Why we opted out of public school sex-ed

Posted on June 20, 2011 by elizabeth

At the end of each school year there are projects, presentations and class parties. There is also sex education — a course that, in my daughter’s 6th grade science class, covers a range of topics from reproduction to sexually transmitted diseases.

We opted out.

My daughter was initially distressed. Would she be the only one sitting outside the class and working on an alternate research project? READ MORE HERE!

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  • http://www.americannaussie.katyannewilson.com Katy-Anne

    If parents quit objecting and our school district FINALLY catches up with the times and does sex-ed, my children will be going. I will have already been teaching them about sexuality for many years before that. Sexuality is something I believe my kids learn about their whole lives, starting from very young. Our area is full of religious conservatives, and while we are conservative Christian, we think sex-ed at school would be a good thing. Maybe then there wouldn’t be so many of the new kids starting high school this year who had their babies over the summer…

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Not all sex-ed classes are the same. What your district teaches and what my district teaches might vary wildly. After seeing the list of titles that would be used in the classroom, we were pretty certain it wasn’t at all in line with what we were teaching at home.

      • http://www.americannaussie.katyannewilson.com Katy-Anne

        I guess we aren’t bothered if it doesn’t line up with what we teach them at home. We want our kids to be exposed to all different beliefs etc. Both my husband and I were home schooled, partly to shelter us, and both of us firmly feel that was the wrong decision for our parents to make. I mean, I learned stuff earlier when I was in public school before they decided to home school me for high school, and if my parents thought differently on that subject, I usually still believed them. Although they were messed up on a lot of stuff I know now.

  • Michael M

    Ah the dreaded sex ed in school. You’re daughter is lucky, we never had an alternative option. Even though I went to Catholic School even through high school, the sex ed classes really were just a mix of biology and STD/pregnancy warnings. Not enough morality was taught there. It really is better left in the home, and hopefully parents aren’t scared to teach it. I guess it is also sad that we have to start so young, but that’s probably another topic!

  • KatR

    I loved the article. Too often the Christian response to sex ed in the schools seems to be to attack public schools, or to try and make cirriculum choices for other people’s kids based on a faith they may not share.

    And yes, not going along with what other kids are doing is definitely a good lesson for a middle school kid to learn!

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Thank you for seeing that I’m not attacking public schools, but merely explaining what WE do in our OWN family. :)

  • http://remnantofremnant.blogspot.com priest’s wife

    I never took a sex-ed class- I was always the only one that had to go to the library. It was fine- but it would have been nice to have at least one other person opting out

  • http://deodate.wordpress.com Andie

    Good for you Elizabeth, I admire what you did teach your daughter…courage…fortitude….

  • http://www.amberpeace.com Amber-Lee

    It is great that you’re daughter has the type of home she does. She’s getting a good education at home as well as at school. For those who don’t have that great home, it is good for an all encompassing sex-ed to begin early. In group homes we see STDs starting at a very young ate (12 and 13). It is due to a lack of parental involvement and education. So those of us outside of the family do our best to teach what the parents won’t or couldn’t.

  • Jack

    A friend of mine was taught by her mother, “If you kiss a boy, and you enjoy it, deep down inside you’re a whore.”

    That’s not very helpful or accurate. God intended people to enjoy kissing–at the proper time.

    I think you have more sense than that, Elizabeth. I also support your right to have your daughter excused.

    I would want my child to attend such instruction–but I would also want to be there (in parenthesis), in order to further discuss what was taught. Parents AND children are often too embarrassed to broach such matters to each other. Sometimes an outside third party might be necessary to start the conversation.

  • Maggie Dee

    We’ve opted out of sex ed for the past three years. It starts in 4th grade here. However, that choice was initially driven by my daughter who is naturally a very private person. She had absolutely no desire to learn about sex in a group setting. Quite frankly, who can blame her? I remember well the high school boys snickering and making lewd comments while our health/p.e. teacher/coach taught the class. I always felt dirty when that class was over.

