Why I go to Confession

Posted on July 22, 2010 by elizabeth

I don't know how it works exactly, but something about opening my mouth and admitting what I've done wrong is a crucial step toward healing and reconciliation. It helps me see myself clearly. 

In this way, Confession isn't something I do for God. It's something God does for me.

In other words, the secret only has power over you so long as it's a secret.

As a fundamentalist, I adamantly disagreed with the idea of Confession because I thought it meant the priest–not God–forgave sins. I was pleasantly surprised to discover that Catholics don't believe this. Only God can forgive sins. [I'm not a theologian, so for a more detailed doctrinal explanation, read this]

"But what if I don't get a chance to go to Confession?" I once asked a priest. "What if I just pray and ask for the Lord's forgiveness? Would I be forgiven?"

"Yes," answered the priest. "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us."

So, why go to Confession? I think one of the main reasons has to do with preparing ourselves to receive the Eucharist. If the Eucharist really is the literal body and blood of Christ, then getting ourselves right with God seems like the least we can do.

And that is part of it for me. But also, there's something deeply personal about my experience with Confession. For one thing, it keeps me honest. It requires me to examine myself, to take a moral inventory of what I have done and what I have failed to do.

This helps me move closer toward what God desires for me: "truth in the innermost being" (Ps. 51:6). The thing is, it's just too easy for me think I can keep myself honest by myself. I have an alarming propensity to lie to myself about my shortcomings. (But I have very little trouble seeing all the shortcomings in others!).

Additionally, audibly confessing my sin acts as a deterrent against future sin. Sometimes just knowing I'm gonna have to have to confess that sin again is enough to keep me from doing it. 

Confession also keeps me humble. It is my way of demonstrating that I am powerless to change myself. I cannot become a kinder, more compassionate, just and loving person through my own effort. I need divine intervention.

Confession helps me move beyond myself and into a place of humility. Humility is me saying "I am powerless to change without God's help." The act of confessing my shortcomings makes me feel very small–not in a degrading way–but sorta like putting on glasses and getting the proper perspective about who I am and who God is.

There is much relief in smacking up against the bigness of God. It makes me realize, with a sort of sheepish chuckle, how foolish it is for me to think and act like I'm in control of everything. He's God. It's OK to let Him do His job.

The strange thing is, I don't even really know Who God Is. I grew up with a very distorted view of Him and I still haven't put all the pieces in place. My view of God is partial, at best. Still, it seems that receiving His grace is not dependent on my having all the answers. 

Which is to say, I don't know why Confession works. And I guess I don't even really need to know (which is a far cry from my You-Must-Have-All-The-Answers fundamentalist background). It's kinda like driving a car. You might not know anything about how it works, but you press the gas pedal and it goes. 

It took a long time for me to get over the mortification I felt upon entering the confessional. Part of me was like: "Why do I need to confess my sins to another person? He's just a sinful human like me!" 

I mean, I still get all mortified and embarrassed but I think I'm also beginning to understand that my sin isn't just between me and God. My sin hurts me and it hurts others. And since I've hurt others with my sin, I need others to aid me in my healing. 

I used to be worried that the priest would be shocked upon hearing my list of sins. But someone once told me: "Uh. No. They've heard it all." 

Again, relief! I'm not some super special sinner. I'm just an average, worn out housewife who needs someone to tell her: "Woman, you are forgiven."

And that's what I hear every single time.

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  • http://profile.typepad.com/tbone323 Tbone323

    I loved this. I was raised in a strict fundamental baptist church and thus believed that Catholics were not really Christians. People like you have been instrumental in helping me break through that wrong headed belief. Do you have any recommendations for resources to help me reconcile some of the typical “trouble spots” (transubstantiation, confession, praying to Mary and the saints, purgatory, etc)?

  • R- N-

    I have always been drawn to the idea of confession for just the reasons you list above. I always thought though that I had to be Catholic (or Orthodox) to be allowed to “do” confession. Are you saying I don’t have to convert? I am going to have to look into this.

  • http://mecerone.blogspot.com Mary Beth

    As a protestant, I’ve never confessed to a priest in a confessional, but I think you’re totally doing this for the right reasons. I’ve confided in leaders at my church with sins that I’m struggling with so they can help keep me accountable. The main complaint against Catholic confession is the idea that historically it was sometimes said to be necessary for forgiveness. But as your priest illustrated, there are priests who understand that we don’t need the church to intercede for us. We can speak to Jesus and he will forgive us. But admitting our sin is so important. A lot of non-Catholics keep a sin journal to help them see how often they sin and to help them see how much they need Christ. Same idea. :) Except you have to say it outloud to another human… I suspect it is more profound your way.

  • http://whitewashedfeminist.wordpress.com Cally Tyrol

    Before I was chrismated Orthodox, I had to give a “life confession” to my priest. Scary! At least, that’s what I thought. And then I sat down and told my story. My priest was so gentle, so understanding. It helped to remind myself that he’s heard it all before and then some. The Orthodox don’t do penance, so I didn’t have any homework to do after I left. I just knew that I was forgiven. My priest does not have the authority to forgive sins, but he gave me the assurance that they were forgiven… and that’s not at all different from what I found in my Reformed Church.

