My thoughts on @Anderson show airing tomorrow: speaking imperfectly is better than remaining silent #NoMoreDeadKids

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The criticism has begun. Pro-Pearl defenders who appeared with me as guests on Anderson Cooper’s show have written a piece wherein they claim “the entire show was twisted” and how they “watched time and time again as Anderson Cooper and everyone else on the show habitually cut off the Rev. Pearl as he was trying to answer emotionally charged, biased questions.” (emphasis mine)

I have refrained from sharing my own experience about the show. But I will share a bit now.

Michael Pearl was given ample time to share his views on the show. Indeed, he had more air-time than anyone else. When he was interrupted it was because he was rambling. As a preacher, people listen to him–I got the feeling that he rarely listens to others and is unaccustomed to being questioned.

As far as the questions being “emotionally charged and biased,” well, the subject matter itself was emotionally charged since we were dealing with the actual deaths of young children.

Additionally, if the Pearls had shown a little humility, grace and genuine sorrow about these tragedies, then the line of questioning wouldn’t be as tough. But instead, the Pearls have repeatedly–and brashly–defended their views, refused to modify their harsh recommendations all while calling their critics “uninformed” and accusing bloggers like myself of inflammatory rhetoric.

Here’s the thing: I never set out to be the official voice of criticism. I am simply a woman who, as a young, impressionable teenager was deeply entrenched in an abusive, fundamentalist church. I read and learned and LIVED the Pearl teachings. I will never know how I survived my abusive environment or how I had the strength to reject the teachings and not perpetuate them upon my own children.

But I did survive. I did escape. And this is why I speak out.

Since taping the show I have thought of all the ways I could have said it better or differently. I have second-guessed myself. I have lost sleep worrying about how I failed to say it all the right way.

But then I think: remaining silent is worse than saying it badly.

And when I was trapped inside an abusive, scary church, I was grateful when people were brave enough to speak out–even if they made mistakes while doing it. Eventually, enough people spoke out and the evil in my church was exposed. Their courage inspired me to do the same.

Perhaps my courage will inspire you, as well?

Tomorrow the show airs and today, I have lost my appetite. I cannot stop the tears. And yes, I feel scared. I have received some pretty mean-spirited backlash….from other Christians.

Still, I truly believe in living a courageous life–from the heart. Just know that I am very human. Right now as I type this my fingers tremble.

Pro-Pearl defenders would like nothing more than to frame this issue as an attack on Christianity by the “liberal media.” But that is simply untrue. I am not part of the so-called “liberal media.” I am simply a wife and mother to five children. In my own, imperfect way I seek to follow the compassion of Christ.

I have no agenda other than speaking out on behalf of hurting children.

If I make mistakes and don’t speak perfectly, forgive me.

It was better than remaining silent.

______________________________________________________________

The show airs on network television (not cable! not CNN!) tomorrow. To check local listings, go here and find out when it’s on in YOUR area.

updated: if you’re in Southern California, the show has been bumped to air on Monday due to Pac-12 coverage. But clips from the show will be available online at www.andersoncooper.com . Since I have to wait until Monday to watch the whole thing, I’ll be relying on all of you to email me/FB/tweet me your feedback. :)

 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1409360041 Beverley Bouchard

    I hope and pray for your peace; and for the Holy Spirit to move so that people hear what they need to hear from your words. If God can move mountains and hold back rivers he can make your words do the very best they can! Thank you for standing on His courage and being a vessel He can use.

  • http://profiles.google.com/crackedcornjimmy Joe Sands

    Whatever.  From everything you have written and done, you prove your compassion.  I could hardly hold a candle to you.

    Let “them” gripe and call you names.  Just keep yourself acutely aware of the fact that there is at least one person out there who is clapping his hands in your direction.

    Go!

    This is Incongruous Circumspection, by the way.

  • Emily Carter

    Elizabeth- I am so PROUD of you for having the courage to do this. I can’t wait to watch this tomorrow, and though the words may not have been perfect, I know they are going to inspire people. You rock EE. xo.

  • Paula

    Yes, you are inspiring! I haven’t been able to find the words to share my story yet, but you are encouraging! I hope that you will find peace and rest in spite of all the criticism.

    • Kathyhickey

      God bless you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ron-Kerns/100000658746013 Ron Kerns

    Hang in there, Elizabeth….same thing happens to me when I have the “audacity” to criticize the teachings of Gothard to my inlaws (as they attempt to teach his stuff to MY children)….

  • KatR

    I know you are scared, but you’ve already DONE the hard part. You got on a plane, you sat a few feet from evil, you opened your mouth and intelligible English came out.

