On being a bad Catholic {questions about birth control–eeek!}

Posted on December 16, 2010 by elizabeth

When I entered the Catholic Church (which event sounds more like massive reconstructive surgery instead of what it really was: a faith enhancement), I did so for one main reason: the Eucharist. I simply couldn’t find a way around John 6. I just really, deeply, achingly hungered for the Eucharist. Frankly, I was starved for it.

And it has truly satisfied my deepest soul hunger.

I’ve discovered, though, that Catholics and non-Catholics alike want me in a faith-box. It annoys conservative Catholics that I regret voting yes on Prop 8. And it annoys Protestants that I love Mary. And it probably annoys even middle-of-the-road Catholics that I have issues with the Catholic teaching on birth control. All said, I’m a very bad Catholic.

Or maybe, I just really struggle/misunderstand with some of the teachings of the Church? It’s difficult for me to accept the No Birth Control Pill rule when the pill is probably the #1 reason why I pulled out of that debilitating depression this past year. Yes, I had PPD. But I also had freak-crazy-hormone issues. I won’t go full-out TMI on you, but let’s just say this: my period? It was out.of.control. I literally only had like 4 good days a month.

My estrogen and progesterone levels were a rollercoaster on steroids. I was all kinds of messed up.

Now, I have great respect for my priests. But I also know this: they are not doctors. Plus also? They are not women. I could be totally wrong, here, but if a priest had 10 days of PMS followed by 14 days of bleeding? I’m guessing we’d have the whole birth control pill issue re-examined. Stat. Then again. I could be wrong. Maybe the more saintly thing to do would be to suffer through those 14 day periods. I dunno because I’m not a saint.

The point is, no matter how saintly we are, I think we all make decisions based on our life circumstances. I’m not saying this is a justifiable reason for sin, but I am saying that maybe a devout, devoted mother of 5 is not sinning when she takes the birth control pill because shouldn’t motivations count for something? I wasn’t taking the pill so I could go have philandering, consequence-free sex. I was taking the pill so I could mother my children. I couldn’t do that very well–or, at all–when I could scarcely get out of bed half of the month.

I felt absolutely horrible about going on the birth control pill. I went to Confession and totally broke down crying about it. The priest was more than understanding. In fact, he was almost a little impatient with me, hurrying me along as I babbled out my woes. It was almost like (and I’m paraphrasing here): Woman, you have 5 children. Obviously, you’ve fulfilled the whole “be fruitful and multiply” thing.

I didn’t really get a clear answer from him about whether I was sinning and so I just assumed I was (that’s pretty much my default mode). So, I was torn up about it for a couple months (NOTE: so there’s no need to berate me in the comment box, k?) Then, my health began to remarkably improve. I had energy again. I was happy again. I could serve my family without feeling like I was dying. I know some would say that I should have been willing to suffer physical debilitation in order to remain obedient to the Church. I get that.

I guess what I’m saying is that it’s difficult for me to accept that my taking the birth control pill is a sin when it has dramatically improved my ability to perform the vocation God gave me. Sure, perhaps I could have sought out natural remedies or researched other ways of balancing my hormones without going on the pill. But when you’re battling through PPD and severe periods, you don’t have the luxury of time to do that kind of lifestyle overhaul. At least, I didn’t.

I needed help. Fast.

I suppose it’s also true that I’m not thoroughly on-board with every aspect of the Church’s stance on contraception; ie. especially as it pertains to devout, married mothers. Go ahead and blame my disobedience on my Protestant DNA. Maybe I’ll get to 100% Natural Family Planning someday.

Is my love for God, my family and the Church entirely questionable because I’ve been on the pill? Am I somehow “living in grave sin” because I took my doctor’s advice instead of practicing Natural Family Planning? Sometimes I think about those questions and yes, I’ll even go to Confession about it.

But I also have to believe that God gave me these five children and He wants me to parent them. I’m a better/saner mother, a happier wife and a more balanced human being when I’m on the pill.

Also? I’m weak. I’m still learning. I’m still growing.

It’s a journey and obviously, I’m nowhere near doing it right. But God knows I really am trying my best. Doesn’t that count for something?

This entry was posted in Birth Control, Catholicism, Childbearing, Depression. Bookmark the permalink.

http://nowealthbutlife.com Rae

I challenge ANY Catholic inclined to berate you here to cite a Church document that condemns use of the pill for health reasons such as controlling hormones and cramps (note: if they cite something, it won’t be from the Vatican or USCCB).

Elizabeth, I am glad that you are getting the help you need. Maybe eventually you will be able to find a non-pill alternative which will allow you to get your hormones in order without just suppressing them with artificial hormones. But in the meantime, do what it takes to function so that you can actually get through the day! I have no issues with the Church’s teachings on the pill, but I do have plenty of issues with conservative Catholics who make people like you think that you’re going against Church teaching. Be well.

And I hope you get more subscribers out of this.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Thank you for your grace, Rae.

Evelyn

Hey, EE–

Being on the pill for medical reasons like cycle-regulation is officially Not a Sin, even for good Catholics. The contraceptive effect is a side-effect for you, not the reason you’re taking it, if I understand you correctly. So you’re actually not a bad Catholic I’ve seen a lot of places where people recommend checking out the Paul IV Institute for more help with cycle issues, though, to maybe get effective help that doesn’t involve the carcinogenic and other negative side-effects of the pill.

http://catholicpostergirl.stblogs.com Emily

True that! NOT a sin if it is for medical purposes.

http://lacasadechen.blogspot.com/ Cindy

Really, don’t let it bother you. You’re “working out your own salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians something) and doing it believing that the grace by which you were saved is good enough to be the grace by which you live.

Besides, one day you’ll go through menopause and won’t have to worry about contraceptives any longer.
Maria

Thanks for your honesty!

I think your process of working through this might be helped by reading Humane Vitae – I’m not picking up from this entry that you have. It’s a start.

The second thing to tease out is the medical issue. A woman with severe untreatable endometriosis has a hysterectomy. She’s now sterile. But was she “sterilized?” No. The sterilization was a secondary effect of a medically necessary procedure.

Same with the pills. From a distance sounds like they are prescribed as a medical treatment. With a “double effect” as the ethicists would say.

That said – your priest’s original advice sucked. That’s not the principle on which decisions like this are made – er – you’ve had enough kids. It’s just not.

Anyway – read Humane Vitae.

http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html

We’re all bad Catholics in one way or another. We all fail to meet the ideal of discipleship. That doesn’t mean we stop trying to reach the ideal. It does mean we look at the beam in our own eyes before even contemplating bashing others. So someone struggles with contraception. Another person struggles with acquisitiveness and greed and lives with way more than they need.

Here’s what the Pope said about HV in the latest book – LIGHT OF THE WORLD

The basic lines of Humanae Vitae are still correct. Finding ways to enable people to live the teaching, on the other hand, is a further question. I think that there will always be core groups of people who are really open to being interiorly convinced and fulfilled by the teaching and who then carry everyone else. We are sinners. But we should not take the failure to live up to this high moral standard as an authoritative objection to the truth. We should try to do as much good as we can and to support and put up with each other. We should also try to express the teaching pastorally, theologically, and intellectually in the context of today’s studies of sexuality and anthropology so as to create the conditions for understanding so that people can realize that this is a great task on which work is being done and on which even more and better work needs to be done.”
http://bodytheologic.wordpress.com Joshua Michael

Just to reiterate what has already been said, the Catholic Church does not forbid the use of the pill for health reasons.

