Is Plastic Surgery Vain?

Posted on June 30, 2009 by elizabeth

I live in Orange County, California where plastic surgery is normal. It's so normal, in fact, that I routinely chat with other moms about where they got their liposuction, who did their implants and which combination of surgeries worked best.

Around here, there's no debate over whether plastic surgery is wrong or right. It's just a fact of life like changing worn out tires. Women have their babies and then they fix what needs fixin'.

Of course, like anything, plastic surgery can be taken too far. But for the most part, I see nothing wrong with plastic surgery.

I know many women–conservative, Christian women especially–who might view plastic surgery as being vain. But I think that's a double-standard. After all, most of us dye our hair to cover the gray, right? And most of us wear makeup.

To my mind, the only thing separating highlighted hair and a tummy tuck is the price tag. Let's face it: some women view buying a boob job the same way I view buying a tube of lipstick from Target. I think the real question here is: who am I to judge the way another Christian woman spends her money?

I can say this because I used to be all judgmental about plastic surgery. I thought it was wasteful, vain and a reflection of that person's poor moral character. Well, I was wrong.

And I didn't change my mind just because I'd like a tummy tuck (if I have extra $$, I want to adopt like 15 orphans, first!). I changed my  mind because I've met real, honest, kind, loving women who've had "work done." These women just didn't fit my stereotype of the ditzy, self-absorbed, "OC Houswife." They were hardworking, health-conscious, Christian moms from diverse backgrounds.

And they called my bluff. They showed me that it was possible to have plastic surgery and still be modest. Ultimately, just like with makeup, hair or dress–modesty was an issue of the heart. Plastic surgery was no different.

See, I would have liked to hide behind all my self-righteous justifications and Bible verses. But these women forced me to take a look in the mirror. I wasn't more modest than these ladies. I was just prideful and maybe even a little bit jealous.

Ugh. How hypocritical of me!

I still believe that indecent exposure is immodest. But I no longer assume that plastic surgery is inherently vain. Or that it leads straight to immodesty.

Mostly, I'm realizing that it's not my place to judge the motives of another human being's heart.

But I could be wrong, here. What do YOU think? Is plastic surgery vain?

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  • Valerie

    I don’t think so! I think once I’m done having babies I wouldn’t mind a little lift, if necessary, and possibly a little tuck. I guess, though, where do you draw the line? Maybe it’s hypocritical, but I look at young girls who have b**b jobs, and I think it is a waste of money, but I have no problem with a mother wanting the same thing after lots of babies. I’d be interested to see what others think! I’m all for a little extra help, if needed, although I quite happily go without make-up for days on end. Each to her own, I guess.

    Valerie

  • http://jen5972.blogspot.com/ Jen W.

    I don’t think it is vain. I do think it is sad though that our society pushes this view of women that they need to “fix” themselves surgically to look better. Wearing makeup or coloring your hair is quite a bit different than going under the knife. I have never heard of anyone dying from putting makeup on or coloring their hair, but I have heard of a lot of deaths related to plastic surgery complications. That is the biggest reason why I think people shouldn’t do it. I remember Joyce Meyer trying to explain away her plastic surgery, and she said it was just the same as someone who got braces on their teeth. Well, I had braces on my teeth, and they didn’t once put me under or cut me with a knife! I know many may disagree with me, but that is how I feel :) .

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    while i don’t feel the need to judge where or how others spend their money, or whether or not it is vanity or not… as i enjoy a good eye brow waxing as much as the next, i do think that the equation of the two is not entirely equal for me, anyway.

    i think i’d feel differently about my teenage daughter getting an ear piercing versus a tatoo.

    some things are just more drastic–and more permanent—and more invasive—and more dangerous.

    believe me, if they were handing out boob jobs and free liposuction at walgreens, i might have to read the fine print twice to convince myself i didn’t really WANT to take that risk:0)

  • http://www.sixblessings.blogspot.com Carmen

    I would say the motive behind it decides whether it’s vain or not.

  • http://restoringtheyears.blogspot.com Grafted Branch

    Of course it’s vain…so WHAT? A lot of what we do to make ourselves more presentable is purely vain.

    My hesitation with the tummy tuck I could benefit from is the little paper you sign that says you understand you could die. It’s purely a risk/benefit analysis that doesn’t work while I have children to raise.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Just wanted to add: I also realize that the whole idea of plastic surgery is hugely ridiculous for about 99.99% of the world. This post wasn’t meant as a recommendation to have work done, but more as a description about what life is like here. And also, how I’ve personally grappled with it.

    Just in case some of you were tsk-tsking at me! :)

    LOL–Heidi Jo. If you see free liposuction at Wallgreens, be sure to shoot me an email. :)

    Carmen: great point!

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    I don’t know, Elizabeth. I probably still feel a little judgemental on this…but living in the Midwest it really isn’t something that is done that frequently. I mean, many poor women in my town don’t even have decent teeth…let alone plastic surgery. I’ve just not had it confront me, as such.

