“True Tolerance:” how Focus on the Family is missing the point

Posted on September 13, 2011 by elizabeth

Focus on the Family is missing the point. Here’s why:

If the TRUE “heart-cry” of Focus on the Family is protecting the most vulnerable of our society, then marginalizing a minority group is pretty much the exact opposite of that.
Putting the word “true” in front of the word tolerance sounds pretty disingenuous.
If you’re tolerant, it’s self-evident.
Only intolerant people go around telling everyone they’re truly tolerant.
Christians who mess around with semantics like this are engaging in straight-up intellectual dishonesty.
If Focus on the Family truly wants to protect innocent children, they should start by being intellectually honest.
How about a Focus on the Family project called “True Honesty”?
The first lesson in this project would be how saying hurtful, dishonest things about gays and lesbians in a nice, “reasonable” way is still hurtful and dishonest.
Worse, it’s insidious.
What are “homosexual lessons” anyway?
Which is scarier? So-called “homosexual lessons” hiding under the “cover” of anti-bullying programs or True Homophobia hiding under the cover of True Tolerance?
When Christian media outlets like Focus on the Family use fear-based rhetoric to scare Christians parents (ie. BEWARE! Gay activists are out to get your children!!!! AUUUUUGGGH!) they produce fear based reactions like…
Christian parents sending letters written by lawyers to schools.
Because threatening legal action is a super awesome way to promote the True Gospel, amen?
Before Christians accuse gay activists of “politicizing” sexuality in the classroom, maybe we ought to examine the ways we politicized sexuality in our society by creating constitutional amendments to ban gay marriage.
Maybe instead of condemning anti-bullying measures at public schools, Christians ought to examine the ways we’ve used our bully pulpits to condemn gays and lesbians inside our own congregations and families.

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http://blog.amberlbaker.com Amber-Lee

AMEN AND AMEN
http://parentingmiracles.net JessieLeigh

I love all of this, EE, but your #4 is spot-on perfect truth. Thank you. I’ve had it up to my ears with all the veiled hatred out there…
http://www.shackbible.com ShackBibleGuy

The only way to be truly tolerant of black people is to put them in slavery where they belong.

http://www.shackbible.com ShackBibleGuy

[NOTE FOR THE SARCASM-IMPAIRED]: Do not read the comment above.

Rushia

LOL!

http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com Megan at SortaCrunchy

I’m so angry, I really can’t think straight to speak an intelligible response.

I will say this, however: if FOTF is truly committed to protecting and defending the most vulnerable members of our society – our children – then they need to do a 180 on their stance on spanking. Like, ASAP.

Every single point here – yes, yes, yes.

http://recoveringpessimist.blogspot.com Jennifer

“I will say this, however: if FOTF is truly committed to protecting and defending the most vulnerable members of our society – our children – then they need to do a 180 on their stance on spanking. Like, ASAP”

Snap girl! Awesome!

Rushia

Yep, what she said.

http://samann1121.blogspot.com Jessie

MMMM hmm! Nice.
http://www.wellthinkagain.blogspot.com deb

a-freakin-men!!! on the stopping ‘biblical’ spanking!!!! so, is the goal then – lets protect thier vulnerable ears at school, but beat the sin out of them at home….. INSANE!! makes no sense at all……
shadowspring

Two thumbs up.

http://recoveringpessimist.blogspot.com Jennifer

I gave up on Focus on the Family YEARS ago. My husband calls it Focus on the Lobby.

Spot on as usual Elizabeth. Thank you.
Tiffany

Here is my take on Focus on the Family and this project. I visited the site after I saw the post on MPT’s blog. I understand why this may make a lot of individuals upset, especially if they just watched the video and did not take anytime to investigate the website and what they were actually promoting. (In no way am I saying you didn’t.)

They actually provide a lot of information for parents to be involved in the education of their children and what exactly is being taught in schools. They are not against anti-bullying policies and they make it clear every child (gay, straight, handicapped etc) should be protected. I appreciate the information because should I see something that I don’t feel is appropriate for MY KINDERGARTNER, then I can excuse her. Whether we like it or not, the climate in our country is not Christian friendly. And I have to admit a lot of that is thanks to those who have chose to use the name of God to and align Him with hate.