“15. On the other hand, the Church does not consider at all illicit the use of those therapeutic means necessary to cure bodily diseases, even if a foreseeable impediment to procreation should result there from—provided such impediment is not directly intended for any motive whatsoever.”

Source: Humanae Vitae

Anyone who has been telling you that the Church forbids “the pill” is oversimplifying.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Thanks for this! I would have been saved a lot of heart-ache if some of the RCIA folks were a little more well-informed. :/

http://www.kathleenbasi.com Kathleen@so much to say

In defense of the RICA folks…I think the trouble is that situations like yours are rare enough that faithful people don’t want to acknowledge them to the masses, for fear that “the masses” will then go looking for excuses to use birth control. Does that make sense? But in the meantime, I second Rae (when don’t I? LOL) in hoping there will turn out to be a non-contraceptive option–but in the meantime, yes, DEFINITELY, a woman’s health is important! To her kids & her husband as well as herself!

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

True! Your comment totally makes sense. Apparently, I’m a rare breed among rare breeds. Yay. Actually, not yay. Being unique sucks!

Caryl

Being unique is a blessing in disguise =o)
http://UntanglingTales.com Amy Jane (Untangling Tales)

I’m ith you on the being unique sux.

Yeah it’s a blessing too, but it’s kind of like children: an exhausting blessing that just might kill you

I’m reading your Catholic posts. I find the Catholic church facintating and feel a draw but haven’t been able to let go of certain doctrinal issues (yet?).

Being a “bad” Catholic sounds like a nice compromise… After all, we can’t any of us be perfect…

http://bodytheologic.wordpress.com Joshua Michael

You’re welcome. I don’t know if it is feasible in your situation, but it might be worthwhile to contact the RCIA instructors and give them a heads-up that this is an issue for a lot of women. (I know of 3 offhand.)

Even something as simple as “the Church doesn’t allow contraception, but there’s no problem with taking hormone therapy for health reasons” could be helpful. At least then women would know to look up more details if it applied to them.

http://philangelus.wordpress.com Jane Lebak

There’s something called the law of double effect that may be in play here. Sometimes the negative aspect of something is not the primary reason we’re doing it. I believe the primary example is a pregnant woman with uterine cancer. The doctor may perform surgery to remove the cancer, which ends the pregnancy, but that’s not considered an abortion because the pregnancy only ended because of the surgery to remove the cancer. It’s one action with a double effect, one of which was not the desired outcome.

The Church wouldnt’ buy the submission to one’s husband thing, though. If your husband told you to do something you knew without a doubt was sinful, you’d be fine telling him no.
http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

You’re still mentally stuck in the Protestant law court where sin means breaking a specific rule rather than missing the mark. While Roman Catholicism is somewhat more juridically focused than the other ancient Sees, its central focus (in my experience) is still as a hospital and there is economia. You should listen to your priest (who sounded a tad frustrated at your fixation on making your need of a medication for health reasons a sin). You earn no brownie points for making yourself sick. And since love for others is a central focus of our faith, it would be truly “missing the mark” to render yourself unable to properly and actively love your children and husband.

Or your post was entirely sarcastic and there wasn’t even really a hint of beating yourself up. I wasn’t entirely sure…

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Ah, the double edged sword of sarcastic writing. Yes, I really DID beat myself up about it. And it took me a LONG time to write this post. I published it half-cringing, waiting for the firing squad. I think you make a good point here which is: I totally still have that Protestant mindset. It’s hard to think outside that box, sometimes. As always, I appreciate your insight, Scott.

http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

This one was close enough to your snarky style in tone that I wasn’t completely sure. I also meant to say the “Protestant Fundamentalist law court”. Though it’s not, strictly speaking, limited to fundies, it’s also not a mindset that covers all of Protestantism. (Other than the preeminence of the individual for determining truth, I’m not sure there’s any single, overarching Protestant descriptive.)
http://ikeepmymemorieshere.blogspot.com/ Ruth Ann

I ditto Scott’s comment and also the comment made by Evelyn, above. Put simply, your motive for using the pill is not to prevent pregnancy, but to cure some medical conditions. Like all medications there are side effects. NO sin here! NONE. NADA.

http://sanabituranima.wordpress.com sanabituranima

*hugs* Evelyn is right. Taking the contraceptive pill for medical reasons is not a sin. This is called the doctrine of double-effect.
http://patriceegging.com Patrice Egging

Someone else mentioned the Pope Paul VI Institute. I wholeheartedly agree. Issues we have with our cycles have causes. The pill will not treat the Cause of the problem. Dr. Hilgers has 40 some years of investigating and treating causes. http://www.popepaulvi.com
KatR

I have a feeling you are about to get 50 “all you need is to drink tea made of the boiled bark of an oak tree and grass clippings, and it will fix you right up!” emails.

Feel free to send them to me for replies.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Tell your inbox to wear flood pants.
Caryl

Love it! With my PPD, that’s what I heard: take some herbs! They’ll fix ya right up!

No thanks. I wanted some hormones. The higher the dose, the better. Meds meds and more meds. Because the alternative was not doable…

http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

You ask … “But God knows I really am trying my best. Doesn’t that count for something?”

Absolutely! In my book, that counts for a lot … maybe that’s everything!

Do we need to follow any churches’ doctrine, which was only put in place by people? Follow your own body/mind/spirit and base what you do for your health on what works for you and your family.

My 2-cents comes from starting life as a Mennonite (a strict, traditional Mennonite, almost-Amish with at least a zillion rules to follow or you were going to hell in a hand basket) then I moved out into the ‘world’ by attending a non-denominational church. This church went through various phases in the twenty-plus years that I attended there … ranging from conservation Anabaptist to fundamentalist to slightly charismatic to way-too-charismatic (ugh!) to seeker-friendly/evangelical/confused.

So right now most Sundays I go for a run/walk (helps tremendously with depression) and talk to God/divine being/creator … wondering if I should get involved in a faith community again. The rules just kill me … so I don’t know.
http://www.laundryandlullabies.blogspot.com Emily

I’m Anglican, but my husband and I practice NFP Catholic style. That said, I am in complete agreement with the previous commenters: taking the pill for medical reasons is NOT SINNING. Not even by the Catholic Church’s guidelines. I’ve researched it pretty extensively.
Michelle

Peace, Elizabeth. Echo to all who cite double effect and taking medicine for health.

However, I do pray that you can find a solution that will not require a carcinogenic drug to stay healthy. There are studies showing links to higher risk of breast cancer and other cancers due to use of artificial birth control. I also recommend reading Humanae Vitae when you get a chance and any Theology of the Body articles and checking into Pope Paul VI Institute…however, there are only so many hours in the day, right?
http://www.laundryandlullabies.blogspot.com Emily

Gah, when I started writing, there were only two comments visible. Anyway, the point is that you’re NOT SINNING, and the birth control aspect of the pill is a side effect in your circumstances.
C

I’m commenting fairly anon.

I had an endometrial ablation in Feb for severe periods. Like, sitting on a towel and sleeping on a towel, two and three changes of clothes and showers ever day, periods that went on for 10 days. My hemoglobin was a 7 – I was told at 6 I’d need a transfusion. I had severe cramps that went down the backs of my legs from the weight of my uterus. I was having a really tough time living my life and parenting my 6 kids. I was told that if I got pregnant again, because of the ablation my uterus wouldn’t be able to sustain a pregnancy past 5-6 months and it was possible that I could die.

The ablation wasn’t successful. I continued to have extreme periods. I finally had enough when I has a 9 WEEK period and I was on a business trip and had breakthrough bleeding that caused me to need a) to change my pants and take a hand shower in the bathroom b) have to send someone to get my suitcase from the bus and c) call my husband sobbing from the bathroom.