    Interestingly, my husband and I just went to a family reunion. We saw relatives that we had not seen for probably twenty years. So, some went from being twenty, to forty since I had seen them! Some of those that I *thought* would be consumed with their looks did not turn out to be so. They had contentedly slipped into their forties…with grey hair and a little pudge. I was surprised, but found it refreshing…and I was a little convicted myself for the little things I do to stay vain. (I touched up my hair color before the reunion. :) But since I make one $3 box of hair color last almost an entire year…just mix a little bit and touch up the grey…I can totally justify that, ya know? Grin!) My husband and I had a little laugh at my vanity, and yet, I came away still thinking that one through. (And I just interrupted this comment to paint my toddler’s nails pink. She is SO vain! :) )

    Here’s my other problem. I’m reading the book “The Hole in our Gospel” by Richard Stearns. He’s the president of World Vision.

    Oh. My. Goodness. Gulp. CONVICTING. He’s not heavy handed – he’s just laying out facts, telling what we can do to help people who are literally starving (10 million children a year) and dying due to a lack of clean water and due to the illnesses that come with poverty.

    I don’t think I can read this book without being changed, without striving to live even more simply so that we can “adopt” another World Vision child. And then…more.

    So, is plastic surgery vain? Should we be in judgement of it?

    I’m really coming away from the entire “judgement” aspect of anything. I think it is counterproductive. So, for women who have it done – I don’t think we should sit in judgement nor condemnation. They surely are, as you say, good Christian women who love God. Maybe it is just a matter of getting a few core messages *out there*:

    1) God loves you.
    2) How you look is not the most important thing. Being beautiful outside is not wrong – but also work on the inside! Some of the most beautiful people I have known have been less than physically beautiful, but they became beautiful in my eyes once I got to know their hearts.
    3) We who have resources can do SO MUCH to help those who do not! Once that information is out there, and I mean really out there, we have to leave it up to God to convict people to do or to not do something.

    Oh, well, ugh. My entire comment probably sounds judgemental. :) I don’t mean it to be such.

  • GrammaMack

    I think it is very sad that women think they aren’t acceptable as God made them. I don’t use makeup, never have and never will, and I don’t dye my hair. Millions of dollars and hours are spent by women on presenting a false front to the world. Men, however, are acceptable as is. I don’t think women do it because of vanity, though; I think it is based on fear of being rejected.

    On a recent similar blog discussion a woman stated that using makeup shows the world and her husband that she cares…implying that because I don’t do the same, I don’t care. Don’t care about what? That I fit in with the world’s expectations and am willing to waste money and time to do so? She’s got that right. And hasn’t she adopted the world’s standards in judging me?

    Anyway, I don’t judge those who do so, but I just honestly don’t get it.

  • http://www.arianaandfamily.blogspot.com Ariana

    I don’t think plastic surgery is vain- you look a certain way, you have babies, you want to look that way again and you don’t no matter what exercise you do.

    There IS a huge, huge, huge difference between dying your hair and getting plastic surgery, though. The risks! If there were no risks involved it’d be a different story.

    And yes, there are risks with many things we do every day (like drive to the store) but in my opinion you don’t bring those risks purposefully into your life for something as silly as appearance.

    And if I’m totally honest, while I don’t automatically think women who get plastic surgery are vain, I do think it’s a sad thing that so many women see it as normal or necessary to feel normal.

    Why aren’t we happy with our post children bodies? Yes, my breasts aren’t as perky and my stomach isn’t as tight… but I’ve had three children, of course I’m not going to look like I did when I was 18! And there’s nothing wrong with that.

    I have a huge issue with the view that we all need to stay looking as young as possible throughout our entire life. Yes, be healthy. But to try to look like you’re twenty when you’re thirty or fourty? Why? It’s just not necessary and I really doubt God created us to stress about our appearance so much as to get cut open and rearranged.

  • http://www.somuchhappyness.blogspot.com shannon

    Being new to the L.A. area, I have honestly been shocked at how much people try to conform to a certain look. The perfect body seems to be validated by perky bosoms, zero cellulite and invisible laugh lines. I am all for taking what we’ve been given and being our best self. I am not for objectifying our bodies to fit society’s idea of what beauty is. Of course one can be modest and still have had work done. I don’t disagree with someone who would love to feel good in their own skin; I would love to have more confidence in my own body. I guess the issue lies in the intent of the ‘work’ that is done. And no one can judge the intent of another’s heart. I do tire, though, of an infatuation with slim, firm, un-lived in bodies. Who says that is beauty? Who is deceiving us, really, into thinking that our bodies are not good enough unless they look a certain way? Not goodness. Not God. That is for certain.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Gramma Mack: I’m sorry someone suggested you because you don’t use makeup, you don’t care. To my mind, that’s the same kind of judgmental attitudes that I wish women could get away from. I’m sure you do care and you show that in other ways. That’s OK!

    However, I don’t think makeup and hair dye is a way of presenting a “false front” to the world. From time immemorial, women have been sprucing up their appearances. And actually, I think we do it for ourselves as much as anyone else. I know that I just feel better when I’ve got some lip gloss on! :)

    Maybe cave women felt good about themselves after they stuck an old bone in their pony-tail! hee.

