The insufferable cruelty of tight jeans (aka, The Tyranny of Discomfort)

Posted on July 21, 2011 by elizabeth

I’m tired of trying to shoe-horn myself into tight little jeans. #1 it’s uncomfortable. #2 nobody deserves the punishing view of me overflowing my denim.

Come to think of it, I don’t deserve the punishing view of you overflowing your denim, either. But somehow, we’ve all decided that smashing ourselves into jeans is really pretty awesome.

This needs to stop. I mean, at what age is it OK for a woman to stop warring with her womanly curves? I’m dead weary of fighting my curves. Sometimes, wearing jeans just feels like such a cruel thing to do to my childbearing hips.

This is why we have stretchy skirts, for example. This is also why we have long, lovely, flowy skirts, for example.

I’m telling you, I’m experiencing a renaissance, here. I have re-discovered the joy of long skirts–skirts that actually make swooshing sounds when I walk! I needed to buy some skirts for Bolivia and when I tried them on, I remembered the sheer joy of swooshy, swooshing, swooshable skirtage!

There’s another aspect to this about which I’m afraid to talk (because in case you didn’t already think I’m a “too sensitive” ENFP, now you’ll REALLY think that).

Here’s the truth: clothes really bother me. I mean like they physically hurt my body. If I could go naked all the time, I would. Alas, my kids have reached the age whereupon they are horrified at the sight of their mother standing naked in the kitchen calmly frying up some eggs.

I’m not trying to scare anyone, it’s just that clothes really, really BOTHER my skin.

Pants make me too hot. Shorts annoy my inner thighs. Short sleeved shirts bother my pits, long sleeved shirts make me sweat.

I do not wear my wedding ring because it itches my fingers. I cannot wear necklaces or earrings for longer than a few hours because it literally feels like my skin is being attacked. I hate shoes because my toes hurt inside them (I go barefoot or in flip-flops most of the time).

Don’t get me started on the heinous crime called brassiers.

So. The only clothing I feel really comfortable in are Distraught Pants and baggy T-shirts. Clearly, these clothes are for Indoor Use Only. I need more options, people.

So. Skirts.

Problem is, I long ago chucked out all my long skirts because I was tired of the Tyranny of Modesty–and now I’m coming back to them, mainly because I’m sick of the Tyranny of Discomfort.

Last week I started this experiment where I wore skirts every single day. I know this might sound crazy, but I was actually a happier person. How can skirts make a person happy, you ask? Here’s a short list:

  1. Ease of movement
  2. Breathable, breeziness
  3. No matter which way I move, I’m covered–no crack, no back, no pattiwhack!
  4. Swooshability
  5. No annoying, restrictive, oppressive sensations on the skin
  6. I look all nice and pretty without even trying that hard

Skirts. I’m beginning to think they might have magical powers. Have I finally found clothing that is kind to my curves and doesn’t bother my sensitive skin? Please, yes? Pleeeease?

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  • http://www.madamerubies.com Heather

    I love long skirts. :)

  • http://www.theoutdoorwife.com Nish

    If you’re a skirt fan, you should check out Texture Clothing. Their skirts? Are THE. BEST. SKIRTS. EVER. So comfortable, easy to wear, different lengths, soft, fun to layer. I have never owned a skirt I loved more than my Texture skirt.

    Just FYI. :) I’ll be bringing one of mine to Bolivia!

  • KatR

    I’ve always avoided long skirts because I’ve been afraid that I would look like the sisterwife on “Big Love” pre-makeover, but that outfit looks so cute on you. Maybe I need to re-evaluate.

  • Tara S

    Oh, clothes! All I want in life is something easy to wear, that looks nice, and that I can do my work in. I can’t find such a thing anywhere, so I’m building a time machine back to the days of pretty and practical dresses. Also, garters. I am equally displeased with socks, pantyhose, and my bare legs. :-)

  • http://rachelheldevans.com Rachel H. Evans

    Confession: My “month of modesty” was one of my favorites of the project because I got to wear peasant skirts everywhere. So comfortable! Also, I had to cover my head at all times, which meant no one noticed my bad hair days. I’d never been so low-maintenance!

