Why “Twilight” is a misogynistic piece of hard-boiled crapola

Posted on November 27, 2009 by elizabeth

I just finished the first Twilight book. I can't believe parents are letting their daughters read this stuff–unless it's to crack jokes at the hilariously chauvinistic dialogue.

You know, real gems like this one from lust-a-licious vampire Edward Cullen: "You are exactly my kind of heroin." (p.268)

Now that right there is one swoon-worthy compliment!

If only it weren't followed shortly after by this proclamation: "As if I needed another reason to kill you." (p.272)

Right, because nothing turns a girl on like a guy who is conflicted…ABOUT KILLING HER.

"I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are." (p.310)

O, Edward! Throw me over your shoulder and haul me downstairs to breakfast after a night of passionate, fully-clothed cuddling!

Yes, peeps, it's true. Edward Cullen and Bella Swan practice abstinence. Our chivalrous vampire doesn't want to fornicate with Bella. He just wants to kill her.

Darn those "confusing" murderous impulses!

But let's focus on the positive. A chaste vampire. Ah, yes. This is a vampire you can bring home to meet the folks.

And don't worry. If Edward ends up killing Bella, it will be her fault. That's because she should know to stand perfectly still when he kisses her. Otherwise vampire passions are aroused and, well, murder happens.

"Damn it, Bella!" he broke off, gasping. "You'll be the death of me, I swear you will." (p.363)

Romantic, right? He gets to die figuratively. She gets to die literally. Awesome.

You know, the only thing less funny than Twilight's cheesy one-liners is the fact that millions of young girls might actually believe its false portrayal of love. 

How many young women will now bypass good, decent (non-violent!) guys in favor of the "complex, confused" bad-boy? Parents should point out to their daughters that the romance in Twilight hinges upon nothing less than the entire subjugation of its female protagonist.

Subjugation is not love. Neither is obsession that leads to death. Didn't we learn that from Romeo & Juliet? Darn those pesky double-suicide endings!

Look, I get it. Back in the day, Heathcliff was my literary hero. Then I got married and had five kids. That cured me right quick.

Now I prefer a real man who provides, protects and replaces the busted water heater. He even takes out the diaper pail without being asked! Seriously, how hot is that?

Yeah, that's my kinda hero. And it's the kind of hero I'm going to help my daughters choose, too.

Now, if you'll excuse me. I've got a piece of crap book to throw in the trash.

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  • http://www.halfpinthouse.com Megan

    I haven’t read it (yet) but we watched the first movie the other night and I kept saying similar things. Why are parents letting their young daughters be taken in by this stuff? Seriously?

    Parents who turn their noses up at Harry Potter because he’s a wizard.

    Parents who probably don’t care squat about what their kids are reading.

    Parents who have been sucked in by the same things themselves.

    But there now, I can’t really speak, as I haven’t read the books. But I do know this: my daughters won’t be going anywhere near these anytime soon.

  • http://www.coopersx4.blogspot.com Sara

    I did read the first book…out of peer pressure.
    And I don’t have any tween daughters yet, so maybe that’s why it doesn’t bother me.
    It’s HORRIBLY cheesy and lame, and the movie is even worse (imagine!)…and the second book introduces werewolves into the plot line…so our Bella must choose between the lesser of two evils.
    It’s silly girlie stuff…and he doesn’t want to kill her, really.
    He just doesn’t want to love her.
    I am not defending this book at all…believe me…or the movies.
    But I did take it for entertainment, not literary genius.

  • http://www.mollypiper.com Molly Piper

    This is why I love reading your blog! I love when you just go *off* about something. The strong opinions… they’re awesome. I love that you’re not afraid to express them.

  • Kat

    Read the books, loved the books. I won’t go into the reasons why, (don’t think it would be appreciated much), I was just sitting here feeling my typical “don’t disagree, don’t make waves” feeling come up, then I thought oh, to heck with that.

    Now, excuse me while I go pop Twilight into the DVD player.

  • DeborahL

    I love this! I have never read these books and am grateful for your amusing synopsis. Oh, and I LOVE Wuthering Heights. It was my first classic read, and I’ve been hooked on English classics since. I laughed out loud when you said Heathcliff was your “literary hero” and then you got married and had five kids. I’d have to agree that Heathcliff was not exactly marriage material. Thanks for such a fun and informative post! I hadn’t planned on reading the series; and now I’m definitely steering clear.

  • http://steppinheavenward.blogspot.com/ Renee

    I haven’t read the books..honestly have no desire to but your review made me laugh.

