Why I’m probably a bad candidate for homeschooling

Posted on March 21, 2010 by elizabeth

I love the idea of homeschooling. And I was inspired by the insightful, informative, encouraging responses from many of you. I've been doing a lot of thinking, though. And Houston, we have a problem.

That problem is me. 

I was raised with an extremist mindset and my default mode is a hyper-holy, whole-life religiosity. I've had to struggle against that isolationist mentality (read: GO TO THERAPY) and I wonder if resorting to homeschooling would be a kind of regression for me.

I was raised to be Different. As a result, I expend a lot of energy just to be normal. I've re-trained (and am still retraining) my brain to think in a new language. Recovery is not a process that happens overnight.

It means waking up each morning and making the commitment to think and be different. Or, in my case, to think and be NORMAL.

Frankly, I just don't know if a former radical fundamentalist like myself is a good candidate for homeschooling. I'm afraid it would be too tempting to fall back into old patterns of thought and behavior; ie. elitism, all-or-nothing-thinking, hyper-holiness. Fear.

The point is, I need to guard against myself. I know that my tendency is to fall back into what feels safe. But now I know that my default mode is not safe. It's dangerous and toxic.

Some people need to integrate faith practices more fully into their lives. I need to de-integrate. Or–I know this is gonna sound blasphemous to some of you–I need to compartmentalize my faith. I need to erect and maintain certain boundaries against whole-life religion.

This is because I know what it's like to live a whole-life religion. For me, it's a setup for failure, if not complete shipwrecking of any faith I still have.

Getting on board the homeschooling ship might be akin to steering myself straight back to those disastrous shoals. OK, so maybe it's not a guarantee of failure–but I don't know if it's a risk I'm willing to take.

The only way I can see homeschooling working for me would be through a secular curriculum–although I might make an exception for a good, solid literature-based program like Sonlight. Honestly, I cannot bear history, science or social studies from a "Christian worldview."

But even if I found a curriculum I liked, there's the problem of partnering with other homeschool groups. Unfortunately for me, most of the co-ops I've seen here in Orange County are church-based. In fact, some of these homeschool groups have rules about even joining them for playdates; ie. Don't Bring Your Kids To Our Picnic If You Don't Believe X,Y or Z. 

These discoveries are discouraging. And frankly, they put me off.

I mean, I can handle the occasional "I can't believe you call yourself a Christian" email. I just hit delete. But I wouldn't be handle that kind of spiritual snobbery in real-life. There's no delete button for that.

Of course, my fears might be completely unfounded. But upending my entire life (which is pretty much what homeschooling would require) seems like a huge step to take on the off-chance that I might find a curriculum and group that works for me.

Again, I'm not sure I'm willing/ready to take that risk. 

*sigh* Dude. Why is this so complicated?

Or maybe this is easy and I'm the one who is complicated? Blerrrrgh.

Maybe public school really rocks, after-all.

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  • http://www.peggysuesblog.blogspot.com Peggy Sue Brister

    I am a homeschooler who has had kids in private school and public school. I have tried all the routes there are and I end up homeschooling every time. I don’t homeschool for religious reasons so it is easy for me.

  • http://www.joyfulmomma.org Kimberly

    Good post.

    I homeschool but not for religious reasons…we’re crunchy conservatives over here :-) I spent too much time bored to tears in school…while my hubby didn’t learn to read until his 2nd year of college on a baseball scholarship.

    I will say this…one of the dangers in homeschooling is that many many books out there for homeschoolers tend to lean towards a legalistic bend…maybe not on purpose…but it’s something I have had to deal with in my own life, as I too am all or nothing in most areas.

  • http://www.tulipgirl.com TulipGirl

    My closest friend who is a former fundy has her son in the local public school — and it is working for them. He’s still really young and the school is a good one.

    For us, public school wouldn’t be a good choice. (Two of my boys would do well anywhere, the other two? Not so much.) And though I’m not isolationist, there are things that we would not be okay with (from our friends who teach locally, as well as friends who have their kids in these schools.) These are “good” schools. . . just. . . not a good option for us.

    But, within the modern homeschool movement? It’s pretty easy to find inclusive h/s groups, resources and curricula which wouldn’t appeal to your former fundy vulnerabilities. *hug*

    And being motivated by fear of what might happen? That in itself sounds like echoes from the past.

    Homeschooling, public school, private school, boarding school. . . we have freedom and so many more options than in the past. As parents, I think sometimes we’ll make the “best” decision and it’s still not what is best. Other times we’ll make a “good enough” decision and it is more than good enough. . . Praying you’ll have wisdom and confidence as you sort through these things. . .

