I’m A Slacker for Jesus

Posted on September 23, 2011 by elizabeth

I’m burnt out on dreaming big dreams for God. From now on, it’s only small dreams for God. Or better yet, naptime for God. Basically, my new goal in life is to be a slacker for Jesus.

OK, before you freak out, allow me to explain.

I’ve always measured my success as a Christian on what I “do for God.” Meaning, I didn’t just want to be a hearer of the Word, I wanted to be a doer. I did, did, did for God until my skin broke out in psoriasis, until I was depressed, burnt-out and so desperate for relief that given the opportunity, I would have self-medicated with alcohol or maybe an affair.

I pretty much never had the opportunity—which fact I directly credit to the unmerited grace of God in my life. I know the depths of my neediness and how easily, easily, OH SO EASILY I could self-medicate with sex.

Instead, I self-medicate by doing MORE good things! I volunteer MORE. I write MORE. I clean MORE. I manage and over-control my children MORE.

But what if all this DOING is not what God wants for me? What if being a doer of the Word means just being?

I’m not very good at allowing myself to just be.

For one thing, people seem to confuse laziness with the fine art of being. Everyone wants a completed to-do list. We measure success by how much we’ve done with our lives. You can turn a profit by DOING things. You can point to your church attendance as evidence of your piety.

But God made me an ENFP. I am not good at doing (you DO remember how an ENFP cleans house, right?). But I am good at being.

I am not the woman who knows how to organize a weekly meal plan for a sick neighbor, but I am the woman who will enter your pain and feel it with you. I am the woman who listens to your stories, cherishes your confidence and will love you with a heart wide open.

I am the woman who will go to the difficult places, who will not look away from your suffering, who will love you unconditionally just because you are.

I am not, however, the woman who will organize the yearly church potluck.

I have found that my skills are not….um….in high demand. At least, not in the modern church context. I’m no good at small group Bible studies–I end up panicking and fleeing to the bathroom. I am frustrated by systematic theology and the never-ending debates.

I am interested in people and their stories. I am interested in soup and sitting down at a cozy table to talk. I am interested in laughter and making you feel comfortable. I am interested in smiles and hugs, handwritten letters, “intercessory baking” (as my friend, Preston Yancey calls it) and holding hands. I am interested in love and unity.

My name is Elizabeth Esther and I will probably never do big things for God. But I will be and be and be my heart out for Him.

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  • Danielle

    Sounds like you are a Mary instead of a Martha. Don’t make excuses for yourself! I am a Martha always striving to be a Mary. There is so much more of CHRIST in seeing the person, not the task. Thank God you are the way you are. The world/church might not always recognize it, but it is what Christ asks of us…sit at His feet and just BE.

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      I’m a Mary stuck in a Martha body!!

      I’ll try to stop making excuses for myself. Or maybe stop trying to try. ack!

      Maybe i’ll just go take a nap instead!

  • http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com even one sparrow

    “I have found that my skills are not….um….in high demand. At least, not in the modern church context. I’m no good at small group Bible studies–I end up panicking and fleeing to the bathroom. ”

    Um. Yes.  That is me.

    The modern church NEEDS you.  We don’t need more big events.  We need love.  We need to listen.  

    God tells us to “be still and know.”  I think if the church loses sight of this profound command (and I think we are), then we are following culture instead of Jesus.

    It’s not about doing.  It’s totally about being.
    It’s also about being weak, and letting God do His work WITH and THROUGH such weakness.
    It’s about being real.

    Yeah.  I’d say you’ve got it right. :)

  • http://humbled-pie.blogspot.com/ Kari

    Oh!  I *love* this!  I am an INFP.  Just the *thought* of most small group studies makes me panic and flee to the bathroom.

    Yes…more *being* for Him!

  • http://moonchild11.wordpress.com/ Sarah Moon

    awesome. I’m learning so much truth from your blog. Thank you! 
    Also, nap time for Jesus. I’m going to go do that now. 

