Faith in the time of breast lumps

Posted on June 6, 2011 by elizabeth

I have a new breast lump. This one is harder and in a different section of my breast. My family history with breast cancer can’t be taken lightly and so, once again, my doctor ordered a breast ultrasound. Except this time, I didn’t have PPO health insurance and couldn’t be seen immediately. My current HMO insurance required me to retrieve my records, go to a different facility and wait a month for an appointment.

Typically, this is when I’d start freaking out…. READ MORE OF MY COLUMN HERE!

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  • Michael M.

    Great attitude!! I love that Padre Pio quote…I may have to post that on every mirror in our house :-)

  • Michael M.

    oh, and more importantly…so very glad the tests came back on the good side!

  • Jack

    To quote C. S. Lewis, at times like this it is the PRESENT doubt and uncertainty you say, “Thy will be done,” and you are then given courage and strength to bear it.

  • Sharon

    So glad that everything’s okay. God’s strength is amazing!

  • Tammy

    You tell a powerful story with this post…finding Grace in a stressful time…a time that women in our society would see with great fear and dread…and yet…

    4 comments in 5 days (when we can easily muster 60 comments about breastfeeding dolls). hmmmmmm I think this says something about us (the whole big collective societal “us”), maybe something we would do well to look at.

    I care for women and families at times of pregnancy loss and infant death. A very stressful time, one people most often didn’t expect. One behavior I often see in families (and even staff) is the “Its OK because _____”.
    Its OK because she is young and can have more children
    she has children at home
    she never quit smoking so she never loved the baby anyway
    she is a drug addict
    the baby had something wrong with it
    the baby went right to heaven
    she had too many babies already
    the dad is in jail so its good this baby died
    she didnt have enough money anyhow

    When in reality IT IS NOT OK, her baby is dead.

    But in our society, we like OK, we really like OK, we REALLY want everything to be OK and if it is not OK, we want to LEAP to OK. People who have suffered something really awful have a strange peace and attraction to them, dont they? If something REALLY bad happened to you, would you call a gal you know with a charmed life or would you call a friend who knows suffering?

    People who have suffered have often learned the fine art of being “not OK” with others…and it is a precious, rare and valuable skill. One we really should try harder to learn and teach and live; which really is the point of my post.

    Even “believers” (of any faith) …other people generally dont want their children, spouse or other loved ones to return to their Creator TODAY for the same reasons that you dont want your children (etc) to return to their Creator TODAY.

    I read a book called “Life Touches Life” where the author (Lorraine Ash) describes the reactions she gets from people after the death of her only child (just before birth). She describes how the meanest people were those who were also of childbearing age…she represented their worst fear and they were willing to anything (likely subconsciously) to build a wall or find a difference between them and the person who suffered a recent death.

    Yet little kids (in their pureness and naiveté) and old people (in thier experiences with suffering and pain) can be kind to those who suffer…what can those if us in the middle of life do to improve our capacity to journey with people who are suffering?

    Awaiting biopsy results, natural disaster, death, crime, pain…

    COMPASSION= com / with passion/ suffer

    How do we learn to “suffer with” without trying to “leap to OK” . EE, could you write a blog entry about this?

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Thank you SO much. I think this might be one of my most favorite comments ever. Seriously. Yes, I WILL write a post about this.

      • Tammy

        I’m humbled you would say that. Thank you.

        Thinking about it later…I realized that you didnt post any of this until IT WAS OK. Whether you admitted it to yourself or not, I think you knew that people would be extremely uncomfortable with interacting with you about it until they knew it was OK. I think we are enculturated do this…it is too scary to go out into the world with our uncertain suffering.

        Some of my ladies are pregnant with babies they know wont survive past birth. The all tell me stories of people in line at stores who ask question after question about their pregnant belly…they try to politely end the questioning and change the subject but the questioner keeps on asking. Sometimes they will finally break and say “well we were excited, but we found out that he wont survive” whereupon the questioner tells them that they must be mistaken or their doctor is wrong, or “there must be something they can do” and become so uncomfortable with the suffering they nearly melt down. God help my dear friend who gets all the questions…”no, this isnt our first, we had a daughter but she died. This is a boy, but he has no brain so he wont survive either”. She has whole social groups she cant even go among for the time being.

        Actually, I really hope that people read this post and are really mindful when they chat with pregnant ladies in Target.