  • http://www.stretchmarkmama.com Lisa Smith (@stretchmarkmama)

    I understand that. We homeschool and work hard at keeping ourselves connected with our neighbors and the real life going on around us (versus staying in the churchy bubble).

    I use Sonlight and have been super-pleased so far (three years now). The emphasis is more on literature and thinking holistically versus spelling out the political and religious positions I need to hold. :) Don’t ever hesitate to ask questions–I’m happy to offer my opinion. :)

  • http://www.10minutewriter.com Katharine

    Oh my. The best thing about your confession here is that it’s honest and humble. A mom who decides to do something hard for her children and has no other choice but to trust God in it (not curriculum or weird play groups, but God alone) will become something mighty. The academic goals are secondary.

    There are PLENTY of non Christian worldview resources out there, if this is the only issue. I don’t think that it is, though. Trust God to lead you — that’s all the advice I feel like I have the right to give you.

    Man, it totally sucks that we’re not neighbors. I want to have a homeschooling picnic for moms who watch 30 Rock, drink a little, say a bad word now and then and still love Jesus.

  • http://thethinkingmother.blogspot.com/ ChristineMM

    Sounds like you’d fit in as a Northeast homeschooler.

    Do what works for you and be happy with your decision. That’s the bottom line.

    -a homeschool mom from Connecticut

  • Hamlet

    Roll the dice. We all need to remember whoever spends the most time with them will have the greatest impact. Maybe that should be us, maybe not. It depends.

  • Cecelia

    Regarding the co-ops: my sister-in-law is currently homeschooling my niece and nephew, has from the start actually. They had a co-op that they loved, she was active, the kids had friends, and she had to make the decision to leave it based on some attitudes and decisions and things said by others. Anyway, the point I want to make is that if you decide to keep looking into this you should keep looking for a co-op. Also, you don’t necessarily need one. She hasn’t found another one yet. They choose to participate in church on Sundays and Wednesdays and the kids are active in ballet in order to have outside time.

  • http://www.heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather

    I homeschooled my senior year of high school, thanks to my Christian private school going officially off the deep end. I used the correspondence courses through The American School. If I had read “yet another marvelous example of God’s wonderful creation” one more time in a science book, I would have destroyed the book. I don’t remember anything religious in the curriculum that I did. Maybe something like that would work for you? Considering that you live in CA, I’m surprised that there’s not a group of secular homeschoolers. Even here in the Bible belt, there’s a fair number of crunchy homeschoolers who aren’t religious fanatics.

  • http://www.firefeet4him.blogspot.com/ Dale

    Have you asked the schools if your kids can still do extra curricular even if they’re homeschooled? I have a friend who does that because she wanted to avoid the whole culty-churchy socializing problem. Her kids are in sports, band, drama and she’s involved as well. Just a thought…I don’t know if all school districts would allow that.

  • http://profile.typepad.com/sarahyoderowens SarahYoderOwens

    I was homeschooled in a pretty normal, but conservative, family. However we were a part of a very fundamentalist homeschooling program run by the extreme legalist Bill Gothard. It took me years to recover from all the bad teaching in that program.

    Needless to say I was leery of homeschooling my own children. However, living in China where there are no schools for them to attend forced me out of all other options.

    And this is what I’ve learned, I don’t have to teach like I was taught. I am a better and stronger person for having been through that, and it can effect me positively in my homeschooling of my own children.

    I think there are seasons in our lives where God gives us breaks from having to confront our pain and struggles in our past. And then there are the times when he knows we are ready to face them and find new areas of healing.

    I suppose in some ways homeschooling my own kids has been that for me. I know where the traps are and I can avoid them. I don’t use much Christian curriculum…although to try and use none, for me is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

    I know you want to do what is best for your son, and only you can really know what that is. Just know that if you choose homeschooling you may, to your surprise, find more healing behind that door than you could have imagined.

  • Hippimama

    Oh, I hear you, my friend. We use ambleside online for our humanities subjects, and secular math and sciences (can’t stomach the young earth bit). After trying a Christian homeschooling group and being chided for not homeschooling by “conviction” (whatever the hell that means), I started an inclusive group which now contains fundies, pagans, Quakers, Catholics, atheists etc. We manage to get along well, very well, and it’s been a tremendous blessing, not to have to use the correct religious language all the time. I’m sure that if you do decide that homeschooling is the route for you, then you will find a way to make it work and that won’t make you curse too loud. Hugs and warmest best wishes and prayers.