    Its amazing to me how often we hate what we THINK we know about something, but when we actually listen with open hearts and critical minds, we find that we were wrong all along.

  • Nella

    Another common misconception about confession is that it’s some kind of “get out of jail free card” where you follow a formula, say what you’ve done, and go on your merry way. I read somewhere though, that we go to confession not to excuse ourselves, but to accuse ourselves. When you go in there you have to face what you’ve done. You really hit on this because we really need God to help us improve and one way he helps improve is by putting other people there to help us. Confession keeps us from being able to excuse things we do. Jen at Conversion Diary had an AWESOME post about this: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2009/03/lies-and-confession-case-of-stolen.html

  • http://musingsofacatholiclady.blogspot.com Michelle

    I love this post! I once wrote a “Why Do I Go To Mass?” post and thought about a “Why Do I Go To Confession?” but I think I chickened out and haven’t done it. But you have hit on it all so beautifully.

  • tanya

    t-bone
    Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic by David Currie. It’s his story, very non-threatening, and he deals with the biggies for those of us coming from a more Fundamentalist background. (Authority, Mary, Eucharist, Baptism, Priests, Confession). I highly recommend.

  • http://tw-us.blogspot.com Mary

    I did a post about confession here: http://tw-us.blogspot.com/2010/04/1960s-confessions-of-non-hippie-7.html

    Actually, the (very long) post is about Vatican II, which I remember well as a young person. You must read a long way (sorry) through this post to get to the humorous section about a VERY MEMORABLE confession I made when I was about 11.

    I didn’t hurt me to confess sin — it gets rid of self-righteousness.

    There are a lot of protestant misconceptions about confession. Although I am no longer a Catholic, not everything they taught was bad.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Thanks, Tbone. “Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic” by David Currie was very helpful for me. He writes about all the ‘trouble spots’ you mention and also includes a lot of his own personal story. Also “Evangelical Is Not Enough” by Thomas Howard was very helpful for me, too.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Mary Beth: I think maybe it’s similar to how AA works for addicts. There is a profound healing agent in admitting we have a problem and confessing our wrongs. As humans we seem wired to heal better in community. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for being so open-minded.

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Yep. This whole journey for me has been one of shattered misconceptions and a surprising discovery of grace, healing and understanding. Thank you for sharing, Cally! (p.s. so good to see you writing again!)

  • http://www.elizabethesther.com Elizabeth Esther

    Maybe I’ve given you the courage to write your own story! :) I would love to read it!

  • http://fromthepulpitofmylife.blogspot.com/ Ruth Ann

    Actually, Mary Beth, I cannot imagine any priest saying confession, formally known as the Sacrament of Penance or the Sacrament of Reconciliation, is absolutely necessary in all circumstances. Those of us raised in the Catholic faith can list many ways in which God forgives our sins outside of the sacrament.

    Besides Elizabeth’s link, you will find more here, especially paragraphs #1434 through #1439. Link: http://www.usccb.org/catechism/text/pt2sect2chpt2.shtml#art4.

    Keeping a list of sins is not really what is behind the idea of confession. The idea behind it is healing and change of heart or conversion.

    What the sacrament means to Elizabeth and to each individual who partakes is probably as unique as each of our relationships with God Himself are unique.

  • http://sevenlittleaustralians.blogspot.com/ Erin

    I often feel Confession is one of the most incredible Sacraments. The most healing, I am profoundly grateful for this Sacrament, once I have been Reconciled with God, “all is right with the world.”
    Btw, Reconciliation is not just and opportunity to Confess our sins but do not be shy in asking for Graces. Ie. I often will end my Confession with, “And I ask for the graces to help me with charitableness or…”

  • http://burningones.com Jessie V.

    I SO feel like the protestant church has lost this. I get together every Monday night with a friend and we confess our sins to one another. I have grown so much since we started doing that. And you’re totally right: I don’t know why it works, but it works.

  • http://mythought-filledjourney.blogspot.com MTJ

    Hi Elizabeth,

    Although I’m not Catholic, I do recognize the need to confess my sins. For me it’s like a check and balance process that keeps me from becoming neglectful of my relationship with God.

    When you say, “ My view of God is partial, at best.” — I think that’s true for all of us; for now we only see, hear and know a fragment of what’s to be revealed.

    Blessings.

    MTJ

  • http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com even one sparrow

    I’ve actually been thinking about confession a lot lately, especially after leading a Bible study on James 4-5. At the end of James 5, there is such a strong connection between confession and communal prayer of healing. Why does the evangelical tradition (of which I have grown up in) not speak at all about confessing to each other?

    My friend told me one year, a group of her friends got together for a “Confession Small Group.” She said it was the most powerful experience for spiritual growth. I am praying that somehow I can organize the same thing in my church. It’s a discipline we don’t pay much attention to, but it’s absolutely necessary for healing and coming to God in prayer.

    In the meantime, I told my husband I wanted to confess sins out loud to him for a little while. And I did today. If I don’t confess my sins out loud, my confessions remain inward and too general.

    Thanks for the post!

