Mistaking Myself For Snoop Dogg.

Posted on June 14, 2009 by elizabeth

We've been going over telephone etiquette around here. I've taught the older two children how to answer the phone politely, to take a message, to graciously end the conversation.

One of my pet peeves is kids who answer a ringing phone with a yell. You know, like: "HELLO?! WHAT? HUH? YEAH, NO, SHE'S NOT HERE!"

And then hang-up without saying goodbye. I think it's disrespectful. I'm old-fashioned like that. Except, I'm also something of a hypocrite.

One day the phone rang and I checked the caller ID. It was Matt's cell phone. Using my best gangsta voice, I yelled into the phone:

"YO, WASSUP G????!"

Silence.

It was the kind of silence that precipitates disaster. The kind of silence I've experienced more than once in my life when my tongue blurts out a family secret, ruins a surprise, commits a faux pas. If you've never experienced that kind of silence, thou art blessed.

"This ain't no G," the voice said with a distinctive Texas twang. It was a voice I instantly recognized: James' baseball coach.

"Uh…uh..," I stammered. "I am so sorry! I thought you were my husband."

"Well, I am callin' from yer husband's cell phone," the coach said, "because he left it right here at the pizza parlor."

I fell all over myself trying to apologize again. Silence.

And then, thankfully, the coach burst into laughter. "Is that what'chu Californians call yer husbands? G?"

"I'm never going to live this down, am I?" I bleated, sheepishly. Is there anything more ridiculous than a conservative, white, suburban housewife shouting into the phone like she's Snoop Dogg? I mean, it's crazy enough that I even know Snoop spells dog with two g's!

Anyway, the coach just laughed. And laughed. He was still laughing when Matt showed up to retrieve his cell phone.

"Here ya go, G," coach said, handing it over.

From then on, I've always answered the phone a bit more cautiously.

Because you can't always trust caller ID.

That's fo shizzle.

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  • http://www.sixblessings.blogspot.com Carmen

    Oh that is too funny! Here’s my story…
    My mom lives with us and one day I had called my husband from home to his cell phone. I had just hung up and then a few minutes later my mom asked me a question and I didn’t know so I suggested she call him on his cell since he knew the answer. Well she called and he answered (totally thinking it was me)…”Hey there sexy, got anything shiny on?”. Mom laughed and said “Um, no.” Mom said there was silence and then he and she were laughing so hard! Good thing they are really comfortable around each other!! Needless to say he doesn’t answer the phone that way anymore!

  • http://www.morningstarr.typepad.com Dina

    Liz, that is too, too funny!! And hits close to home…your phone greeting is the exact one I use (occasionally) for my husband, no lie! It’s such common phrase, our kids use it liberally. Makes everyone who hears us think we’re a family of faux gangsta’s!

  • Heather

    Thanks for the laughs, E and Carmen. Too funny. E, I appreciate how you are training your children to be respectful when answering the phone. I have no doubt they are this respectful when out in public as well. I melt when children are respectful since it seems to be a rarity these days. On the other hand, I love the way you answered your “husband’s call” even though it was not your husband. A little fun and goofiness is needed these days. =)

  • http://thursdaysmusings.blogspot.com/ Thursday’s Child

    I can’t think of any phone mishaps off the top of my head but I’ve had more than a few in person…much, much worse. {And no, I’m not sharing!}

  • http://www.mommymattersblog.com Karin Katherine

    I so needed that laugh. I can only, only imagine. That is hilarious! Were your kids around to hear that? I’m just curious when they are going to ask you about your good telephone manners! LOL

  • http://jen5972.blogspot.com/ Jen W.

    That is SO funny!! I read that one to my hubby because he wanted to know why I was laughing so hard! Sometimes caller id can be accurate, and the person reading it isn’t so accurate! That happened to me. I saw the number on the caller id, and thought it was my hubby’s cell phone. I must not have looked close enough. I picked it up and said a super excited “hello baby”, and then there was silence on the other line. Then an awkward, “Umm, is Jeff there?”. If I could have crawled under the couch I would have. So I feel your pain :) . Lol!

  • http://andi-horton.livejournal.com Andrea

    Okay, I am sitting here and quite literally laughing out loud. Really. The dog, he thinks I am Bonkers. He may be right.

    I still remember when I was eight and answered the phone. It was for my mother. I politely told the caller that Mum would be right along, and then conscientiously clasped the mouthpiece to my chest to cover it before shouting “MUM, HEY MUM, ARE YOU STILL ON THE TOILET? THERE IS SOME LADY ON THE PHONE!”

    Of course Mum later explained to me that one’s voice reverberates in the chest cavity and so every single word I shouted was heard by the caller. Fortunately the caller was able to see the humour in it all (and even more fortunately so was my mother) but still; I was mortified beyond belief. And so it followed that for the next sixteen years I took excruciating care when handing the phone off to somebody else– and will likely continue to do so for the unforseeable future :P

  • http://adventuresinmercy.wordpress.com molly

    BAAAAAAAAAAahahahahaa!

  • http://thisheavenlylife.blogspot.com Sarah @ This Heavenly Life

    Now that’s what I like to hear – The truth about other people’s blunders. It makes me feel better about my own!

    And here’s a joke for ya:

    Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?

    Fo Drizzle.

    *chuckles*

  • http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/ Hillary

    HAHA!!! Great story, Elizabeth!

  • http://www.10minutewriter.com Katharine

    Love it!