ISN’T IT TIME FOR SCHOOL YET????

Posted on July 30, 2010 by elizabeth

In retrospect, not packing my summer schedule with scheduled activities was my stupidest idea ever.

Not having scheduled activities means that I've had to come up with new ideas every fifteen minutes.

NEWSFLASH: I'm out of ideas.

Worse, I feel like strangling anyone who throws fun, educational ideas at me. No, I do NOT want to make a homemade slingshot using only Q-tips and peanut butter. No, I do NOT want to spend more time at the local library. No, I do NOT want to pack a picnic for a lovely afternoon at the park. WE HAVE DONE ALL THAT LIKE 18 MILLION TIMES!

All I want is to send these children back to school. Where they belong.

And I want to send myself to solitary confinement.

[I can't wait to see the flood of unsubscribe emails that come after I publish this post!]

Well, since school is still a month away, I've resorted to sending them off to do hard manual labor. The kids come ask me what they should do and I'm all: GO EMPTY THE DISHWASHER! SWEEP THE FLOOR! MEND MY SOCKS!

My goal is to make them so sick of summer vacation that they'll start pining for Ye Old School Days of Yore.

Mwah-ha-ha.

I've even considered buying a little whistle that I can use a la Captain Von Trapp to summon everyone. From now on, I'm parking myself on the couch and blowing on my whistle to boss everyone around.

Look, I don't know what I was expecting but this summer has been anything but a vacation for me. There's no sleeping in. There's no lazy, breezy summer afternoons.

My days still start with a bang at 5:45 am. I'm up cooking and cleaning and chasing naked toddlers before most people open their eyeballs. You know you're a mom of 8 million kids when starting lunch prep at 8:15 a.m. sounds perfectly reasonable. Unfortunately, starting my day so early means I'm a raving lunatic by 2pm.

My long-suffering sherpa/husband calls 2pm-5pm The Red-Zone. He has proof, too. The text messages I send him from 2pm-5pm read something like this: AAAUUUGH!! I'M DYING!!! I HATE EVERYTHING!! HELP! HELP!

Frankly, I don't know why people talk about solitary confinement like it's a punishment thing. That sounds like a vacation to me.

I got so desperate the other day that I hauled everyone out for 8:30 a.m. Mass. They were like: "Why are we going to church on a weekday?"

And I was all: BECAUSE IF MOMMY DOESN'T PRAY, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!

They all behaved so well that afterwards I felt all apologetic and took everyone out for (overpriced) bagels. James was like: "Well, I guess since we just spent half an hour praying we don't even need to thank the Lord for our food."

Yes, friends. I'm doing a bang-up job of passing the faith on to the next generation.

This entry was posted in Education, Funny Kid Stories, Her Royal Mommy-Ness, SmartAssery. Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://hoperoadblog.com Anna

    I feel like you’re daring people to unsubscribe… :)

    My mom always did that to us when we were younger. If we went to her complaining that we were bored, she’d say, “Well, I have a lot of things you could help me with!” Somehow we didn’t complain much after that… hey, it works!

  • http://www.coopersx4.blogspot.com Sara

    I am a teacher, and I am ready for school to start back up.
    We’ve been BUSY, BUSY, BUSY and I feel like July sucked all my energy away.
    We still have August? Today we leave for Ohio for 2 weeks, to visit my husbands family. The best part? My kids will be the novelty, so I will have cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents fighting over who will entertain them.
    And me? I will sit back and watch :)
    It’s normal….room for 2 in solitary confinement? Sign me up!

  • http://www.thelaityadventure.blogspot.com Lara

    AMEN. =)

    at 2pm I often put my daughter in front of a movie with snacks and then I take a nap myself. Shh…don’t tell anyone. =)

  • http://www.heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather’s Hodgepodge

    Wow, you guys start school back late! School starts next week here in Georgia.
    As for putting your kids to work, there’s nothing wrong with that. I learned early on not to tell my parents that I was bored, because they’d find work for me to do.

  • Laura

    You make me laugh out loud a lot, this one especially. I’m not a mom yet (but hope to be one soon) and I will insist on solitary time for myself, how else can you stay sane? Oh, and manual labor will be mandatory if anyone utters the words “I am bored” in my house, I do not care if that person is my child or not.

  • http://www.aspergersmom.wordpress.com Rachel

    Hahahahaha! I laughed my behind off! Exactly the laugh I have been needing all week too!

    I am actually dreading school this year. I am NOT ready to start sparring with the oh-so-frustrating school district again as Daniel enters middle school.

