I love you and this is why I will spank you until your will is broken.
That was the kind of cognitive dissonance I often experienced inside a cultish fundamentalist church. There were so many times when a woman with a soft, smiling face would say the most hateful and hurtful things. But somehow, because she was using a calm, syrupy voice, she was "speaking the truth in love."
As a child, this kind of passive-aggressive behavior was horribly confusing. I didn't know what to believe. Did I believe the kind, gentle tone of voice or the harsh punishment?
This past week I've been experiencing a similar level of cognitive dissonance. I've been involved in an ongoing discussion with some highly visible Christian bloggers who also happen to be ultra-conservative and write from a hardline fundamentalist perspective. It has been exhausting.
I'm reminded that it's nearly impossible to have meaningful dialogue with people who are convinced they are right. On the one hand, they claim to be all about grace but then they write the most didactic, graceless posts about how their lifestyle is the "true, Biblical" way of life. If you dare disagree with their interpretation of What Is Biblical, well, then you are actually disagreeing with God.
Frankly, the sheer audacity of their claims is astonishing. In the brave new world of "Biblical Blogging," just about anyone can speak conclusively on, say, whether it's "Biblical" for a woman to work outside the home. Except, they'd never admit that these are just their own humble opinions.
No, they actually assert that their interpretation is God's opinion. And if you dare disagree, well, next thing you know they're lamenting about being "persecuted for righteousness' sake."
It would be amusing if it weren't so damaging.
In these circles, passive-aggressive behavior is often mistaken for holiness. It's OK to pass judgment on the decisions of other mothers so long as you follow it up with a winky-smiley emoticon or an "I love and appreciate you, my beloved sister-in-Christ!"
I've been quiet here this week because although I am an adult and am able to identify these abusive patterns of behavior, it still has a visceral effect on me. To be honest, my PTSD has flared up. I'm having nightmares and panic attacks.
Here's why: for me, "The Biblical Lifestyle" (as fundamentalists preach it) is not just abstract theory. Maybe for some of these new-wave homemakers who are just discovering the glories of their sacred high-calling, it's all high-flying rhetoric and sparkly promise.
But I've been there. For me and many of my sister survivors, we bear the marks on our own bodies. We know where this kind of ideology ends because we bled for it.
We once ascribed to the glorious principles and the beautiful formulas. We jumped off the cliffs of Sold-Out-Service-For-Jesus-Christ expecting our paper wings to fly.
And now we lie, broken and bloodied on the rocks below. Up above us we can still hear the triumphal trumpet call, recruiting new jumpers.
But no-one hears our warning cries because no-one looks down before they jump.