    Maybe “modest” chicks are just slackers. :-)

  • http://stitchinguptheseams.wordpress.com/ Stitching Seams

    I am SO jealous. I swore off skirts after a semester-long stint at BJU, but I too am tired of fighting my curves. Unfortunately, due to life in general and a disease, I have gained enough weight to not fit into my skirts. But on days like today when it is 80 degrees inside my office…man, do they sound nice! I may have to go shopping and see if skirts will be kinder to my generous curves than my single pair of jeans and two pairs of work slacks.

  • http://stitchinguptheseams.wordpress.com/ Stitching Seams

    Also: I totally relate to hating clothes, though I do have a handful of clothes that make me happy wearing them.

  • http://www.createdtobehis.com becky

    To each his own I guess. I hate skirts and have gone for years without putting one on. They get in my way and I just feel weird in them. I hate feeling my bare thighs rub against each other and there’s no way I’m wearing pantyhose (I can’t even remember the last time I wore pantyhose. I was probably a teenager.)

    I do wear them now occasionally to church or a special event (only to look cute, never because they’re comfortable!) but I never ever wear them around the house.

    I have heard of women who say they skirts make them “feel” more housewifey, submissive, and modest but it makes no sense that change comes from the outside in. Righteousness does not come by putting on a skirt.

    I have also heard women say that random men treat them better when they’re wearing skirts/dresses. They have doors opened for them, etc. Maybe I live in a polite area of the country because men open doors for me frequently no matter what I’m wearing.

  • http://teaatelevensies.com Char

    You look so great in a long skirt! Most women I see wearing skirts like that can’t pull them off like you are. Skirts are my favorite because they’re easy to make new outfits with, you instantly look like you put some effort into your appearance, and they’re so much cooler than shorts and capris in triple digit temperatures!

  • http://chaseafterwind.blogspot.com Amy B

    Clothes do the same thing to me!!! Except you left off waistbands cutting into the belly. Even when I was thin (not that I am fat, but I am talking pre-marriage and baby), the waist of my pants, skirt, what have you, needed to be loose or I would go mad with discomfort. This is why I love dresses even more than skirts. No waist band! I wish we all dressed like Amish ladies (but with more color) or like medieval peasants (but with softer fabric) or in Jane Austen regency dresses (but with less boobage showing).

    • Tara S

      Road to Avonlea! Those ladies had it figured out. :-)

      • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

        Boo-ya!

  • http://www.heathershodgepodge.blogspot.com Heather’s Hodgepodge

    I love that skirt! Where did you find it?

  • http://dawnfarias.com Dawn Farias

    Yes, well, I love my jeans and now that three of my three pairs have developed holes in the knee I’ve begun looking for replacements. Only I HATE clothes’ shopping. I, too, have curves and very specific tastes along with low tolerance for extended shopping trips.

    I told my husband yesterday that I want swishy cargo pants from now on. Maybe peasant skirts would do, too, only then I need to find a good pair of sandals or flip-flops to wear… and the complications begin. :)

  • http://blog.berkman.ca Janet

    A couple of years ago, I bought two skirts from the sportswear company Columbia. They’re “not long” (that is, at-the-knee when I’m standing), have elastic at the waist, pockets, and are the perfect substitute for shorts in the summer. I also follow the blog nopants2011.com, an experiment in not wearing pants for a year. She has lots of great tutorials on refashioning clothing.

  • http://www.wellthinkagain.blogspot.com deb

    I hear ya! I threw out ALL of my skirts after I left the whole Protestant modesty thing. It was invigorating the not see a single skirt in my closet!! I felt SO good. So rebelious ;o) Everytime I saw one hanging there before that, I felt pushed back under that horrible thing that I let my self drown in…. Now, I am renewing my closet with new, fun, flowing skirts, not based on Church or Christianiy. Based on my comfort and my own style ;o) It is refreshing to have clothes just be clothes, not a measure of my holiness….

  • http://www.heidijowhatdoyouknow.blogspot.com Heidi Jo

    and recently i just wrote about the “summer of the dress”. which didn’t work out too well for me :o ) i LOVE the idea of a skirt, but have never felt like i can pull it off well. and my kids are always getting wrapped up in mine!