Upshot? I had a Mirena installed. Yeah, I know. But. Here’s the thing.

I was counseled by two priests. They are the ones that I look to for my counsel. I have read Humanae Vitae – in fact, I was one of the most outspoken women ever about NFP. I was published in magazines in favor of NFP. I was so outspoken about it that I’m pretty sure God is getting me back with a good dose of my own medicine.

As one priest told me, “You have to be able to live your life. God doesn’t want you to die and leave your children with no mother.” And the way I was going, I wasn’t able to live my life.

I’m not in charge of your life and I don’t know all of the specifics. Just like my blog doesn’t show all of my life and you aren’t in charge of my decisions. I can tell you what I’ve encountered, what I’ve prayed over, and what I’ve felt called to do. I can tell you what my well formed conscience led me to decided. And you can use your own well formed conscience to form your own decision.

I do think that taking the advice of a priest is a good thing. God put them in a position of authority.
Cathy

I’m truly glad that commenters here have eased your anxiety about needing to take the pill for medical reasons, but I think there were issues beyond that raised in your original post, and I’d like to linger on them, too — questions about mental suffering and physical worries that aren’t reducible to a selfish desire to enjoy sex without consequences. I’m a serious, life-long Catholic who really struggles with the legitimacy of the teaching on artificial birth control, and I’m not entirely satisfied by the idea that, while easing the suffering caused by out-of-whack menstrual cycles is a wholly legitimate aim, easing the suffering that can be wrought by pregnancy, childbirth, etc. is not. (Incidentally, I’m only talking about avoiding conception, not about abortion — I’m far more convinced by the idea that an already-conceived life deserves moral consideration.) I promise that I don’t need anyone to lecture me on the fine points of Humanae Vitae — I’ve read the documents carefully, and I understand, logically, the sort of Aristotelian “primary motive/secondary effect” distinctions that are made, but I’m not persuaded that those distinctions ought to mean as much as they do: the desires you talk about, desires to flourish in your vocation, to avoid depression and illness, count for a lot in my mind, and I don’t personally believe they should count for less if the issue was the hormonal and other havoc wrought by pregnancy, rather than the stress produced by your periods.
http://a-star-of-hope.blogspot.com JoAnna

You may want to check out the book “Fertility, Cycles, and Nutrition” by Marilyn Shannon. She has a lot of helpful, factual, scientifically accurate information about how changes in diet and using nutritional supplements can improve cycle issues.

C – your problem sounds pretty severe. I’m surprised that your dr. didn’t recommend a total hysterectomy, to be honest. (But then, I’m not a medical professional.)

C

My doctor said that the next step is a hysterectomy – but my insurance won’t pay unless we try everything out there.

Kate Philips

Thanks for your post, EE! As always (even in your snarkier posts), you write with great sensitivity and thoughtfulness. And I’ve learned a lot reading the comments! I had no idea the Catholic Church allowed hormonal birth control for non-contraceptive medical reasons.

I do have one question, but please feel free not to answer it if it’s too touchy a subject right now or might add fuel to the flame wars no doubt going on in your inbox. How do you reconcile the decisions you’ve made because of your genuine, difficult struggle with hormonal problems and depression with on this topic?

Again, no pressure if you’re not ready to talk about this aspect of the issue right now.
http://musingsoftodd.wordpress.com Deacon Todd Carter

I’m glad to see that most of what I wanted to say has already been said. So, I will reiterate: taking the pill for health reasons is not a sin. It falls under the law of double effect since you’re taking the medication for a medical reason and the infertility is just a side effect. Ethics is such a complicated subject and people are quick to condemn others. What you’re doing is not evil and should not be called by anyone even yourself. Since, in ethics, we are not allowed to permit any evil. So, you’re language about a greater good canceling out an evil or someone doing their duty by producing five children is really out of place. But, I know you’re upset and no one wants to sit through an ethics lecture, so I won’t go into all of that. God bless!
KP

I’m not sure if you know this, but oral contraception was actually invented by a practicing Catholic – he saw it as a “natural” extension of family planning because it increases the window in which a woman is infertile (you can argue with him there if you want – AFAIK he made the connection in earnest). When it first came out, the Vatican actually sanctioned it rather tepidly in cases where it was necessary for health reasons (like yours). That’s also why there is a withdrawal bleed when you’re on the pill – there’s absolutely no medical reason for it, but its inventor thought women would feel more comfortable about the “natural” quality of the pill if they still bled once a month.

I’m not Catholic, and my parents were very open about choosing a vasectomy for birth control (after having four children), so I didn’t have a lot of moral qualms about going on the pill, just a few hesitations about side effects, long term effects, etc. After two years on it, I’m not sure what the hell I was doing before. Seriously? I thought nearly-two-week periods with debilitating cramps was something I should just… deal with? Or try to medicate the symptoms (which didn’t work)? I can testify that I am a much better partner, sibling, daughter, friend, coworker, and Christian now that I can actually, you know, get out of bed 31 days a month. Good on you for being willing to do something you felt unsure about in order to feel better and take care of yourself and your family.
http://www.mrmemitchell-badcatholic.blogspot.com M. Mitchell (Bad Catholic)

From one Bad Catholic to another: Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell. It may be a Protestant attitude, but your personal decisions are, ultimately, between you and God. And I agree, taking the pill is not a sin under these circumstances.
Mark S.

EE, you don’t need me to repeat what experts like Rae, Evelyn, Joshua, Maria and the others are saying. The Church has thought long and hard on this. It is in Humanae vitae, it is in the Catechism. Take your medicine like a wise lady and be at peace.
http://theduryees.com Rose

Neat testimony, EE. There are lots of decisions that moms and wives make in the best interest of themselves and their family, out of love for God, that I believe He honors.

The only thing is… you are a saint. You’re a saint because you are a child of God. And Jesus died so that all could live, and live fully.

The Pill enables you to do so.

NG

I was wondering if someone was going to point that out that she IS a saint in the way that the Bible uses the term.

http://www.ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com Young Mom

Even though I have never used birth control and don’t have any plans to go on the pill, as a Protestant fully used to the firing squad myself, this post (as well as the comments) was so so encouraging for me.
http://www.4andcounting.blogspot.com nicole

A quick scan of the comments seems to indicate that most people are well-educated in this and giving lots of insight. The teaching on contraception is about is about so much more than having children, obviously. It is about attitude and even those of us using some form of NFP can have a contraceptive mentality. It is a nuanced subject and it sounds like you are praying about it and continuing to think on it and I believe that is really what God wants from us anyway. Our consideration. So glad you are able to do what you have to do with more peace now.
http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

Completely random, but…

” I’m not a saint”

Yes, you are.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Oh, when the saints! Go marchin’ in! Oh, when the saints go marchin’ in! Lord, I wanna be in that number! O, when da saintz go marchin’ in!

http://spiritstirrings.wordpress.com Mary

I just wrote a gigantic note, and it failed to save. So a more brief comment this time.
Your post made me wonder if i should bring this up in the RCIA group. two weeks ago the “Contraception is wrong” topic came up, but it wasn’t very indepth and didn’t cover NFP or that the pill can have other medical uses beside Birth Control. There was never any real chance for discussion, and the leader skipped right on to the next topic very quickly. Maybe its worth bringing up with them personally.
Evelyn

Not that you’re looking for more penance, but some folks who are infertile as a side-effect of hormonal treatment, choose to practice periodic abstinence like they did using NFP, just to stay in the habit of self-control and having to pursue varying kinds of intimacy. I don’t know if something like that might help you feel better about your decision? Personally I had no sex drive at all on the pill, so more-than-periodic abstinence was already the name of the game
Margaret

On the subject of sin, I like your honesty. Yes, we are prone to form our morality around feeling that life circumstances force us into it by making everything else uncomfortable or even intolerable. That is human and understandable. Probably shouldn’t be our goal as far as the development of morality and ethics, but it is a place we all find ourselves in (probably more often than not).