  • Whitney

    Good for you! I’d say, forget “homeschooling” and just teach what you want, what you can, with what appeals to you at home. Or the library. Or the zoo. Or whatever.

    Don’t go to conferences or curriculum stores – just find books you like and read them. Sonlight is a great place to start. Just read, talk, and create the home you want for your children.

    That would be a marvelous education.

  • http://thejunia.blogspot.com Junia

    Have you considered independent schools? Those can be hits or misses but you can check them out?

    In my school district there was a public, independent school… and I remember in junior high, thinking the kids from there were weird. In high school though, they really bloomed (most of them). So yeah. Of course, I’m in the bay area where a lot of hippies reside :-) but I’m sure there might be those types of alternative schools in So Cal?

  • http://thinkinggrounds.blogspot.com Christian H aka English Clergyman

    Just so you know…

    For this post, you are awesome. Thank-you.

  • Jen

    One thing that you might be interested to know, as a tax payer who is funding the local school system, you’re allowed access to their curriculum, since you essentially have already paid for your children to learn from those books. It might take some arguing, but look into borrowing books from the school your children would be attending.

  • http://papuagirlindallas.blogspot.com/ kacie

    Public school was just fine for me. I was put in the accelerated classes, my parents supplemented my education at home, and my closest friends were from church.

  • Cristi

    I can totally relate to this. I was homeschooled and kept away from “the world”. Did I survive? Sure. Is it something I want to risk doing to my kids? No. The problem I’ve seen is that you never start out sheltering too much… but as the kids get older, you just get more and more isolated. Then again, maybe it is just me (and the way I was raised) and it doesn’t really have to be that way.

  • anonymous

    EE, great post! I think your children will come out on top either way because you are honest in your examination of your issues and the benefits of that extend to your whole household. That is a huge blessing!!

    I was a single parent who had no choice but to public school my children-and I had desperately wanted to home school. My kids survived, and later said they were glad they weren’t home or private Christian-schooled because they got to meet more ‘real’ people (that simply means a wider range of people) and they avoided the clicks in the private schools in our area. Did they come out with a few nicks and bruises? Yes. Has God been helping with those, since that time? Yes. Could those nicks and bruises have been due in part to imperfect parenting on my part? Absolutely!

    My children did not have learning challenges so that is one factor that differs from part of the reason I gather you are considering for making the change. It is a very valid one, to be sure, and not one I can personally address.

    I didn’t comment there but I LOVED your bwoken and barfing babies posts!!!!! Cried over the first and laughed over the latter!!

  • Joanie

    Yes it is a tough choice. There are hybrid programs out there – different than a co-op in that the kids go to school twice a week and are taught by you the other days. Nice and flexible, though I admit I have very little experience with it in real life because mine are still in preschool. But I’m considering it!

    All of this was good food for thought.

  • Sabrina Berry

    EE..Maybe what you are looking for is a hybrid Christian school.I live in east Orange and know of a hybrid Christian school in Tustin called Spirit Academy. Children go to school two days and week and the other days are taught by you or an optional class co-op.I have heard many great things about it. Worth considering.

  • http://heart-and-home.net Ashleigh (Heart and Home)

    This is the exact reason I don’t know if I can do it–I only know what I know. And I know I don’t want that for my kids. I know there is a middle ground. I just don’t know that I have the capabilities to discover it.

  • Lynn

    You say that home schooling is “a huge step to take on the off-chance that I might find a curriculum and group that works for me.”

    As far as finding a curriculum: all you really need is a math book – for the rest, read “real” books and write about what you read. Or for a solid secular curriculum, check out Calvert School. You don’t have to get a Christian curriculum. I am a Christian, and nothing is as annoying to me as “Christian” textbooks.

    As far as finding a group: what in the world do you need a group for? As a homeschooling mother, I must admit that homeschoolers as a group come across as self-righteous snobs. Forget about “groups” and just do the things you want to do – Scouts, 4-H, sports, music lessons, art lessons. There is a whole world out there to socialize with – forget about the “group.”

    Read this article by John Taylor Gatto – it will give you the 7 reasons I homeschool:
    http://www.worldtrans.org/whole/schoolteacher.txt

  • Sarah

    yes, kicking God out is the answer to all your problems. Make sure you teach your kids to learn all beliefs and that christianity is the most oppresive.yep, that’s it.

