Why I’ve banned Victoria’s Secret catalogs from my home

Good for you!

Hi Elizabeth,

I am with you on this! I think we all know they sell great lingerie, and there is no reason for them to advertise it the way they do. I won’t even buy from VS because I so strongly oppose the way they choose to market their merchandise. The tv ads are clearly intended to awaken sexual feelings in the viewer, focusing on the fantasies that could be carried out if the woman were dressed in VS lingerie that her man imagined her in. It’s completely inappropriate, it’s thinly veiled (literally) soft core porn, and I won’t support it.

I have a son, and I, too, am concerned with the normalization of porn in the mainstream. He is only a year old so has no understanding of what is happening in the world right now. However, I am deeply concerned with what will be happening by the time he is old enough to understand what he is seeing and have it impact his perceptions of the world. I am disturbed by the objectifying of women, the increase of violence against women and girls in the media, and the fact that this seems to be perfectly okay with the majority of people.

I would be comletely on board with MAPP. And, yes, the Dove commercial is amazing. I think it needs to be aired frequently in church youth groups. With the airbrushed stars of Christendom, the church is just as guilty as anyone else of objectifying women and contributing to the problem.

-Stephaniew

Long ago, I shopped there for the vanilla bean lotion. This was before I was married or had children. Something happened to me (scales falling off?) once my first child was born. I do not allow VS, and avoid it when in a mall…but have found that it’s not just VS stores that use inappropriate 2 story imagery to sell sex and their wares. Abercrombie and the like are all blatantly sexual. I think I might just avoid the mall all together.

AMEN! Even Wal-Mart needs a clue. I’ve even been in Wal-Mart and there at the checkout a men’s magazine with a scantily clad woman in a bikini posed in a very suggestive manner, right at my kids’ eye level!! I’ve complained, had the manager’s come over and stopped my checkout line in the process. Other women behind me, who patiently waited, also have echoed my concerns when said manager arrives. This happening more than once and NOT at the same Wal-mart. And calendars in Wal-mart some are just down right nasty. My husband gets furious of them too but most managers don’t seem concerned. I mean they’re in bikinis right? Like the beach, right? Unless they’re on all fours, hiney in the hair, and a come-hither look, chest spilling over the top then uh, NO not like the beach. Big difference. Big. And nastier. Get a clue Wal-mart.

As for Victoria Secret, I don’t walk around the mall in my underwear. Hello?! So why would I want any of my family looking poster boards of women wearing them? And we all know not just WEARING them, oh no. They’re selling sex in them. VS will be the first to admit it. So really, if you’re selling sex, it’s kinda like prostituting yourself. But I guess they think it’s ok, becasue the actual act isn’t committed. But Jesus said if you lust in your heart….so as Christians, where’s the line? For us, it’s very clear. I’m all for MAPPs!

VS is a non-issue for me b/c they don’t sell anything I can wear. But I gnash my teeth frequently at the ads on TV.

The stuff is pretty, and there’s nothing wrong with pretty underclothes…it’s wonderful…for married couples. But no, we’ll never have a VS catalog in our house either. Teaching modesty is hard enough as it is.

I completely agree with you. The normalization of porn is egregiously pervasive, and it’s so easy to become jaded, to become used to it – especially as a woman who isn’t “tempted” by these images, so may not automatically realize the profound impact they have.

I have shopped at VS and probably will in the future, but I would never receive their catalogs at my home, for my husband’s sake. And when I have children old enough to notice (I’m pregnant with my first), I will definitely avoid that store with them.

There was a video rental store close to my home when I was growing up that was FILLED with the worst movie covers – not porn, obviously, but they plastered up all of the most violent and sensual mainstream movies. We’d go there to rent a movie from the family section, and my mom always made us stay right with her in the appropriate aisles, and not look around anymore than we had to. I remember feeling grateful for that protection.