On saints: Most of the saints weren’t “saints” at least not their whole lives. Might do your heart good to read histories of the various saints and the serious mud they wallowed in at points in their lives. Eh, start with Paul. Instigator of the killings of Christians, before Jesus literally blinded him with the truth.

On the Pill: My undestanding of Humanae Vitae is that the main point is being *open to life* and not ending life that has started. That’s why the Pill, even for health, is a bit sticky when the person taking it is married and sexually active. But I am pretty sure that in terms of sorting out the morality of such things, getting healthy so as to live and love your family is probably not a mortal sin. It would probably be looked at similar to a hysterectomy done for health reasons–not a sought after goal, but a sometimes necessary thing because we live in a fallen world where our bodies just fail to work properly. And even so, a person (yes, even a woman, even a woman who has had “woman troubles”) may disagree with the use of the Pill and still understand your heart and your situation and not need to condemn you.

On the Pill and health: I’ve been urged at various times to take it because of all my lovely “woman issues”, but even putting the birth control issue aside, I am leery of it for health reasons. If you find it becomes spiritually or emotionally or physically untenable at some point to continue on the Pill, there are some alternatives that might at least be worth a try. When my hormones and periods went bonkers after my last miscarriage (2 weeks of insanity PMS and then another week or more of hemorrhagic bleeding) I ran across Vitex/chasteberry and it made a noticeable difference. It’s not a cure and it wasn’t a snap-your-fingers-and-you’re-fixed type of thing. But it helped enough for me to be functional again, and let me avoid having to worry about the ethical issues of hormonal birth control.

((((hugs))))

So, you’re not a saint. I’m not a saint. We’re none of us saints, and yet the grace of God calls us all “saints” in His word. And not just that but beloved children of a loving Father. Pretty cool.
http://www.conversiondiary.com/ Jennifer (Conversion Diary)

Now, I have great respect for my priests. But I also know this: they are not doctors.

I agree with this 100%. I don’t think it’s wise to take medical advice from spiritual advisors, no matter how much you respect them. However, keep in mind that the theory of the Catholic Church is not that the priests and bishops come up with the doctrines; the belief is that the doctrines come from the Holy Spirit. If the “rules” of this Church come from a bunch of dudes, I’m out.

But it seems like there are two things going on here: 1) Needing to take the Pill for medical reasons, and 2) Not agreeing with Church teaching, even if you didn’t have to take the Pill.

Per #1, I was told for years that I had to take the pill too. Then I came down with a medical condition that meant that it would put my health at risk to take it. Suddenly, when doctors were facing liability for prescribing it to me, there were all these other options available that nobody ever told me about. I do think that the Pill is too often an easy solution for doctors who don’t want to look for other options. (I’m not saying you shouldn’t take it or that this is definitely the case with you; just throwing that out there in case it ever stopped working for you.)

Per #2, I do encourage you to keep seeking and praying about this subject. The Church teaching against contraception isn’t based on “be fruitful and multiply” per se, but rather the historic Christian understanding of the meaning of the sexual act (all Christian denominations were opposed to contraception until 1930). In fact, you could be a Catholic in good standing and never have children; it’s more about the total package of human sexuality than having kids.

I won’t take up your combox with a long list of what I found compelling about the Church’s teaching in this area, but will just say that it was the deciding factor in my conversion to Christianity. As a pro-choice atheist I, of course, thought the prohibition against contraception was oppressive and asinine but, once I looked into it, I was so stunned by the wisdom of it that I came to believe that this Church, truly, is guided by the Holy Spirit.

Anyway, thanks for your honesty! I know that your willingness to honestly share your struggles will continue to help your many readers!!

Love,

Jen

Nina

I almost teared up when I saw Jennifer’s comment here in all honesty because I have been surprisingly anxious since reading this post, and the comments, as well. I did not realize one could take the birth control pill for medical reasons—-and there are many medical reasons, not just cycle-related— and continue having relations. What I have been told is that there is no exception for this, not only due to the abortifacient risk, but the risks to the integrity of the marital relationship itself, and the risk to the individual spiritual life in the possible slippery-slope consequence of starting to question “what is so wrong with this contraceptive side-effect” and harden the heart. Would someone please link to some official clarifications on what the Church teaches, please? This is such a difficult subject, so very real and raw for many of us, affecting our lives and families for eternity. It is not a light matter as extremely painful as the questioning and struggle is, and should not be dependent only on the counsel of individual priests, no? What is the definitive teaching—–or is there not one?

Nina

I would like to add one more thing if I may, daringly bold!—because this post really touched my heart. EE, I have been through this so many times! I am so sympathetic and feel such compassion for you as you wrestle with these devastatingly and agonizingly life-altering issues. I feel your pain and I sense that feel that you need to defend yourself against critics who would call you “bad”, not just a “bad Catholic”, but a bad mother, and that there is that fear of human respect. Which of us women, especially who long to do— who worry about doing—-God’s Will, could not say that we understand? I certainly do. I am not very good at expressing myself, and tend to be self-conscious and not super confident (which I think you are!) but I am going to share this anyway and give it a go:

As a fellow woman who has been through all of this, the severe crosses too innumerable to name, the PPD, the anxiety, the illnesses, the meds, the crises……. and has had people she should trust more than anything at her most vulnerable times—-not only certain
doctors, and certain priests, but the CLOSEST RELATIVES—-tell her that she should stop having children, go on the pill, and/or be sterilized, and get her life back….. I can tell you with all sincerity of heart, that I praise God in such gratitude now, after moving forward, that *they* were not the ones I chosen to listen to. That in my weakest moments and agonies, I clung to other voices—-other priests, my Catholic primary physician, blessed bold and true friends, my husband——–(heros). Who helped me to call upon my Confirmation and soldier on, who helped me when all seemed hopeless, to believe that God “had a future and a hope for me”, and to not live in fear and to not sacrifice what I knew deep in my heart in my stronger moments, who reassured me things would get better in time. Who encouraged me to try medicines that could help with insomnia and depression as opposed to making choices that could have grave consequences for my soul and repercussions psychologically and spiritually, that could shatter me at the root of WHO I AM and WHO I WANT TO BE.

I have gotten through each one of those times, those PPDs, those crises, those severe hormonal and chemical imbalances….but there is no such thing as being “cured” for me, I have finally figured it out…..I am imbalanced! Ha. It is part of me, part of my journey, part of God keeping me at the end of myself, totally little. It is okay. I never will be, and don’t have to be a perfect woman or mother, or wife, daughter, sister, friend, etc. It has taken me so long to get to this point to realize I don’t have to be “strong”. God has worked the only miracles I really have experienced in my life when I have been the weakest ( pregnancy, birth, post-partum).

And I probably always will be! There is not a day that I am not aware that I am completely insufficient and need constant actual graces to mother these children and get along with my husband. To be a better witness to my extended family, friends, and community. But one thing I know that I can tell you for certain is that these last three boys, who “shouldn’t” be here, because I was so convinced that God did not want me to be “at risk” in this way…..I was so sure that I could not bear one more thing and was tempted to give in to the NEVER AGAIN voice that kept going through my head after so much suffering…..these boys have changed my life, and those whose lives they have touched, SO dramatically (I think particularly of their grandfather, for one).

