Why I hate the gym, alpine waterfalls & working out next to sweaty men

Posted on October 26, 2009 by elizabeth

I'm on the brink of signing up for yet another gym membership. Mostly for the tantalizing prospect of taking an uninterrupted shower while my twins are in the free child-care.

I could care less about the actual exercise.

But I've been down this road before and it always ends badly. See, I just don't like gyms.

I dislike waiting in line for a machine. I dislike swabbing up other people's sweat/flu germs. I dislike working out next to men.

Especially the ones who grunt at themselves in the mirror.

I get so self-conscious in a gym that it's impossible for me to work up a sweat. And frankly, I hate sweating in front of other people.

I've tried everything: elliptical, treadmill, aerobics classes and even that most infuriating invention of modern exercise–the spinning class.

Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I can't think of anything more futile than vigorously pumping my legs and…going nowhere. Infuriating!

"Try one of the group classes," Matt told me. So I did.

"YOU'RE CLIMBING A BEAUTIFUL ALPINE MOUNTAIN!" the instructor shouted as we toiled away. In place.

"NOW WE'RE HEADING DOWN A WOODED PATH!" she yelled, excitedly. "CAN YOU HEAR THE WATERFALL?"

Some guy actually whooped "HECK, YEAH!" in response. And atheists think belief in God is ridiculous.

I'm telling you it's easier for me to imagine Jesus walking on water than to imagine a lame, alpine waterfall while crammed into a foul-smelling room with 30 other sweaty bodies.

But that's just me.

The problem, of course, is that I need exercise.

Because Weight Watchers has helped me lose 8 lbs. But I still have 10 lbs. to go and honestly, those lbs. aren't going anywhere unless I get my groove on.

Maybe I'll have to imagine lame, alpine waterfalls after all.

But I'm definitely waiting until flu season is over.

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  • Sarah O.

    Try Zumba, I LOVE it! I leave all sweaty and have had a blast. I know what you mean about that sweaty equipment…yuck!

  • http://www.heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather

    Have you thought about maybe a Wii fit or similar program? Although that would cancel out the twin-free shower…
    I currently have a gym membership that I’m paying for but not attending because the last few times I’ve gone I’ve felt like I could feel the germs crawling on me.

  • LDH

    My gym is blissfully located in the basement of an office building (a SNAP fitness). I’m often the only one there. It’s wonderful. Maybe you just need to find a gym like that, one on the brink of bankruptcy, or for whatever reason doesn’t need members.

    I do miss spinning classes at my old gym. Yes, the yelling and confined sweating was a downfall, but it’s such a butt kicking!

  • Whitney

    Ugh. Totally understand. I’m looking into a Mommy Bootcamp class they have locally. It’s an hour and it’s all women (though I hate the name). It sounds perfect for me. You might find something similar through google.

    Also, there’s the Jillian Michael’s 30 day shred (she also has plans for eating, too) and pilates, which I both like the sound of. Just some thoughts!

  • http://www.kampkk.blogspot.com Kimberly

    That’s why my bike is planted right in front of the TV. Its the only way I’ll use it!

  • Heather

    I have to suggest/recommend, Total Woman Fitness and Day Spa. It is fantastic. I used to go to the one in Placentia but there is one off of Culver in Irvine as well. Some of it’s features are women only, I never waited for a machine, they have many class options, daycare and AMAZING showers (my favorite part too and I don’t have kids or twins). The Placentia location was VERY clean, new and had a very updated spa look. Good luck with your gym search!

  • http://theextraordinaryordinary.blogspot.com Heather of the EO

    I like going to the gym for the childcare too. But other than that, I have no love for the place. I so often make a fool of myself there…I wrote a post about a recent humiliation and then a friend who read it told me that she’s actually rolled right off the treadmill two times. One of those times she took out a woman, they were both a pile on the floor. Oi! I really hope that doesn’t happen to either of us :)

  • Mrs.P

    If you don’t like going to the gym but still want to be outside check this out. http://www.bikeforest.com/tread/index.php

  • http://papuagirlindallas.blogspot.com/ Kacie

    I just joined a gym – Planet Fitness. They had a special going and I joined for $10 a month – amazing. There’s never been a wait for a machine, and in fact I can usually work out a good distance from anyone else, adn best of all I can work out while watching tv, which distracts me from the fact that I am excersizing (which I hate).

  • http://jenngrant.blogspot.com jenn grant

    went to the gym today thinking of you! :)

    i didnt see any super sweaty men but, I was reminded of another reason I dont do well at the gym………
    you know those people who look good working out!!!??????

    how does that happen!????

    how do they keep their makeup and hair looking good while sweating!!!?????? because I can tell you, I DONT!!!!!

    oh and of course their outfit is super cute also!!!!

    NOT sure how that happens!!

    If you figure it out let me know! :)

    love ya