Blood, bottled water, forgotten children and a messy, beautiful life

Posted on December 19, 2009 by elizabeth

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I feel like I'm crash landing into Christmas, skidding in sideways and barely alive. The presents are wrapped, the ham has been ordered, the house is clean. But I've lost my mind somewhere between unmet expectations and the child I forgot to pick up from school.

She waited for an hour and twenty minutes. She managed not to cry.

I felt like crap. Like the worst mother to walk this earth as I came careening into the parking lot, spilling myself out of the mini-van and into the school office, apologies falling out of my mouth.

I don't know how I forgot that it was early dismissal. But I did.

And what's worse, it's not the first time.

It probably won't be the last. I never imagined I'd be one of those mothers who forgets her child at school. But here I am.

I don't know if it's the stress of everything but I also nearly passed out this week at the sight of my daughter's blood. It was insanely embarrassing. I've handled cuts, bruises, screams, vomit, pee, poop and birthed five children. Blood does not scare me.

On Wednesday, blood scared me. I got so faint my ears went deaf, my knees gave out and I stumbled heaving and gasping for air in the brisk afternoon wind.

I also forgot to send candy to the school so my son could decorate his Christmas party cookie. I even sent an email saying I would send it. And then I forgot.

And when my husband showed up for the school Christmas concert, I wasn't there.

He text'd me: Where r u?

I couldn't understand why in the WORLD he was sending me that text. I was at home. Where else would I be?

So, I text'd back: I'm in Hollywood selling my first screenplay.

When Matt got home he smiled and gave me a kiss that melted the universe. Then he told me everything was alright and that I should go take a shower.

The next morning he took us all to the beach. Somehow, the beach makes everything right again.

Except Jude was thirsty. And I'd forgotten to pack water.

"Here, have this," said a pregnant mommy sitting nearby. She handed us a bottle of water.

And I almost cried right there because here I am, a total mess and even strangers are offering me grace.

Life is an amazing thing.

This entry was posted in Her Royal Mommy-Ness, Life in The OC. Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://clarity-chaos.blogspot.com Elizabeth (@claritychaos)

    Oh, lady. These are universal stories you’re telling. Thank God for grace. And honesty.

  • http://debsueknit.blogspot.com DebbieQ

    Oh yes, we have all had those days!!

  • http://www.JanetOber.com Janet Oberholtzer

    Sorry you are feeling scattered. Been there, done – almost everything you mentioned – except that text to your husband … that was funny!

    Happy Sunday – hope it’s not too crazy.

  • KimberlyS

    Yep, I’ve certainly heard many of these same stories cried out the past few weeks. You’re not alone. Isn’t grace wonderful, delicious, absolutely life-saving!? Hoping your Sunday shines bright with God’s new mercies!

  • http://trainstutusandtwizzlers.wordpress.com Corinne

    My mom forgot to pick me up from school several times… and I’m ok :)
    But I know what you mean. There’s so much on us sometimes that the “little” things get mushed together. Like packing baby wipes, or a special blanket for a trip, or snacks (hangs head in a bit of shame on all three of those things… just two days ago…)
    You’re in good company!

  • http://theextraordinaryordinary.blogspot.com Heather of the EO

    If it makes you feel any better, I do this sort of thing and I only have two smalls to take care of. And they aren’t even in regular school this year.

    I think about this a lot, how we’re kind of set up for failure with the pace of life today. It’s really hard to simplify and keep it that way when there are early release changes and concerts and cookie decorating days and doctor appointments and meals and Christmas and shopping and….

    and we act as islands for the most part in our culture. We just can’t be more than one person. It makes us scattered even past our natural creative flightiness.

  • http://quiveringdaughters.blogspot.com/ Hillary

    Thank you for your transparency. It feels like you’ve just plopped down beside me, put your arm around me, and said everything’s going to be okay. :-) Merry Christmas!

  • Margaret

    Considering what this time of year provokes in your case, this might be ptsd – thinking is stopped by the deer-in-the-headlights, hunker-down brain chemistry. As Ann Lamott says, remember to breathe :-) Focus on the sensory input of each moment – the sound, the scent, the light. Add in the letting-go feeling that accompanies thankfulness. It really helps. Remember, you’re good at this. The voice of experience says, “Eventually this, too, shall pass.”

  • Deborah L

    Other people forget their children at school, too? Whew! I forgot my son about a month ago (early dismissal). And when I got there, he was on the front lawn of the school crying his little heart out. It’s taken me awhile to get over that one. Women have WAY too much on their plates – way, way too much. It’s a wonder we don’t forget more than we do. Thanks for this, and for others’ comments. I feel normal now!

  • Kathy F.

    Get a 24 hour salivary test done for cortisol. I had the same problems/symptoms you are having, and discovered my cortisol levels are extremely high at all hours of the day. Stress will elevate cortisol levels and you will eventually ‘wear out’ and become ill. Get them checked and then take steps to help your adrenals. Just speaking from personal experience!

  • Lisa- domesticaccident

    Ah, man, I have been there. I always feel better with less on my plate. I’m just a better mom with less.

    And a good planner.

  • Lou Ann

    My first response when I read your post was “Man, I love that girl!” It seems as though you had a snow ball building without even the snow, but as you can see from so many other comments, that this is all too common so there is much company. One day you will retell this story and everyone will get a real belly laugh. “A cheerful heart does good like medicine.” and you will be their medicine. AND seems like you have one wonderful husband who knows just what you needed.

  • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy

    I’m having that exact same kind of month, right down to forgetting that basic do-or-die-if-I’m-a-child element, water. (Ok, I haven’t forgotten a child…yet. But almost.) I’m thankful with you that you’ve been met with gracious understanding, as have I… even when I wouldn’t even extend grace to myself.

  • http://holyclutter.com Meredith

    Elizabeth, Thursday was the first time ever I have forgotten to pick up my son. I was so busy frantically baking and rolling sausage balls that I forgot early dismissal and the school called. He was crying.

    A reality check for me, too.

  • http://hilluponhill.blogspot.com/ hill upon hill

    Thankyou for telling us this story,of love, of being prepared, of being stretched, of being human.

  • lisa harding

    I hear ya, Sista!

  • http://colleenspiro.blogspot.com colleen

    Thanks for this post. Nice to know I am not the only one stressed out this week! And I agree, beaches makes things better.

  • http://deniseandrade.com boho girl

    sending you one big cushy cushion to surround yourself with tonight.

    thank you for being authentic. you speaking this truth gives me cushion too for those days when cedar is older and i feel overwhelmed and forgetful.

    love to you.
    xo

  • LDH

    The pregnant mommy was paying it forward…some day she’ll likely be in the same spot.

  • http://hoperoadblog.com Anna

    Aw, I know how those days go too, even though my first hasn’t been born yet. Isn’t it amazing how one act or word of kindness from a stranger can make such a big difference?

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot.com/ mary bailey

    Bless you, Elizabeth. Wishing you peace and calm this Christmas.

  • http://www.smoochagator.com Emily, a.k.a. Smoochagator

    Oh, I love this. And I love your new profile photo in the upper lefthand corner. You look so “real.”

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    i’ve taken mine to school when there was a delayed start…dropped them off, gotten home, heard it on the radio and driven frantically back hoping they aren’t frozen to death!

    again, what a blessing a good man is. one who loves us through our craziness and pulls out of it with his gentleness and love. blessed are you. and normal are you:0)

  • http://mainelymyles.blogspot.com Jo@Mylestones

    I love you for writing this. Real everyday life, with grace poured over it.
    Only recently found your blog, but have quickly grown to enjoy it.