    I am in complete denial. I ignore the inevitable by refusing to buy any school supplies and spending most of my time hauling the kids to the pool to wear themselves out so we can all sleep at nap time. Of course as a result, I am sun-burnt, my skin is turning into one of those over-tanned, old ladies I see in Walmart all the time, all of my girls have green hair, my house is a disaster, my laundry is piling up and my home-made meals have been at a minimum.

    The plus side of my absolute frustration regarding my eldest son’s education (or lack thereof)is that I am completely OVER educational and enriching projects, field-trips, etc. I don’t have the energy. I am no longer requiring reading. I refuse to check and see if anyone has written, worked on multiplication or practiced piano. I am in survival mode. My kids are celebrating.

    I am sure the inevitable crash is coming but I am hoping I can hold out long enough to crash the first week of school. That way, I can hole up on the couch in the family room sleeping and reading while the girls rot out their brains on Noggin. Actually, your idea of solitary confinement is starting to sound awesome!

  • frogla

    everybody needs a little venting, going insane, i’m gonna pull out my hair and yours too time! i also don’t have any kids but seriously you are doing a great job! CALGON TAKE ME AWAY TIME!

  • hope t.

    Doesn’t every mom feel like this?! I predict that you will not get one single unsubscribe. In fact, I believe that this post will bring so many readers out of the woodwork that your server will not even be able to handle it.
    “Mo, I do NOT want to spend more time at the local library.” hehehe …. love it!

  • Rachel A.

    I am so there with the solitary confinement! And I only have two kids.

  • http://mecerone.blogspot.com Mary Beth

    Elizabeth, do you read true mom confessions? I feel like it would make you feel more… normal. :)

    I’m pretty sure most mom’s feel like this they just aren’t all as amusing at expressing it.

    http://www.truemomconfessions.com/

  • Joanie

    Love the text message!

  • http://mecerone.blogspot.com Mary Beth

    oh, wait. i meant to link to this:
    http://www.truuconfessions.com/channels/Mom

  • http://terrybreathinggrace.wordpress.com terry@breathing grace

    I have enjoyed the summer. Boring as it has been at times, it has been a great sleep in summer. Rising at 7:30, breakfast at 8:30 or even (gasp!) 9:00.Duringthe school year, we’re up at 5:30 ’cause high school starts at 7AM where we live. I figured if I was gonna make up for the sleep deprivation of the school year, this was my chance.

    At the risk of sounding like a terrible mother, I will admit that I have let my toddlers stay up late this summer. Like 11 o’clock late. They haven’t been waking up before 8, and the husband and I have enjoyed the “lazy” mornings, if you consider waking up at 7 a lazy morning.

    What’s more, we’ve been a one-car family for the past 3 months so I have really had to be creative during working hours. I’ve done a decent job, if I do say so myself. I think it’s because I’m getting so much sleep!

  • http://flourishingmother.blogspot.com Andrea

    Too funny. This is great. =)

  • Rhonda

    Yesterday on FB a friend of mine said she was bored. I told her she needed my life. I am never bored. EVER! She commented and said that I didn’t dare say I was bored because my mom would put me to work. :) My mom got a good laugh out of that one. :)

  • http://www.theloveliesthour.blogspot.com Lauren Gulde

    You’ve just earned yourself a fan! Way to make me feel normal!

    Thanks for your honesty. If we only speak up when things are peachy and never when we’re frustrated, then we’re misleading all those new mom’s out there who look at our “good sides” and wonder what the heck they’re doing wrong.

  • Robyn

    I totally hear you. My husband’s in the hospital with a skin infection, and you know what? I’m totally jealous. I wish it could be me who got to have no kids to take care of, where all my meals are brought to me IN BED, and people periodically check up on me to see if I need anything. Perfect vacation.

    With my last baby, the worst words anybody said to me while I was in the hospital were from the nurse: “So are you ready to go home today?”

  • http://tw-us.blogspot.com Mary

    Ha-ha! I remember those days. Mwa-ha-ha. Somebody else’s turn! I don’t remember what I did with them over the summer. TV, VBS, vacation to Grandma’s, having friends over, video games, stuff like that. We were all ready for school to come, but then we had to get up real early to get them on the bus, and then all that homework, volunteer work at the school, driving them to activities…it was a sacrifice getting them through school, but, hang in there, you will make it.

  • http://www.aspergersmom.wordpress.com Rachel

    BTW, Daniel saw me laughing at this post. So, I read it to him. He started getting really upset. He thought you were serious! I explained that it was sarcasm, that you were exaggerating (slightly) to make light of one of the stresses of being a mom. Suddenly, he recognize that this was funny and gave his “official” laugh. Made me laugh even harder.