  • Kari

    (okay, a recovering INFJ who has been behaving more and more like a P in recent years)   ;)

  • Leslie McCaddon

    I feel so very understood and not alone right now. Thanks, as always, for posting from your heart.

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Being understood is one of the best feelings in life! So glad you felt that here! ((hugs))

  • http://twitter.com/KennethLowMD Kenneth Low

    Lose your desire. Stop trying to re-invent the world in your own image. You don’t really have to “do” anything.

    • http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

      Um, okaaay.

  • http://keepbabbling.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    Are you familiar with Stephen Ministries? Because everything you described in your second-to-last paragraph makes me think you’d be great at it: http://www.stephenministries.org/stephenministry/default.cfm/1225

  • Anonymous

    Um. Okaaaay….

  • Anonymous

    I wish we lived closer! We need each other! ((hugs))

  • http://www.facebook.com/djsoto David J. Soto

    This blog post is mint. I’ve joked with my wife recently about writing a book about living the boring life. I guess not so much the boring, but the simple life.

    I’ve actually had to take a break from Christian inspirational books because it was too much “live your dreams” talk, which is cool by the way. However, I’m more into “11 Make it your goal to live a quiet life, minding your own business and working with your hands, just as we instructed you before. 12 Then people who are not Christians will respect the way you live, and you will not need to depend on others.”

  • KatR

    “I’m going to do big things for God, no matter how many people I have to roll over to do it!”

    Either that or, like you, unraveling under the pressure. Honestly, I’ve never known a “I’m going to do big things for God!” person who was healthy.

  • http://blog.amberlbaker.com Amber Baker

    Elizabeth Esther, you do great things for the kingdom every day by letting us laugh and weep and think. You are relational. You bring God into daily life. I love you :D

  • Kelsey

    You may not do big things for God… but He will take those little things you do for Him and do unfathomably HUGE things with them. 

    That’s what it’s all about, yo!

  • http://www.lovewellblog.com/ Kelly @ Love Well

    The modern church might not think it needs you. But it does. Desperately. We over over-programed, over-marketed, over-hyped. We’ve lost the love. You might even say, we’ve lost the lovin’ feeling.

    (Cue The Righteous Brothers.)

    I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. My life is pretty normal, some might even say boring. But this? This quietness and restraint? For me, this is a huge leap of faith. It’s me learning to rest in God, and not think He needs me to save the world.

    There is plenty that I can do. But all the talk about do more, dream big, reach high are the opposite of what I hear God saying to me right now.

    Faithfulness in little things….

  • Anonymous

    You saying “yo” just made my day! If nothing else, I’ve given you the power of the “yo.” :)

  • Anonymous

    Awwww, shut up and let me give you a big ol’ hug!!!! xoxo.

  • Anonymous

    Brrring baack that lovin’ feelin ooohhhh that lovin’ feelin! :)

    Three cheers for the little things!

  • Anonymous

    Word.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, the Pres. church our family attends has a Stephen Ministry. Would my blog count as a Stephen Ministry? :)

  • Anonymous

    YES to finding a way to love who God created rather than trying to jam myself into a pre-conceived mold!!! I wish you lived closer, too! xoxo.

  • Anonymous

    Feeling understood is one of life’s most wonderful feelings. I’m SO happy you felt that here today! ((hugs))

  • Anonymous

    more BEING for Him! YAY!

  • Anonymous

    I know something about weakness. I bet you do, too. Let’s embrace it together!

  • http://kansasbob.com Kansas Bob

    “Slacker for Jesus” – I love it!

  • Susan

    I’m an INFP, and it seems we are quite similar except for the E and the I. :) In fact, I love it that you are an E because you say all of the stuff that I keep inside and wish I could say.

  • Susan

    IMHO, I think it does.

  • Steph

    “Be still and know that I am God.” Sometimes that’s the right thing.