Before folks yell at me on here and say that I am clearly homophobic etc, I’m really not. But I feel that some things should be taught later in life. High school? Fine. They should be old enough to think for themselves. Not 1-5. They should be learning math, science, english….for crying out loud just how to read! I can’t say that there aren’t folks within FOTF that show hatred for the gay community, but I do think that there are a majority that just want to inform us of what is happening in our schools and how to be proactive in what is being taught our young children. You do raise some great points though.

Thanks Elizabeth.

HippieGramma

When my kids were in kindergarten, I felt the same way (except I WAS homophobic, I’m sorry to say), but you know what I found out? It was a bunch of baloney. No one was out to brainwash and indoctrinate my children into believing anti-creationism, teens should have sex, or we should all be homosexual. When topics that might be sensitive to certain populations were coming up, we were notified. Further, the schools were not at all hostile to Christianity — far from it, since the majority of people in my community are Christians! It was simply that as public schools, they wanted to extend the same courtesies they extended to Christians, and be sensitive and tolerant to taxpayers of ALL religious and cultural backgrounds.

And Tiffany, while I appreciate your Christ-like attitude toward the gay community, I’m afraid in my experience the majority of FOTF adherents ARE hateful toward gays, or Muslims, or feminists, or whatever happens to be the group du jour. They may cloak it in flowery language and describe their version of biblical “truth,” but their daily behavior and attempts to marginalize others speaks otherwise.
Sarah

“the climate in our country is not Christian friendly”

Try not being Christian and see how friendly ya’ll are. Try not being white, try not being straight. try not being at LEAST middle class.

You have no idea, just. NO. IDEA. how difficult it is just to share space with people that think that…

This hostility you think you’re feeling? It’s people finally trying to grab a little of what you’ve taken for granted for your whole life, which they clearly deserve.

Seriously, unless you’re 100% sure everyone you’re speaking to is Christian, I wouldn’t ever say that sentence out loud. You just have no idea…
Leanne

First Century Christians faced a culture which was not friendly to Christians either. According to my readings of early church fathers, they didn’t see themselves at war with the culture or the culture at war with them. They also didn’t see themselves as victim. They saw themselves as the influx of God’s Kingdom.
If FotF wasn’t always playing the victim card for families, I might be more sympathetic to your point. FotF is a reactionary organization. Instead of helping people teach their children how to logically express their faith when there is a difference between the culture and their faith, they encourage us to surround ourselves in Christian alternatives which are knock offs of the culture. My family will not read the Harry Potter books because of FotF. And it is one of the best illustrations of the Gospel since the Narnia series. FotF would have us with our heads stuck in the sand, missing out on opportunities to teach our children the best ways to engage culture, missing the opportunities to engage our culture.

http://www.reflectionsofaprincess.com Jessica

I definitely think there needs to be a better way than this to say, “We don’t think homosexuality is God’s original plan” and to say it in a loving and gracious way. And that, homosexuals are people too…just like anyone else and should be treated as such. I agree that threatening legal action hinders rather than promotes the Gospel.

I do understand as a parent wanting to know if/when my child was going to be taught about sexuality (<–covers homosexuality and your standard sex ed classes). I think parents should have a say and it shouldn't be left up to the state/school system to decide what and when my child learns about sexuality.

I remember talking with a friend who is a 3rd grade teacher in the public school system in California a few years ago and she was sharing how homosexual lessons would soon be compulsory starting with kindergarten. A little young to be talking about sexuality no matter the affiliation in my opinion. But her struggle was how does she teach this as a Christian, not agree with it and could get in trouble for voicing her opinion?

Sometimes I think the tolerance verbage goes too far both ways. Like Focus on the Family's eradicate it all approach as well as those who call intolerance on anyone who doesn't agree with them. Both are getting a little old in my book.

(Sorry for the novel and if it doesn't make sense I blame the baby.)

http://blog.amberlbaker.com Amber-Lee

My thought is that if you decided to be a worker in the government, you have to know the reprecussions. Government isn’t church. When I had to do student-teaching in college I would get called out constantly for refusing to pledge (religious reasons), wasn’t mad though – because I knew the consequences going in. So that’s a decision that teachers have to make working in a government ran school-system.
Also, I learned about the birds and the bees at age 6.

shadowspring

What do they teach in K anyway? That Heather has two mommies? What’s wrong with that? It’s a fact of reality. They are not teaching how-to manuals for gay sex, just acknowledging that other families in the classroom may be out of the norm, but they still love each other like norm conforming families do. Is there a problem with talking about loving families?
http://lettersto.us MightyMighty

This really just means, “the govt can do what it wants, regardless of what the citizens think. It’s going to cost you to be a Christian, don’t blame anyone but yourself (and certainly not the people actively discriminating against you).”

