Do small things right

Posted on January 12, 2010 by elizabeth

Tea4Two
The twins "playing kitchen" in their nursery

Sometimes the enormity of the task overwhelms me.

There are days when raising five children feels like Mission Impossible. Couple that with my perfectionistic tendencies and failure seems inevitable. 

Which is to say, when I look at the laundry pile, I get so anxious about being far behind that I tend to close the door and let the pile grow higher.

Of course, this only adds to my frustration and anxiety. Seriously, sock management could be a full-time job at my house. 

One way I've learned to manage a big family is by giving myself permission to do a job badly.

WHAT?!

You heard me. If it's a job worth doing, it's worth doing badly.

Take that, Martha Stewart!

At my house, a job well done means: it's done. Sometimes it doesn't look pretty. But I think pretty is over-rated. My sons often wear mismatched socks. I'm cool with that.

At least they're wearing socks.

Sometimes my oldest son forgets to sweep under the table. Now, if he's rushing to finish, I make him re-do it. But if he gives a good effort, I give him a high-five.

At least the floor around the table got swept.

I don't have fancy china and even if I did, we'd probably end up eating dinner on paper plates like we usually do. 

At least we eat dinner together every night.

I guess you could boil my family-management philosophy down to a few words: do small things right.

I pick one or two things to do right each day. And then I celebrate that!

My life is full. But I don't want it to be busy.

The busier I am, the less connected I feel to my primary relationships. 

And honestly, if my relationships are suffering–it doesn't matter if I conquer the housecleaning every day.

However, I would like to conquer the Evil Sock-Eating Monster once and for all. Any ideas?

This entry was posted in Childbearing, Her Royal Mommy-Ness, Parenting--toughest job out there. Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://www.nebraskagraceful.blogspot.com Michelle at Graceful

    I love this — your take is so refreshing (this coming from a Tripe Type A perfectionist, so I have a lot to learn). As for the socks…though your son’s are mismatched, at least he is wearing a full set. Every time I look at my 4-year-old, he has only one sock on. We call him the one-sock-wonder around here.

  • http://humblemusings.com Amy

    Only buy white. That way, the mismatching isn’t so noticeable. (At least, that’s my strategy!)

  • http://www.alwaysorderdessert.com Alejandra

    I love this! It’s really beautiful and such a great way to look at things. Oh and I’m all for mismatched socks. I wear mismatched socks about 5 out of 7 days of the week to my fancy corporate job. Nobody (except my boyfriend and family) has ever noticed and when they do, they just think it’s kind of fun. Little things like that don’t matter; it’s the relationships that do.

  • http://laladyinwhite.blogspot.com colleen

    sock-eating monster? you got me. i’m saving that question for heaven.

  • http://www.becksthree.blogspot.com/ becky

    Sock solution: Buy four big mesh lingerie laundry bags and attach two of them (1 for whites and 1 for colors) to the side of the hamper (or put them in a designated place).

    Train kids: Socks go in the bag.

    When you do laundry, simply zip up the bags and toss them in the washer and then the dryer. Socks will all stay in the bag.

    Don’t forget to hang the second set up as SOON as you take the first one down so there is somewhere for socks while the first is being washed and dried and emptied. This process can take me several days, lol!

  • http://www.mommymattersblog.com Karin Katherine

    Put the socks in a lingerie net bag before you wash them and you’re good to go!

  • http://www.spendandbespent.blogspot.com Samantha

    A friend of mine uses sock duty as a consequence for their older kids. I LOVE it! They have 7 children, so sorting 9 people’s socks is something that is not fun to do. I think they reserve for their older three and most weeks someone makes a bad decision that warrants sock duty, so it gets done most weeks. If not, they all just dig through the pile.

    Or…you could use a sharpie and assign a letter to each size. Then, for sure your older 3 can sort out the letters and soon your littles will be able to match as well.

    As a mom of 5, I have socks coming out my ears! My 5 year old son and 3 year old twins do all of the sock sorting using the ABC method.

  • http://www.musingsofacatholiclady.blogspot.com/ Michelle aka Catholic Lady

    Hi Elizabeth…I’m a busy mom of four, so I think you’re fabulous! On the socks…I know a mom of 8 and here is what she did. All socks were white or black and she had a bin for white socks and a bin for black socks. And kids just came and picked out socks…didn’t matter if they matched or not and they would just pick out socks taht would fit (all sizes went in the bin). Wonder if you might want to try that one? Then you don’t have to worry about pairing up the socks…when you’re done folding the laundray, you can simply throw the socks into the “white sock” bin or the “black sock” bin.