  • http://therearegreenerpastures.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    This post describes my mother perfectly. Ohhhhh I’m so thankful for her.
    And you’re right. Summer vacations suck the most for the momma. As
    one of four children (who were all under the age of 5 at one point) I can
    totally sympathize (from my mother’s point of view) with the “red zone”. =)

    I’ll NEVER unsubscribe from this blog. NEVER! You’ll have to pry my
    laptop from my cold dead fingers before I do! Muaha!

    Thanks so much for a great post! =)

  • http://atravelersstory.wordpress.com/ Esther

    Oh I think we are on the same wave length here for sure!

    Just today I was running errands with my three little ones and I was longing for the days of school to start. Since moving to CA in the middle of spring my 5 year old has been out of school so I’m dying to get him into K and the next one off to preschool just a couple days a morning.

    Motherhood is intense. I know everyone always says to enjoy these days because they will not last for forever but gosh dang it some days are just too much.

    Perhaps you should get a cow bell. My husbands mom used to ring that for mealtimes and he actually has really fond memories of hearing it ring. :)

    I’m not saying kids are cattle but some days they do need some herding :)

  • http://debsueknit.blogspot.com DebbieQ

    Ah yes, been there done that remember the feeling. Right about this time of the summer I would remember why gerbils eat their young.

  • KatR

    Anyone who unsubscribes from your blog for this post has never spend a day with children, a parent or not.

    What you need to do is plant some crops in your back yard. The kids are bored at 2pm? Have them go plow the back forty.

  • Carolyne

    I would like to officially nominate you for the next Toyota ‘Sienna’ Family. There’s got to be some commercial dollars in this post!

    heh heh heh heh
    ♡♡

  • http://stringofpearlsonline.org Laura

    You make me laugh!!! I needed this today!

  • Valerie

    Thanks for the laugh this morning! Bring on the chores, I say! That’s what my mother used to do when we complained of boredom. We learned pretty darn quickly to entertain ourselves.

    Our summer holidays are only five to six weeks, so boredom doesn’t really set in for kid until the last week or so. Christmas also cuts into a lot of that.

    Valerie (Oz)

  • http://ouraussiehalf-dozen.blogspot.com Catherine

    I can sympathise with how you’re feeling. (I have six children.) I especially know what you mean about solitary confinement not being a punishment – I’ve felt the same way … just wishing for some quiet time to do the things I want (like sleep).

  • http://www.lovewellblog.com Kelly @ Love Well

    You are not alone.

    Ever.

    (Mwuhahahaha!)

    I feel you, friend. I’m using all my deep breaths to stay calm about the next month. On one hand, I love being with my kids — on the good days. But the other days? Ohmyfreakinword to have just FIVE MINUTES by myself. This problem won’t solve itself with September, because I have a two-year-old and an infant. But still. Two out of four will be occupied for seven hours each day. It will be bliss.

  • http://colleenspiro.blogspot.com Colleen

    Oh gosh, this is funny And I agree – solitary confinement sounds like a vacation to me too!

  • http://www.sugartails-glowingirl.blogspot.com GlowinGirl

    Even with only 3 kids, I get the solitary confinement = vacation. But what James said . . . hilarious! Pass on the faith, sister — and serve it with a side of some rockin’ food. You know, the way to a boy’s heart. Grin.

    I will admit I’m a bit sad about school starting. I’m sending my 10 year-old to school for the first time, but there are days when I wish they’d ALL go away. Just for a few hours. ;)

    Oh — and I’ve subscribed to you. I love your stuff!

  • http://www.3turkeys.net Mary

    I just read this to my husband and he laughed his a** off. I’ve read it like 300 times and laugh harder every time I read it. It’s my life, too! (I’ve passed this along to my tweeps and fb peeps, too)

  • http://www.sewjenna.blogspot.com jennapants

    I love the: “Here’s an idea: can you find a friend to swap childcare with?” Riiiight. I want MORE children to ask for food and movies and bicker and complain.

    Our summer has been slightly educational. My kids have learned and mastered sarcasm. If I say, “h-awesome,” they know I’ve flippin’ had it!

    This year I did sign them up for SOME stuff, but not quite enough. And little league was great, but it was always during the dinner hour and I couldn’t ever get that rhythm down and I’d forget to make a portable dinner…or make dinner at all. So, on top of long-a$$ days, we’d work dinner in at 8:45 and get our kids to bed around 10pm. ugh. I’m going to start investigating summer programs for next year come fall. (I’m only waiting until fall, because that’s when I’ll have time to THINK again!)