It is not Christians’ job to get out of the way of the government. It is the government’s job to represent it’s people, and this includes not violating the beliefs of the majority of US citizens.

Catherine

I think we should be protecting our kids from prejudice, bigotry and hate…but FOTF doesn’t seem to concerned by those.
Jennifer

My older daughter is approaching sex-ed age, and I AM concerned about what the school will be teaching…but not about homosexuality. I’m more concerned with her getting the idea that sex is “just” about the body and that having sex when you’re a teenager is a good choice, or a normal one.

I’m fairly conservative both politically and religiously, but I have always failed to understand why the so-called “gay agenda” is SO central to FOTF and similar groups. And why children knowing that some people are gay is apparently…terrifying? It borders on obsession.

On Sunday, I had to try to explain to my 9-yr-old daughter why someone would think flying airplanes into buildings was the right thing to do, and why terrorists hate America (both questions she asked unprompted after hearing the radio news). THAT is terrifying.
http://www.sundayschoolrebel.typepad.com Sam

What drives me crazy in this is that they imply that this information is being “snuck” into the curriculum. It’s total fear-mongering.

Apparently, it’s okay to politicize abstinence-only values and teach that in public schools, but no other values, please. Not even values where kids/teenagers are given sensible information that could save their LIFE or their health, not to mention their FUTURE.

I understand that people may not want their kids to be taught some sensitive stuff at an early age. Still, it should be okay to tell kids, “It’s not right to tease or hurt someone because they are different than you.” Different can mean a lot of things, including sexuality.

Emily M.

This – this right here – is the catcher for me. I understand the opinion that homosexuality is wrong. I don’t hold to that opinion, but I see where it comes from. But almost ALL of the “can’t talk about all things gay” stuff that comes out COMPLETELY bars any sort of discussion about the bullying the kid will receive. And I say will, because it WILL happen.

One of my favorite movies, Phoebe in Wonderland, has a scene where a little boy (elementary school, poor thing) has the “other” f-word painted onto his coat by some kid. And the teacher takes it and makes the class look up that word, which technically means “A bundle of sticks”. She let them know that it was NOT acceptable to treat him that way, and that they should know what words mean before they use them. And she didn’t say a thing about whether or not it was “right”.

Another thing I think people fail to realize is that when they say that there is going to be homosexuality included in the curriculum for kindergartners, that DOES NOT MEAN THERE IS GOING TO BE A “HOW TO HAVE BUTT SEX” GUIDE. It means when they talk about families, gay ones will be included. Which doesn’t seem any different to me than, say, if a Muslim family was included.

/rant

Lauren

I was literally clapping as I am stuck in traffic reading this post. Watched the video this am through Jesus Needs New PR, and couldn’t quite put into words how it made me feel – thanks for doing it for me.
Leanne

Focus on the Family has had an opportunity to teach people how to create a safe place for human beings to be raised. They could have helped people learn how to teach their children to hear society and logically work through their Christian beliefs without fear. Instead they chose to work from a place of fear. And what does the immortal Yoda say, fear leads to the dark side.
I have read stories of families being torn apart over the gay issue. The reason–FotF is telling them how awful homosexuals are, tough love, etc. And all this goes against a parent’s heart. A parent’s heart is to love no matter what, be patient that love will win in the end. But what Focus does is anything but focus on the family. They focus on doctrine, dogma, and the letter of their law.
Perhaps they need to rethink themselves and start focusing on Jesus.

