1. Don't wear Penny Loafers on the beach.
2. Get in the water. Getting close enough for a picture doesn't count.
3. Don't try to surf in the swimmers only zone.
4. Those brightly colored swim trunks from Lands End need to stay at home. Buy local.
5. Wear sunscreen. A sunburn is a dead giveaway.
6. Try not to set up an entire household on the sand. Yes, that includes the TV.
7. Remember quarters for the parking meters.
8. Carry a small camera. That monster around your neck doesn't mix well with briny sea-air. Or sand.
9. Learn some Spanish. FYI: taquitos are not pronounced: ta-queee-toes.
10. Sex Wax is not against your religion.
11. We don't say "y'all." Ever.
12. If you get caught in a rip-tide, don't swim against it. Paddle parallel to shore. Then swim in.
13. Don't argue with the lifeguards.
14. Night swimming in the ocean isn't romantic. It's dangerous.
15. Get to the beach early. Parking after 12pm is impossible.
