It happened so fast. One minute she was bouncing happily in the shallow end of the pool, and suddenly, she went under. She flailed and floundered, unable to roll herself over and put her feet down. I called to the lifeguard, but he didn't hear me. So, I went in. Fully clothed.
I grabbed her arm and pulled her out, setting her on the side of the pool while she sputtered and coughed.
A moment later, the owner of the swim school came over. "She alright?"
"Yeah. Just a little startled, I think."
"I'm glad you were watching her," he said. "Now you know why we ask parents to supervise in addition to the lifeguard."
He then told me that he's writing an article about water safety because yet another toddler drowned last week–in our city. Apparently, there was no fence around the family pool.
"It's not enough to have swim lessons," he said. "Drowning is preventable. But you have to take multiple precautions."
I nodded my head in agreement. Multiple precautions: pool fence, lessons, supervision.
Sometimes it's easy to overlook the danger, to rely on just one safety precaution. I do this in other areas of my life, too. I comfort myself by thinking I've got it all under control. But the reality is: things can go badly very quickly. It's why I no longer text while driving. It's also why I'm enforcing multiple precautions to insure I don't go back to teetering near a breakdown.
Just like drowning is preventable, having a physical breakdown is preventable, too.
It's dawning on me that in many ways, I got myself into this mess by taking on too many responsibilities. Why did I think I could manage two boys in baseball, one girl in twice a week ballet, piano lessons, homework, meals, cleaning and maybe write a book all by myself?
I know why I did it: because I was a full-blown perfectionist striving to be the happy, got-it-all-together Christian mother. And I had too much spiritual pride to admit I couldn't do it all.
Because if I admitted that I was drowning, I feared I would bring shame to Christ. I thought it was more holy to be "burned out in the service of Christ" than to take care of my physical body.
So, I drove myself onward. I skimped sleep, ate poorly, didn't exercise, volunteered for everything, kept a spotless house.
I started drowning.
The strange part is now that I've got the twins in part-time daycare, I'm falling back into my old routine. Instead of taking time to rest, I'm filling up my time with errands and to-do lists! Go to the library, pick up the dry cleaning, run to the grocery store.
It's almost like I don't know how to take care of myself. I don't know how to slow down. In fact, I feel guilty for using daycare time to take a break. Because, you know, I want to be productive!
HELLO, ELIZABETH! STOP THE INSANITY OR YOU WILL DROWN AGAIN!
So, I'm forcing myself to schedule down-time. It's not enough to have help, I have to write Take a Break in my schedule: meet a friend for coffee, read a book, take a nap.
Multiple precautions.
Because I don't want to drown again.
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[wanna take a break with me? get EE more easily here:
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