Reacting to life instead of living it

Posted on January 13, 2010 by elizabeth

I fell down the stairs today.

 But that's not the worst part. I fell and dropped a baby.

We're OK. A bit bruised and sore, but OK.

So many times I have told myself to slow down, be careful, hold the rail.

Today I was moving too fast. Hurrying. Not being mindful.

My feet flew out from underneath me and I screamed–caught the railing with my hand but it was too late. We tumbled down several steps and Jorie fell backwards out of my arm, hitting her head on the wall. 

I gathered her into my arms, checking her over, soothing her. We clung to each other and both cried for a moment. The thoughts flew through my mind:

Thank You, Lord, that we have carpeted stairs.

Thank You, Lord, that I fell backward and not forward.

Thank You, Lord, that my baby wasn't hurt–just scared.

And that's when it hit me (call it an adrenaline fueled epiphany).

Dude. This is a metaphor for my life!

Falling down the stairs happened so suddenly, so unexpectedly. There was no time to prepare–hardly even time to react.

And it made me wonder: how much of my life am I living in "Reaction Mode" instead of "Enjoy Life Mode"? Um, yeah. I've been living on high-alert for way too long.

I mean, part of this was necessary: the twins' premature birth necessitated no-holds-barred nurturing. There was no time to really enjoy them because I was so buried in the trenches of survival.

But in the last month or so, I have felt yet another life shift. The twins are now solidly 2 years old: healthy, vibrant, happy. 

I can honestly say: I have done a good job. No, I have done an AMAZING job.

I am 32. I have given birth to five human beings. I have poured my entire life into these children. My race is not over, but dude, I think I just passed a milestone.

I think it's time to start enjoying life, to take care of myself, to look back at how far I've come, to relish this very moment.

To live life.

But before I go all carpe-diem on you, I'm gonna go drink a glass of wine and put a hot pack on my neck.

Because, wow. I'm not so young anymore. Falling down actually hurts.

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  • http://musingsofacatholiclady.blogspot.com/ Michelle aka Catholic Lady

    I am so glad you and Jorie are ok. I have fallen down the stairs while pregnant (8 months) and I fell forward, not backward…and it stinks. I hope you feel fine.

    And yes. You are an amazing woman!

  • http://livelifeartfully.blogspot.com Jenn

    I’m thankful you two are ok! Scary!! The first couple of years is definitely about survival, but I can only imagine with twins + 3 more. Congrats for hitting this milestone!!

  • http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/ Tammy@If Meadows Speak….

    I’m soooo glad you are both ok and in good order! At our place, Monday, we too were frightened when a fire broke out. Dudette, I too had an epiphany on that scary moment. Totally relating. I was toast for a day (recovering emotionally), then blogged it.

    Survival mode for twins, I can only scarcely imagine. So glad you’re coming out of it and into another phase. Can we have a whoot-whoot?! A little celebratory shout out. Here’s to hoping you begin the discovery of fully enjoying, with perhaps a side of survival (time to time). And maybe even a few tylenol! :)

  • http://livinginthemystery.blogspot.com/ Little M

    Boy, sometimes just a little thing like this can make a big impact on our perspective. Today, with the knowledge of the devastation in Haiti, I am a little more gentle and grateful. I wish we could hold these moments/insights more closely for longer periods.

  • http://jenngrant.blogspot.com jenn grant

    so glad that you are ok! amazing what a glass of wine and a hot pack can do for you! :) hope you feel better soon!
    love ya and miss you!

  • http://fromtheheartofjoanna.blogspot.com joanna

    can’t decide – should my next house have stairs in it, so i’m forced to slow down too? or should it not have stairs (like the one we’re in now) so that i don’t fall down them as i take life and kids at breakneck speed?! i guess it’ll be a win for my babies either way! (btw, all your twin posts are starting to have glimmers of much deeper meaning for me this days – you are an awesome mom i’m sure!!)

  • http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com Andrea

    Elizabeth,
    Please take care of yourself!! I learned over this past year that it is not selfish to take care of myself or even GASP put my needs before my children. It’s all about balance. And when we are off balance….well….we fall down the stairs. *grin*

    That must have been scary. I fell down the stairs frontwards with an eight month old on my left hip and a two year old on my right hip. I shattered my elbow from breaking the fall for my baby but other than that we were ok. Let that be a lesson, only carry one thing at a time down the stairs and S L O W D O W N =)