Numbers 7, 8, 9, (and my two miscarriages) have dilated my heart in ways I didn’t know was still possible and have given me strength and joy and wisdom that I *didn’t* have. In other words, the gifts came afterwards, and I couldn’t have prepared for them. It wasn’t anything I did, no muscle I exercised or virtue I put into action of being prudent or not being prudent. It was just something I *didn’t* do—I didn’t put up the block. I was sure, convinced that I needed the armor on to protect myself. But it only *felt* like I did. Feelings change. I thank God I made a choice in the blind will…..just in the will……so I could have these last three and yes, crazily, still be able to have Number 10, despite what people say about me! They “cost” a lot—–but it was worth it, every sacrifice my family had to go through, I had to go through, our faith and medical communities had to go through….for God to be able to create these incredible souls. Don’t give up. Stay open. Have hope. Peace.
http://bodytheologic.wordpress.com Joshua Michael

Nina: Please see my first comment above for a citation from Humanae Vitae (Pope Paul VI’s encyclical on birth control) regarding health reasons.

Tanya

Check into the abortifacent properties of the pill. In thebliterature that comes in the monthly pack it explains how the primary effect is to prevent ovulation and thebsecond effect is to thin the lining to prevent implantation of a fertilized egg. Keep seeking, the church that preserved the teaching on the Eucharist has been consistently interpreting the teachings on marriage and family, too.
Renee

I escaped from a fundie/Quiverfull background, and have so had it with the legalistic attitude they have about birth control/child spacing!! The Bible does NOT forbid birth control! Yes, it says to be fruitful and multiply, but it does not say you have to go Duggar-style in order to fulfill that. If someone has fifty kids and can’t afford to feed them, and says “We’re letting the Lord determine the size of our family,” I say B.S. Don’t blame your irresponsibility on God.
When my husband and I got married, I totally had the “Quiverfull” mindset about having kids. I had three right in a row and was exhausted, depressed, and overwhelmed. Then I decided “Quality over Quantity.” I would rather have a smaller number of sensibly spaced children, and be a GREAT mother, than have a dozen and be a frazzled, detached mother. Unlike some of the higher-ups in the Quiverfull/Patriarchy movement, we can’t all afford live-in help that allows us to pop a baby every year. We have to handle the house and kids all ourselves!
My husband and I are now taking a break from having babies, using a combination/variation of NFP, and feeling perfectly peaceful about it!
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty, EE! ((hugs)) (Hope you’re feeling better!)
http://prayingthroughchaos.blogspot.com Cassidy

Elizabeth,

I’ve been in the same shoes. I had PPD and am medicated for that, but it didn’t change the fact that my cycles have been a complete mess (and extremely painful) for a long time. Due to troubles in my marriage we wanted to avoid another baby until we had worked through things. We worked through things, got pregnant, and miscarried. Before I could get pregnant again I was in a car accident. We tried through all of this to use NFP. After the car accident I was told that I wasn’t allowed to get pregnant. The risk to increased damage to the injury in my spine was too high. We continued to try to stick to NFP, but it resulted in months on end without a safe day. My marriage was starting to fall apart again. We both knew the reason to be so careful to avoid pregnancy, but the lacking intimacy was creating a lot of problems. I decided it was time to stop trying to be a good Catholic and be a good wife and mother. It’s hard to be a good mother when my marriage is falling apart. It’s hard to be a good wife when so many of our problems are coming from a huge lack of physical intimacy. I’ve been on the pill for about 6 months now, and the physical intimacy regained done wonders for our marriage. Looking at spinal surgery occurring in the all too near future and having at least another 6 months where I am not allowed to get pregnant (destabilize the fusion and have to have a repeat surgery if I do), I don’t feel bad about my choice to go on the pill. It’s been over a year since the car accident that started this, and to be honest, without the pill at this point I think my husband and I would be looking at separation. If we had continued to use NFP, we would’ve ended up nearly 2 years without physical intimacy. We’ve tried natural ways to regulate my cycles in the past, and nothing has worked. The pill has made them like clockwork and nowhere near as painful as they were. I’ve hesitated to say anything about this choice to anyone because of the “holier than thou” attitude that so many seem to have when this topic comes up. Much like you, I beat myself up about the decision for awhile, but I have now found peace with it. I don’t need, or want, someone else to berate me when I full believe the choice made is something that is only between my husband, God, and myself and only God has the right to judge our actions as right or wrong.

I truly admire your strength in standing up and being so honest about this topic. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, and deeply appreciate how honest you have been about your struggles and choices.
Denise

I just want to point out that obedience to the ‘church’ is not the same as obedience to God. By taking care of your health, you are honoring God.
http://www.madamerubies.com Heather

My friend, Stephanie, used to say Birth Control was her “vote.” God has the deciding vote on her procreation, but by taking the pill, she was casting her vote. I loved that.

As for me, I hated hormonal BC. It made me a worse person than I really am. It made me crazy. And, the shot made me bleed for 3 straight months. This DID keep me from getting pregnant, but it wasn’t quite what I was going for. On top of that, I felt guilty every month I was on the pill. My period came, and I mourned a life I may have been intended to have helped create. I was raised Baptist, not Catholic, so I do not know where the feeling came from. But, it was real, and I was glad when my tubes were tied and I could quit the hormonal BC.
Brook

Hi, Elizabeth,

I don’t have time to read through all the responses, so I don’t know if anyone’s mentioned it or not. If you get a chance take a look at http://www.naprotechnology.com/depression.htm. There’s a rockstar doctor in Omaha, NE named Dr. Hilgers that has done a TON of research into how to treat hormonal issues via natural means that are totally in line with Church teachings. I’ve known several women (including myself) who have been helped dramatically.

Just thought I’d pass the info along.

Peace,
Brook
Amanda

I understand that this is a difficult and tender issue for you… however, I am sincerely wondering how you reconcile the fact that the pill is a potential abortifacient. I understand that you need to be able to function and don’t want to spend the majority of your time in misery, nor am I saying that I think that is what you should do… but it seems to me that you would want to try every other means possible to avoid unwittingly killing your offspring. I think birth control in general is a matter of conscience, however when the birth control in question causes abortion, the issue becomes pretty black-and-white in my opinion.
tanya

Nina –
I think that the earlier posters are correct in saying that there are occasions where something may be contraceptive that can legitimately be used for theraputic reasons. However we cannot put aside the abortafacent properties of the pill. It cannot be done. Same with the IUD. Both can end a created life. If your doctor puts you on the pill for health reasons, you should avoid the marital act. This is grave matter.

Now, if one were to have a hysterectomy because of health issues, that’s licit. Of course a byproduct is that the procedure removes the possibility to conceive. Although it is “contraceptive”, that’s not the intent.

Hang in there. This is a tough teaching and it requires prayer and study. I’m with Jen, if it were a bunch of dudes making the rules then none of us should pay any attention. We are trusting in 2000 years of consistent interpretation of the deposit of faith here.

Nina

I thank you for your kind words, Tanya. 95% of Catholics are not using NFP, if this figure is correct. There is some sort of major disconnect going on here. I think there needs to be more done in several areas to make the living out of the Truth a simpler thing—— and to make embracing and welcoming a large family more supported, even in the Christian/Catholic communities.