    As for myself, I would probably want to adopt like 15 children before I ever got a tummy tuck! But the point here isn’t plastic surgery–in and of itself–it’s our judgmental attitudes and the way we judge the appearance of others based on our own ideas.

    Ariana: yes, I agree. Our society is youth obsessed. We have a very narrow definition of what is beautiful. It’s especially exaggerated out here in Southern California! :)

    Thanks everyone for keeping this discussion civil. I think this is an important discussion.

  • http://www.usborneconnection.com Tressa

    “i enjoy a good eye brow waxing as much as the next…”

    Well, I enjoy the look afterwards, but not that stinging sensation of the hot wax being rubbed on my skin and yanked off. :-)

    I’ll be back later to read more comments… I’m on my way to Walgreens to stand in line for the free tummy tucks!

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    I agree, Ariana…

    That’s the other thing. A woman can have all of the plastic surgery she can afford, but how many smokin’ hot Great Grammas do we know? :) In other words – by 70, who will know or care that we’ve had that plastic surgery. We’ll still need support stockings. :)

    And yet, when I analyze myself, I think…where is that line? How much is too much? Is it vanity to arrange our hair in an attractive manner? Who decides? I think we all have some vanities, in one way or another, and there is always someone who could judge me harshly (and actually…they have! Smile….) based upon things they see from the outside. And I don’t like how that feels – so I shouldn’t judge others harshly, either.

    I do tend to the more realistic – in that, babies are going to change our bodies. Time is going to change us. I sort of feel that women who have dramatic surgery to “deny” the stages of life set up a false reality for those who don’t have surgery. It’s truly a “haves” vs. the “have nots” type of topic, isn’t it, but that’s been around for a long time. We see it everywhere in our society. Even braces, as someone else mentioned. It is very surprising to me to watch an old television show – I’m always shocked to see the handsome movie star with crooked teeth. Yes, for thousands of years, people thought other people were attractive even though they had crooked teeth! :) And now, I find it refreshing to find someone that isn’t fixated on the “perfect!” I do get annoyed with our perfect world – because really, no one can live up to that.

    I do confess that I would probably accept that free cosmetic surgery, though, revealing that my heart is still desperately wicked and prone to vanity. :) I have slyly hinted to my husband several times in the past that someday, I might like a little *help* up top…and he adamantly says, “No. No knives touching your body for crazy reasons. I like you just like you are.”

    And there, Gramma Mack, is the real and underlying reason, as you said. We women are insecure, and we need to know that our husbands will love us no matter what. That’s how it is *supposed* to work…if only it always, always did!

    (And now, E., you may have your blog back! What? Me? Blog on my own blog? What are you talking about? That might take actual creativity! It’s easier to talk about your topics!) :)

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    Oh, but…I do totally get what you are saying. You live among other Christian women, it is common for them to have plastic surgery, and you can either just deal with it and love them and be their friends *or* you can always feel judgemental with them. You are saying that you are extending grace, not condoning or advertising for a procedure. :)

  • Brenda Latunski

    The outward man perishes day by day but the inward man is made new! Sure put on the lipstick and comb your hair, but what is inside is still the most important. Where your treasure is your heart will be also!

  • http://heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather

    The definition of vanity is fruitless or foolishness. As someone who has had plastic surgery (I had a breast reduction at 18), I do think that most plastic surgery is vain.
    I agree with others that Christian women aren’t supposed to be focused on the outward appearance. But let’s not forget that most Christian women are married to men who are visually oriented. Therefore, if surgery helps your husband to be satisfied with you alone, the efforts of surgery aren’t in vain.
    Like so many other things in life, the inward motivation for the outward action is what’s truly important. If you’re sacrificing your family’s quality of life to enhance how you look to the world, your motivation and actions are clearly wrong. But if you can afford the surgery without incurring debt, and it improves the quality of your life and/or marriage, go for it!

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot.com/ mary bailey

    Interesting conversation. When I was 17yo, I had major surgery for a lower jaw deformity. The surgery was for health reasons but I got the added bonus of cosmetic benefits—It totally changed the way I looked. Not only did I FEEL better, as in no more excruciating headaches, but I FELT better, because it boosted my self-esteem.

    I think the vanity question is an issue of the heart. What is a woman’s motivation for plastic surgery? If she wants breast implants to advance her career in the porn industry, then there’s a bad motivation. If she is happily married and wants to please her husband, good. If she is married and wants to look good to other men, bad.

    I am not one to judge…I wear make-up, color my hair, and have my eyebrows waxed because it makes me feel good about myself!

  • destry

    We are very conservative…and we belong to a church that is big on modesty. I dress extremely modestly (and am happy to do so).

    That being said…I plan on having breast augmentation in the near future. I don’t find that at odds with being modest or cinservative.

    It is as simple as this…I was a medium “C” before having children. Now I wear a “AA” or a “barely A” cup. I am extremely self-conscious about it…despite my husband telling me that he likes me just the way I am.

