What we’ve lost, what we’ve found

IMG_0462  They arrive slowly accompanied by a coterie of walkers, canes, wheelchairs, oxygen tanks.

Their bodies are fragile, rickety; but their smiles are radiant.

I support elbows and assist stiff limbs into my little golf-cart shuttle.

I tell them to hang on and I try to ease the cart forward gently. It's a bumpy ride across the grass and I worry that we'll spill walkers, lawn chairs, creaking bodies. But somehow, we make it.

I help them off the cart and the little leaguers run toward Pop and Gram, Gramps and Nana, Papa and Grandma. This is my favorite part: watching the reunions.

The old, wrinkled faces light up. The sun shines and the children escort their forebears to a place of honor.

It's Grandparents' Day at the ball field. And it's my job to ferry them back and forth between games and parking lots. I look forward to this day each year.

I don't have Grandparents. One set is dead from poor eating habits and 50 years of smoking. The other set are still alive but we are estranged. Religious fanaticism, adultery, fraud and lies broke any ties that once bound us.

"I have three words for you," a hobbling grand-dad said as I shuttled him to his grand-sons' game.

"What's that?" I asked, smiling.

He took my hand and pressed it, warmly. "You are precious."

I thanked him and said it was my privilege to help him. And I meant it.

But there is a catch in my throat. What is it like to have extended family? To have uncles, aunts, grandparents who show up for the small things: a ball game, a birthday party, a family dinner?

I watch these multi-generational families and their quiet strength. Families who have lived here for half a century, whose children have come back to raise their own children here.

"Service with a smile!" a Grandmommy remarks, patting my shoulder. She's not the only one. Over and over they thank me, these old ones. It seems like such a small thing: helping with chairs and walkers, ferrying them around. But not one of them leaves without thanking me.

I am humbled by their overwhelming gratitude.

James and Jude both score runs on Grandparents' Day. And James earns a blue star for catching an outfield pop fly and then throwing it home for a double play.

Matt's mom is there and so is my Dad. He watches the game from the Grandparent parking lot where he's offered to fill in for one of our volunteer shifts.

I may not have Grandparents, but my children do. And that's good enough for me.

This entry was posted in Baseball, Her Royal Mommy-Ness, Life in The OC, Parenting--toughest job out there, RecoveringFundamentalist, Sports. Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://profile.typepad.com/teachingonmarsblogspotcom Loren C. Klein @ Teaching on Mars

    Token single guy blogger here. I completely feel you about this Elizabeth. I have no grandparents because one side is estranged from us like you, and the other side are dead. In addition, in the past couple of years even my dad’s side has become estranged, so our family gatherings consist of my parents, my brother, and myself.

    Like you, I’ve often wondered that it’s like to have a real family, and what it’s like to have a holiday where the extended family trundles in and has a grand old time. I mean, I see it all the time on TV, and despite knowing good and well that TV never presents an accurate image of anything, for it to be such a staple means there’s some element to those images–and I want that for my own family.

    I’m still single, and there are times that I wonder if I’m ever going to get married and have to deal with this (I had a fleeting glimpse earlier this year, and I’m in limbo waiting for God to get it going again), but whenever it gets around to happening, like you, I’m going to be able to say that though I don’t have grandparents, my children will–just like I’m going to say that even though I didn’t grow up with much of a family, my children will.

  • http://thinkinggrounds.blogspot.com Christian H aka English Clergyman

    I have friends who love their extended families and spent lots of time with them. I have one aunt on my Mom’s side, and while I have lots of people on my Dad’s side, I rarely see them or connect with them anymore, as I travel between provinces, between work and university. My grandparents are dead, but I did have the privilege of knowing two of them; my grandfather, in particular, meant a lot to me.

    So, by the looks of it, I’m not bringing a lot of extended family into whatever nuclear family I will one day (hopefully) create. Hopefully my wife, whoever she will be, will bring in more? We must make what we can of what we have, and this includes family.

  • http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/ Tammy@If Meadows Speak….

    Elizabeth this is so good! They do have grandparents even if you don’t. It is enough. I thought of you this week. Wondering of my awful intimidation of success, may very well be in letting others down. Or worse, angering them. I know how you’ve faced tough critics on your blog, and I thought, oh my word, I don’t know if I can/could handle it very well. Seriously, like I need to get over myself. But I realized it was also rooted back when I was teenager in a prominent church, someone different (punk rockish), and all I really wanted was to be embraced by them. And I was by my peers. So when a youth pastor used me as a living example to make a very horrible point. I got it. I took my wounded heart and RAN! So I’ve been facing that this week. Just wanted ya to know, I was thinking about ya in it. :)

  • http://chandlerpoppa.blogspot.com Jim

    I’ve been reading your blog for about six months and there are times that you absolutely infuriate me. This is not one of those times. Thank you so much for the picture. My mom is coming to my little Katie’s Grandparents Day and I couldn’t be more thrilled. Even more so after your blog.

  • http://cajoh.blogspot.com Christopher (AKA: CaJoh)

    Love this celebration. I think I’m going to see about volunteering myself.

    Thanks,

  • http://www.trage-tare.ro impotenta

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    why?