Robyn

Love really does seem to be “key”……and not just “tough love”. My mom listened to Dobson and many others. I recall hearing her speak of “tough love”. I really do love my parents, but I don’t think I had as loving and as good of a relationship with them as I would have liked. I’m not sure love really has to be that “tough”??
Robyn

Robyn

So…….are you saying homosexual activity is o.k.???? Christian Pole-Dancing is Definitely Wrong, but Homosexuality Should Be Tolerated??? Is that what you are saying? Is that what you believe? What is the right answer toward homosexuality? I can NEVER find an ok for being cruel to anyone, even if it is sinful behavior. I guess you are just countering what and how IFB–and of course, other groups–teach about homosexuality? But, does that mean We/You say it is ok??? Fornication and Adultery are still wrong!! Homosexuality–according to the Bible is still wrong!! I don’t see you saying that the action is ok. I guess you are just trying to point out the wrong and hypocrisy of groups that may try to say they are acting in a loving way, but are really hateful or mean “behind the scenes”?? As with other sins, how should people project their belief that a certain thing is definitely a sin without being accused of being “intolerant”? You obviously don’t tolerate certain things. Are you saying we should tolerate homosexuality and say it is o.k.? Black people didn’t choose to be Slaves. Sinners, of any kind, choose to Sin. The Homosexual chooses to do this act, I guess unless it is forced on them. I, personally, chose to spend some time of my life getting drunk in bars. I also chose to be sexually Immoral a few times. No one made me do it. I chose it. But, I guess the Bible also says we all are Slaves to Sin–I guess of any kind–even pridefulness of many Christian? I guess that is why Every One of us needs and is offered a Savior!! So, what is the answer to homosexuality? Is it something to be tolerated and accepted, or is it a sin like others that needs to be forgiven and the person healed and restored–which is what Jesus wants to do to us all, I think. I am curious, though, why homosexuality isn’t mentioned a little more in the Bible, though. Maybe it is mentioned as much as other sins, idk?? I just know it isn’t spelled out in the ten commandments, and there is no mention of Jesus healing a homosexual person like the woman at the well. I’m new to the teachings of IFB people that homosexuals are past the point of forgiveness and therefore are the “enemies of God”, so I guess I just don’t understand a lot about it. I’ve struggled with other sins, but not this one. I just always thought and was taught homosexuality was an unnatural thing. I still think it is wrong……But, like I said, I chose to do many wrong, shameful things. Anyone have any answers for me? My parents are from Selma, Alabama, which is known for Civil Rights issues. But, my parents never taught me to hate or think of myself as better than black people. They never taught me to hate homosexuals either, even if they did teach it was wrong. People cannot help how they are made, but they can help what they choose to do?? I definitely do not think it is ok to wish harm on people for their skin color, or for the sins they choose to do (like wanting to lynch black people, or like wanting to put a fire-lit tire on a homosexuals ) The Bible does still say homosexuality is wrong though, right?? The only way I can see wanting to hurt anyone is when there has been much perversion or harm done, especially to innocent people. But, I guess that only happens when an act of any kind is forced upon people and is not consensual. But, even then, does God say to harm others, or to apply justice or forgive?? Just some of my thoughts for the day…….Are you trying to say homosexuality is ok, and should be tolerated??? Thanks for another nice topic to discuss. Robyn

Leanne

Does tolerance mean we have to agree? Now I am not one who is convinced homosexuality is a sin. In the scriptural context, I think there is reason to question if it is sinful or if in the religious practices of Israel was considered sinful. But I digress.
I have had this discussion with people about love. If we are tolerant and loving, does that mean we have to agree with what is said or done? Or is love and tolerance something we offer to human beings in the face of differences? I would argue that the love chapter, I Cor. 13, is about how we treat each other in the face of differences. I don’t need to be patient when I am with people I agree in circumstances which are favorable. The end of the chapter says, we see things now dimly….so there is a call to be humble in our understanding. So I think we do a disservice if we equate tolerance/love with agreement and promotion.
Jack

Believe it or not, Robyn, one can be homosexual and STILL be celibate or even virginal, just as one can be heterosexual and be celibate or virginal.