    The first year we opted out, we based it strictly on my daughter’s preference and personality. It was not an attack on the public school system. In my note to the teacher, I explained to them that one of major lessons I wanted my daughter to learn about sexuality is that she should never feel pressured to do anything that goes against her own internal boudaries. Therefore, I could not in good conscience force her to learn about sex in a group setting. To me that was the first step in telling her to ignore what her own conscience/boundaries were telling her. I basically turned the whole her body, her choice around and used it in our favor.

    This year we opted out because we are new Catholic converts and the class is taught by Planned Parenthood. My daughter still didn’t want to take the class for the previous reasons but also included in the mix was the fact that an organization responsible for murdering millions of babies was teaching it. When we get to high school and we’re dealing with class credit, etc. I have no idea how we’ll handle it.

    And yes, I do talk to my kids about sex and sexuality. I’ve used everyday opportunities that arise since they were young to interweave that information along with everything else I’ve taught them. Due to my own disfunctional childhood, I was determined that my kids were given the opportunity to grow up with a healthy view of sexuality and their bodies.

    On a side note, since my daughter opted out, a few of her friends opted out using the same logic as my daughter. Whew! Sorry for being so long winded.

  • http://www.indiatoappleton.blogspot.com Nancy

    My friend Deb asked to see the materials prior to the class at her kids’ school, and the office ladies didn’t know what to do — NO other parent had ever asked to see the curriculum (at least in their years at the school)! We have already had a few talks with our oldest two (ages 9 and 10), so they know that no subject is off-limits with us. I am determined that we will do a great job at home on this topic. I received zero instruction at home from my Catholic parents, and was sent to a church retreat that mostly stunk (where I learned that I should *never*, not even for health reasons, look at myself naked in the mirror, etc.). On the other hand, there was a couple who spoke candidly about how hard it was for them to wait until marriage — that was the best thing about the retreat.

    For those who are concerned that kids won’t be taught enough information at home . . . I encourage you to google the CDC web site and look up the epidemic numbers of STDs right now. Apparently all the information taught in the school classes has not worked out so well after all.

  • Didi Keppel

    I think that 6th grade is AWFUL early to be teaching about STDS, but I guess if the kids are sexually active it’s needed.

    I totally support your decision, but I do agree with some others that I’d rather have them see/hear the school’s version and come home and talk about it – ’cause she is going to hear it from her friends and society eventually, so I would want to be able to say “Hey, here is what we believe and The Bible says…”

    My only question from your article is; you stated “she won’t be learning about STDs this year” did you not tell her? I thought that you were saying you wanted to teach her from your worldview, not you were not going to teach her? Just a question :)

    I always LOVE Your posts!!!!

    Love a 27 year old whose mother taught her nothing about sex until 14 and told me “God made us like puzzle pieces and if you get with the wrong person it HURTS, so be sure you’re with the one God wants you with” *eye roll* :)

  • Margaret

    Great article, and I would have done the same.

    I–of my own accord–opted out of sex ed in public highschools. Given the atmosphere and the attitude of the kids in all the other classes and in the hall, I could not imagine that it would be anything but a bunch of laughs and opportunities for the boys to make even more disgusting innuendos and jokes. Count me out. My parents are doctors, and we discussed a great many things over the dinner table every evening–birth control, STDs, pregnancy/birth, and all of that were fair game, as well as relationships in general and the moral, spiritual, and emotional repurcussions of sexuality. I was well aware of the various approaches and beliefs about this subject long before my peers.

    My alternative assignment was to write a long essay to demonstrate that I understood the work and hardship involved in caring for children (the result of sex). That was not difficult because I’d been babysitting toddler *triplets* that year. lol. Slightly more realistic than carrying around a 5 lb sack of flour for a week. Seriously.

    Now, as far as school-based sex ed goes, I guess something is better than nothing. But if you can and will give your child more than just “something”, you are the parent and you do have the right to teach your child, and decide when, how, and in what context your child is going to learn about something that deep, personal, and intimate.