  • http://terrybreathinggrace.wordpress.com terry@breathing grace

    I haven’t read the 24 comments preceding my own so forgive me if I repeat another reader’s sentiments. Also, I feel like this is a tough love moment, so forgive my bluntness:

    Elizabeth, suck it up and do what’s best for your boy. I don’t have boys, but if I did, I’d get him as far away from the public school as possible.

    There’s no such thing as history and science form a “Christian worldview.” There’s just history as it happened. If you taught your kids that, you’s be doing great. There’s just science. The way it is. The problem religious folk have with the way history and science are taught in most schools is that they are taught revisionist history and pseudo PC science. Unfortunately, in our zeal, many Christians have fallen into the same trap just from a different perspective. We’re a long way from teaching detailed history as the kids we are homeschooling are still very young, but for me, I have no intention of teaching history from a “Chistian worldview” because that’s lying as well.

    An honest assessment of world history includes the truth behind the Crusades and spread of Christianity to the western world. How that happened. The bloodshed. Honest American history includes a hard look at our Costitution and how racism was written into it form the start, along with all the admittedly other wonderful things it encapsules. To at least mention that Lincoln had begun an attempt to deport all the slaves back to Africa.

    See what I mean? Why not just teach the truth as best you can while relishing the fact that you are allowed to stop and pray with your child during the tough moments, something a public school teacher surely cannot do.

    You can join a secular homeschool group and still be a Christian. Who says you have to join a Christian homeschool group? I have found one (I think) that I like that is Christian, but the moms wear shorts, some homeschool only kids and are just so laid back. It’s about real education rather than religious litmus tests.

    All that to say, Elizabeth, it would be a dereliction of duty as a mom for you to leave your son in a less than optimal educational environment for him because you don’t think you can dig deep, get over yourself, and trust God to help you keep the proper balance.

    If you honestly feel public school is best for him, then fine. But if that boy, that particular child (not necessarily all 5) will learn and thrive best with the personal care and attention to his learning style that homeschool provides, well then you have to do it, don’t you?

    So start praying and start figuring out how best to make it work!

  • http://terrybreathinggrace.wordpress.com terry@breathing grace

    I should probably clarify and say that you should lok into a non-religion based homeschool group. I have run across a few secular homeschool groups that are openly hsotile to faith of any kind. And I happen to consdider atheism a religion in its own right.

    You want to steer clear of those. But surely in So. Cal. you can find a non-religious homeschool group.

  • http://www.sonlightblog.com/ Luke Holzmann

    My two cents:

    1. If you get a program that focuses on the global impact of the Kingdom, you shouldn’t be able to continue to think in an isolationist way. Seeing how Christians throughout history and around the world have “worked out their faith” has been incredibly formative in my broader view of Christianity. So, if you took a program like Sonlight–cough–and made it a point to read the missionary stories with the intent on seeing God work in a wide range of ways, I think you’d find it beneficial in this regard.

    2. Homeschooling after having had kids in school/daycare is a radical life adjustment. But if you look at it as the natural progression from birth, it’s really not so bad. You taught your children how to eat, dress, walk, tie their shoes… this is the next step… and what could be more fun than reading and learning together?

    The idea that you will always be “stuck with the kids all the time” is a bit dramatic. While somewhat true for those of us with 2 and 3 year olds, the reality is that even then we can send them off to play together. So while this could be a radical life-change, it shouldn’t upend too much [smile].

    But, yes, I have found that it can be easy to slip into an elitist, us-vs-them mindset, but humility is hard to come by. So we grow in that, reach out for more grace, and carry on.

    May you find what will be best for you and your family!

    ~Luke

  • http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/ Tammy@If Meadows Speak….

    My biggest problem, or fear, of homeschooling was also ME. Literally, I wanted to do it when my oldest son was just a baby, but fear put it off. Until, his need was greater than my fear. I found out my fear was way bigger than I imagined.

    As for the curriculum, we’ve used stuff like ABEKA, although it’s Christian based, you don’t see a strong theme of it. It looks normal. You may want to look at the curriculum choices before you decide against it. Also, I’m not part of a homeschooling group. I may join one next year, but I too have been put off by all the ‘rules’.

    In the end, I don’t think it’d be anything like you feared it to be if you gave it a try.

  • http://ifmeadowsspeak.blogspot.com/ Tammy@If Meadows Speak….

    Ps. It’s a hard choice, either way. Scary too. Do what you feel is best for your son. That’s the most important thing.

  • http://www.rocksinmydryer.net Shannon

    We’ve been considering homeschooling, and I find myself shying away for identical reasons. I really appreciate your giving voice to this–it’s somehow quite encouraging to know I’m not the one one who feels this way.