  • Dianna

    No school around here, but my boys still take 3 hr naps in the afternoon. The best part of my day is nap time! Can nap time last until 18??

  • http://www.simply-rea.blogspot.com Rea

    BECAUSE IF MOMMY DOESN’T PRAY, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!

    I can’t tell you how many times this week I have felt like that!

    (16 days to go…not that I’m counting or anything…)

  • http://www.mollypiper.com Molly

    This made me laugh out loud so hard this morning that I made Abraham wake up and listen to it. It was already 8am so I figured it was time for him to wake up, anyway. I love having my parents in town! :)

  • Deborah L

    Hee-hee! I agree – solitary confinement does sound truly blissful at times – the thought has crossed my mind more than once. Good idea about the “Von Trapp” whistle. I’ll take Maria along with that, too…

    I’m going to be one of the odd ones out, though, who admits to LOVING summer holidays! I hate the fussing and complaining that goes along with the frenzy of getting kids to school, trying to get them to do their homework, etc. And don’t even get me started on winter. I live in a part of Canada that shouldn’t be inhabited – at least during the winter. The winters are LONG and COLD (think “Little House on the Prairie”). The older kids have to pack on 15 layers of clothing for the trudge to/from school and the little ones can’t play outside or they’ll die. We’re talking -40 F at times (and that’s without windchill). Come to think of it – why do I still live here? Anyway, bring on the summer holidays! The thought of winter coming makes me nauseous!

  • Priscilla

    My daughter told me to read this post…and I can see why! We have six children ages 10-20, and when they were all young, there were some rather…shall we say? intense years.=)
    Your post made me laugh…I hope it made you feel better. Keep the children working, by the way…it builds self-esteem, you know!

  • catherine

    There must have been a league of mothers in my mother’s day who developed that line,” No need to be bored in this house- come here and wash this window!”
    I am a mother of six and grandmother of seven. The grandchildren are the wonderful reward you receive for NOT murdering your children during the summer vacation.
    I did sometimes threaten to run away to sea and become a pirate- the idea being, that to be accidentally marooned on a deserted island would be heaven for me, even in the company of Cut-throat Jake it would be more peaceful than family life at that stage. But you see we did survive, by the grace of God alone.
    By the way your posts are absolutely ffantastic!!

  • http://www.rocksinmydryer.net Shannon

    I am laughing out loud at the commenter above me: “The grandchildren are the wonderful reward you receive for NOT murdering your children during the summer vacation.” *snort*

  • Sarah

    And this is (one of the reasons) why I so much prefer the school system in Australia. The longest holiday is 6 weeks during summer (over Christmas), with three other breaks of 2 weeks each. I would have gone nuts as a kid if I was home for longer than 6 weeks, and now that I have a school aged child, I would go nuts if HE was home for more than 6 weeks.

  • http://www.laundryandlullabiesblogspot.com Emily

    I think solitary confinement sounds amazing, too. :) Thankfully, my husband is super and wonderful and is sending me away for a three day retreat and it is only two weeks away!!!

  • http://treehousekitchen.wordpress.com Mel

    Wow, I’m hanging on to my single years a little harder now before I contemplate the joys and horrors of having kids! I hope you get some me-time soon!

  • http://www.christmasnite.com madyjojjef

    i believe no limit to learn, im project co-ordinator in church if god give me one wish than i want to go school again. nice blog

  • http://www.lightenoughtosee.blogspot.com JJ

    you had me at the first sentence. love this!

  • http://hopewellmomschoolreborn.blogspot.com/2010/06/new-giveaway-big-book-of-freezer.html Lisa

    Read the book “The Idle PArent” and you’ll feel much, much better about not planning!! Let them figure it out! lol….

  • http://profile.typepad.com/thatguykc ThatGuyKC

    ROFL!!

    EE – can I just say that this is my favorite post EVER!!

    Seriously laughed out loud reading this and started crying!

    “BECAUSE IF MOMMY DOESN’T PRAY, THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”

    Love it!!

  • http://cindyholman.wordpress.com Cindy Holman

    You are very funny! I enjoyed reading this and have thought the very same things! Can’t wait to read your other articles!

  • http://apromisekeeper.blogspot.com DC

    I am absolutely cracking up at your post and how I so identify with your insanity! I’m a bit crazy too…lol. I have actually started implementing “clean up” time when my 4 year old says he’s bored. Now that I think about it, he hasn’t made that declaration in a while.

    Keep it up! You should be on stage though.