    While I am grateful that he feels that way, I do not feel the same.

    My reasoning has nothing to do with other men or society finding me attractive. I would just like to be able to buy a dress instead f skirts and tops only. Right now, my top is a size 6 or 8 and my curvy hips and bottom are a size 12. Dresses that fit my bottom half are HUGE in the top and dresses that fit my top are ENTIRELY to small on bottom.

    As far as being stewards of our money and what we could do with the amount we will be spending on the surgery…we give 10% tithes, 5% in offering and 3% in missions. We also help various people that need it and support a few of the ministries in our church financially. I find it completely acceptable for us to enjoy some of our “surplus” income.

    Just my two cents…

  • http://www.abbyosborn.blogspot.com abby osborn

    i have to agree with the last post. i too had ample bosom up top and after 3 kids have nipples on skin, sorry for the picture!!! i want it to feel good in clothes again. i want to be able to hug someone and not be afraid that when i pull away my bra will be indented. i want to wear a bathing suit and not look like a 4th grader… i don’t think that’s any more vain that coloring my hair or putting my eyebrows on before i go out…

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Just as a highlight: I really appreciated Destry & Abby’s honest answers. I hope everyone gets a chance to read their comments. Thanks, ladies! :)

    And Holly, you are more than welcome to “blog on my blog” any ol’ time you feel like it! That goes for everyone. I totally don’t mind lengthy comments. Speaking of long comments: where is Cathy???? :)

  • destry

    Abby…you “put” your eyebrows on too???

    That is SO funny! I have very light blonde body hair and my eyebrows are sparse (like maybe 4 hairs on either side, lol).

    And, I am happy to hear that I am not the only person hat worries that their padded bra might become indented!

    Elizabeth, of all the blogs I read, this is my favorite. Honestly.

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    Destry and Abby,

    I appreciate your honesty, too. I have friends that have had reductions, because they have had chronic pain since adolescence. It’s hard to know how others feel if we don’t try.

    Ultimately, it comes back to you and God. He looks at our hearts for all of our motivations – and honestly, we are all lacking in pure motive at some point. We each answer to him, so he’s the one we have to check with. :)

    I, personally, have been challenged to look more deeply at my own motivations, and rethink ways in which he might be asking me to help others. I’m tellin’ ya, that book I mentioned above is incredibly thought provoking. (Just for you, E, I refrained from saying “life changing.”) :)

  • http://ardamar.blogspot.com colleen

    It’s funny to come and read this post and the comments, as i just had a breast reduction and lift about 7 weeks ago! i’m 26 years old, and it was literally my “last resort”, a decision i made after years of prayer and trying every other means of coming to terms with my genetics (i’m the 3rd woman in my family to have it done).

    as far as vanity is concerned…? i think, being human, there is always some of that factored into any procedure. but, as others have said, motivation has a lot to do with it, too. a good way for me of proving to myself that i was considering functionality over aesthetics, was that i couldn’t give a rip about the scarring. i’ve never had pretty boobs, and i’m not out to please anyone (except for, Lord willing, my future husband…who by that point won’t even care!).

    my surgeon said it was the “Happiest” form of cosmetic surgery he does, because it not only affects a woman’s body image, but her quality of life. in this way, i’m not sure if it fits with most other types of plastic surgery…even my insurance company deemed it as “medically necessary”. for me, it was all about practicality and the fact that i was living every day with chronic neck and shoulder pain. and now it’s all but disappeared! and i can exercise so much more freely! i don’t feel like i’m causing my brothers in the Lord to “stumble” every time i wear a tank top! (seriously).

    but i won’t hesitate to admit that the best part about it, so far, is the fact that i can buy myself a properly fitting dress for the first time since i was 16 years old :)

    not sure if that helps out this discussion at all, but there you are !

  • http://www.mommymattersblog.com Karin Katherine

    Beth Moore’s bible study on Esther had a point that really hit home with me early on. Ladies, when we feel the cat claws coming out towards another woman, we really need to look at OURSELVES and what we are REALLY getting worked up about. Elizabeth, I think your post was in line with that. I often go back and forth on this issue. Ultimately I’m too afraid of dying because Mommy wanted a lift. But that is not a judgment on other mother’s who go under the knife regardless. Just my own personal fears.

    On the topic of makeup. There are many Christian women who think that makeup and jewelry is just as bad and just as vain as plastic surgery. So it all can be looked at from varied perspectives.

  • http://www.declarehisgreatness.com Cathy

    Elizabeth,

    OUCH! See? I don’t ALWAYS have something to say, at least not anything of worth.

    As to plastic surgery, I recently told my daughters that I was tempted to use Super Glue to “pin” back my face by my ears. I figure that my hair will cover it, and no one will be the wiser.

    I really have no opinion about plastic surgery, except to agree that it’s the motive of the heart that’s important.

    I’ve had ten kids, and stretch marks and I are close friends.
    But, I have a life verse that covers it:

    “From now on let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.” Galatians 6:17

    I think those “marks” include all marks related to giving birth! And, don’t miss the tongue protruding firmly from cheek.