  • Jamie

    I think its great that your taking the time to think homeschooling through. Looking at all sides instead of jumping feet first into a “big change”. Seeking God’s desire for your individual family, and seeking your own abilities and limitations shows how much you really love your children, whether you homeschool or not…your a good mom that loves her babies! Thanks for always being real.
    Jamie

  • Roberta V

    To me, the fact that you see this tendency in yourself, identify it, label it and live aware of it means that you would catch yourself and correct yourself when the need came.

    The fact of life is that there are no perfect people, its a tenant of our faith, right?!

    No matter what choice you make regarding your children’s education you are going to struggle with this issue! True, it would be harder to home-school without a support group you initially kin to, however support groups are a mere portion of the support you need homeschooling.

    I schooled mine for a year without a physical support base and found much support from an Internet forum. Groups are nice but I’ve found too often they have been a distraction from reaching schooling goals for my kids. [home-schooler for over 3 years now]

    Ultimately no matter what, home-schooling or no, in any situation regarding your children you are one of their biggest flaws and you are one of their greatest assets.

    The question could be posed, how much can you trust the flaws and talents of someone whom you know less than yourself? a.k.a. a public school teacher.

    All of this to say:

    Naturally you are a HUGE factor in the success or non-success of this option AND of every other option of schooling for your kids. Which, in my opinion, renders this reason against homeschooling moot but is something to consider, accept and then adapt your actions to compensate. No matter what education choice you are going to have the *you* factor affecting how you react!!

    Tally all your factors together and make the choice that works best for you, and make sure to take the time to pray and listen to what God’s telling you about this.

    Then live happily with your decision. Constant fence sitting, and a state of perpetual indecision are, in my opinions, one of the greatest tools the tempter has against Believers.

    You’re a good Momma because you’re taking the time, you’re thinking hard, and you love your kids. That’s going to have the biggest influence in the long run!

  • http://www.sustainablemommy.wordpress.com Naomi

    A quick comment to thank you for putting into words what I (as a former homeschooler) ponder as I imagine my infant daughter’s educational options. I don’t have any answers, but it’s encouraging to know others are sorting through the same issues.

    One thing of which I am certain, though, is that whatever you end up doing, you will rock it!

  • http://www.sixblessings.blogspot.com Carmen

    Elizabeth. I’m not usually so outspoken and I say this out of love, but the whole homeschooling “thing” isn’t about you. It’s about the kids.

  • http://lovefromgirl.wordpress.com Cassie

    I think you’ve identified addictive behaviors in yourself, behaviors which lead you down paths that stifle your growth. Like any addict, you’re staying far away from the drug. That takes enough strength. Admitting it to the world at large takes even more.

    In short, you’re awesome.

  • Rachel

    Your son sounds a lot like my son: super bright, not willing/able to ‘go with the program’. We pulled out of kindergarten after our already super intense boy was throwing marathon tantrums because of all the worksheets. We’re homeschooling at the moment, but I’m hoping to get into a charter school for next year. Here’s a link to search for schools by your zip code: http://www.myschool.org/AM/ContentManagerNet/HTMLDisplay.aspx?ContentID=4422&Section=Home

    I was amazed at all the different types of schools. They do a public lottery for entry, usually in June. Maybe that would be a better compromise?

    Good luck.

  • http://sue-livingandlearning.blogspot.com/ Sue

    Just agreeing with those who said that you don’t need to join a big Christian co-op to homeschool. We are are beginning our seventh year of homeschooling, and over the years I have moved from “poor us, we have no big homeschool support group like in the US” to “thank God we can just do our own thing”.

    Check out this YouTube video. It might reassure you. Maybe ;o).
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQoSRfu5z_4

  • http://www.lightenoughtosee.blogspot.com JJ

    My kids are in public school and yes we’ve had a teacher pray for our child in a tough time -during the course of a normal school day.
    My son and his friends have also led prayer in the classroom during the course of a normal school day.
    He also shared the gospel and prayed with a group of his peers during the course of a normal school day. His Christian teacher overheard the conversation and repeated it to me with tears in her eyes.
    To be fair- my son was also exposed to a book I did not approve of and I ended up fighting to have it removed.
    I don’t think public school is as bad as I’m always told it is (mainly from people who never sent their kids)nor is homeschooling as idyllic as it’s portrayed. Heaven’s not here after all.
    EE- thank you for sharing honestly. Have you read “Parenting is Your Highest Calling” And 8 Other Mths That Trap Us in Worry and Guilt? Much to mull over.

