. It’s like going from black-and-white television to full color cable. It’s like eating plain white wonder bread and one day getting a fully loaded Jersey sub sandwich. It’s like trying to learn to swim in a bathtub and then getting dropped off to a spa resort with a huge pool complete with water slides and a hot tub.

    Enough on the analogies already. :) It’s just really good.

    This is such an awesome post. (((hugs))) WOW!

  • http://terrysoapbox.blogspot.com terry@breathing grace

    Ditto Molly, EE. I have never been a “fundamentalist”, as it were. In fact, I would say that I grew up in a Christian faith that probably could have used a bit more discipline in its doctrine.

    My search for a balnce of grace and truth, love and mercy, has led me to where you are right now. We have people in our life right now preaching the apocolypse, based on the headlines. Telling my husband and I to “get ready to leave”, don’t spend any money, etc.

    While I understand the need to be aware, and I appreciate that there will one day be an end to all things, I frequently find myself remembering what Jeremiah told the Israelites in exile:

    “Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel, to all who were carried away captive, whom I have caused to be carried away from Jerusalem to Babylon:
    Build houses and dwell in them; plant gardens and eat their fruit. Take wives and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons and give your daughters to husbands, so that they may bear sons and daughters—that you may be increased there, and not diminished.”

    My husband says this (in his dry way): If the rapture does take place tomorrow, what good will the money under the mattress be to me then? I’m going to Home Depot!

  • http://heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather

    Having just listened to (yet another) long lecture from my mother about how “all the prophecies have now been fulfilled and there’s nothing preventing Jesus from returning any day now,” your post is especially poignant. I, too, would panic whenever I couldn’t find my dad (for some reason, I never worried about losing mom, it was just dad). To this day, I still get kinda creeped out by a red moon.

  • hope t.

    This post is such a balm to me after having recently read a very prominent Christian leader saying that God’s love IS conditional and that he would like to hear that message preached more widely :( . Unfortunately, I think that message is being preached and it is crushing for sensitive souls. It is encouraging to me, though, that you and your commenters have taken steps to come out from under that rock and feel the sunshine again.

  • http://linda-walkingintheword.blogspot.com Linda

    It’s ironic that you said that fundamentalists read with their Bible in one hand and their newspaper in the other. I homeschool, and as a part of that we read through the Bible in a year. We’ve also been studying ancient history this year. I was just telling my husband that between the two I’ve learned the truth of the old adage “the more things change, the more they stay the same”.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Heather: Yes, Jesus might return any day. And that has been the case for 2,000 years. Are things getting worse? I don’t think so. Frankly, I’d rather be living in 21st c. America than medieval Europe or Elizabethan England or any other time period, ever. Things are really nice! Statistically, it’s the safest time in human history for raising children. There are so many good things and so many good people. But it’s always the negative news that gets attention. :)

    I prefer to enjoy the good things rather than trying to find causality where there is none.

    Hope: Yes, conditional love is an absolutely CRUSHING theology. I’m very interested in the practical outworking of such theology and when you see what it does to marriages, to children and to relationships it’s devastating. I think if more people paid attention to the fruit of that kind of theology, they’d turn away from it. Like Molly said, it’s a long, slow turn away from it–but the results are priceless.

    Linda: lol, yep! There’s nothing new under the sun. Just new wrapping for the same old stuff. I find that a huge relief.

    Terry: I love that passage! Thank you for reminding us! Ultimately, our trust has to be in the Lord–in good times and in scary times. Finding Him each day is what I try to do. I let others do the worrying about stockpiling and fleeing to mountain caves. :)

  • GrammaMack

    “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9). And what a gift it is!

  • Michelle Hart

    awesome post..xo

  • http://gratefulforgrace.blogspot.com Grateful for Grace

    I have a Catholic friend who thinks I’m a fundamentalist. I’m not. I don’t know what I classify as… I believe the Bible is to be taken literally, when it’s not being figurative. How’s that? ;-)

    I laugh when people think that the world is ‘growing gloriously dark’. I don’t guess they’ve studied Rome? What they really mean, but don’t like to admit, is that the United States of America is growing gloriously dark. Lots of the world has been there for a long time, or come in and out of it.

  • Pat

    WHAT???? Obama ISN’T the anti-Christ?! Just kidding.
    I loved your post. You are wise beyond your years and just helped this seasoned, former fundamentalist understand herself a little better. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
    May you have nothing but sweet, peaceful dreams.

  • http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com Andrea

    “recovery is not a straight road”
    man, that hit me tonight.
    i don’t come from an extremist fundamentalist group like you, but i constantly feel i am recovering from many of the things you shared….
    realizing that God’s just chipping away at that stone to make something beautiful…

  • http://www.ariellateater.blogspot.com Ariella

    wow, daniel and I laughed sooo hard and said ‘that is so true’ a lot of times while reading this post. This truly resonated with us, and you have produced some very quoteable quotes in there. Thank you for helping me to say what I think too, through your words!

  • http://www.goodforsomething-stilltrying.blogspot.com Frances, New Yorker in the OC

    I have had very little Christian experience growing up though I prayed every night. I eventually learned (embarrassingly late in life) that there were variations in Christianity. This post was enlightening to say the least. Thank you again for sharing your journey.

  • bearing

    Speaking as a Catholic who’s never been a fundamentalists, I find it fascinating that one of your commenters refers to the faith of her upbringing as “performance-based” and you say “the onus was always on the individual to perform well.”

    Because I always thought it was the fundamentalists (and Protestants in general) who were accusing us (the Catholics) of believing in salvation through good works, and who said that they believed in salvation through faith alone.

