Crying about Oprah

Posted on November 22, 2009 by elizabeth

I had a dream about Oprah last night. She gave me a big hug and then asked me sit on her couch and talk about my book. In my dreams I burst into tears and was all: OH MY GOODNESS, I'M SITTING ON OPRAH'S COUCH AND CRYING! I AM SUCH A CLICHE!

And then I woke up and really started crying because her show is ending next year.

Oprah's show was one of the first shows I watched after leaving our strict, fundamentalist church. I grew up without a TV. Watching Oprah was my introduction to American TV.

At first, she irked me. I was distrustful of people who expressed their emotions so openly. I thought she was weak and vain. I judged her for not being able to control her weight.

But even so, Oprah mesmerized me. I loved the way she loved. I'd always wanted the freedom to feel and to express how I felt. Oprah felt with such ease. Slowly, I began to admire her.

When we got DVR, I recorded all her shows and even when I strongly disagreed with her–I kept watching.

I had been raised to stuff, mask or hide my feelings. After leaving the church, I had a difficult time untangling my feelings because I didn't even know what my feelings were. Therapy helped me identify the difference between guilt and shame, anger and regret.

Oprah helped me have the courage to love and to speak my story.

I began to realize that the harsh, critical mindset of the abusive, controlling church where I'd been raised had almost prevented me from being able to feel. Oprah was so human, so OK with feeling the normal, human feelings.

That's when I realized that allowing myself the freedom to feel takes courage. It's a risk.

In that regard, Oprah is one brave lady. Her ability to connect with so many different people from so many different walks of life is a remarkable gift–one that is strengthened through much practice.

Perhaps every writer harbors the secret hope of having Oprah pick their book for her book club. I never dared to hope that because I never thought I'd have the courage to write the book about my fundamentalist past.

But this year I started writing my book. It's been one of the most difficult tasks I've ever undertaken. It's 8 million times harder than writing this blog!

The Oprah show will be over before I finish writing this book, but I'll never forget how much she inspired me.

And, dude. I'm totally gonna miss her show!

OK, 'fess up. Do you like Oprah, too? Why or why not?

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  • Kat

    I like her. I think she has done a lot to inspire women and I love how she values mothers.

    I know she has become the go to dump on girl for some Christians because of her spiritual beliefs, but I don’t really understand the need of some to try and turn celebrities into Jesus and then get disappointed when (surprise!) they aren’t.

    P.S. Elizabeth, that I am really, really looking forward to reading your book.

  • http://thebookbeast.blogspot.com SaraJ

    I’ve never been much interested in Oprah, except how she’s taught Americans how to see African features as beautiful (most black women have to have thin noses and straight hair to be considered beautiful), and how she turned an impossible name into a familiar one.

    I am, however, very interested that you’re starting a book. Your posts describe very well what my own journey has been. Also, I keep wanting to write about my own experiences, but haven’t managed to find the words for it. So I look forward to hearing more about your book.

    – SJ

  • http://http:terrysoapbox.blogspot.com terry@breathing grace

    I used to love Oprah’s show. I was, what 14 or 15 when she came on the air? She was great in that she 1)tackled touchy subjects with class, unlike many of the other talk shows on during that time, and 2) She LOOKED familiar. She was brown, not cafe au lait, she was bigger, like many of the mothers in the ‘hood where I grew up. I tried to never miss a show.

    About 6 years ago, her show started to take wierd turn. Spiritually speaking. Now, we are FAR from what is traditionally known as fundamentalists, but we take the Bible and its message of salvation through Jesus our Messiah seriously. In that regard, we are very fundamental. She seemed to began to have a preachy tone, and she preached the message of salvation for the self, from the self, BY the self. I began to get turned off and I had stopped watching altogether by the time she got into “The Secret” and some of the other metaphysical self as god type stuff. I find her philosphy damaging. You will not find peace for the self in the self, else it would already be there.

    That said, I still turn on occasionally. I watched the Whitney Houston interview. While you were probably not allowed to listen to such music, I remembered her fondly, before the madness. I was 14 when she came on the scene, too. Couldn’t resist watching. I watched the Sarah Palin interview. But that’s about the extent of it.

    So while I can’t say I’ll miss Oprah, it will be the end of an era, to be sure.

  • http://www.sixblessings.blogspot.com Carmen

    I second what terry@breathinggrace said. I’ll watch the “big” interviews. Oh, and the show in the fall where she gives all sorts of stuff away. But I, too, was turned off by her self-god mumbo jumbo.