  • http://nowealthbutlife.com Rae

    I wasn’t going to comment until I read the “it is not about you, it is about the child” comments. As someone who was homeschooled, I feel the need to say that it is *very much* about you as the parent.By homeschooling you are choosing to reduce your child’s academic experience to a very small world of which you are the center. If you can’t trust yourself to stay sane, then why on earth should you risk it?

    There are very few safeguards to keep homeschooling parents inline. There simply cannot be without intrusive government standards. And so homeschooling remains as a huge opportunity for good parents with fundamentalist tendencies to really hurt their children.

    I think that you would probably be one of the best homeschool mothers ever. But you need to do what you think is right. Those who say to “get over yourself” have no clue what it is like to have the horrible experience of being homeschooled by fundamentalist parents who really, really needed outside help.

  • Carolyne

    “I’ve had to struggle against that isolationist mentality (read: GO TO THERAPY) and I wonder if resorting to homeschooling would be a kind of regression for me.”………
    *********************************************************************
    One thing is for certain, Parenthood-and Mothering especially-will be the THERAPY you are looking for and the blessed result will be the outstanding adults that will someday look at you and say,
    “Thanks, Mom. I love you. Remember when we talked about that all night?”
    Whether home or ‘other’ educated, Life sends incidents that need to be talked through, never ‘hidden under the rug’. That’s where the difference happens…….it’s the parenting that makes it important.
    *You* will make that difference for your children.

  • Stephanie

    You’re in a tough spot, and I get what you’re saying. Being poisoned by overly pious nonsense is quite destructive. St. Thomas Aquinas said, “Virtue lies in the middle.” That doesn’t mean being lukewarm or wishy-washy, but having balance. What is up with pious people being notoriously nasty??? It’s just a distraction, something meant to discourage us and bring us down. Don’t let it. There really are good people out there seeking to be close to Christ that are full of joy and goodness. I pray that whatever you decide, you’ll find THOSE people to walk with on your journey. Blessings to you:-)

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    I just want to say how much I’ve enjoyed hearing from everyone today. It takes courage to put myself out here–even on the off chance that perhaps my thinking needs correction and/or a different perspective.

    This is why I appreciate Carmen’s input. Carmen has been reading my blog since like, dude, almost the beginning? She is the most gracious and kind reader and so when she puts in a gentle reminder–I listen. So, thank you, Carmen. ((hugs))

    Perhaps I should clarify that if I felt homeschooling was the best for my son or that God was clearly calling us to that, I would not hesitate. However, I’m not clear on that, yet. I’m still struggling/thinking/praying. I know that the answer will come. For now, these are my thoughts. This is where I’m at. I can only write about where I’m at right now. Bear with me as I grow?

    I trust and hope that the Lord will continue to lead and guide our family. Contrary to what Sarah said–this does not mean tossing God out of the entire equation or teaching my children that Christianity is oppressive. (Honestly, what?)

    It just means waiting and wrestling and being honest about my own limitations. I think my children deserve that. I think I deserve that. Perhaps some might call me selfish–that’s OK. I know what is in my heart. I truly desire the best fit for my family.

    I want to extend a huge thank you to those of you who emailed me and/or offered support, information, etc. You bless me. Beyond words.

    Also, these comments are so refreshing that I feel like I’m compiling a treasure trove of words I can come back and read again once I make the final decision.

    Many thanks to everyone. YOU GUYS ROCK! :)

    EE

  • http://lauriemo.blogspot.com Laurie M.

    I’ve not read the comment thread, so forgive me if I’m repeating.

    I homeschooled my kids for three years. (My daughter grades 1-3, my son K only) It was just right for my daughter – she’s now 21 and about to graduate from college with a double major from a secular university. I wish I’d kept my son home another year or two and gotten him better established. I was a single mom at the time, running a day-care at home so I could stay home and homeschool. It was a great experience, one I’ll never regret – except that I didn’t keep it up a bit longer for my son.

    We did our homestudy through a local public school district. It was GREAT. They provided the curriculum and a visiting teacher to help us monthly or even weekly if needed. The support was so helpful. She kept all the records, which made later integration into school seamless. She helped me know what realistic expectations I should have, and if my kids were progressing properly. She also provided accountability – which I’ve noticed can be sorely lacking in some homeschool associations. There were group classes offered, and field trips. The families ranged from hippies to Christians and everything in between. I would recommend just such a course for someone with your concerns.