  • Betsy

    I love the skirt in the pic. I wish I could find long (floor-length) skirts in my size that I didnt have to take out a loan to buy!

  • http://isthismodest.com MInTheGap

    Glad to see you enjoying long skirts– extremes are never good. :)

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.blogspot.com Holly

    Oh. Dang it. I hate skirts and dresses and how I feel in them. I either feel frumpy if I’m casual or constricted if they are more the “office” type of dress/skirt.

    But now, NOW, because of you, I am going to have to go and raid my daughter’s closet and try on all of her long, flowing skirts, AGAIN, to see if I look or feel any different this time. Thanks.

    (Ha Ha. You do look wonderful. I really hope you find some things that don’t bother you AND that you enjoy wearing. It sounds like a real dilemma. I feel kinda like you describe, only the opposite, when I wear skirts. I love a comfortable pair of old jeans – not that I’m squozen into mind you, and not mom jeans, either….just jeans. I live in jeans. Sometimes, I say to myself….”you should really try harder.” But when I try harder, I feel like I’m trying to fool someone or that I’m a fake. )

    • Valerie

      I love jeans, Holly. I wish I lived somewhere cool enough that I could wear jeans and a t-shirt all year round. Summer clothing poses a real dilemma, for me.

      • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.blogspot.com Holly

        What do you end up wearing, darling Val? What works for you?

        • Valerie

          Jeans every day in winter! With a long sleeved top and a nice cardigan or funky vest and scarf. SO easy in winter! Boots as well.

          In summer? Ugh. So hot here that we wear as little as possible. I don’t look good in shorter shorts so usually capris and a sleeveless top. At home I’ll wear dresses that would probably need a slip if out (and slip would be like wearing a fur coat in a blast furnace! Ha!)

  • http://www.seekingfaithfulnessblog.blogspot.com Holly

    Also? I can not turn cartwheels in skirts. Devastating.

  • Mezzanine

    Yay for long skirts!

    (The things you’re describing about getting irritated by clothing are actually classic ADHD.)

    • Liz S.

      I have always had “texture-sensitive skin”, too, and I just learned THIS very week, that very same thing! That it’s related to my ADD!! How did I miss that, all these years? Crazy. I’m even that way with food textures, to a certain degree. I’m very, VERY weird about the fat on meat, for example. As in, I’d rather skip the steak altogether, if I’m in a place where it’s not appropriate to practically dissect it first…haha. Can’t deal with the “slimy” sensation. *gag*
      And on the topic of clothes…I LOVE the idea of a skirt, but I can’t take my bare inner thighs rubbing together. So I mostly have to forego my cute skirts. If anyone has a decent solution for the inner-thigh problem (that doesn’t involve the use of Spanx), I’d be very grateful to hear it!

  • http://sobrakseaton.com/krista Krista

    I have gotten back into skirts lately mostly because they are MUCH more forgiving for gaining a few pounds here and there. But also because of the whole breezy thing you were talking about. I do shorts and skirts. I don’t like pants because I get too hot. I can’t wear closed-toes shoes or else I get too hot. Some shirts make me feel like I am being choked. I can’t sleep comfortably with a necklace on, it makes me feel claustrophobic. Bras are horrible, but I am too large-chested to wear those awesome tanks with built in bras. Not appropriate for anyone to see me in those. So skirts/shorts and tank tops with flip flops are my go-to. Good thing I live in a beach town!!

  • http://www.girlwithanotebook.com Val Sinclaire

    Oh my! You had me at Distraught Pants, EE. Been there! After having three babes and moving about a dozen times, I was sick of carrying clothes around that don’t fit or make me feel good. So I cleaned out the closet and was left with a jacket and some ratty underwear. (I know, Middle Class Probs.) Found nothing I liked in stores (who has time to shop, anyway!?)

    So, I connected w/ a local independent fashion designer. She’s creating two skirts for me that I plan to wear ALL the time. I’m happy b/c I’m supporting a creative small business owner AND I will have something unique to wear. Cost: extremely reasonable for clothing that will serve me well. There’s a balance between feeling pretty + being practical — I want to strike it. I’m done allowing mass-produced clothing to make me feel bad about my shape. Enjoy your skirtness!!

    • Tara S

      What a good idea! I’m going to have to start looking in my area.

