Earning her way…and her pointe shoes

I told her it wouldn’t be easy, that even when we love something passionately, we must still work hard for it.

And she agreed. She practiced at home, stretching and doing exercises on the floor and in the hallway, using the windowsill as a barre.

I told her she had to keep her grades up, prove to us that she could handle it.

And she agreed. She’s kept a nearly 4.0 GPA for the past 2 years.

And then, I told her that dancing lessons were expensive and that we’d have to work to earn her tuition.

At first, she was perplexed. “But none of the other girls have to work for their lessons,” she said.

“I know,” I answered. “But none of the other girls have five children in their family. The fact that we get to work for your lessons is actually a generous opportunity from the studio owner. We should be thankful.”

She nodded, quietly.

“There’s no shame in working for something you want,” I said, trying to coax a smile out of her. “In fact, it’s a noble thing, really. We get to work so you can dance five times a week!”

She nodded again.

It took several weeks before she settled into the work routine with a smile. Every Saturday we work in her dance studio scrubbing toilets, vacuuming floors, wiping down mirrors and windows.

I waited for her smile, hoping she would see the value in earning her way. One Saturday I was sick, but I still took her to the studio and we cleaned together.

“Mommy,” she said afterwards, “I’m sorry I had a bad attitude. I can’t believe you’re doing this for me…even when you’re sick!”

I smiled at her. Was she finally getting it?

“I’ll never complain again,” she promised. And she hasn’t.

Last week she earned her pointe shoes.

She’s been smiling ever since.

This entry was posted in Celebrations, Funny Kid Stories, Parenting--toughest job out there. Bookmark the permalink.
  • http://www.smithical.com ~liz

    i loved this! it’s inspirational to me to see a great mother-daughter relationship, passion for learning (dance!), and a work ethic you see so often passed by these days. throwing money at a passion extinguishes the fire. working for it…now that’s the fuel to keep it growing. thanks for sharing this! and congrats to your daughter on earning the pointe shoes!

  • http://heartsoulexchange.blogspot.com/ Heart and Soul

    Beautiful – words and hearts :)

  • http://kaci-jo.blogspot.com Kaci

    beautiful…

  • http://www.joyinthisjourney.com Joy

    What a great idea. I’ll keep that in mind for the future — my kids are too young for such a scheme yet, but they each have their own interests and I’m already not sure how we’re going to manage the cost (or the time).

    Congratulations to her on her pointe shoes!

  • J

    Beautiful. What a wonderful life lesson. Thank-you so much for sharing!

  • http://phariseefreed.blogspot.com/ Susan

    Awesomeness in great amounts. Great job – both of you.

  • http://www.laundryandlullabies.blogspot.com Emily

    What beautiful mothering.

  • brooke

    So lovely and wonderful!

  • http://secretvaticanspy.com Kassie Rutherford

    Elizabeth, I just want to sing your daughter’s praises. I wish I had fifty more dancers just like her. And GOOD FOR YOU for instilling that work ethic in her! I’m one of nine, so I had the exact same situation when I was training at home. In college, I could really tell a difference between the dancers who had to work for their education and the dancers who didn’t – not in technique, but in their attitude and dedication to the classroom. Now that I’m a teacher, the difference is even more obvious. Even more than technique, your daughter is receiving a beautiful gift of perseverance.
    Congratulations on the pointe shoes, fellow bun-head!

  • http://elissananne.tumblr.com Elissa

    Thank you for sharing this story. Very inspirational.

  • Joanie

    Oh my gosh-Oh my gosh-Oh my gosh! I have chills! I love ballet anyway, but oh, what a great story! What a darling, precious daughter, EE! What a great mom to help her see the value and opportunity in working for such a great achievement. Awesome! Congratulations!

  • http://downrightdomesticity.blogspot.com Maria D. @ Downright Domesticity

    When I started high school, I had to start paying for my own music lessons. So I cleaned houses, waited tables, and started teaching music lessons myself. :-P It’s amazing how much more meaningful your work becomes when its going towards a goal! Big thumbs up for your daughter!

  • http://deodate.wordpress.com/ Andie

    Wow, what a beautiful lesson and example. Her dance will be so beautiful on many levels.

  • Jenelyn

    Beautiful and inspirational. Thanks EE and congrats to J.

  • Donna

    Well done to your beautiful dancer on earning her pointe shoes and learning so much along the way. My 7yr old is also learning ballet, and insisted on going last night, despite having 2 skinned knees from a fall at school! I will keep this idea in the back of my mind, and probably pull out a version of it in a couple of years time – when we have ballet, swimming, netball and probably rugby fees to pay!