    I am with you in what is hot in a man. Twelve kiddies and 18 years later and my hubby is hotter than ever.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    KAT: you are perfectly welcome to give the reasons why you love the Twilight books! Believe me, you’re probably not the only one who enjoyed them. :) This is just one of my little rants–it’s by no means Gospel truth! Share with abandon!

  • http://thursdaysmusings.blogspot.com/ Thursday’s Child

    This is post is why I love reading your blog. I’ve been wondering about the books too. I have a pre-teen son but he wants to see the movies because of the special effects in the new one. I’m thinking we might skip it…or rent it so we can bad-mouth it without getting kicked out of the theater. LOL

  • http://thebookbeast.blogspot.com SaraJ

    I utterly disliked the books, but that’s partly because they’re romance books. I utterly dislike almost all romance stories.

    But I have thought a lot about why it’s so appealing to so many women. I wonder if it’s because it features a man who could kill and could take a woman by force, but controls himself?

    When my husband and I first began courting, my mother told me that if I could trust a man to control himself sexually, I could trust him with just about anything. That’s the kind of man I got, but for many women, such a man is a fairy tale. So if you’re gong to indulge in a fairy tale anyway, why not make the guy incredibly hot, brooding, and a vampire?

    – SJ

  • http://www.kathleenbasi.com Kathleen

    I read the first two to see what the fuss was all about. No desire to read further, because I thought they were badly written. I was disapp[ointed; I was hoping for another Harry Potter series, which I adore…

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    don’t need any reason not to read other than it’s ABOUT VAMPIRES. i may be a snob, but that pretty much turns me off without even reading a cheesy one liner. i’m very narrow minded like that;0)

  • http://stefaniesthoughts.blogspot.com Stephanie

    I won’t got into any rant about defending “Twilight”, because I think you make valid points. If I had a daughter, I would not want her to read the books OR see the movies. I didn’t mind reading them myself, because I am 34, not 14, and I know the difference between what’s real and what isn’t. I thought Edward Cullen was very controlling of Bella, and she all too willingly complied. I didn’t understand why that was something that was so “cool”, particularly because I had just come out of a very abusive and controlling relationship.

    That said, I am a sucker for a story line, and I did read the whole series. I gave the books away, though, and I’m not in any hurry to rush out and see the movies.

    It is disconcerting that some many young girls are thinking that Edward Cullen is the ultimate guy, when he is, in fact, seething with murderous thoughts, keeping dangerous secrets, and then there’s that whole vampire thing…

    As an adult, I found the books mildly entertaining. I would not recommend them for teen girls, though. No way.

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot/ mary bailey

    I read Twilight last year b/c my best friends’s 12yo daughter wanted to read it. Not only was it badly written and boring, I found it to be too sensual for the target audience of tween and teen girls.

  • http://ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com/ Young Mom

    “O, Edward! Throw me over your shoulder and haul me downstairs to breakfast after a night of passionate, fully-clothed cuddling!”

    Bahahahaha! I have to agree thats a pretty pathetic version of “love”. I can’t understand why Edward is so appealing in the first place, but maybe thats because I’m more into the Russell Crowe/ Mel Gibson look.

    • Dee

      I read through the comments and posted another opinion; but again I found this post. I really like Russell Crowe as an actor. He’s passionate and delves into his characters. As for his personal life, uh. . . well . . . a little bit of a brawler, and possible womanizer. Married life and having children has made him settle down at least for now.

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot/ mary bailey

    Oh, Elizabeth, forgot to mention something I think you’ll get a kick out of: Go to YouTube and look up the Saturday Night Live Twilight Spoof with Taylor Swift! LOL Funny!

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot/ mary bailey

    The clip’s not on YouTube. Maybe you can find it on Hulu.

  • Kathy F.

    A “friend” of my daughter’s gave her the book to read (the first one). My daughter read through it and her review consisted of: “That was a complete and utter piece of crap book”. She gave it back and has not been interested since. I read bits and pieces of it, and came to the same conclusion. What utter drivel!

  • http://milehimama.com Milehimama

    Followed you over from Conversion Diary’s tweet – you might like this post from a sci-fi website:
    http://io9.com/5413428/official-twilights-bella–edward-are-in-an-abusive-relationship

    Sometimes sarcasm is the only good answer to pulpy hack writing. Your post made me laugh!

  • http://MeditativeMeanderings.blogspot.com Susanne Barrett

    I beg to disagree; I adore the books. I’ve read them multiple times and think the story line is well-done (the story line, not the writing — “buttery sunlight”? ugh!) and the characters compelling.