    That long enough?

    Cathy

  • http://thewilcoxes.blogspot.com/ Cara

    As someone currently enjoying pregnancy b**bs after noticing the depleting effects of two rounds of nursing, I can completely relate to posts like Abby’s and Destry’s. And I think that reduction surgery like what Colleen described above is almost in another category altogether. To me, that seems a little different from purely “cosmetic” surgery.

    Overall, I think I can see how this is an issue where Christian freedom applies.

    But my concerns about plastic surgery for myself are less about vanity and more about contentment. Several commenters have already touched on our culture’s obsession with the “perfect” body. Of course, it’s pretty absurd for us to think that long, muscular legs, trim hips, a round derriere, a tiny waist, and a generous but perky bosom are the standards for which we should all strive, since only about .002% of the women in the world look like that! But, hey, I know I buy into the lies too!

    My goal for myself, though, is to fight to see the truth. Bodies aren’t perfect. They’re as messed up by the fall as everything else. Most of us don’t grow up with “ideal,” and childbearing seldom makes us more so. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with fighting the effects of aging. But I do wonder: if I, at 30- or 40-something (whenever my childbearing days are over), am not content with the body I have at the time (shrunken breasts, cellulite and all), will I have any ground to stand on if my then-teenage daughters are also discontent? Will I be able to look them in the eyes and tell them that having bigger breasts will not bring true satisfaction, if I am pining for implants myself? Somehow I don’t know that they would buy the “it’s different for me because I’m married and I’ve been a mom” line…

    Also–and this is a genuine question, not rhetorical–which is the better witness to our culture? To see Christian women who care passionately about keeping themselves attractive for their husbands’ sakes? Or to see Christian women who are convinced that inner beauty trumps drastic measures taken to retain youth and outward beauty? I can see a case for both sides…

    Those some of my rambling thoughts… not in the least intended to judge or condemn anyone else! Sorry about the length, Elizabeth!

  • Valerie

    i think it is good to feel good about yourself, whether or not one goes the plastic surgery route. I know for me my motives would be just to help out a little where nature has failed. I am completelu confident that my husband loves me no matter how I look; but it is nice to feel nice.

    I know lots of mothers who stomach muscles have separated after pregnancy, permanently. WHile this is not life-threatening, it is uncomfortable and if they want it fixed, and can afford it, why not?

    What I would really like is lasik surgery for my very short-sighted eyes. We have planned for this in the next few years; it is expensive but I would so love to have it done.

    Holly, I so relate to what you are saying. So much of what we do is self-motivated. One thing I am learning about God, though, is that is is not an either – or God.

    His budget is not limited. I never talk about what we give, but it is way over and above 10%. This does not justify spending money willy-nilly, but I honestly don’t think God minds if we have nice things, or do nice things for ourselves. He doesn’t sit there and lament that now there is no money for Africa because so-and-so had a boob job, you know? He is so, so abundant and if most of us lived holding all our resources in the palm of our hands and allowed Him to dictate how we spend, there would be money for all.

    Having said that, sometimes I am distinctly sure I hear the Lord laughing as I primp myself! It’s like He is saying, ‘You humans are so funny!’

    Everything comes down to the heart-motives. Make-up, surgery, jewelery, clothes, fast cars – none of these things are bad or good in themselves. If they become treasures of the heart, and coveted after, well, then I would be examining my heart and re-thinking motives. I hate the times I have judged other christian women for their expenditure choices (and believe me, I’ve done it a lot).

    I liked what Destry and Abby had to say. Those would be my motivations, too, as well as pleasing my husband. ;)

  • http://dancingfamily.blogspot.com Jamie

    I strongly feel that most plastic surgery is very wrong. There is a big psychological difference between camouflage (make up and hair dye) and surgery. In camouflage you are working with what you’ve been given. Plastic surgery takes a perfectly healthy body and makes it LESS healthy! So no, you can’t compare plastic surgery to braces. The intent of true surgery is to make the body healthier in some way (heart bypass, knee replacement).

    Our bodies were never ever meant to stay the same. From birth to death. Our bodies are just as perfect at 30, 40, and 50 as they were at 18, as they were when we were 2. They change yes they do. But it is a very immature societal pov that somehow the body isn’t worthy of praise anymore past a certain point.

    So rather than buying a push-up bra or flattering jeans, we pay to have someone cut us open and make our bodies less healthy? I don’t think that pleases God. I think it makes God sad to see his children so upset and sad over the beautiful gift of a body that they’ve been given.

    I believe most women get plastic surgery as an act of desperation to stop the evil thoughts of self-despising that they are confronted with everyday. They feel sad, and they want to stop the sadness.

    Christian women just like every other woman is confronted with a culture that has become so “pornified” to the point that pretty much all normal breasts seem inadequate. Wrinkles are discussed on advertising as though they are a skin disease. It’s wrong!