Robyn

Thanks. I understand some of that, I think. It isn’t new information for me. And, for the record, I don’t think I am homophobic. I’ve argued both sides of this. I have argued that homosexuality is not a greater sin than other sexual sins. But, I’m not an expert on scripture. I have just seen recently some Christian groups that seem to say that once you have done this sin you are past repentance. I don’t think I can agree with that. I do understand how people can struggle with issues and not act on them. I had a strong desire at one time to be sexually active in my early twenties bc all my friends were–even though I was taught sex was for marriage. I went ahead and acted. So, I do understand struggling with issues and yet not acting on them. I guess I just can’t go further than that and say homosexuality is ok. I don’t fully understand how someone could say something like: this is me. this is who I am. this is the way God made me. It is ok, but I’m not going to act on it. ?? (I sinned sexually a few times, but I don’t think it is my identity.) I do think I understand the struggle, though if someone really thinks this is who they are, but once again even though I have argued many ways, I cannot argue from scriptures that homosexuality is ok (I have argued that it is not worse than other sins, but I don’t think I have ever argued that it is ok.) I’m not sure what scriptural references you are referring to Leanne, but I can’t find anywhere that says it is ok with God, in the old or new testaments. But, I am sure I am the one who has probably digressed. I’m not as good a writer or thinker as Elizabeth, but many things I still have questions about. I’m just wondering how far people are supposed to go with accepting things they are taught and believe are not ok?? With all the teachings of the last decade or so that homosexuality is ok, is it still ok for me to believe it is not ok, if I say I think God is true and the Bible writings are true?? There was a GSLB poster (probably got that name wrong. if I did, sorry!!) at my old high school where my sister’s kids attend that probably never would have been there back in the 80′s when we were there. Right or Wrong I don’t know (bc we all need friends, love, and support, but I still can’t say it’s right). I think for me I have finally concluded that it is wrong. I can’t support it, but I can’t be outright mean to anyone either–I can’t justify other sexual sins, and I can’t justify this one either and say it’s ok……..Thanks to both of you for answering me.

Matt F

crap….I promised myself after the last blog that I would just keep my mouth (or hands) shut and just read, but I see that you are really wanting specifics ( I know how you feel), so I will answer what I can.

I do not know what group you are talking about, but if they are lumping homosexuality with a “reprobate mind” then they are referring to Paul’s list of things (the end of Romans chapter 1) that we do in the flesh that keep us from a closer walk with God (and Heaven). He says that God, who lives outside of space/time as we know it, can see who just is never gonna get it no matter what and basically just lets them go. He then uses homosexual acts as an example. If you read the books that Paul wrote, you will find very quickly that Paul had a MAJOR case of ADD. He will go off on tangents for several verses and then jump right back to his main point. I believe that the Bible is God-inspired, but clearly He was not as concerned with grammatical flow. Only God knows the heart and can make that judgement, so I don’t even try. So when Jack talks about celibate homosexuals, he makes a valid point. Sin separates us from God, not DNA.

As an example:
You said that you have sinned sexually a few times but that does not define you as a person, and you are right. But can you say that you might have a higher libido than the average female so the temptation, when it does arise, may be harder for you to resist than someone with a lower libido? It is a predisposition to a particular stimulus. Those predispositions come in a wide range of things. Some people are predisposed to carry fat while others are predisposed to be an alcoholic. Those predispositions (including yours) are very much a part of who we are. That being said, acting upon them is (according to the Bible) a sin, and all of them come with the same payment.
As far as teaching tolerance to kids in school about such things, I personally don’t follow FOTF and cannot comment about what they say, but I do know:
A. I would teach my child to not give any child a hard time if they are living with same sex parents just as much as I would tell them to not give a hard time to a child with alcoholic parents. They usually do not have a choice in the matter.
B. Romans chapter 1 lists more than just homosexual acts as a way to gain the wrath of God. He also sites gossips, slanderers, and arrogance just to name a few.
C. I personally don’t care what they learn in school because I keep open lines of communication at home. For the love of Pete, it is a bit easier discussing it as an academic endeavor as opposed to my daughter hitting me with the news that a (14 year old) friend of a friend decided to have sex in her basement with a boy just to get it over with.
D. My kids know I have homosexual friends and they know exactly where I stand on the issue. If they know me and still choose to call me their friend, who am I to do anything less.

Once again, I have written more than I need to. I have no idea what IFB is, but I hope you never just take a pastor’s word for it.