    I could give you all the reasons in the world why our family (my husband included) enjoys the series, but arguments aren’t my thing. I doubt they’d sway anyone here, anyway. I’m only a former literature professor at a Christian university, so what can I tell you? :)

    I did write a blog post: Why Christians Should Read the Twilight Saga. if anyone is interested, it’s here: http://meditativemeanderings.blogspot.com/2009/11/should-christians-read-twilight-saga.html

    Blessings,
    Susanne (waiting for the tomatoes to hit….)

  • http://restoringtheyears.blogspot.com Grafted Branch

    I knew we weren’t going to read it because of…well…you know…the glorified darkness! And because (praise the Lord) my 14 year old has too great of taste. But our decision was further validated when my husband caught the very secular NPR refer to the Twilight series as, “teen eroticism.”

    People are stupid. And then they wonder why…

  • http://www.facebook.com/Veronica.Ferrante.Gelvin vgelvin

    finally….

  • http://andi_horton.livejournal.com Andrea

    No disagreement here. Leaving off, for the moment, Meyers’s appallingly one-dimensional characters, the quality of her prose and the fact that the plot takes about three quarters of the first book to even remember it was ever invited to appear, the streak of misogyny that blazes its way through the series troubles me (and don’t even get me started on the “romance” that puts in an appearance in the final installment).

    I do notice that the series seems to be echoing a theme popular in many more mainstream “bodice ripper” romances– that is, the trope of a powerful, charismatic male who COULD kill/rape/abduct the heroine if he chose, but heroically forbears to act on that desire. Of course, the glaring flaw in this “romantic” setup is the fact that Bella actually desires a fellow who professes his honest desire to end her life. Sure, he doesn’t act on the desire, but . . . HE STILL WANTS TO KILL HER.

    A man professing homicidal urges =/= sexy to a mentally balanced and emotionally stable young woman.

    I don’t know if you are at all familiar with the remixed video “Buffy vs Edward” but it puts Mr Cullen’s “romantic” stalkerish tendencies in proper perspective. He ends up duly staked and dusted at the end.

    As for proto-Edwards in classic literature, I can’t quite share your former affinity for Heathcliff; he killed a puppy! I just can’t believe that a puppy-strangling husband is a catch; don’t sociopaths and serial killers generally start out by killing animals? Mr Rochester, at least, had the quirk of imagination needed to get himself done up as a gypsy woman, which makes him a little amusing. Even the imprisoned Mrs Rochester The First is better (IMHO) than a dead puppy.

    I should probably have waited until I was better rested to comment, but really, if you like you can just boil all of the above down to a hearty “amen” and still get the message I meant to convey.

  • http://www.nmwally.wordpress.com Nikki

    Preach it!

    (disclaimer: I am totally a recovering semi-fan. I somehow made it thru books 1-3 thinking they were OK until I was in the middle of book 4 when suddenly it hit me: this is a really terrible, terrible story, on so many levels. And then for reasons I’m still not sure of we went to see the new movie the other day, just because it seemed like the only “good” theater movie out, only it wasn’t good — it was so terrible we laughed out loud in the middle of it and left worried for this generation of tween/teen girls…).

    So…anyway…I appreciate your post! Ha! :)

  • Susan

    Ok, quick question because I have not read the books nor do I plan to

    the quote that you quoted
    You know, real gems like this one from lust-a-licious vampire Edward Cullen: “You are exactly my kind of heroin.” (p.268)

    Did he really say heroin?? Like the drug?? Or did you forget an “e” and meant to say heroine?
    Thanks
    Susan

  • a different Elizabeth :)

    I agree completely with your post, not my cup of tea.

    Yes, he did say *heroin*… that is a quote that a friend reminded me of the other day when she was going on about how much she liked the books.

  • http://mybookdragon.blogspot.com/ Gina

    …..bouncing a tomato in my hand….shakes head and takes a bite. ;-)

    I’ll admit, I did read book 1. I thought Bella was an idiot and never bothered with the rest of the series.

    The good thing IMHO is that at least they’re reading.

    There are several girls, 16+, that go for Jacob so maybe there is hope.

  • http://mommaroar.blogspot.com Momma Roar

    I’ve never had a desire to read these books. But several friends have recommended them and I just don’t want to. I can’t even read many of the Christian romance novels out there – they are just too much blech .

    Anything that gets that much attention as a book or movie, can’t be worth it. The good things in this world aren’t recognized!

    Enjoyed your post – came from Heidi Jo’s.