    I believe that only the Devil would make God’s beautiful people believe that they are ugly. So I condemn the normalization of plastic surgery. I condemn the advertising that makes its way into the home that tries to tell us all that we are ugly people. I think it sends a horrible message to our daughters about what it means to grow older. I think it sends a horrible message to our sons about what to expect of women and of beauty. We women want to be beautiful and want to please. How can we compete with what we see out there?

    The vast majority of men like their women the way they are. I think it is foolish for a woman to ignore the wishes of her husband to NOT get surgery and she goes and does it anyways.

    I think it is very sad that the Christian community is not providing women the support to FIGHT the impulse to be self-despising. Rather it seems the community is caving and normalizing the act of getting “work done”.

    For me, I am so bothered by this trend that I fear will change our society forever. I can never be ok with it.

  • Marie

    Plastic surgery to just make yourself look normal? Like after burns, or for an extraordinarily strange nose, or for a disfigured jaw, or something? No, I don’t think that’s vain.

    Otherwise, yes I do think it is vain.

    I do think there is a difference between buying lipstick/hair dye and paying for lipo. Just like I think there’s a difference between getting a sailboat for the family to sail on the lake as opposed to investing in a massive yacht. The cost does make a difference. It’s a matter of ratio. Would I drink a expensive bottle of wine for my anniversary? Yes. Would I drink champagne with flecks of gold in it every night with dinner? No.

    I also think that the risk of physical complications, possibly depriving your family of you, or making you a lot less able to serve, makes it vain. Except in disfiguring situations like I mentioned above.

    As for our visually oriented husbands, they need to be ok with our aging, and they can’t mature if we don’t let them. I am visually oriented, too! But I don’t make my hubby go get hair plugs or a tummy tuck.

    When a couple of 40 year olds in your group of friends get Work Done, it puts all the other uncarved ladies look shabby by comparison. It’s like steroids. If a few ball players do it, then everyone has to do it, or they don’t pass muster. Then the college players have to do it or they can’t go major league. Then the high schoolers have to do it or they won’t get recruited for college. Same thing.

    Well, you asked for our opinion! That’s mine.

  • Rachel

    I find it interesting how much time we spend trying to judge the line between good and bad, right and wrong, sin and righteousness. Yet the best comment I read was the shortest. “I would say the motive behind it decides whether it’s vain or not. – Carmen”

    As in so many areas of life, intent and motive are the deciding factor – and that is something only God can judge.

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    Elizabeth, I spent all day yesterday thinking about this (as you can tell!) and also in the night and when I was up with my baby at 4 a.m. Yes, I’ve nursed 8 babies and so know the reality of what pregnancy and so much nursing can do to the body.

    Clearly, there is a delineation here: On the one hand, you have plastic surgeries that are a) intended to help – to fix something that needs fixed, or b)that which is done out of discontent with what we’ve been given.
    I don’t personally know anyone who’s had non-essential plastic surgery, but my friends from urban areas tell me it is common for their church friends to have had “work done” and for their church friends to flaunt it.

    We don’t need to judge the individual, because that is between them and God. But we can look at a practice within the church and ask how we as the Church can do better.

    Valerie, what you said is true. God is not limited. It’s not an either, or. However, He has entrusted us with the stewardship of His gifts, and an awful lot of us are clutching too tightly. We’re not opening that hand to let his blessings flow to others. That’s not just judgemental of me to say, it’s backed up by some abysmal statistics. Something like 4 percent of American Christians even tithe! (I’ll just pick on Americans here, because I do not know global statistics.) I agree that we are to enjoy the good things that God gives us – and yet, I think that statistically it is clear that we are not sharing like we are supposed to. There are over 2000 scriptures which talk about the poor, and how we are supposed to deal with them – and yet, in general, we send $30 a month and feel really great about that…and then we go out and spend that much easily on pizza or movies for a one time event for our family. Our Gospel is backwards. I don’t think God ever intended it to be that way. And so, yeah, let’s not judge each other but let’s challenge each other to love even better than we do.

    I was thinking, too, about husbands who are visual. Yes, yes…they are. But what is a husband to do as his wife ages? She gets older, and he is no longer visually as attractive. Just because God made him visual, is he justified in looking elsewhere, or is he to sacrificially love her? If he can do that as she ages, can he not do that with the body that results from children? If anything, he should love her more and find her more beautiful because she has sacrificed and borne their children and suffered the scars that result. He co-created those children, so in a way, he is somewhat responsible. If he can not get past the visual, he….needs someone who can help him understand what his role is to be.

    And health. I thought about that last night too. As women, we need to take the long view of life. What does forty years of implants do to a body? What about the 16 year olds getting implants. Is that ever vain? It can be so harmful…not that it can’t be done, or should never be done…but it should only be carefully weighed. Saying so isn’t judging, either. It is saying, “Hey, I care about what happens to you! I’ll love you no matter what, but think it through, okay?”

    Golly – way to start a discussion, Elizabeth. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought through this topic before, so I keep finding different aspects to it. It can be confusing, because I want to be loving…but I don’t think that blanket endorsements or anything goes, either.

  • Marie

    First of all I want to say I LOVE your blog.