    Your ENFPness or whatever is probably why I still read your blog even though I find myself at theological odds with you. :) I’ve gone through a lot of ups and downs the past several years, and just…who you are and what you let yourself be and everything just resonates with me and makes me feel better too. If that makes sense.

  • Anonymous

    aw, Steph. Let’s not let our theological differences separate us ever again. Thank you for reading—I’m going through the ups and downs with you. ((hugs))

  • http://thekeytothedoor.blogspot.com Meredith

    When I read the bit about “hand written letters” you completely melted my heart.  So, there are two of us in the world who still write letters.  Hooray.  Would love to give you a hug.
    Mx

  • Christiana

    Hi there, I have  been lurking for weeks, first time commenting. This post is dangerously close to making me tear up! (By the way, the apologizing to the gay neighbours post legit made my eyes sting real bad).

    I just relate to this one so much though, even though I might not be an ENFP. I must be pretty close though, because I am an epic listener and can get deep with people all day long  but just the THOUGHT of organizing a potluck makes me break out in hives! It is so refreshing to know that that does not make me a bad person.

  • http://www.fromourfrontporch.net Sherri

    Elizabeth, 
    You don’t know me… I have, for the most part, been a lurker on your blog. Reading for months… agreeing with you on much, disagreeing with you some…But you have no idea how much my soul needed these words you’ve shared today.  And I cannot, here in this tiny comment box for all the world to see, aptly express just how much I needed them. You are doing big things for God in this small way. And for a person like me, on this day… I am ever blessed and thankful for your willingness to “be” {and to share your being, with me.}  ~Sherri

  • Anonymous

    OK. Now I’m officially crying. xoxo.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a mess now. Thank you for reading and reaching out to me here in the combox. YOUR comment was what MY soul needed. Thank you. *sniff*

  • Katie M

    Wow, so I’m not alone. I think I’ll print out a copy for every mirror in my house. Btw your post on how an ENFP cleans house is what secured your place in my Google Reader. Thanks again for your courage and honesty! You are “doing” more than you know! :-)

  • Anonymous

    Sorry EE but I think you do big things fir God already. xoxo.

  • theresaEH

    I do believe you are on to something here Mrs EE!!! Maybe I will start by putting away my big heavy book of theology and reading about the little flower, who did little things for our Blessed Lord.  I cannot make soup but I would so luv to taste yours ;-)

  • Leanne

    I am an ISTP – who ended up in therapy for a year and a half [for what I thought was primarily spiritual abuse recovery, but it turned out to be a lot of "being vs. doing" talk]. Turns out I am an approval addict, and was trying to earn the love of God and everyone around me by all the awesome things I did for God.  I have stepped out of full time church ministry and am trying to figure out this whole “being” thing.  And being an ISTP, I will probably make a chart about it :) .  Thanks for this…I needed another gentle reminder that I am on the right track!

  • April

    I’m right there with you.  Thank you for the reminder. 

  • Kelly

    Liz,  I completely agree with you, and am at a place in my life where my desire to be Christ-like rather than do Christian things is being tested the most.  I have just found out recently (within the last week or so) that my mother is dangerously ill w/cancer. It doesn’t look good.  And she has never wanted anything to do with knowing and following Jesus.  So…my old church-voice urges me to arm myself w/”How to get to Heaven” pamphlets and sit by her hospital bed until she gives in, while God is gently urging me to rest in Him, to let it go, and to let His Spirit have control of my words, my actions, my heart, myself when I am with my Mum in the hospital.  He keeps reassuring me that having her w/Him for eternity is His passion, even more than it is mine, and that makes it His work.

    The thing is, I am convinced that if I get distracted by ”101 Ways to get Your Sick Loved Ones into Heaven” , then I am not open to God’s promptings and movements in my spirit.  I am choosing to trust God, to relax and just enjoy my time with my Mum, no matter how much of it we have left, to allow God to be my love, my strength, my peace, my comfort, and to trust that He wants to be all of this to my dear Mum as well. 