I shop there (usually when there are sales!) but I always do so alone, and whenever we get a catalog at home, it goes straight to the recycle bin. I only have daughters, so on the rare occasion we’re at the mall, I don’t make a big deal about it–we walk on the other side of the mall. I want them to enjoy beautiful clothing/bras/underwear, etc when they are older and within the confines of marriage. I think we have to be careful not to be gnostic about beauty–God gave us bodies, they are beautiful, and they are to be enjoyed within the proper parameters. It takes such wisdom to parent in this area!

LOVED Heidi-Jo’s point! It’s so true! Whenever I would flip through those catalogs a few years ago, I would never feel prettier or hopeful–I felt ugly, fat and full of flaws. Since giving up those catalogs (and all fashion mags, too) I have a much better body image and don’t worry about that stuff. After all, my body is pretty amazing: it has given birth to 5 human beings!!!! Who cares if it has a few battle-scars??

I agree, the catalogs are terrible. I used to shop there from time to time (they have some cute (modest ) PJs, slippers, lotions, etc that I like) but I think I’m done with that. Yes, the signs are terrible. And… I hate to say it, but I don’t think a bunch of moms complaining would change their minds. We’re not the ones they’re marketing to — and their marketing methods are obviously working.
My son is only 2, but I am not looking forward to bringing him to the mall as he gets older! Oy.

I think there are two questions here. The first – the portrayal of women in media. I think we can all agree it is ridiculous. But it isn’t just VS. What about the Ralph Lauren Photoshop fiasco? Full-figured, is anything over a size 6. Ugh! So, by all means get rid of the VS magazine, it won’t remove the problem.

Most girls by the time they are 10 have some kind of body image issue. Some of that is from the media, a lot is from their relationship with their parents, particularly their fathers. A lot of that can be mitigated by the relationship you and your husband have with your child.

Male sexuality may be influenced by the pictures, but most men I know would, in real life prefer a girl with some softness and roundness to a walking skeleton. Having been a size 0 at 20, I can tell you that is exactly what those women look like in real life.

However, I think the more important conversation for a boy, is to acknowledge that they were created by God to be visually-driven but the need to learn to be mature enough to realize there is more to sexuality then the visual.

Your child/children are still going to live in the real world. I believe on focusing my energy where I have the most power – my child.

The second issue is that of taking your child into a VS store. Am I going to take my sons in there? Probably not. Awkward is the word that comes to mind. No boy wants to ever think of his mother as being even remotely sexual – as far as he is concerned he would like to believe he was the result of immaculate conception!

I would and have taken my daughters there. As the woman in the family, I am my daughters’ role model. What better way to combat the idea that only super skinny people who look like this are beautiful enough to wear these kinds of clothes. I want them to see that a normal woman can feel pretty wearing pretty underwear. I also want to exemplify that feeling pretty and even sexy is not taboo – it just needs to be appropriately placed.

We talkk about how I buy VS but I don’t wear it exposed. I also buy it because my husband likes it and with him I can enjoy that part of my identity. I don’t want my daughter to believe that sexuality is taboo. I want her to believe it is a wonderful part of life that should be enjoyed – responsibly – with a man that loves her and is committed to her. Lingerie is a part of that. So, we go and I buy some things because they are comfortable, fit well under clothes and I feel beautiful in them. I buy others because they are fun to wear with Papa. They giggle a little embarrassed but I also just told them that there is an arena for that kind of “fun” – without being explicit. I take away the taboo and replace it with context. My hope – to protect them from feeling like the only way to experience sexuality is to break taboo completely and go overboard in the process.

So there is my attempt at being balanced.

Rachel, I loved your comment! I want my dughters (I have 4) to have a healthy vision of happy, healthy, fun sex within the confines of marriage!!!

I have found that there are so may women…especially within “the church” that have a negative view about sex, regard it as a chore, shun sexy (even withn the confnes of their own bedroom), etc….and the effect their attitude has on their marriage saddens me.

While I don’t take my girls in the store, I do allow them to see the pretty things I buy.

EE, I love these posts!

Rachel, I really like your perspective on this issue. I don’t have girls (yet?) but if I ever do, I want to remember your words.

