Doing hard things (or why Dads are very good things to have)

Posted on November 20, 2009 by elizabeth

IMG_3917 "I am grateful for my Dad," James recited, "because he encourages me to do hard things."

Who told him to write that into his speech? I wondered.

But I already knew. No-one. James thought of it himself because we're slogging through another school-year.

When James says he's doing hard things, James means one thing: school.

We go through it every year. The none too subtle suggestions that he's ADD. The soul-crushing busy-work. The endless flood of worksheets. The lame little "Great Job!" stickers that do absolutely nothing to motivate my boy.

The problem is not that my son has ADD. The problem is that my son is too smart for public education. If we had the money, I'd be sending him to a private school. And if I had the energy, I'd be homeschooling him.

As it is, he's in a top-notch school in a high-achieving GATE (Gifted And Talented Education) class. He's an advanced reader, understands concepts and aces his tests.

But he doesn't like to sit still. For my son, sitting still is hard work. He has to discipline himself not to tune out when the teacher is talking. He has to discipline himself to stay on task.

He has the brains, he just doesn't have the self-control.

This is where Daddy comes in. He has taken James under his wing to tutor him in the discipline of self-control. My husband is helping my son become a man. 

"Men have to work hard," Daddy tells him. "They don't take the easy way out."

So, Daddy devised a system of charts to help motivate James. Each day that James receives a good report from his teacher, he earns a mark on his chart. If he receives a bad report, no mark. If he receives a bad report two days in a row, he has to erase a mark. After months of earning marks, James cashes in his chart for a reward.

We also banned video games. Again. For some reason, video games are like drugs for James' brain.

I was pretty skeptical about this whole chart thing. But then again, I'm not really a chart person. I'm the girl who loved the "Great Job!" stickers.

To my great surprise, the chart worked. James' behavior at school turned around almost immediately. 

And this past week, James turned in his completed chart. He had earned his reward.

I agree with James.

I'm grateful for a Daddy who encourages his son to do hard things.

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  • http://www.thepipers.wordpress.com Molly Piper

    That’s so awesome. I was just told to read a book called “The Mind of Boys.” Have you read it? I’m just curious and eager to learn more about how to best engage Orison & Morrow.

  • http://reidklos.com Reid Klos

    Unfortunately for me, and my brother, Q, my dad used the hands-off-and-yell approach. I was the exceptional student that couldn’t stop talking in class because I finished before most and kept all the other kids from completing their work (at least that’s what the behavior comments on every progress report and report card said). Q was more of the guy that would rather be outside, while I was inside reading books, and if the school lesson didn’t encourage or add to his activities he wasn’t interested. Hence he was donned with the Scarlet Letters: ADD.
    Q is 7 yrs younger than me, and once I was old enough to understand what was going on, I couldn’t understand why my dad or the school system just wouldn’t take time out with him to assist him in his learning style. Trust me he wasn’t/isn’t the only one like that because I meet – and have met – countless children that remind me of Q.
    Elizabeth I’m proud of your husband for doing something giant for the sake of his family: spending a little father/son time. He’ll be able to turn in his completed chart for a reward as well. Here’s another mark.

  • http://www.kampkk.blogspot.com Kimberly

    Sounds like you have 2 good men there!

  • http://geetabean.blogspot.com/ Gina

    Two thumbs up for great dads! Am I the only one who is curious what his prize was?!?

  • http://www.jenniferthewhovian.blogspot.com Jennifer

    That’s such a sweet story. It’s nice when a father reaches out and makes an effort to help his family. Thanks for sharing. :)

  • Joanie

    Awesome!

    Ah, desks and school schedules. They work for a percentage of children, but not all. When will the paradigm shift?!?

    Good for you guys making it work for your son in a way that he relates to.

  • Mary Ann

    Oh Elizabeth,
    Please don’t withhold lots of affection from him.Boys can do almost anything when they know and feel how much you love them.(just like girls)You can dicipline and show affection at the same time,which I’m sure you already know.

  • http://colleenspiro.blogspot.com colleen

    What a great post. Bravo for James and for your hubby too!

  • Rachel

    It is encouraging to hear that I am not alone in the whole, slogging through the school year!

    I am also with you 100% on the video games. With certain children, it really is like crack. Daniel is currently on video game ban too.

  • http://trainstutusandtwizzlers.wordpress.com Corinne

    You have some really helpful ideas in this post, as someone (like you) who was really motivated by those little stickers I wonder what will happen if one of my kids isn’t and I have no idea how to get them going. I’ll have to keep these in the back of my head.
    And seriously, what a sweet boy to say that about his father.

  • Ryan

    I’m a single man, and though I hope to be a husband and father, you and your husband are an inspiration to me to continue to become a better man, regardless of my status. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. ;-)

  • http://laladyinwhite.blogspot.com colleen

    what a blessing.

  • http://papuagirlindallas.blogspot.com/ Kacie

    How awesome. It’s amazing how different things work with different kids. I wish we all knew immediately what worked instead of having to experiment to get there!