    That said…I have yet to take my own advice and I still pair up the socks and get frustrated at the missing ones!!!

    I agree completely with the whole “do small things right” philosophy. As a mother who works full-time outside the home married to a man who works full-time on an opposite schedule (so we keep the kids out of daycare, you see)…I spend most of my time trying to make sure I do the ‘small things’ right…and make sure I hug the kiddos, read them their stories each night, feed them, bathe them…if my house is a mess, so be it.

    BTW – how old is your son that sweeps? My 8-year-old daughter has that job…sometimes she’s awesome…other times…not so much, so I feel you there!

    have a great day!

  • Deborah L

    You truly sound like such a great mom – your children are blessed. I have four and I feel busy – can’t imagine a fifth! “…if my relationships are suffering – it doesn’t matter if I conquer the housecleaning every day” – I wholeheartedly agree. “Evil sock-eating monster” – too cute! It has invaded my house, too, I’m afraid. I may have to try some of the above suggestions. What a sweet, down-to-earth post. Love it.

  • http://trainstutusandtwizzlers.wordpress.com Corinne

    It is so important to pick your battles, even with yourself!
    And if I find a solution for the sock issue… you’ll be the first one I call.

  • http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/ Tammy@If Meadows Speak….

    Even are good tasks can not be so good when they interfere with our relationships. So good Elizabeth!

  • http://civillascybercafe.blogspot.com Civilla

    I only had 2 children, but my friends with more children told me that what you describe is what life is like, so don’t worry.

    I like the idea somebody above gave about only buying white socks. That’s what I’d do, and all the socks are for everybody — unisex socks — nobody would have their own special socks. Buy “once size fits all” if you can. Don’t bother to roll them up and put them away. Just throw all the white, unisex, “one size fits all” socks in the same central drawer together (or in a box on the bathroom counter or something). Call it “Sock Central” and have the kids help themselves to two apiece every day, boys or girls. Have the kids help you sort the clean laundry by fishing out the socks and throwing them into “Sock Central.” Shut the drawer.

    You can do this with undies, too, according to gender, if the boys and girls are roughly the same size. Have “Sock Central” and “Undies Central.” Hey…the undies have been through the wash…right?

  • http://bellwhistlemoon.blogspot.com/ mary bailey

    I’ve recently adopted a similar approach to “doing small things right”. I call mine “giving myself a break”. It’s wonderful and very freeing and helps me focus on what’s really important. But it sounds like you know that already ;-)

    As for the sock thing, I have no solutions. I’m usually wearing my son’s socks.

  • http://papuagirlindallas.blogspot.com/ Kacie

    I can’t believe you run a fantastic blog on top of mothering five kids! You’re amazing.

    As for conquering the sock monster – sic your kids on it. :) Seriously though, I do think that when raising little ones, it’s really not realistic to be really organized. However, as soon as some of them get a little older, they should share in the responsibilities…. and… eventually…. hopefully… they’ll do some of that work without you having to do it with them and redo it after them!

    As the oldest of six, that kid was me, and my share of household organization was good for me. :)

  • http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/allsaintsacademy Laura@Life,Faith,Home,School

    Yes, yes, yes — focus on the positive really does eliminate the negative (props to Jungle Book, I think, for that one?). Life isn’t perfect – life is messy, and God, for some reason, allows it to be that way. I am also quite Type A about some things, but God has stretched me (literally and figuratively) through the birth of 4 wonderful kids and an understanding husband to get over some of that. I totally agree with your post.
    And…unfortunately…no ideas about the socks.

  • http://everydaymomlife.blogspot.com everydayMom

    i love it! that’s awesome!

  • http://www.sadiemotta.typepad.com JoAnn

    hey, so I saw a great article in Redbook this past month about being ‘pretty healthy’ and I love the whole concept about doing things without freaking out about doing ‘enough’ or everything. Anyway- the article is excerpted from a book- and I looked it up….there’s another book by the same author on being happy and not perfect. check them both out:

    http://search.barnesandnoble.com/booksearch/results.asp?ATH=Alice+D%2E+Domar

  • http://wuhooblog.com amanda p wu

    Just wanted to say I benefited from reading this post. Thanks for sharing it.

  • http://thekeytothedoor.blogspot.com Meredith

    I have two sons. We have many single socks. I don’t know where they go. I’d never lost a sock in my life until they were born.

    Two weeks ago I threw ALL the socks out. Except for the pairs that are still in really good condition. And then I went out and bought eight pairs of red socks for one son and eight pairs of blue socks for the other. Now I don’t have to remember who owns which sock, I don’t have to match specific pairs and they will always have pairs of socks.