  • http://brokentelegraph.com Tiffany

    AMENAMENAFRIGGGGING MEN! Seriously. I went home in tears yesterday because I was refusing to admit that at 8 weeks pregnant my jeans would ever be getting tighter. I tried SO hard to wear them, with a belt, and look as stylish as ever. I hear billions of stories from woman who are “5 months pregnant and aren’t even showing a little bit”. In my head it is the way it is supposed to be.

    Well…yesterday, after I went home in tears because my belly hurt SO bad from my jeans digging into it all day – I said “screw it”. I don’t care what is up with “most women”. I’m wearing dresses and leggings for the next 9 months. I bought two more pairs of leggings and I’m over fighting with it. Maybe I’m not normal. Maybe I’m going to be a sow because my jeans hurt at 8 weeks. But, for now, I’m not going to worry about it anymore. The jeans are done. D.O.N.E. I’m over it. :)

    I’m so glad that you are too. I’m excited to be able to be over it with someone else.

    • Donna

      Tiffany, this is the beginning of the learning curve for you that in pregnancy/motherhood There Is No Normal! If you have a small belly everyone will comment on how tiny you are and you will feel terrible, if you have a big belly everyone will comment on how big you are and you will feel terrible. After 4 pregnancies I’ve realised the best thing to say to a pregnant woman is ‘you look great!’
      Then there’s babies… they all roll over, sit, crawl, walk, get teeth, sleep through the night and start solids at different times to each other. This is normal. If your baby walks at 9mths or 16mths it doesn’t mean anything other than that’s when they started walking.
      Don’t fall into the trap of ‘this is normal, this is what I should be doing’ – it’s just a lie!
      All the best with your pregnancy :)

    • Renee

      Ditto on jeans in pregnancy!! I am on my fourth pregnancy -15 weeks along- and I HATE wearing jeans or any pants while pregnant! I am wearing cool woven cotton dresses this summer and quite happy; and will be wearing dresses and leggings come fall and winter!! Yay for the fashion that makes it so easy now! :-) Congratulations to you!

    • KatR

      Those people who barely show at five months are celebrities who also wear skinny jeans when they take their babies home from the hospital. It’s not normal. ;)

      • Tammy

        I cant imagine wearing jeans with a waist band in pregnancy ever (it has been 15 years since Ive been pregnant and just reading about it makes my middle hurt) …go for comfy…you will find something cute . You will someday be like me in my declining years with plenty of time to wear waist bands.

    • Rachelle

      check out New Creation they have maternity skirts that look like they would be comforatable and really cute!

  • http://Jamiallyn.wordpress.com Jami rogers

    I totally agree. Skirts r great but they have to be knee length or longer. And for me not too flowery – I don’t do flowery well!:)

  • Chelsea

    PLEASE tell me where you are getting your long skirts!!! I have been searching everywhere and can’t find them! I am the same as you, I really hate clothes. All clothes bother me besides baggy yoga pants and t shirts but like you said, I can’t actually wear those to work. I really want some long skirts because even though I’m 23 and most girls are wearing tiny mini skirts I can’t stand skirts above my knees.

  • http://sue-livingandlearning.blogspot.com/ Sue

    OK, I wasn’t going to bring this up, but since someone else already did… you may have hip issues, but some of us sisters have inner thigh issues (guys you can stop reading here).

    Can we say *chaffing*. Ouchie! I don’t think I have ever been free of that problem, even when I was a size 3 back in college after that crash Slim Fast diet. So, I have never gotten it when some women say that skirts are so comfy and cool. I only wear them to church, and run straight to my room to change when we get home! When it’s cool enough I’m OK, but in summer… for.get.it.

    Whew! It was so good to get that off my chest. But, you do look adorable in that skirt, and I’m so glad that you found something you feel good in! We all need that.

  • http://www.reflectionsofaprincess.com Jessica

    Okay.

    #1 – Where did you find that skirt?
    #2 – And is it denim? I have always wanted a long denim skirt that isn’t a rectangle.