Robyn

Thanks, Matt. I keep saying I’m not going to read or comment on controversial issues anymore, but I keep coming back. Maybe there are still things I can learn……or maybe I just need to follow my inner voice that says leave it all alone and mind your own business!! I wasn’t meaning to be too gross or personal about things that happened decades ago, and only a few times (so, no I don’t think it was high libido. I think it was after college “everyone else is doing it and not waiting until marriage, so why shouldn’t I”. and then being raised strong Christian with a lot of “don’ts” it is easier to feel extreme guilt. I think I was just trying to say that there are many sins out there, and I can not say that I am innocent, but I still think it is all sin/wrong. I think what I did was sin and I think homosexuality is sin/wrong…….but, that’s just how I think I see it. IFB is Independent Fundamental Baptist, which I think is how Elizabeth was raised, so I guess she is coming from the angle of breaking away from all those teachings. The Westboro Baptist Church says they are Primitive Baptist so they are kind of different. I saw them first on tv years ago. Then I saw crazy Pastor Steven Anderson of Arizona on the Internet…….and since then I have seen more IFB. I was raised more in the charismatic movement, but there are some overlapping beliefs and teachings that must overlap. I guess that’s why I’m drawn to Elizabeth’s page. A lot of similar teachings, and a lot of talk about the end times and the rapture, etc. I think the IFB churches must preach pretty hard against homosexuality. I heard it was wrong, but I don’t recall any bullying or anything like that. Preachers are going to preach against it I guess, bc it is mentioned as being wrong in the old and new testament. But, I just wanted to point out that the other sins like you mentioned in Romans, Corinthians list a whole lot of other sins as well, followed by the phrase “such WERE some of you”………My point being that apparently God can forgive and heal anything and there is not one sin that he can’t or won’t forgive. I’ve just wondered about this since I have seen Westboro and Steven and ZsuZsanna Anderson. Sorry if I was too personal. Thanks for your answers.

Leanne

The scriptures in Leviticus have cultural contexts. In the culture at the time, homosexuality was used in Pagan worship rituals as well as prostitution. Leviticus is setting up the theocracy and the worship of YHWH. A few places after the scriptures on homosexuality is the command to stone a child who rebels. The issue is we split this chapter in half–the one part about homosexuality is word for word to be followed. The other part about stoning children is culturally bound. That type of hermeneutics is exceptionally subjective (all hermeneutics are–we all pick and choose. I just choose correctly / jk. I try to choose not to divide sections of Scripture up into tiny proverbs. Not perfect of course.)
But there is a lot more that goes into this. The Romans passage is similarly talking about worshiping a lesser god in lesser fashion. While I am not convinced of all this cultural play in Scripture, I am not willing to take a strong stand that homosexuality is condemned. At this time, as Paul states, we see things dimly.

Matthew F

So if I tell you that it is a really bad idea to walk through west Texas rural areas barefoot one day and then on another day I tell you that you don’t know everything about how life works, are you going to tell a friend who is headed out the door….barefoot….that you really can’t make judgements on their attire because you don’t know everything about the country?
And, you made me smile some because you were totally quippy with your comment about taking the entire scripture and not just chopping it into little proverbs. It really smiled because your closing comment was a snippet from ANOTHER BOOK that you mashed together with the original reference to close your point.
And please know that I 1oo% agree with taking the WHOLE of scripture when making a summary judgement at it’s meaning, it just made me smile. I yell at my kids to not lean back in their chairs right before I find myself in a very comfy lounged position in my own.

http://www.grace-filled.net jen

amen!!!!!
http://www.grace-filled.net jen

serious amen!!!!!
http://blog.amberlbaker.com Amber-Lee

Out of curiosity, what do most of y’all consider “sex-ed” age? My parents taught us at ages 5/6 with a little cartoon VHS catered towards children. My grandmaman and grandpapa told them that the earlier, the better (they were doctors for the catholic church).

Leanne

One of the things which needs to be figured out is what is the “sex ed” being taught to elementary students. My friend who has worked with the school system in various ways and has two elementary age boys said the “sex ed” they are getting in elementary school doesn’t discuss sexual acts and condoms, etc. Instead it deals with the various forms of family, not bullying people who act differently or are different than you and your family, and the fact that no one should touch you in certain areas–if they do, contact a trusted adult.
And so, part of me wonders if Focus on the Family is over reacting. You know, the way they did about Harry Potter series which turns out to be one of the best pictures of the Gospel since the Narnia series. Many times people react before they hear, experience, read…. I am not sure if this is one of the cases.

Lorinda

Amen. FOTF turned me off years ago – hate and fear are not the way I choose to live for my Jesus. I choose love.
http://www.ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com Melissa@Permission to Live

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! That video makes me so angry. The anti-bullying laws are %100 percent about protecting kids, gay or straight, gender conforming or gender varient. No one should be hurt, or afraid to go to school because they are targeted.
http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com rachel – even one sparrow

So is it just me, or is anyone else NOT surprised that this is coming from FOTF? Given their track record, I wouldn’t have expected anything different.