    Second of all, i’m from the north, and we just don’t see plastic surgery very much here, so maybe i’m bias. To me it’s more of a social, women’s issue. Society throws perfection in our faces daily, and to me, plastic surgery is just another way for a woman to feel closer to “perfection” and to be more accepted in society. Don’t get me wrong, I know there are plenty of women out there who really just need to tweak a few things medically, but it seems a huge portion are women who don’t want saggy this, saggy that, wrinkly this or that. I say, who cares? Why can’t women just be women? Why must we dye our hair, load up on makeup and push up our boobs? And lrt’s face it, once we get that tummy tuck, we want more. What about a nose job? Then maybe it will lead to some lip injections, maybe the butt needs a lift now. You’ll always want something more, something better, a constant strive for perfection. However we all know perfection will NEVER be achieved, especially on the outside!

    I stopped dying my hair over a year ago, and i’m down to pretty much no makeup at all. I am so much more confortable with myself now than then. It makes you just love yourself, flaws included.

    Sorry if I went on a tangent :)

  • GrammaMack

    I’d just like to say “hear, hear,” to Holly and Marie and the last two comments!

  • Rachel

    If vain means excessively proud of one’s appearance or accomplishments, then couldn’t vanity include being excessively proud of how little a person has done to accentuate their appearance? I have seen plenty of people glory in their “plainness”.

    I have recently been thinking about how, as humans we are so attracted to extremes. Extreme diets, extreme beliefs, extreme lifestyles are fascinating to us. People living balanced lives are uninteresting to us. We often are impressed by or obsessed with the person living the extreme lifestyle – rather than the person who has managed to be well rounded.

    The body issues I have (and I have a few)are more the result of my father than my society. Do people flaunt their plastic surgery? Yes. Do people glory in their lack of adornment? Yes. Is the motivation for one any different than the other? I don’t think so.

    Instead of trying to find a rule that defines an absolute, how about focusing on balance, love, compassion and building up one another. If a woman has plastic surgery, should we treat her differently? No. Should we feel forced to copy her? No. Instead of deciding IF plastic surgery is vain (and thereby allowing us to judge people)how about talking about the way we can be kind and loving to ourselves and others. We could speak about the ways a woman is beautiful outside of the physical.

    I don’t think it is difficult to understand that there can be a place for plastic surgery and there can be excess – just like there is modesty and there is oppression. I think it again comes back to intent.

    And now, in order to maintain balance in my life, I am heading over to the living room floor to fold clothes so I can spend tomorrow at the beach with my family!

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    OK, wow. Rachel, wanna be a guest blogger? ‘Cuz you just said it waaaaay better than I could! Thank you for that AWESOME, insightful comment. Yes and yes. That’s exactly what I was trying to say. Thank you!

    XO
    EE

  • http://www.aholyexperience.com Ann Voskamp @ Holy Experience

    Grace is a beautiful thing…
    in whatever county in the world you live in….

    Thank you, E.E. and company, for the mind and soul fodder….

    All’s grace,
    Ann

  • Rachel

    Elizabeth,

    Thank you for the kind words! I am so glad it came across ok. I have been noticing the balance issue in my own life and so this post really struck a cord! Thanks for touching on a hot topic for all women!

    XO!!

  • Charis

    I was thinking this over today, and came to what was, at least to me, an astounding thought, and it’s similar to what Rachel said. It takes into consideration two things:

    1) I have heard the definition of modesty often include the conclusion that modesty includes not drawing undue attention to oneself. This includes both ends of the spectrum: we can draw attention to ourselves by showing too much skin, and we can draw attention to ourselves by being so “modest” and, like Rachel said, glorying in our plainness.

    2) It’s just a fact that the norm for fashion and modesty varies widely across geography. What is normal in LA is different from what is normal in NY, which is different from what is normal in Alaska. It just is.

    So… considering these things… it occurred to me that, perhaps, could it actually be MODESTY, the desire not to stick out like a sore thumb and draw tons of attention our way, that might play a part in some choosing physical enhancements?

    Because, let’s face it, what might be normal in Mississippi (not to pick on it, but it just showed up as the state with the highest obesity rate again) will surely stick out like a sore thumb in Orange County or LA. The same goes for a 30 or 40 something mom who, by comparison, looks like she “doesn’t care”. For right or wrong, it is noticed simply because it isn’t the “norm” in that place.

    But what might be normal in LA will show up in a “Northern Exposure” type town and look like an addle-brained twit simply for having bleached blonde hair and double D’s.

    Neither is a situation I think any of us would want to find ourselves in. Hence, I think it is a form of modesty that draws us to be “a Roman to the Romans, and a Greek to the Greeks”.

    I don’t think I said it nearly as lovely or succinctly as Rachel did, but I hope you got the idea!

  • Charis

    Another thought… An honest look at Scripture will show us that cosmetics have been part of reality from time immemorial.

    It was often noted that Sarah was a beautiful woman and that fact alone caused quite a to-do more than once.

    Queen Esther was put through a year long beauty school.

    The Shulammite girl cared a good deal about making herself up for her lover.