    That said, there’s no law that says you have to homeschool. There are plenty of education options available – but the main thing is that you be very involved in the process and on top of their education. Stay in close contact with the teachers; keep open lines of communication with your kids about what is going on in class; encourage them to share problems they are having with other children; and stay on top of what your children are responsible for by way of homework.

    Above all, keep the Gospel foremost at home. Model the grace of God for them, show them the love of Christ, and PRAY, with them and for them. I wish I could say I did all that when my kids went into public schools – but I did not know the Lord then. This is what I’ve seen from those who have raised genuine Christian children without homeschooling.

    May the Lord grant you continued wisdom and peace with whatever you decide.

  • http://nakiru.wordpress.com nakiru

    My mom always used to say that there’s a big difference between being a “Christian home-schooler” and a Christian who happens to also home-school their children. I understand the dilemma. I hope you guys find something that works for you.

  • http://www.oldhousekitchen.blogspot.com Carmen

    Hugs back at ya…girlfriiieeend! ;)

  • http://profile.typepad.com/urakov Phoebe Urakov

    I appriciate your candid and honest post. You have had many brilliant replies already. I wanted to offer my two cents because I am currently struggling with the same decision. I hope that you find a way to make homeschool work. I work in public schools currently and you really don’t want your children there if you have a choice. I am looking into the online k-12 program. I am happy with what I have found so far. In most of CA the curriculum and materials are paid for by the state. You do have a teacher that supervises the childs work, for me that is a plus.
    I would also encourage you to find a group who’s focus is not faith based. I have not gotten far in my search but I may just create what I want if I don’t find a group in place.
    Best wishes in your search.

  • http://jens_page.blogspot.com Jen @ The Short Years

    I have considered homeschooling my kids, and at this point am voting no. A big part of that is my husband’s fundy homeschooling background–he wants a REAL education for his kids, not what he got. That said, if I were to do it I would be most interested in the “classical eduction” mode of homeschooling, based on “The Well-Trained Mind” by Susan Wise Bauer. Although I know a lot of Christian families who use it, it’s not a “from a Christian worldview” perspective. Might be worth a look if you ever reconsider.

  • susie

    Oh, sister…you echoed my thoughts exactly. Good for you. And thank you for writing this fantastic post!

  • http://www.minthegap.com MInTheGap

    I must admit, yours is a perplexing dilemma. I believe that many of the people that homeschool for Christian reasons– like us– actually want our kids to learn about the world from a “Christian perspective.” It’s not that we don’t want them to know about what goes on in the world, but that we want them to know truth.

    I know what’s taught in a public school and a private school setting based on my upbringing, and I know that many Christian children have trouble reconciling what parents say and what teachers say– and that’s not only in the areas of doctrine, but in whether to start counting pennies at 0 or 1! :)

    You have a big handicap, in that you have an issue with extremes– and you mention that in this post. You were in an extreme religious group, and now you are concerned that you’d enter there, so you go the extreme other direction: stating that you’d prefer secular materials to teach out of and the secular public school system.

    Deut 6 is pretty clear that we’re supposed to be talking with our kids about God at every step of the way, and yet I understand your dilemma.

    The problem is that the solution is in the middle, and it’s definitely hard to get to when one is used to being on the edges.

    In any case, there’s a lot going on here about how you think of yourself and who you really are that works better if you talk with people that really know you rather than people on the Internet miles and miles away. :)

  • http://thebrightside.typepad.com/ Joanie

    We use the secular Calvert School curriculum and love it. It covers all the basics and then we expand and explore from there according to our interests. The Calvert lesson manual is awesome.

    Who needs a group? There are so many activities available out there to enjoy during the regular school day. My son is into karate, guitar, swimming, art lessons and stop motion films. We’ve met all kinds of fantastic adults and kids from different walks of life. We can head out and explore local attractions on a whim. Every day is a new adventure! We love the freedom and wouldn’t trade it for anything.

  • http://magicandmayhem.homeschooljournal.net/ Magic and Mayhem

    For me, homeschooling is just a continuation of parenting. If you can be a full time mother and still be in a good place, you can be a full time homeschooler. I’m not saying you should, but if you wanted to there really is enough out there for anybody to do it happily these days.

    We use a bit of secular curricula but mostly we don’t use curricula at all. The world is full of too much great educational stuff to ever run out. We learn through fiction and nonfiction books, games, experiments, museums, you-tube, field trips, lapbooking, nature centers, community theater, historic sites, gardening, computer games, long talks, online freebies, etc.