    So if Protestants believe in salvation through faith alone, what’s with this performance based stuff? Does it depend on the denomination? Can you comment?

    (not trying to derail this into a works vs. faith discussion — I think of it as a false dichotomy, it’s all grace — but curious, because I thought Protestantism was in general anti-performance-based salvation.)

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Bearing: the only way I know how to answer this is that there are different flavors of Protestantism. Some–like the Calvary Chapel movement–are very non-works oriented. Others, like Calvinists and many fundamentalist groups, view salvation as something to be earned or lost; or in some extreme cases one is predestined to hell or heaven, one is either “elect” or not, and there is a lifetime of proving whether or not one is or is not saved.

    The degree to which works vs. faith is emphasized depends on the individual congregation. A lot of this has to do with the individual pastor’s interpretation, personal ideas. I’ve attended different congregations of the same denomination and they all vary widely in their practice.

    If nothing else, Protestantism has lived up to its name: protest. There are thousands of splits of Protestantism. The fundamentalist groups I refer to tend to stem from a mixture of Southern Baptist/Bill Gothard/Mike Pearl/Plymouth Brethren.

    I hope that helps, but I think I’ve probably only confused you further! :)

  • GrammaMack

    “Others, like Calvinists…view salvation as something to be earned or lost.” Actually, Calvinists don’t believe either of those things. Salvation cannot be earned and cannot be lost.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    GMack: You’re right. I should have been more specific. I sorta blended them all together. :)

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    I really, really can relate, Elizabeth. I was so depressed as a child. I’d tuck my dolls in bed, say goodbye to them, knowing that I wouldn’t be around to play with them. I’d hope that some little girl (who’d been left behind) might enjoy them.

    It is sad, really – because the people who are supposed to be the MOST HOPEFUL people in the world have been the most despairing since November.

    It was very eye opening for me. I faced the Obama win – and said, “Based upon my beliefs – what now?” Do I dwell in fear, for fear was threatening to overtake me, and I saw that it was wanting to overtake almost everyone else that I associated with.

    As I analyzed what I knew of God – all throughout the Bible – OT and NT – began to see/learn/remember that He never, never, never endorses fear. In fact – quite the opposite! (He says to “fear God, and only Him!” But it’s not the same type of fear….)

    I must say, in the interest of keeping this brief, that this recent time has been really, really good, and has produced much growth. I have much hope, joy and contentment through God the Father and through Jesus Christ.

    I really do appreciate your blog, EE. Thanks!

  • destry

    Excellent post EE!

    p.s. I remember watching A Thief In The Night at a church when I was 9 years old. It haunts me still.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    I had read that a pastor had produced/written the “Thief In the Night” film. I wonder what sort of accounting he might be giving before God for scaring so many little kids? Just sayin’! :)

  • Rachel

    I’m really enjoying (ok, that’s not right-getting a lot out of, learning a lot, seeing things through new eyes?) reading about your coming out of fundamentalist Christianity. This post, esp. has caused me to see, really see, how similar fundie-Chrisitanity is to the Muslim faith. I’m reading Infidel, by Ayaan Hirisi Ali. And wow, wow, wow. It’s almost like there is no difference. (highly recommend.)

    (*getting on a soapbox*) People often like to say their view of endtimes is pan-millennial (“it will all “pan” out in the end”) and I get it. There are other things to study that are more relevant sometimes, depending on where you are in the journey. But your post showed me that it really does matter what you believe about the endtimes. If it causes that much fear and panic in a small child, that’s just wrong. And, I’m biased b/c I don’t believe the Bible teaches that and think those people are wrong. (*getting off soapbox.*)

  • http://knittingthewind-westering.blogspot.com sarah haliwell

    Great post! And a lovely blog you have here :-)

  • http://www.thegypsymama.com thegypsymama

    Wow – thanks for sharing this. I came over from Conversion Diary and your honesty touched me so. In fact, the post I linked there reflects my own life long journey toward understanding what it means that, “He first loved us.” Becoming a parent has been the most profound lesson for me in that kind of unearned and in fact un-earnable love that Christ has for us. And it is so deeply comforting to know that he loves me for me. Period.

    Lisa-Jo

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    Fear can certainly paralyze us, if we allow it power. But faith and knowing God’s forgiveness gives us the freedom to live amazing lives!

    Thanks for the post. Growing up in the Bible belt, I was also encouraged to fear all sorts of things. Now I know that God is not among those things to be afraid of. He is the one constant to be relied upon.

  • http://www.kampkk.blogspot.com Kimberly

    Welcome to Grace :)

  • http://nochurchsignsallowed.blogspot.com/ Deanna

    Wow. I’m not alone in thinking that snake in Thief in the Night was gonna crawl out from under my bed while I was sleeping! ;-)
    I understand completely, pretty much everything you write in this post!
    (Found your blog while on a rabbit trail)

  • Kristen

    Hi! Just linked to your blog from A Deeper Story. I love your writing and authenticity.

    Though I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, it’s incredibly liberating to read that I am NOT the only one who was traumatized by that movie and its sequels ( I believe there were two more). Before writing this comment I did a little internet research and found that there are actually A LOT of us (there’s a facebook page for heavens sake!)

    I, too, was convinced I’d been “left behind” every time my mom didn’t answer immediately when I called (or, if I momentarily couldn’t find her in the grocery store).To make matters worse, I grew up in central Iowa, where the film was shot, and every time we drove over Red Rock Dam, which is featured in the movie, it took great self control to not launch into a complete panic attack.

    Now at the age of 40, I am realizing the many ways that fundamentalism has colored my life. I thought I had escaped, that it was in the past, and in many ways, it is…but it lingers.

    Looking forward to reading more of your blog.