  • Jen Cahalane

    I feel a lot like Terry regarding Oprah. I used to love watching her, and my friends and I often watched her after class while in college. She is so generous and classy in so many ways, and she has tried really hard to reach out to many different types of people. However, she also preaches a very different type of gospel than the what Jesus teaches, and some of her shows get too into it. I do love to watch certain stories/interviews, but when she is doing her weird spiritual stuff, I don’t watch. Thank you EE for your real, human, crack-me-up blog (I forwarded the skinny-jeans post to all my friends!).
    -Jen C.

  • destry

    I used to love Oprah…for many of the same reasons mentioned. My problem didn’t begin when she started the “mumbo-jumbo”. There are many that believe differently than I and I am okay with agreeing to disagree.

    For me, it seemed as though she took a turn from believing something other than the bible and presesnting her belief as an option…and went into believing something other than the bible and being condescending to those that believed otherwise.

    I recorded the Sarah Palin interview and watched it…and there have been a few others that I recorded over the last few years…but mostly, I avoid her show.

    Her show began when I was a young girl…and I really liked her. I “mourned” the loss of her show a few years ago when she jumped off the deep end.

    It is definately the end of an era though.

    AND, I will definately be reading your book!

    xo
    Destry

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    the journey home will plug your book:0)

  • http://trainstutusandtwizzlers.wordpress.com Corinne

    I like Oprah just for the fact that she sticks up for women. She gives so many women voices that might not necessarily be heard. She can get a little crazy, but all in all – I do enjoy her.

  • DeborahL

    I do enjoy her personality, but, like some of the others, cannot handle her “new age” preaching. I haven’t watched her show in quite some time.

    I really look forward to reading your book one day. What a lot of courage it must take. I am from a Fundamentalist background, also. Mine doesn’t seem like it was quite as radical as yours, however. I did experience instances when I thought that the rapture had happened and that I hadn’t gone – a terrible feeling. My siblings, however, hadn’t had these thoughts. I’m curious: did your sister grow up feeling the same sort of repression? Sometimes I wonder if mine were “childish” perceptions and that, because of my personality, I felt and experienced things differently. I’m not articulating well… just trying to get some thoughts down. :)
    Looking forward to more thought-provoking posts!

  • http://ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/ Young Mom

    I haven’t really watched her since we don’t have TV. (Well, we have A tv, just not any channels, not that there’s anything wrong with tv, I would just waste WAY to much time on it. I end up watching everything) I do resonate with your observation that human emotion is ok, it took me awhile to learn that.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    DEBORAH L: Yes, my sister felt many of the same thing. Our experience was very similar–although since we are our own unique personalities, we reacted differently.

    TERRY: I know what you mean. When she started getting in the whole metaphysical stuff, I just rolled my eyes. I don’t buy into it–so it never bothered me, really. Except sometimes I did feel like she was a bit condescending to those who disagreed.

    TO ALL: thanks for the kind words regarding my book. I hope I don’t disappoint you! :)

  • http://redeemed.kansasbob..com Kansas Bob

    What a great post!! We should all be like Oprah in the sense that we should all be vulnerable and transparent with each other. Unfortunately most of us hardly know each other.. and in the church we are so afraid of being judged when we share openly.. sad because you really can’t love someone until you really know them.

  • Allie

    Unlike most of the other posters, I don’t like Oprah. She encourages people to rely on themselves, rather than on God. Not good.

  • http://chicken-pax.xanga.com/ Troy

    I haven’t watched her in a long time but I really appreciate the ethos and good will she’s developed. I think it’s genuine and a rare thing in our media and nation.

    A side note, but it does seem that she is a bete noire for many conservative Protestants; like Sweden does for people who loathe or are threatened by the idea of western European socialism, Oprah occupies a locus of contempt for people who disapprove of the squishy, New Age-y ‘spiritual but not religious’. Which ironically is surely the single worst way to appeal to people who are ‘spiritual but not religious’.

  • http://www.tapthesmile.blogspot.com becca

    I like Oprah, don’t always agree with her and certainly don’t agree with her relience in seemingly self and all that but I truly think she cares about people. I like the fun shows she does! I’m going to miss her too.

  • http://http:www.xanga.com/SJohnson0107 Sarah

    I love Oprah…it is amazing to watch how she handles asking tough and uncomfortable questions to a broad spectrum of people.

    On another note, I have noticed that a lot of Christian women often throw in a disclaimer when they talk about watching Oprah. I have heard so many times, “I don’t usually watch Oprah, but…” Why do Christians so often seem like they have to qualify everything they say about mainstream culture? I mean of course I don’t think you agree with her on anything and I am not going to judge you if you watch Oprah. I guess I am trying to say that I am tired of Christians acting guilty if they watch Oprah!

    Ok, now that is off my chest, I feel better. :-)