A great book out there, written from a Christian perspective, is The End of Sexual Identity by Jenell Williams Paris. She looks at the terms homosexuality and heterosexuality from an anthropological lens and unpacks how we, as Christians, ought to dialogue about these types of issues. I highly recommend it to anyone who is sympathetic towards those on the margins of church culture.
http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com rachel – even one sparrow

sorry, one more thing:
Can someone PLEASE explain to me what homosexuality LESSONS are?! What the heck is she talking about??
http://moonchild11.wordpress.com Sarah Moon

A to the men!
L

I am a teacher at a Christian secondary school, and I see our homosexual students struggling to hide their orientations from teachers and other students on a daily basis. I cannot tolerate the spiteful anti-gay hatred taught to so many Christian children in their homes, and I will not allow my students to make snarky comments about homosexuals — I don’t even allow them to use “gay” as a synonym for “stupid,” because it is so disparaging to my gay students. These children will have enough struggles in life, and they desperately need to know that God loves and cares for them. The Church at large has abandoned and condemned gays. I have visited some churches that would rather open their arms to a serial killer than to a lesbian. It breaks my heart. We must do better, and we must ask God’s forgiveness for the grave damage that we have already caused in these children’s lives.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Oh my goodness, this story just broke my heart. Thank you for sharing this with us, L.

http://lettersto.us MightyMighty

You might find this interesting, EE. http://www.faithandfamilylive.com/blog/can_the_gay_go_away/.

I think there is a way to examine this Biblically and be loving to homosexuals. I agree that there are some people who try to make this the one great sin of the world, while themselves fornicating/cheating, etc. It’s not, but it’s also not loving to say to someone, “This sinful behavior is just the best you can muster. You are what you are attracted to. If you feel it strongly enough, it must be true.” Love has to be willing to say tougher things than that, including, “You are made for more. You have this one really hard struggle, and I’ll pray for you and love you anyway. But you are not the thing you are attracted to. You are a person, made in the likeness and image of God.” (Keep in mind that marital love is so symbolic of God’s relationship to the Church and try to see that this is another way to see that God does not call anyone to live a homosexual lifestyle. Just as the body clearly tells us that homosexuality is not our nature, so does God’s nature tell us his plans for our bodies.)

http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

My daughter (almost 15) has friends struggling with their sexuality. (And by that I mean they honestly don’t know if they are gay, straight, or something in-between.) My daughter loves them. Unconditionally. And sometimes ferociously in their defense.

I’m proud of her.

‘Nuff said.

http://www.elizabethesther.com elizabeth

Word.

brooke

I can see where one could jump to the conclusion that FOTF (my husband calls them Poke-Us-in-the-Fanny) is actually promoting bullying gay students or something … sort of. But then when I actually read the material on the site, I see they don’t have that opinion overtly, subtly, or otherwise. In fact, they clearly want all children protected. They clearly want teachers to step in when any child is being bullied. But they don’t want the children to have classes or books about why homosexuality and other choices are valid lifestyles, because they believe those are not valid lifestyles. And they want that ground treaded carefully. The thing is, it’s not imaginary that just as there are Christian groups who want to carefully watch policy, there are also groups of other beliefs who want to carefully watch, enact and support policy. It shouldn’t surprise us that any group of any persuasion would want to do this. I am not for fearmongering. I don’t expect nonbelievers to act like believers. It’s a fine line to walk in how we behave. The last thing that should happen is for believers to act in ungodly ways while they try to get nonbelievers to act in godly ways!

This letter details how the materials provided to the varying grades actually go the other direction. While promoting homosexual and other behavior as okay, it seems the materials (books read by or to the children) actually deride other beliefs:
http://fota.cdnetworks.net/truetolerance/open_letter.pdf

I have not read those books mentioned. I didn’t write that letter. But I also admit that I agree with their premise.

When I read a children’s book to my children that shows how so-and-so got glasses and then got made fun of and then everyone began to understand them and they lived happily every after – well, my children think, “Oh, people get made fun of for wearing glasses?” It really can be counterproductive to focus on the stigmas rather than just focusing on treating people in kind and loving ways because all are created in the image of God. It’s an opinion of mine that we don’t need to draw attention to the fact that this person is Asian and that person is black and this person … and we shouldn’t make fun of them for it. That would seem to give kids the idea that someone might make fun of them for it! What if we just taught that all people are valuable and we don’t tease to be mean or make someone uncomfortable for any reason whatsoever. ???
http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

I will note that Christians are not called to tolerate others. (I mean actual tolerance, not the newspeak “true tolerance” in the posted video.) We are commanded instead to love.