Honestly, I have become demoralized and discouraged lately to see the “backlash” even amongst the faithful against large families. The insinuation that parents who give their children another sibling (as JP2 said was the greatest gift that you could give a child), with all of it’s incumbent sacrifices and responsibilities) are leading to an environment conducive to neglect and possible abuse (by asking the children to help) is becoming more prevalent and accepted. It’s not just about us women having to suffer anymore, it’s about how much we force the children in large families to suffer and how cruel this is. This is insidious and damaging to us who are trying to raise good, loving large families but are only human. It is a modern notion that is very contagious to good people who already care about “the least of His” and would never want to harm an innocent child. The people I know who have sacrificed in being open to and having large families do their conscientious best but are not trying to give the child a “perfect” life, nor can they or should they keep them from all suffering and chance to practice self-sacrificial love and be channels of God’s grace in the world.

I would like to see more posts and articles on the blessings of having a large family, and being open to these heroic sacrifices and crosses, and challenges of being a sign of contradiction in the modern world. There is not enough support to live this lifestyle. Let’s have more support for women who are open to life!!!!

http://norcoleman.typepad.com Nori Coleman

I have been through PPD after my 6th child and I have had the hormonal problems also. I have been on the progesterone roller coaster. I was also put on an anti- depressant, effexor which allows me to function and take care of my family. I am sorry but as a Catholic the pill is only allowed if you are not going to be intimate with your husband. It is an abortificaiant and it causes the womb tobe hostile to a baby’s conception not allowing it to implant into the womb, therefore aborting it. I have had to use abstienance and am not always good at that. I have been going to talk therapy and using anti- depressants for 7 years now and functioning normally. A chemical imbalance in the brain is connected to off- balanced hormones and I had to swallow my pride and take the meds and therapy which my family and I have benefitted from considerably. I now am waiting for the birth of my 8th child but I have had a total of 12 pregnancies. I have a beautiful 2 1/2 yr old who is my family’s joy. I took the meds during pregnancy with no harmful effects on the baby. It is a very frightening time for you, I know because I have been there. Wemust not compromise the Church’s teachings on birth control, God is with you and he will bless you and get you through this. I would rather take the antidepressants than birth control anyday. I have a personal phsychiatrist that helps with the meds. It is the same as having diabetes and managing the disease. I would kindly suggest treating this issue as a mental health one and not so much a hormonal issue that is when things changed for me. It is a real cross to embrace it that way but I have felt better ever since except one time when the insurance co. changed me to a generic. I coudn’t function again, but as soon as I got it swithched back I slowly within a month returned to my full capacity and fuctioned like my “old” self. I hopethis is helpful to you and gives you some insight from someonewho has been there. Feel free to e-mail if you would like to discuss anything.

Nina

Interesting. Perhaps it’s a deception from the Evil One that makes us want to solve the problems we have with not having any more children….that’s the problem!……than in addressing other issues. I think you’re onto something, Nori, …….there IS a stigma in our minds, in our culture, against taking anti-depressants and admitting mental afflictions (we’re weak) but there is no stigma in taking birth-control and admitting limiting family size (we’re responsible)?

My brother, who is a paranoid schizophrenic, *needs* his meds, those chemicals, to even stay alive. HE would be the irresponsible one (but not culpable) to not take his meds for he and others would be at great risk. Women who do not take contraceptive chemicals are considered the ones who are putting themselves and others at risk. (Oh yes— I’ve gotten this—- many times. It is very disturbing and tempting.) We have it so twisted around. But it is a scary thing to be little and broken.

Elese

I really agree with Nori above–I think the biggest danger is harming an egg that may be fertilized–you could kill a baby without even knowing it! I researched almost every kind of pill because I really wanted to use it when I got married, but could not find one that did not abort embryos. I really encourage you to pray & ask God for a different solution. Using birth control isn’t a sin, but murder DEFINITELY IS. And how will you be sure you haven’t murdered while you are still using abortifacients? Please re-consider.
Jack

I’m not a moral theologian, but it’s obvious that you have serious issues that need to be treated medically, and the pill is just one of those treatments that you are using–NOT to prevent conception, but to regulate reproductive irregularities, including PMS and PPD.
Sawyer

I know this is kind of off-subject, but I have a question about catholic traditions. Why do you guys pray to saints? Isn’t that almost like praying to another god?

Thanks for your time!

Mary E.

Hi Sawyer, that’s a very common question that people ask. I hope Elizabeth does not mind if I include a link that addresses that. http://www.catholic.com/library/Praying_to_the_Saints.asp

frogla

Personally, I believe that God is pleased with you not because of anything you do or don’t do. He sees your heart and He’s like hey, my daughter Lizzy she’s perfect, holy, acceptable, righteous and loved. I give you 2 thumbs up!!

Caryl

Love it!

Margaret

For those who’ve commented recently, I’m sad that Elizabeth Esther is getting the overflow of your frustrations with the world’s contraceptive mentality.

She has 5 kids. She’s not anti-child, or anti-life. She’s suffering and struggling and trying to work this out.

The abortifacient possibilities of the Pill are a big concern, and should be. But intent matters. Someone who has chemotherapy for cancer and ends up sterile because of it cannot be accused of deliberately seeking sterility. It’s a side effect, and a bad one at that. But it sometimes happens because of the nature of the world we live in. Someone who has a portion of her fallopian tube removed along with an ectopic pregnancy (and that is morally acceptable in Catholic life ethics) cannot be accused of wanting to kill her baby. Consider the intent.

And I say all this as a woman who is quiverful and has personal problems with the Pill for both health and ethical reasons. It’s not something I would use, or recommend other use. But please consider the wounded heart that EE has basically filleted here for us, and use the open comments wisely and not for venting.

Denise

THANK YOU!!!!!! It’s almost as if the haterz didn’t read the full post.
Amanda

I would just like to point out that the situations you mentioned are life and death situations, and I believe that is what makes them different, rather than just a woman’s “intent”. As difficult as this situation may be, it is not life and death – and this is not the only course of action for Elizabeth to take. There are many other ways to go about handling her situation that do not result in her children being killed and I was merely wondering how she could justify not exhausting all of them before even considering taking this route. I also never accused EE of wanting to kill her babies… I simply pointed out that it was certainly a possibility while she is on the pill, and that doing so would be a sin. Judging by her post, it almost seems as if the abortifacient properties of the pill may not have even occurred to her… (she didn’t mention it at all) and I’ve known many people who claimed to be pro-life and were on the pill, and some of them had no idea that the pill could cause abortions. I’m not trying to “hate on her” but was generally sincere in my questions and apologize if it came off any other way.

Margaret

Amanda, believe me I am not a proponent of the Pill. I suggested one possible alternative, and if anyone asked me I can write a book on why I reject it.

However, PMDD and depression *can be* life and death situations. Which means that this situation is a little more complicated than whether birth control is OK or not.
http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

As difficult as this situation may be, it is not life and death – and this is not the only course of action for Elizabeth to take

Actually, Amanda, this was very nearly a case of life or death. Depression can be a life-threatening illness and in my case, I was very near to hospitalization.

There are many other ways to go about handling her situation that do not result in her children being killed and I was merely wondering how she could justify not exhausting all of them before even considering taking this route.

This is so hurtful and a really jerkface thing to say. It’s not your place to even “wonder” why I haven’t exhausted all options (you also don’t know that I haven’t!)–and essentially accuse me of being willing to kill my children. Honestly, WHAT?!

I understand and am fully informed about the possible abortifacient properties of the pill which is why I’m taking other precautions which I did not write about in this post. But thanks for assuming the absolute worst about me.

Amanda

Also, I’m only going off of what you wrote here. If by “other precautions” you mean you and your husband are perhaps abstaining for a time or using another form of birth control as well, that would obviously change the discussion, however, you gave no indication of that in your post.