Right now I have three little boys. When I only had two, and they were both under two years old, I took them with me. Actually I kind of enjoyed taking them to the store, because I think it is IMPORTANT for anyone else in the store to know that hey, this is what sex can get you!

But now, with an almost five year old? I don’t think I’ll be taking them with me. I will still purchase my underwear from VS, because it is well-made and comfortable, but I buy online when they’re in bed.

We do not have VS catalogs. We even a avoid a lot of magazines as well due to the provocative ads within them. I do shop at VS only because they are the only store in my area that carries bras in my band and cup size. I guess I’m oddly shaped It’s easier than trying to find the perfect fit while shopping on line.

It is very frustrating to have a children bombarded with messages about sexuality that are not godly. Like many of the other ladies that commented I want my kids to have a proper view of true beauty and sexuality.

It’s pretty hard to keep those catalogs from coming once they’ve started! It took us MONTHS to get VS to really stop sending them. Plus, VS is owned by a group that also owns The Limited, Bath and Body Works, The White Barn Candle Co, and others.

http://www.limitedbrands.com/brands/index.jsp

So, if you buy things from these stores, they have your mailing address and you WILL eventually get a VS publication in your mailbox.
It’s been a while now, but if I shop with cash at those other stores and don’t give them my phone number, (etc) when they ask for it in the check out lane, I’m free of unwanted advertisements at home!
It’s a relief for my all of us. We have teens all the way down to toddlers.

I’m in on MAPP should it ever become a reality.
(by the way – TJ Maxx and Marshall’s have pretty things without the imaging all over the walls)

More power to ya, EE!!

I totally agree! I would love to hear what you have said to your sons as you were teaching them to avert their eyes. My big boy is 8 and I’ve just noticed that this is something we need to work on!

Victoria Secret has had an incredible impact on our culture. I haven’t researced these facts….it’s just my observation. VS has put underwear in front of us constantly by bombarding us in the media with underwear clad beauties. If you do get their catalog, you will get at least two a week.

Prior to VS, we mostly saw underwear only in the Sunday paper. Since Vs, we have gone from covering our underwear to flaunting it as clothing. Time after time I have seen articles of clothing advertised heavily in VS become outerwear: leggings, camisoles, jogging bras, bodysuits, boy shorts , jammie bottoms and even showing your thong top popular.

Not only is looking at VS ads shaping our minds, it has lowered our standards of modesty. Even I sometimes wear camisole tops now. Scary….the power of good marketing.

All I can say is, what ever happened to the plain brown wrapper?! At least you had a chance to throw it away before the kids see what it is… I can no longer let my children go out and get the mail since I don’t know WHAT I will find in there.

I agree (almost)wholeheartedly with Rachel’s comments. As I tell my daughters, those women are dressed like “a married woman with her husband in the privacy of their bedroom.” And I am forever reminding them (and my son) of Proverbs 11:22 “A beautiful woman who lack discretion is like a gold ring in a pig’s nose”. Perhaps attractive and flashy on the outside, but what’s behind the flash is ugliness, in this case an ugly attitude (the desire for attention).

The only thing I don’t understand in your comments, Rachel, is the need to put other women’s bodies down to make your point. I happen to be very tall and of a naturally lean build and I find the term “skeletal” a bit offensive. Can’t we women support one another without putting others down?

I totally agree, I buy their undergarments because of good quality and I’m a rare size but am embarrassed to go into the stores-especially with my children. I throw catalouges away immediately and shop online at night when everyone is away from the computer. It might be just me, but when we first got a VS in 1988 It was pretty classy, I don’t remember being embarrassed at all (and I was only 12)

Wow! I wish I had time to read all of these comments.

1. I think the issue of the catalog is one of conviction. So, can you do it in faith? Romans 14 says that if you can’t do something in faith, it is sin. Or, for my concrete brain…can you stand before God with a completely clear conscience, looking into his eyes, and say, “Yes, Lord, I did the right thing here.” If you can, then you are living in faith and stay on course until you are lead or convicted otherwise.