  • http://www.sustainablemommy.wordpress.com Naomi

    Having a mother who cleans with her–that is the real gift.

  • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

    These glimpses into your world, your mommy world, are so inspiring. I wish I would have had a mother like you.

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Thank you, sweetheart! :) ((hugs))

  • http://jens_page.blogspot.com Jen @ The Short Years

    Beautiful picture, beautiful story! And inspiring to a mom of three daughters, two of whom are already in beginning-level ballet classes, wondering how I’m going to afford this if they all want to do it.

  • Ami

    I am grateful for parents who teach their children to work. And to be thankful for work. Thank you for your example.

  • http://remnantofremnant.blogspot.com priest’s wife

    My girls are 11 and 10- and are saving for pointe shoes- you can tell the girls who get handed everything- they don’t take care of their stuff

  • Margaret

    Awesome! And I love the way you handled it! Perfect.

  • Chelsea

    I used to dance 5 nights a week too :) . I took lessons from when I was 6-18 and danced competitively on a team from 12-18 so I love to hear dancing stories! I worked at my dance studio too, at the front desk a couple nights a week to help pay for my tuition. Love the pointe shoes! They won’t look that pretty for long! ;)

  • Tammy

    Oh my gosh…what a beautiful story and lesson to teach your daughter…it is instructive in so many ways…and the image of you guys cleaning side-by-side…lovely.

    My daughter inherited my lack of coordination and was so weak as a baby that she was examined by a peds neurologist to check for disease. They said “she is normal but dont ever expect her to be a star soccer player” She hated soccer but wanted to do ballet. An ill-timed move distracted me and she started a year late.

    On the first round of assessments for readiness to dance on pointe, she was declined. A number of girls quit ballet at that juncture but she kept trying. My husband was unemployed that year, but I scraped the cash together for some private lessons and a cache of $ for the shoes. On the second round of assessments, she was given the green light to buy the shoes and our trip to the store was beyond joyful.

    She was the child I was scared to have..abuse from my mom growing up lead me to be frightened of raising a girl, so having her (after my sons were born and I was tempted to claim I was “done”) required a leap 0f faith. And there we were the only daughter of an only daughter of an only daughter of an only daughter getting her pointe shoes : ) God has blessed me abundantly with her.

    For me though the blessing didn’t stop there…I am a Perinatal Bereavement nurse and I care for women at times of pregnancy loss and infant death. I had a cluster of women from an unusual time of my practice where 6 of them had lost their only daughters. Some of them had surviving sons, some didn’t.

    There was an evening after a long day when I needed to sew ribbons on a new pair of pointe shoes (Im fussy about how I do it and it takes forever) and I had a split second of self pity that I had to do this seemingly tedious task. GASP – I caught myself…I know six women (if not dozens more) who would happily trade me. Burdened with a huge backpack full of humility, I sat to do my task.

    Of those 6 women, most of them know each other and I have regular interaction with 4 of them. They knew that if we developed a “friend” relationship with me, my life included my daughter. Each of them have shown extraordinary grace in celebrating Julia’s successes and laughing along with her foibles. 2 of them actually ran the support group for me while I went to the class on how to sew those darn ribbons…what amazing women, they have taught me so much.

  • Jack

    I don’t know how about how dance was taught in the 18-19th centuries, but for musicians, it was quite common for students to work in some servant capacity for their teachers if they could not afford monetary payments.

    Young Haydn polishing Porpora’s shoes comes to mind.

  • http://www.emergingmummy.com Sarah@EmergingMummy

    I love this!

  • http://www.morningstarr.typepad.com Dina

    beautiful! strange how we’ve worked so hard to provide everything for our kids only to discover that it’s best that they work to enjoy it more! big congrats to jewel!

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      YES! So true!

  • Nina

    This entry made me cry of both sadness, joy and hope. When I was younger, all I wanted to do was be a ballerina. It was my heart and soul. I worked my hardest, but a few months before my class was going to start training on pointes, I started feeling a twinge in my right knee. Long story short, it turned out I had an acute and chronic problem in my right knee, that rendered ballet completely out of my reach. I was 12, refused to give up and carried on with private lessons, to ready myself. But the doctors were adamant, and the pain was too great. No surgery could fix it.

    I never earned my ballet pointes. I had to stop before I could start using them. It still is one of my dreams to wear them, but I know I never will. And that is ok. I am 23 now, life has taken me in a different direction, but I still love ballet and remain a ballerina, if only in my dreams.

    I can imagine how much this means to your daughter, and I am so, so happy for her!! May she always dance with love and happiness. :)