    Your post was a confirmation.  Even in the direst circumstances…especially in the direst circumstances, we NEED to BE  lovers and followers of Christ.  Thanks for your honesty.  {{hugs}}

  • http://www.seeprestonblog.com Preston Yancey

    A slacker for Jesus? Hm, a lovely thing to be. If indeed in Him “we move and have our being,” then there is little to be done in our day that is not, somehow, touched by Him. Intercessory baking and all. :-) And you’re the kind of friend, the kind of minister, that I would want alongside my mother while she suffers chronic pain. I’ll see to the meals, you see to the heart.

  • Handsfull

    Kelly, well done!  It is so hard be just be, and let the Holy Spirit work as He will, when you have that desperate urge to ‘do’ and make things happen yourself.
    I’ll be praying for you and your Mum.

  • http://aislingdream.wordpress.com/ Melanie

    Thank you for this! Thank you.

  • Hippie Grandma

    I was going to suggest the same thing. Stephen Ministry would be a PERFECT place to use your gifts (many Catholic churches and other denominations have SM, too).  I am an E/INFP, and SM is the only thing keeping me in the institutional church setting right now, the only place I feel my gifts of listening (not advising, not spitting out bible verses) and just being there (not judging, not organizing) fit in.  Absolutely amazing to sit back and watch God work wonders through such simple things.  I hope you get a chance to look into it. ; )

  • http://maryharristodd.wordpress.com Mary Harris Todd

    Elizabeth, thank you so much for this post!  These are words of reassurance for me and also for the small congregation that I pastor.  So often small flocks like mine feel second rate because they cannot “do” what bigger, more programmatic churches do.  We cannot “do church” in a materially-rich, busy, “showy” kind of way, but we cherish people and their stories.  I love the way the members of my little flock walk alongside each other and other hurting people that God brings to us in our daily lives.  What you offer, and what these gentle folk offer, is very beautiful indeed, and critically needed!

  • claire

    You just described my husband.  I read it to him and he loved it. 

  • Jo ann

    Talk about doing, doing, doing for God — I am employed by my local Catholic Church.  I am trying to find balance in my doing/being and in my doing/praying and in the needs of my community and the needs of my family.

    I don’t know what happened, but when I read your last sentence “I will be and be and be my heart out for him” I started crying.  What does that mean????

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    “BE STILL and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

    Amen Sister.
    Now go jump your husband.

  • Anonymous

    ba ha ha ha. my husband would like this comment! :D

  • Gina Norman

    I am so absolutely overjoyed that I found your blog! You are incredible with words, such an awesome writer! This post is EXACTLY it. So many christians miss the BEING, and go right to the DOING. But we have to LOVE God first, just BE WITH HIM. Abide. Commune. Know Him. Love Him. Sit and waste our Alabaster on Him like Mary did. Waste ourselves on Him….give Him our hearts. 
    You would absolutely love Misty Edwards, Watchman Nee, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, Graham Cooke, and Francis Frangipane if you don’t already. I ADORE you!!! Just when I didn’t think there was anyone else out there similar to me–God leads me to you….

  • Gina Norman

    I am so absolutely overjoyed that I found your blog! You are incredible with words, such an awesome writer! This post is EXACTLY it. So many christians miss the BEING, and go right to the DOING. But we have to LOVE God first, just BE WITH HIM. Abide. Commune. Know Him. Love Him. Sit and waste our Alabaster on Him like Mary did. Waste ourselves on Him….give Him our hearts. 
    You would absolutely love Misty Edwards, Watchman Nee, Henri Nouwen, Thomas Merton, Graham Cooke, and Francis Frangipane if you don’t already. I ADORE you!!! Just when I didn’t think there was anyone else out there similar to me–God leads me to you….

  • http://www.emergingmummy.com Sarah@EmergingMummy

    Beautiful, EE. Simply *beautiful*.

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