At the same time, these verses came to mind from Psalm 101:2-4, ” I will ponder the way that is blameless. Oh when will you come to me? I will walk with integrity of heart within my house; I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me. A perverse heart shall be far from me; I will know nothing of evil.”

2. I do not take my children in to VS because of point 1…I could not do it in faith. I don’t want my son or daughters to view the images. Those types of images are for a husband and wife, in real live person, alone. God created sex to be enjoyed and to be exciting and good…I trust that if my children are to be married, as they are seeking the Lord and growing in their physical relationships they will develop plenty of memorable moments that are not marked by anyone else (images, past experiences, etc.). They don’t need Heidi Klum’s moaning face to define what that looks like.

3. I don’t think VS will change their advertisements. However, I do think malls may change their policies. I think the better avenue would be to pursue malls. Our VS is right next to Gymboree and directly across from a Limited Too! At least locating the stores in places in the mall that are not directly linked to children’s clothing stores would be a good start! However, I think if enough concerned parents, fathers & mothers alike, pursued malls, there may be change. Also, dads need to be involved and their voice will be influential to the malls and more importantly, to our children.

I’ve bought a few things from VS before, but I never let them send their catalog to my house. The few times they have, they have been called and reprimanded. You are so right in that it is a problem for everyone in the family, not just the men.

Boy! I sure wish I had the time to read all your ‘commenters’ opinions. It looks as though you’ve touched a nerve!
I was the designated “mail approver” for years while my boys were growing up. As a mother of three, now grown, young men I wish to add something we had to deal with a few years ago during those pre-teen years.
My then 12 yr old mentioned one morning *during* a church service how difficult it was for him to concentrate on God while the three young women (20 somethings) three rows forward were swaying to the worship music in their backless dresses (with side-vents I might add). We realized then it was time to move, but our attention had been drawn to a very touchy situation for boys. Everywhere we looked in the auditorium females of every age were dressed as they would for any other activity– other then church. I guess we gave our prejudices away……we thought people should be more respectful when going to church than the culture permits.

We don’t even go to the mall. Not just because we can’t afford to shop there, but mostly because of the immodest posters, mannequins, and the people who shop there!! Every time I turn around my daughters will whisper in my ear “Mommy, they’re inappropriate!”. *sigh*

My 2-cents worth. You can rally all you want, but you will never get very far Unless you go to the root of the problem. Satan has deceived many people into turning away from God. To change that, we need to start looking at why people do not want God in their life. The number one complaint I get from non-believers is that Christians are hypocrites. If we change our image and clean it up, we can become more effect in witnessing to others. This in turn will help led others to salvation. When they become saved, they will want to turn away from VS, and other such outlets. However, if you can reach the business owners for Christ, then you can successfully attack both ends. Without Salvation, nothing will really change. Look at Europe and Asia for proof.

I am a college graduate, who majored in Social Science, with a concentrate in Sociology, and Bible; and has done a self-study of European culture. I do not shop at VS or their sister shops.

My wife got some things from there when we were first married, and when the catalogs started coming, she immediately called to cancel everything.

The problem is that VS is intentionally marketing to guys “wouldn’t you like to see your girl look like this or wearing this” as a way to market to girls “your guy would really like to see you in this.” It’s supposed to be accessible to guys.

But I’m in total agreement with you. Though sex sells, it also increases lust and sin destroys.

I am with you girl. I battle this every single day as I have 3 sons 20,`3 & 8 I guard their thoughts and eyes all the time by showing them we dont look at pictures of this sort unless it was YOUR wife and thinking well that is for your wife as well. What is crazy is when you get signed up for stuff you didnt even sign up for. I started getting US in the mail which is just full of soft porn and I called and had them take me off the list I did not order it and that I have boys and did not want it in my home. Then a week later guess what arrived? VS to my shock, straight to the trash it went. I am sure you can get a TON of moms to join you.