My whole intent here was to point out that whether or not the Catholic church says the pill is wrong or why, the plain truth is that the pill can cause abortions and should generally be avoided. The only exception I could see is one where the pill is perhaps used as a temporary solution where you are also not engaging in activities that may create the conditions for an abortion to occur. (“Baby-making” for those who prefer to be more to the point.) In that case I could see maybe using it until you were able to find a more permanent solution.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

thanks for your grace, Margaret. thanks for seeing the honest, genuine intent of my heart. writing this post was really difficult. i knew i might get nailed to the wall by some. but honestly, the overflow of grace and mercy has won me over. you were part of that. so, thank you. ((hugs)).

Margaret

((((hugs))))

Tanya

I’ve been reading here for more than a year. I am so moved by the journey that’s being shared here. My background has some similarities. I hope you don’t think I’ve been unkind. It certainly wasn’t my intent. My comments are intended to spare the regrets that I have from years of contraceptive use. Intent matters, and we need to know truth to make a good decision. Prayed for all dealing with there difficult circumstances. It is hard. It really is.
Tanya

*these*. Not there.
Nina

For myself, I apologize for my over-venting. I know, it is true, I have been overly sensitive lately. I feel the suppports falling in at every side, and it can be crushing. And the timing of this post…. This is a very emotional topic, always….and then: so close to Christmas. We are all reflecting on being ready and able to accept that Child, that sign of contradiction, born in such contrary circumstances….. we are struggling to accept God’s mysterious ways, and how often He asks us to submit ourselves to what confounds us……and well, this time of year, we mothers, we are all exhausted, and spent .

I love you all, and we are all in this together. It’s just that living this life we are called to can be quite lonely. It is so crucial that we feel one another at our backs, and fight on the same side, lest we give up and just give in. It is so hard. But do we do this thing because it is easy, or because we believe it is right? We are compelled; it is beyond us. Let us fight the good fight together.

Re. t

“What did you go out in the wilderness to behold? A reed shaken by the wind? What then did you go out to see?…..

There is only a special type of person called to have a blog, a living diary where one expresses one’s innermost thoughts out in the open for all to see, and to comment on. This is a public forum, with an open com box where personal experience and expression is expected, if not welcomed. Why else have it?

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Nina: your comments were totally fine and I wasn’t hurt or offended at all. Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I value and appreciate that.

http://milehimama.com Milehimama

EE-I’m coming to this late and fully admit to not having read the other comments, so please forgive if I’m just repeating what other people have said.

But the Church has no problem with women using birth control pills for medical reasons, such as polycystic ovaries, etc. The problem lies when it is in use to prevent births, to interfere in the marital union, and to close yourself off to the unitive and procreative aspects of the marital union.

Most priests recommend using NFP while on birth control pills for medical reasons, because the Pill doesn’t just prevent ovulation; it can tamper with the uterine lining causing a fertilized egg – a baby- to not be able to implant (basically, it is abortifacient). Also, just as the use of Creighton methods etc. – abstinence during fertile times- is not sinful, this would ensure that no child/fertilized embryo was accidentally harmed by the Pill.

Christopher West’s book “Great News About Sex and Marriage” followed by reading JPII’s Theology of the Body might be a very helpful read.

http://bodytheologic.wordpress.com Joshua Michael

“Most priests recommend using NFP while on birth control pills for medical reasons,”

I’m pretty sure that it is impossible to practice NFP while on birth control pills, because the way that they work is to disrupt the cycle that NFP depends on. A couple might wish to continue practicing periodic abstinence for spiritual/marital reasons, but it wouldn’t be NFP under those circumstances.

http://nowealthbutlife.com Rae

I wish that I could edit my comment to say that I also challenge anyone who is going to cry foul on the pill as “abortifacient” to cite scientific studies. There simply is not proof, only conjecture and the idea that one should be “safe rather than sorry.” But leaving women to suffer and somehow sort through all of the options while still in misery isn’t “safe” at all.

Fights in comment sections are great for stats (yay!) but it isn’t exactly kind to imply that someone is killing her children without even bothering to provide evidence to convince her. And no, “someone somewhere said that the pill keeps the uterine lining too thin for implantation even after the rare instance of breakthrough ovulation!!!” isn’t evidence.

Margaret

Planned Parenthood’s page on the Pill acknowledges the change in uterine lining, and the potential for that to inhibit implantation. Theoretical and unimportant in from their POV, of course.

Whether one feels it is a high enough risk to avoid, or to use other methods while taking the Pill is an individual thing.

http://arewomenhuman.wordpress.com Grace

It frustrates me deeply to see the Pill repeatedly described in conservative Christian circles as abortifacient. It shows an ignorance of what the word actually means.

There is no pregnancy without implantation. If there is no pregnancy, there is no abortion. The fertilization of an egg is not the same as a pregnancy – fertilized eggs don’t implant in the uterus all the time, regardless of whether a woman is on the pill or not. A positive pregnancy test result that occurs before implantation is considered to be a sign of a “chemical pregnancy” – i.e., something that looks like pregnancy because of the hormone levels in the body, but is not actually pregnancy because implantation did not occur. There’s no credible scientist or physician who would call this an “abortion.”

Most sexually active women probably have at least one cycle in their lifetimes, if not several, where a fertilized egg failed to implant, regardless of what family planning methods they use (yes, that means on NFP, too). There’s no solid evidence that the Pill raises the likelihood that implantation will not occur, only conjecture. The Pill works by suppressing ovulation. Even if it did raise the likelihood of failure to implant, this would not make it an abortifacient because failure to implant is not an abortion.

just anon

For me, I read about the uterline lining being too thin for implantation from the fine print on the pill insert, which I finally read in full after being on it for months. However, I’m not on the pill anymore, so I don’t have those papers with me. The inserts are probably on line somewhere.

This is such a hard issue, especially if one struggles with depression. When I was a newlywed, I was afraid to get pregnant because I was still on SSRIs. These were prescribed after a second episode of severe depression that occurred a few years before I even met my husband. The episode was so bad, I eventually admitted myself voluntarily as an inpatient to a mental health clinic. (These places are much nicer and more helpful than you might think, but that’s another story.)

When we got married, I was still on the meds, and I was afraid they could hurt a fetus, so I took the pill while I weaned off them. My pdoc said people have had healthy pregnancies on SSRIs, but it seemed like too much uncertainty for me to take the risk.

I’m not on the pill or SSRIs anymore, and when I was, I considered myself an “ex-Catholic” and had no clue about the pill’s potential effect on uterine lining, so that wasn’t even an issue. But here was my dilemma: Be open to life, but risk harming a fetus with SSRIs? Or, be open to life, stop taking SSRIs, and risk having another severe episode of depression in the first few months of my marriage…perhaps even end up hospitalized for depression while pregnant?

In my case, I did wean off the meds and was fine, thank you God. Now I’m not on the pill or SSRIs. But I can see how hard this dilemma can be, especially if one already has children, and you’re afraid that a mental breakdown could compromise your ability to care for the kids you already have.

After saying all that…I wish I’d gone off SSRIs earlier, before I even met my husband, and never taken the pill at all. I got married later in life and I wish now I hadn’t sacrificed those months of potential fertility because I was afraid of another breakdown. But my situation is different from Elizabeth’s…I did not already have children to take care of.

just anon

P.S. I’m not saying, “hey everybody, let’s all check into mental health clinics!” I can only say that the suburban “mental health treatment center” I went to was not at all like a scary state hospital you may envision from a 1950s movie. It was a lifesaver for me when I was plagued with suicidal thoughts and could not eat or sleep anymore. Just my experience.

frogla

((hugs)) Elizabeth!!
Caryl

EE, I am a cafeteria Catholic. I grew up in a household where my parents continued to have kids and were unable to properly care for them. Frankly, I don’t care what anyone calls the Pill, but I call it a lifesaver. My PPD was a nightmare, and I have used the pill for years as hormone control and birth control.