I can tolerate another politely from across the room with a tip of my metaphorical hat. I can have my sphere and they have theirs. I might engage their views and ideas, but safely — from a distance.

Love, on the other hand, demands much more. In order to love someone who comes into my life, I have to let our separate little spheres collapse. I have to enter their reality at least enough to know them well enough to begin to understand what I could possibly do that would truly be for their good.

There might be little I can do at a given point in time or there might be much, but I have to actually do it or I have not loved that person. It might be that all I’m able to do is sit silently and offer the one in pain my presence. Being present is not a small thing and is sometimes the appropriate action. But love can demand much more, up to and including our lives, as even a cursory review of Christian history reveals.

Love is a much, much harder and messier thing than tolerance. But if you’re not able to truly love the other just yet, tolerance can at least be a start. It’s certainly better than alternatives like those in the posted video.

shadowspring

Yes! Let’s Focus on The Actual Command of Christ to Love One Another instead of the “family”. Great idea. =D
http://sortacrunchy.typepad.com Megan at SortaCrunchy

This is the best thing I’ve read all week. Thank you, Scott.
HippieGramma

That is so cool.
Rushia

Great comment! We are commanded to LOVE and that is much more than ‘just tolerating’. Love that point!

Pingback: Apologizing to my gay neighbors | Elizabeth Esther
Emily

Can I just say that I couldn’t even focus on WHAT this woman was saying because of how incredibly fast she was reading her cue cards?!! Add the distracting hand gestures, tacky background music, annoying Christian cliches (wtf is a “heart cry” anyway?), and grating forced earnestness (and, feminist that I am, I won’t even mention her bad hair and “look at me! I’m a highest-calling mom!!” clothes)…. it’s too much. Too much.

brooke

Good heavens. I wish people would get past someone’s hair and clothes. Is America really that shallow?

Sarah

…yes…

Rushia

EE, great post! I certainly don’t have all the answers and generally do not comment on blogs and definitely not on hot topics. But this one strikes a serious nerve b/c I have very little “true tolerance” (ahem) for Focus on the Family or the way Christians (in general) demonize the homosexual, transgender individual, etc. Kudos to you for using your voice here and on other touchy topics in many communities of faith.
ashleyc

most schools offer a parents class to sex ed being taught, you should look into it or ask to preview the material. I was a teacher who taught sex ed and yes I am a conservative Christian (gasp) my dad and father inlay and husband are pastors (bigger gasp), now I’m a stay at home mom.
To be honest, I get tired of the Christian mantra regarding sex ed. There is Hardly ever ANY sex ed curriculum that teaches that its OKAY to have sex and that the body is just the body. Rather, most sex ed classes teach that students are typically NOT ready to have sex and it goes through the emotional, physical, and relational things that sex brings about including the decision making process. THE biggest thing that is controversial about sex ed is that they do teach how to use contraceptive properly. But lets be honest, most parents are talking about it, most students aren’t talking about it AND how many CHRISTIAN teens who made the unfortunate decision to have sex could’ve prevented the pregnancy that resulted in the shame they probably experienced because the “Christian” culture condemns them. I have many many many Christian friends who got married and were still uncertain about how to use contraception and condoms correctly. The belief that somehow everyone just “knows” by the time they are ready for sex is impractical. Not to mention as someone stated above The last thing that should happen is for believers to act in ungodly ways while they try to get nonbelievers to act in godly ways!

We seriously NEED to be teaching this in public schools because we cannot expect all teens to be celibate through those years. If they don’t know how to protect themselves, they will end up bringing in a child and then they have a few sad options: abortion (which we’d condemn them for), adoption, or keeping the baby (which we’d also condemn them for and complain about them being on welfare, etc). By teaching them proper uses, we say, “We think its wrong, but understand that nonbelievers don’t have the same morals, and want them to be responsible”. I hope this helps. I’m not condemning your valid fears, just trying to shed light on something that gets so much negative Christian publicity and fear mongering its ridiculous!

“True Tolerance:” how Focus on the Family is missing the point

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