    My local HS groups are far more conservative than I am, and I don’t fit well. We still take part in some group events with them like swimming and homeschooling, and I travel to a nearby bigger city to do lots of things with their inclusive group. I have also made friends with enough local fun homeschoolers to meet that need, and we get together with plenty of friends who don’t homeschool too. If we can make it in our teeny tiny rural town, I bet you could too.

    If you’re happy with your local schools and don’t want to homeschool, then that’s great. If the point ever comes when they’re not working, it’s always there as a back-up. :)

  • Marlaine

    Homeschoolers represent a WIDE range of spiritual and political beliefs. And your family doesn’t have to look like any of them!

    So, be open to seasons in your children’s lives that may have different educational choices. If God ever leads you in the homeschooling direction, HE will direct your paths. His mercies, which are new every morning, WILL give you the strength to meet the challenges of that season.

    I am currently in my second year of homeschooling my youngest child (now a 7th grader), and I have a 9th grader who is thriving in public high school. Just the season we’re in, and God is blessing greatly. It may look entirely different in two years, and if it does, well, God has provision for that season, too, because He’s just amazingly cool like that! :-)

  • Lisa

    Very interesting post! :-) Good luck with your decision. I homeschooled 1, then 2 and then 3 children for a total of 5 years, and for the firt time, this year enrolled them in a brick and mortar private school. While I love the school, the schedule (pick ups and drop offs, night-before lunches, uniform prep., teacher conferences, school assemblies, etc., etc., etc.) has been exhausting! I now appreciate the more flexible lives we all led during our homeschooling years! I think the only thing that could have cured me from constantly wondering if my kids were “getting enough” in homeschooling was to enroll them in school. Not only are they all doing well academically, I actually *miss* them! Tutoring 3 kids is nowhere near as stressful as the crazy school schedule. (They are in 1, 3, and 5th grade) Next year I will homeschool again, with a fresh perspective.

    Remember, nothing is perfect. We just have to do what’s right for us, our marriages, and the children’s development. And of course, there will always be difficulties in any road we choose. Good Luck!!

  • http://lisaspence.com Lisa writes…

    A little late to the party but wanted to insert my two cents, for what it’s worth…

    Homeschool or public school, both are to some degree a leap of faith, either trusting the public school or yourself to educate your child successfully. Which is best for you is a disputable matter. Many of us who choose one way or other seem to go to various extemes to either justify their own decision or to convince you their way is the best way–which no doubt it is, for them. Either way you choose, the parent is the biggest influence on the child’s educational success. Seek the Lord and be faithful to how He leads.

  • Amy

    I’m a devout Christian who homeschools, but not for religious reasons. I just don’t think it’s good for little brains to be stuck in a classroom all day being told what to do. I want my kids to learn to think. Anyway, I joined a secular hs coop for many of the reasons you mentioned. I especially can’t stomach the “Christian” history that teaches that the USA is God’s special chosen country and tries to apply OT scripture to it. Ugh.

    The conservative hs community is a subculture that can easily suck you in and before you know it, you think there’s only one way to do things. Good for you for knowing what’s best for you and your kids. If you chose to hs, you might find yourself rubbing elbows with fundies that you wished could be *former* fundies like yourself.

  • anonymous

    Elizabeth! You’re awesome and I sooo relate to you. I also was raised in an extremist fundamentalist cultish church and am now shunned after leaving in college. I want you to know that I homeschooled my oldest for the first year and have battled exactly what you’ve alluded to..myself. I am finding that the very nature of home school carries with it so many of the aspects that defined my upbringing. Regressive?! You bet it’s been regressive and I finally, after seeing how it was affecting our marriage negatively and not bringing out the best in our family (though the kids did really well)..I finally have decided that school will be best for us. I do not want to isolate our children the way I was isolated. I have no interest in finding home school groups. I have no interest in the labeling and judgmental junk and elitism that DOES exist. It is time myself and my children integrate and ENJOY and help bring our gifts to the local community, even if that involves some trials by fire. I want our children to make good choices of their own volition..not because they’re under an iron fist or completely out of the loop. For the record, I’ve exhausted all options–groups, co-ops, even attended some church groups–only to find myself physically ill after doing so. It’s honestly not cut out for everyone. I take issue with the person above who chided you and told you to do what’s best for your son. Many homeschooling parents find it hard to accept that sometimes, “best” is a form of education OTHER than homeschooling.
    Take care & keep your awesome bubbly personality! You inspire me because I relate to so many of your perspectives and like how you’ve taken lemons and made great lemonade:)