    I love the skirts, but don’t wear them too often. Although when I did recently my son said I looked pretty and asked me to twirl…there might have been a mention of princess in there too. ;)

    And, yes, clothes hurt my body too. :P

  • http://recoveringpessimist.blogspot.com Jennifer

    Okay, I am mildly obsessed with Magic Wrap skirts. I get mine at the Fullerton Farmer’s Market on Thursday evenings… I can’t help myself. They are soooo gorgeous and so breezy and cool. You can wear them on even the warmest days. Here’s one website that features them:

    http://shylaacreations.com/vintage-silk-sari-wraps.html

    BUT the ones at the Farmer’s Market are not nearly as expensive. I think I get mine for $15 or $20 a piece but they are exactly the same as the ones sold on that website.

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Oh my goodness, Jennifer! THOSE ARE AMAZING!!!! I will definitely have to get some of those! They are so beautiful!!!

      • http://recoveringpessimist.blogspot.com Jennifer

        Seriously… Fullerton Farmer’s Market… the one on Wilshire. I gotta get me some more too :-) There’s a water fountain the kids can run around in and yummy food too. If you’re ever gonna go, let me know. Play date!

        • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

          YES!!!! I know right where that is! I grew up in Fullerton! :) Let’s plan for a playdate near the end of summer? YAY! Skirts!

          • http://recoveringpessimist.blogspot.com Jennifer

            Woohoo! Let’s do it!

  • joy

    for those who hate skirts b/c of chafing, I highly recommend loose, billowy linen pants. So cool, so comfortable, but no thighs rubbing.

    • Jack

      You might try dharma.com.

      They sell mostly fabric, but I think the last time I saw the catalogue, they had linen or cotton pants like you’re describing.

      Ladies–wear whatever you find comfortable.

  • http://domasmamoi.blogspot.com Maya

    Loved this post! This made me laugh: I’m tired of trying to shoe-horn myself into tight little jeans. #1 it’s uncomfortable. #2 nobody deserves the punishing view of me overflowing my denim. It is so me and, coming to the age when the curves won’t melt away like they did 5 years ago or so, I gotta start thinking skirts, too. You look fabulous in that skirt, Esther.

  • Theresa in Alberta

    You look very lovely, and comfortable!!

  • Tammy

    I love pants so much I wore a dressy pantsuit to my senior prom. I own dresses and skirts and can pull them off quite well, but given a chance, I like pants.

    What I REALLY miss though is the (OK, I know they are now seen as very dorky) jeans that fit at the natural waist…back in the late 70s and early 80s…fat or thin, your jeans went halfway to your armpits and everything got all zipped in…no cutting people in half at weird unpredicable horizontal lines that leave bizarre indentations in flesh and spilling muffin tops

  • http://www.rageagainsttheminivan.com Kristen

    I am the same way about clothes and bras and shoes and jewelry and ALL THAT. I change into my PJ’s immediately after dinner because I feel like that is the earliest acceptable time I can put them on. But I would live in them if I could get away with it.

    BTW, have you seen Pajama Jeans? They are hideous, but awesome.

  • Margaret

    I love skirts. I would wear them even if I didn’t have ” conviction” to wear them.

    They are comfy and forgiving.

    And for chafing? Either coullotte slips or corn starch. :)

  • http://theheartofmary.blogspot.com Mary

    You need to wear muu-muus! Google: Hawaiian clothing, especially Hawaiian Outfitters. Muu-muus!

  • http://theheartofmary.blogspot.com Mary

    http://www.hawaiianfashionplace.com/ Ooops, not Hawaiian Outfitters, I mean Hawaiian Fashion Place. Copy and paste that link. You have to wear underpinnings under them, though, or risk being caught on camera as one of “The People of WalMart.”

  • http://www.rareroses.com/ Azure

    Maxi dresses and Hawaiian dresses are the way to go. No bra needed. You don’t have to worry about bulging over the waist. There’s is no issue regarding whether a particular shirt must be tucked in or can hang out.

  • Margaret

    Oh yea, and maxi dresses are all *in* right now!

    I can’t wait until they hit the thrift stores in a season or two. Mine, all mine! :D

    (Also, some of those sleeveless ones, with a little adjustment, make great skirts. Especially the ones with the wide, elasticized bust band. Fabulous, forgiving, comfortable waistband with a wide, flowing “skirt”. :) )