    The Proverbs 31 woman spent much time making her own clothes out of fine linen and “purple”, which was just another way of saying the name brand, high quality clothing of the day.

    It also says that “her arms are strong for her work” or that “her work makes her arms strong”. Either way, she was a buff woman. (Whoa, kinda blows the whole Victorian ideas of women out of the water!)

    It is mentioned somewhere in the prophets about women lining their eyes with coal.

    So when we look at the facts, Scripture is basically telling us that eyeliner, and fashion or attention to appearance in general, has been around for several millennia. It doesn’t tell us what we must/mustn’t/should/shouldn’t do concerning it. It just mentions it as a part of reality.

    But if we look at the much-lauded “Ideal Woman” given in Scripture, we see that it is just one of many things that receive time and attention in a woman’s life. But it’s like just one thing in a list of like, 18 things which culminates in her husband and children praising and appreciating her. So what it boils down to is that it doesn’t hinder her interaction with people. And being the relational God that God is, I think that is where He would most like our concern to be.

  • Valerie

    elizabeth, I got a kick out of the section in your post where women chat about what they have had ‘done’! I just found that hilarious!

    Personally, I have never met anyone who has had non-essential plastic surgery either. I’m just saying that I don’t see it as a problem depending, of course, on the heart motive.

    Holly, that is just what I was trying to say. :) We all need to live with that open hand of giving. That is exactly my heart. I’m just saying that sometimes I see an extreme where it becomes ‘holiness’ to live on bare bones and give all away. Just like it is ‘holy’ to look plain and so on. I have seen God’s abundance as we give liberally and also enjoy the fruit of our labour.

    Rachel, you said it! I think that if we use clothes, or surgery, or make-up etc etc as a tool to make us feel better than others, that is a problem. Again, it comes down to a heart-motivation.

  • http://dancingfamily.blogspot.com Jamie

    This post is rubbing me the wrong way. Elizabeth you are writing about how folks should not be judgemental about the act of plastic surgery. I feel that you are judging those who aren’t ok with it! So no matter how you feel about the issue, you ARE in fact using judgement about it! To judge means to determine right from wrong. You’ve determined that the act itself isn’t wrong. I’ve determined that it mostly is. You are therefore just as judgemental as I am. I’ve long been frustrated by the way the term “judgemental” is thrown around at people as an accusation, as though making a decision that something is unacceptable is the worst thing you could do.

    Given the numbers of women that you are referring to in your community who have had “work done” it tells me that we are not talking about the few who truly might need it in a way that is pleasing to God. No. It just sounds like a whole lot of vanity run-amuck. And like a previous poster said, when the other women DON’T do it, they look like old sofas in comparison so it makes it harder for them. And the pressure increases…

    I’m kind of bummed that you don’t seem to see how it is ultimately damaging to women.

  • http://jenngrant.blogspot.com jenn grant

    hey liz! its me! you know you and i have had several fun conversations about this! :) its interesting to see all kinds of different viewpoints that people have! it has challenged me to think about, what my true opinion is on this! ( you know me and opinions! :) )

    anyways, i have been thinking several things. I know mainly we are talking about plastic surgery but what about things like, permanent make-up. or laser hair removal?!

    I think as a lot of of your readers have pointed out, it seems to be a matter of the heart! Can you honestly stand before God and be ok with what you have done?! if so then, by all means go for it!

    there are obviously two extremes in my mind, 1. flaunting your work, is NOT cool! i mean if you feel you are able to get it done why flaunt it? thats total pride and i would think then you would should worry about stumbling. but that probably is for another time! :) talking about it with friends and all that is one thing, flaunting is another!

    2. there is also the other end where one can be so caught up in NOT being caught up in their appearance, that they also become prideful! They are so ‘not’ into makeup and all of that, their humility actually can be seen as pride!

    i think on both ends we can err. I think that most of all we need to be careful about other fellow christians around us who may believe the opposite of what we do!

    I agree that the word judgemental can be easily thrown around and we truly are judging even when we are saying that we are not.

    I think discretion is key and also just plain old thinking about others is important.

    anyways, love you lots and im so glad i can be a part of your fun discussion! :)

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Jamie: You are right. We all make judgments about what is right and what is wrong. There is a difference, though, between making those kinds of decisions and judging the motives of another human being.

    That’s really what this post is about: being careful not to condemn others when we don’t know all the facts.

    The truth is, I’ve often been guilty of vain thoughts. That’s why I choose to extend grace instead of casting the first stone.

    Charis: great thoughts! I think it’s important that we remember feminine beauty has been defined differently by different cultures. I, for one, would like to get back to the full-bodied Renaissance women! :)

    Jenn: Yes, discretion IS key and so is consideration of others. Flaunting is ugly from both extremes. Thank you for those kind words. ((hugs)) my friend!

    And as Ann (the always gracious one!) so aptly described: Grace is a beautiful thing no matter where you live!

    Thanks to everyone for a challenging and interesting discussion!

    Have a great 4th of July!
    XO
    EE

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.com Holly

    Hey EE, you have a great 4th too. Love the post above. (())