    Leigh Ann

  • Alexandra

    I’m a teen girl who’s read all the books- and you know whose team I’m on? SETH. Yep, Seth Clearwater. Why? Because he’s the only character in the whole series that isn’t either wildly conflicted and/or homicidal. (Plus- he’s not taken at the end. BONUS! :D )

    And Bella: a nicely-meant Mary-Sue. Sorry, Mrs. Meyers, clumsiness is not a character fault. Ever.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/lauragerencser Laura Gerencser

    I have read all the books and loved them. I liked the first movie, but thought the second one was horrible! I agree, some lines are cheesy! But, I would def. read them all again; I loved your post though!! It made me laugh!:)::)

  • Liana

    I realize this is 2 years later but I just “found” your blog so to speak and have been bouncing around reading various posts. THANK YOU. I thought I was the only one on the planet who thought this series was….IDK….just….yawn…whatevs….yeah right…???

    And I love the reference to Romeo and Juliet – I still remember the epiphany at my cognisant adult realization that…Romeo and Juliet had only just met and were only 16 when they fell madly in love and decided they had to be together and couldn’t live without each other and must choose to die together if they couldn’t be together – even thought their newfound love was only days old????? Puh-leez…..can we say save the drama for your mama?

    Well derrrrr! Except that when I was a young teen that series of facts swooped right over my head and I bought into the whole mad scenario hook line and sinker. After all, they were in love! (Gag)

    So again, thank you, for reinforcing my belief that I’m not an heartless wacko because I love it more when my husband does the dishes without my asking than when he gives me flowers. (Or, that it would have been cooler if Juliet had told Romeo – yeah right! I’m not killing myself for some lovesick punk! I’m outta here!) :)

  • Dee

    I stumbled across your blog for another reason but read your comment on Twilight. I never read the books or saw the movies until my “teenage” daughter took me to the “Eclipse” movie. I came in not knowing anything about it and I thought “what the heck?” Intrigued, I read all the books, and have seen all the movies. I know Dr. Phil has a negative opinion about Edward being a stalker etc. but give me a break! It’s just fiction!! And I happen to be in the process of writing my first romance novel. I’m an avid reader and live for the ending because I don’t have the romantic husband and reading or watching a movie is Fiction! Romance is the most read genre–because women and teenagers are starved for the perfect romantic ending. Sure there are cheesy lines and believe me, I’m the natural born cynic. Don’t get hung up on mere words. It’s entertainment and not real. I’m proud to be a Twi-Mom and my daughter is intelligent enough to recognize that the book is fiction and the movie is fiction. My daughter is smart and confident and knows better than to fall for a guy with snarky lines. Time to go and literally rip apart the writing of JK Rowling.

  • Deb

    EE — {“Damn it, Bella!” he broke off, gasping. “You’ll be the death of me, I swear you will.” (p.363)

    Romantic, right? He gets to die figuratively. She gets to die literally. Awesome.}

    Woo, powerful commentary on biblical gender issues!

  • http://lisatawnbergren.com Lisa Bergren

    Just discovering your blog due to your OC announcement–congrats!–and already so happy to get to know you. I defend the Twilight series for one reason–it made my reluctant teen reader an avid reader. Busted through whatever barriers were in her head, and ever since, she usually has a book on her nightstand. And it awakened a new avenue of discussion for the two of us–I’m reading YA constantly now, so I can (1) preview and (2) hand off the good ones to my daughters. It’s given us a new connection.

    But I, too, was highly alarmed that Edward was the dreamy, drool worthy hero. I literally said to my daughter, “I never want you to think that the hot, dangerous man is the one for you. I don’t like it that he constantly fights the desire to kill Bella.” We discussed, and she seemed to be able to differentiate, but being a fiction writer, I was motivated to write my own series–the River of Time. All the romance, all the suspense, no vampires.

    The first book is out–WATERFALL–and the rest release this year too. It’s YA and somewhat formulaic, but hopefully a fresh take with its “A Conn. Yankee in King Arthur’s Court” sort of set-up. Hottie hunks for the heroes, but men who respect the heroines and frankly, are in awe of them, not just because they’re beautiful, but because they are strong (thinking, clever, daring, passionate, sword-wielding, arrow shooting magnificence on legs) and so different than any of the women of their own time. And my heroine is a strong POV character who is flawed (pride) and conflicted–extremely connected to her family and yet drawn by this man from another time…while bumbling through her own self-defense at times, but at least trying (and getting better at it all the time).

    Young girls crave what all women crave–to be desired, to be honored, to be loved. Something that ultimately can only be satisfied in knowing God (regardless of how amazing your hubby is–I know; I married one). That’s why the romance genre continues to make up 50% of all books sold. Everyone’s looking for love–something bigger than they are or can imagine–wherever they can find it. But as a mom, if we could give our daughters better targets to shoot for, I’d love it.