At the end of the day, my relationship with my body and God is my conversation to have. I have to do what is in the best interest of me and my family, just like you have to do for yourself.

Your posts are always honest and heartfelt (I do tend to like the snarky ones best, though, sarcasm is close to my heart), and thank you for sharing!

Hugs,
Caryl
Kate Philips

As someone who (successfully) uses NFP/FAM for birth control, I just want to back up Joshua Michael’s comment: it’s impossible to practice NFP/FAM while on the pill, as the fertility signs one tracks to practice NFP/FAM are disrupted by hormonal birth control.

EE, just wanted to say again I really appreciate your sensitivity and thoughtfulness about this topic, here and in your other posts. You’re a woman of God, and not a bad Catholic at all, in my opinion!
Clare

I know people have said this, but using the pill to treat a a legitimate hormonal problem is totally different from using it to squelch your fertility like some kind of cancer. The Church’s teaching on birth-control makes a lot of sense, I think, if it’s carefully researched and explained….but situations like yours are fully taken into consideration and accounted for.

Yes, double effect and abortificient properties are serious and need to be part of the consideration.–but that is something you work out with your confessor and conscience and husband.
http://walletfriendlywellness.wordpress.com Kim

Hi Elizabeth,

Thank you for sharing your story! This is an issue I’ve also been struggling with a lot recently. I was on birth control for 8 years (from 18-26) because of heavy periods and endometriosis. I was taken off of it for 2 years because bigger health issues, and was just recently placed back on it because my endometriosis decided to rear it’s ugly head again.

I worked so hard to follow God’s guidance and make my health a priority, and I truly believe He’s healed me from so many of the health conditions I struggled with. So I can’t help but feel like I’m being disobedient somehow by going back on the birth control to manage my endo, even though I’m not sure where that guilt is coming from. I know He does heal through medicine, so I’m not sure why I struggle with birth control in particular.

In addition as a single woman who is in a “pure” relationship (for lack of a better word), I fear that it could look like I’m on the birth control for reasons other than I am. And of course there are the other questions that keep me up at night – when my boyfriend and I are married, will I be able to quit the pills long enough to start a family without compromising my health, etc?

Anyway, just wanted to say that it’s really nice to hear a Christian woman address this issue and share so openly and honestly. Your post and so many of the comments have been really comforting. Thanks again!
Catie

I’m sorry that I don’t have time to read the comments right now, so forgive me if this has been said 89 times already, but read Humanae Vitae http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/paul_vi/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-vi_enc_25071968_humanae-vitae_en.html … it is not a sin for a practicing Catholic to take the Pill for good medical reasons so long as her reason isn’t for the intention of Birth Control. Also, a good book: Sheila Kippley’s “Fertility, Cycles & Nutrition” http://www.amazon.com/Fertility-Cycles-Nutrition-Marilyn-Shannon/dp/0926412345/ref=pd_sim_b_10 (ignore the cheesy cover

God bless you!
Catie
http://www.seeprestonblog.com Preston Yancey

So once again you’re a bad Catholic for being open, honest, and wrestling things out before the Lord and believing that He is so much larger than the Church and at the same time believing that the Church is a beautiful grace from Him. Elizabeth, I hope there are plenty more bad Catholics like you. We need them.
Terese Rachor Beste

i just wanted to say…we are all bad Catholics because we all fall short. I also wanted to say taking contraceptives for the hormonal effects or medical reasons is not a sin, if that is what u need to regulate your hormones. but contraceptives can also cause depression. I did not read through all the comments. I do not know where u live. but just wondering if that is the best option for you. Maybe there is a better way to regulate your hormones? Contraceptives tend to be shotgun approach, They splatter everyone willy-nilly with the same levels and then we proclaim the problem fixed. its rather like using duct tape to fix the Titanic. while there is another option that measures YOUR hormone situation that is more precise and more rational and better all around for your health. maybe there is one of these near you: http://www.naprotechnology.com/
God Bless and Peace be with U.
Jamiejo99

I understand and I think God wants you to be the best you can be.
I don’t think just because you have 5 kids you have done your duty. I think NFP is more about being always open to God’s gifts than the number of gifts you’ve allowed.My question is what about the fact that the pill is abortificient?Do you abstain while on the pill? If you abstain, then there should be no moral issue while using it. If you do not, then, maybe there is something else out there to use instead. I hope and pray that you find something else that works. I pray that you find out why you are having such long periods and the strong mood swings. The pill is not a cure all. There are reasons for what your body is going through. I don’t mean to cause you any pain by this comment. I’m sorry if it does. I just think maybe there are other answers. I don’t want any woman to face once she dies, all the babies, she conceived, that were aborted, unknowingly, by the pill.Maybe now, while you are on it, is a good time to find out what else could be done. While you are feeling good.
http://pulse.yahoo.com/_UT5IEZSV7MDULMASMQCJWR2XH4 Elizabeth

No, you aren’t sinning.

Most people don’t understand that it is permissible for a Catholic woman to use the pill to treat a medical condition as long as she doesn’t use it as contraception (i.e. to avoid having babies or prevent babies from being conceived). I know women who have had to go on the pill to treat migraines or heavy and debilitating periods. They aren’t sinning because they are using it to treat a medical condition. It becomes a problem when they use it and have marital relations and know that they are not open to life and engage in relations anyway.

Keep taking care of yourself. Look at all your options. While this one works for now, there might be a better option out there. Plus, find out what the underlying cause(s) are of your problem. Right now you are treating the symptoms (not a bad thing) and that’s fine but it would be helpful to deal with the underlying issue(s). We want you to continue to a sane, happy person. (Though the zany is good too. I like that too.)
http://blueberriesforme.wordpress.com Jackie

I’m another Catholic who is conflicted about the Church’s teachings. For one – you are allowed to doubt and question as a Catholic! For another, I take birth control too. For endometriosis and debilitating pain month-round. We want to try to have kids soon and to be honest, I’m terrified that if I go off the pill and am pain free I won’t be able to justify going back on it! I wrote a guest post on a blog about using contraception with an NFP mentality that you might be interested in…unfortunately the blog was deleted. But I can e-mail it if you want!
lauren

I’m not even Catholic, but I am really involved in the pro-life movement so I feel like I have a pretty good understanding about why the Catholic Church teaches against birth control.

Basically, the argument is that birth control seperates the reproductive act of sex from the physical act of sex and results in a devaluation of the sexual relationship. Basically, it’s alot like what you wrote about the pornification of marriage. The Church believes that birth control is part of that problem.

The other issue is that hormonal birth control can act as an early aborificiant by altering the lining of the uterus so that the newly conceived child can not implant. We don’t really know how often this happens, but we do know that progesterone definitely alters the lining of the uterus.

Now, other things can do this as well, such as nursing or even just hormonal changes.

I hope that helps to clear up some of the thought process behind the “rules.”

Also, as an aside, the Church is ok with endometrial ablation to treat heavy cycles because the intent is to treat a medical condition of the woman, not to prevent conception. The fact that the ablation makes conception nearly impossible falls under the law of double effect.

Being on the pill for medical reasons might also fall into this catagory.

On being a bad Catholic {questions about birth control–eeek!}

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