What I’ve Been Reading: “Grace-Based Parenting,” “Not Alone” and “Grace For the Good Girl”

Posted on November 18, 2011 by elizabeth

Last week I flew out to New York City to join Anderson Cooper’s daytime TV show and talk about the abusive child-training methods of Michael & Debi Pearl. During the flight, I read “Grace Based Parenting” and it was a divine antidote to the toxic parenting paradigm I had learned from the Pearls. As I read “Grace Based Parenting,” I was literally weeping with relief, underlining entire paragraphs and copying quotes into my journal. I honestly CANNOT recommend this book highly enough. I only wish this book had been available when I was a new, young mother. This book will free you, relieve you and make you laugh aloud with the wonderful realization that you are free to cherish and unconditionally love your children. “Grace Based Parenting” was EXACTLY the book I needed to read before stepping on Anderson Cooper’s stage to confront Michael Pearl (the show airs soon, I will keep you updated). In the meantime, read “Grace Based Parenting.” Give it to a new mother. Share it with your friends. It’s really that good.

I was honored to write the Foreword to “Not Alone: Stories of Living with Depression.” As someone who has struggled with post-partum depression, I know the darkness well. My friend, Alise Wright, did a great job curating these raw, starkly honest personal stories. When you’re struggling with depression, you don’t need platitudes, false hope or empty words–you need someone who walks with you through the darkness. That’s what this book does. If you’ve ever struggled with depression or know someone who has, read and share “Not Alone” because stories have the power to save and heal us.

I read “Grace for the Good Girl: letting go of the try-hard life” two times. I’ve never self-identified as “good” and I think we all know I’m not particularly fond of calling myself a ‘girl’ either. On my first read-through, everything from the cover of the book to the message inside struck me as cutesy-cliche. The cover (with its wittle birdy freeeeeeed from its cage….wheeee!) to the book’s message (“good girl” admits she is struggling and realizes she just needs to love Jesus more and/or let Jesus love her more) simply did not resonate with me. But I know myself well enough to know that if something really bothers me, I need to figure it out. So, I went back and read the book a second time. This is what I came away with: this book is not necessarily helpful for me but it could definitely help other women who identify as “good girls” and I can totally celebrate THAT. :)

This entry was posted in Book Reviews. Bookmark the permalink.
  • Sarah R

    i too love the book “grace based parenting.” recently i read “give them grace” by elyse m. fitzpatrick and jessica thompson that helped me put even more practical thought and feet into my grace parenting ideas. another good one is “families where grace is in place” by jeff van vonderen.

  • Muthering Heights

    I’ve been reading Graced Based Parenting as well…it’s been amazing so far!

  • Holli Teubner

    Just bought Grace Based Parenting and Not Alone. I am just coming out of a depression. Not easy. Thank you for the recommendations. 

  • http://profiles.google.com/jess.salts Jessica Saltsgaver

    The church we just started going to highly recommends Grace Based Parenting(that and Shepherding a Child’s Heart.) I just bought Grace Based today, and I’m really looking forward to reading! 

  • Jack Isaacks

    I’m not likely to raise children, but I’d like to say something about depression.

    PLEASE, people, realize that many kinds of depression, especially clinical depression and PPD, have a MEDICAL basis!

    They are NOT character flaws or moral failings. They are PHYSICAL DISEASES.

    I suffered for years from clinical depression. In addition, I was burdened by the lie, “Real Christians don’t get depressed. They have Jesus!”

    And if you’re looking for someone to walk with you through clinical depression and can’t find anyone on earth, let me recommend St. Metrophanes of China and St. Tikhon of Zadonsk, two Orthodox saints who suffered from clinical depression back when there was no medical treatment for it, yet were used by God.

  • Nancy

    I felt the same way about the book “Captivating” as you feel about the “Good Girl” book.  To me, it was extremely *thin* and utterly lacking in depth — but so many women love it and find it helpful.

  • http://blog.familymatters.net Karis

    Elizabeth, thanks for reading Grace Based Parenting and recommending the book. We hear from so many people that they feel such a sense of relief and renewed joy after reading the book, just like you did. Honestly, it has everything to do with the fact that the philosophy of Grace Based Parenting is simply the gospel as it translates to parenting. Grace is the universal game changer. 

    It was so nice to meet you at the Relevant conference. Can’t wait to see you on Anderson Cooper. It’s such important work that you are doing.

    Much Love,

    Karis Murray
    Creative Director
    Family Matters (Dr. Tim Kimmel’s ministry)

  • Lucie

    Elizabeth, did Mr. Pearl also appear on Cooper’s show?

    Maybe someday I’ll have the courage to read a book like Alise Wright’s…much of my life was marked by clinical depression and after being on medication for 20 years, I have only been off it for 15 months.  I guess you could say that I “don’t want to go back there” even through reading such a book.  But I’m glad she wrote it and I hope it helps many.

  • Lucie

    I gave “Captivating” to a friend as a gift years ago, without reading it first…then later, still without reading the whole thing, I familiarized myself more with it and was ashamed of gifting it!