  • http://profile.typepad.com/prestonyancey Prestonyancey

    “The strange thing is, I don’t even really know Who God Is. I grew up with a very distorted view of Him and I still haven’t put all the pieces in place. My view of God is partial, at best. Still, it seems that receiving His grace is not dependent on my having all the answers.”

    YES. Easily one of my favorite things you’ve written as of late. When I was talking with NT Wright last week, one of the things that came up was the joy you have when you first realize (and then re-realize over and over and over again) how infinite God really is and there is always something more to discover. Equally, it’s a joy to watch as other people, who had such closed views in the past, suddenly see that as well. I cannot help but think of all the people who have grown up in fundie worlds that have stumbled by His grace across your blog only to have their own sudden moments of realizing how much more their is to our Saviour. You make a very good signpost, Elizabeth. Blessings again and again!

  • http://fromthepulpitofmylife.blogspot.com/ Ruth Ann

    I love some of the ideas others have posted about confessing in a small group or with a trusted person, like a spouse. My spiritual director, who is a nun, said the Sisters have a custom that is similar to that idea of confessing aloud in a group. I hadn’t considered that approach. If I find a way to do that, it would be in addition to received the Sacrament of Penance on a regular, usually monthly basis.

  • http://lauriemo.blogspot.com laurie

    “…and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.” (from James 5)

    I’m not a Catholic, but, from your perspective and hearing the perspective your priest has (that it’s only Christ who forgives), I’d say that it makes perfect sense that Confession would help you. It’s a means of forgiveness and healing for those who come in repentance and faith. To be honest, I rather envy the Catholics their confessional.

  • http://MeditativeMeanderings.blogspot.com Susanne Barrett

    I have attended Anglican confession for the past five years, and I find the confession experience to be *incredible.* It’s been the most incredible part of Anglo-Catholic tradition for me…

    …and I cry like a baby *every* time.

    Anglicans have a saying about confession: “All may. None must. Some should.”

    And I may and I should. Definitely should.

  • http://www.sohappytolove.blogspot.com/ Heidi Stephen

    Hi Elizabeth! Thank you so much for sharing this.
    I grew up thinking that Catholics weren’t Christian and weren’t saved so reading about your experiences and your heart is rocking my world right now! I am so glad I found your blog!

    I am learning so much as I keep coming back to read what you have to share!

    thank you :-)

  • http://www.rockyroad714.blogspot.com Rocky/Drama Momma

    Amen, Sister! I’ve been Catholic all my life and when I practice my faith as intended, it’s a beautiful journey in spirituality. The times I strayed away from my faith – and all its Sacraments – is when I struggled the most. Even though perhaps I thought I was okay, I was drifting away in a boat headed toward dangerous waters.

    Confession erases my past sins. As the responsorial says, “Create in me a clean heart, oh God.”

  • http://profile.typepad.com/thatguykc ThatGuyKC

    I love this post. While I have rarely attended Catholic mass it’s culture has had an influence on me because my mom was born, raised and for all intents and purpose is still very much Catholic. We’re talking grammar school, high school, the whole bit. Complete with mean nuns and Sister Mary Josephine.

    I’ve often thought about the merits of going to Confession and really wanted to try it. Just never made it a priority. Might have to do that now.

    Thank you!

  • Kori

    Wow – thank you for this post. I had never really thought about confession in this light and now that I have I am not sure how I never did. What a beautiful and healing process – and whether or not it is with a priest I know it is something I need to do more of – I am starting a spiritual direction small group in the fall and hope confession will be a part of that. Thank you for broadening my views and opening my heart.

  • Maggie Dee

    Before I entered the church this past Easter, confession was my biggest stumbling block. To say I was nervous during my first confession was an understatement. But as I started to list out my sins one by one, there was this weight lifted off of my shoulders that I didn’t know was even there! I still tear up thinking about it. I felt like I was floating on air when I left. And that following week I noticed that the condemnation chatter inside my head was gone. It was probably one of the most transforming experiences of my life. It’s funny how the one thing I was against pre-Catholic was the very thing that I needed the most. I am so glad that God gave us this sacrament.

  • Barbara C.

    This link describes the rules for non-Catholics attending Catholic confession:

    http://forums.catholic.com/showthread.php?t=19886

  • http://pleasanthomehill.blogspot.com/ Carolyne

    Coming from a very Baptist background, I grew up with the very narrow view of who would actually be in Heaven and who would not. Unsure that my present day views even remotely connect with that past, I’ve just begun reading Thomas Howard’s book.

    Your comment that “I’m also beginning to understand that my sin isn’t just between me and God. My sin hurts me and it hurts others.” really is poignant.
    Thank you so very much for your thought provoking writing.
    ♡Carolyne

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com heidi jo

    for me, the devil works very hard every time that i am mentally prepared to go. things start popping up at that 4:00 o’clock hour that demand my attention and pull me away from the resolve to go. that only affirms in me all over again, how deeply God must want me there. if the devil is so determined to stop me, even he knows how powerful the graces received are!

    that’s the point of a sacrament, it isn’t for God—so much as for US. the graces we receive in the very act, sacrifice of going, are enough fuel for the fight ahead!

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