    I know the usual suspects will say the usual things. These are people whose only language is bile. As far as the “liberal media” goes, if Pearls’ fan club had a drop of compassion or a millimeter of conscience over the deaths of children, it would never have reached the point where it got to the attention of Anderson Cooper. It’s telling that they show more outrage for the reputation of Pearl than they have ever shown for a beaten child.

  • http://www.JanetOberholtzer.com Janet Oberholtzer

    “…remaining silent is worse than saying it badly.”
    EE, I think with that one sentence, you just changed my life. I’m often scared to speak out about certain things because I don’t know if I will do it ‘right’… but reading that suddenly made me realize that remaining silent is worse.  Thank you, thank you!

    Also, take a few deep breaths and know that you are enough. Though it will hurt, nothing the critics say can define who you are. Peace.

  • Alysa

    I can’t wait to watch tomorrow.  I’m all set up to record it.  :)   You have a lot of Christians who support you too…don’t forget about that…we are standing in the gap for you, and for these families that need help with their views.

  • http://joyfulmothering.net Christin

    (((Hugs))) Elizabeth. You have great courage. May God’s Word prevail through all of this. May His glory alone shine and the Truth come forth.
    I think this is tough on folks all around, on all sides. (((Big Hugs)))

  • http://twitter.com/Goannatree Anna Blanch

    friend, “remaining silent is worse than saying it badly” has taught me a deep truth. thank you. praying with you and for you.

  • http://modernmrsdarcy.com/2011/11/5-things-i-love-about-shopping-online-and-3-things-i-wish-id-learned-sooner/ Anne @ Modern Mrs Darcy

    Amen, sister. 

    When you first wrote you were appearing on Anderson Cooper, I didn’t get how big a deal this was.  I don’t have a tv, I’m not familiar with the program: I just didn’t get it. 

    I get it now and I sooo admire your guts to get out there and say what needs to be said.  And I’ll find some way to watch that program tomorrow. 

  • hope t.

    EE, it is amazing that you did this show. It would have been amazing and brave and courageous even if the only thing you did was go and weep. I hope that one day I will be even 1/100 as brave as you when it comes to speaking out about hitting children.

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    You are amazing, brave and courageous. You are a great mom and thank you for standing in the gap.

    Naysayers be damned.

  • http://cuppboard.blogspot.com Elizabeth Erazo

    As I read the Christian Post article, my stomach twisted and I could feel the anger rising in me. That they paint this methodology as the “biblical” principle is ridiculous. The way they paint this in extremes – as if everyone who disagrees with them is liberal, unbelieving, unorthodox whackjobs. Even if they disagree with the position they hold, why would they insinuate that you are twisting Scriptures to destruction or part of some grand scheme to squash Christian principles? They could at least be charitable about the disagreement. 

    • http://www.truth-makes-freedom.blogspot.com/ Katherine Gunn

      Hmm….in my experience, the reason for trying to destroy the credibilty of those who disagree  is: allowing that there even might be another interpretation undermines their ability to be ‘the’ authority and maintain control…

  • http://www.facebook.com/lynne.tait Lynne Tait

    You have done something wonderful. If your voice saves one child from living a life of horror … well, only God knows that. but the truth always has far reaching effects. You are heroic (and yes, how many heroes actually feel heroic at the time? most of them are really scared, but they do it any way. That’s what heroism is)

  • Alison

    Go girl. Standing up for justice is often hard and always right! This one is a no brainer. Abuse is always wrong (hey, abuse by definition cannot be right!) – abusing young children should be considered criminal. Sleep easy and don’t stop speaking up!

  • http://karenhammons.mobi Karen Hammons

    I am in AWE of the courage you have.  You are giving a voice to people who have none.  I’m sure you shined beautifully on the show. And you will shine brilliantly in the aftermath. I grew up in an abusive, fundamental church like you have described. And it was a hard and dark 16 years. Thank you for being a light. Thank you for standing up and using your voice. Even if it’s shaking, it speaks volumes to others and gives HOPE. Cheering you on!!! 

  • Rachel

    You were very very brave. Well done. :) Thank you for standing up for what is right. (((hugs)))

  • http://withthekids.wordpress.com/ April Karli

    I hope the voices of support and encouragement will ring louder in your hears than the voices of the mean-spirited and accusatory. You’ve done a good thing. 

  • http://waterwatereverywhere.net Sarah Hubbell

    Hugs and prayers for you. I can’t even imagine how scary and stressful and nervewracking this must be for you. 

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/X2MF7YIYWACZGIJWJVRIZG2F4I Patricia

    There are many helpless children out there who would thank you and hug you for what you’re doing, if only they could. So let me say, Thank you for being their voice.

  • http://www.emergingmummy.com Sarah@EmergingMummy

    Eshet Chayi! Woman of valour! We are all praying for you. For even one child, it will ALL be worth it. 

  • http://sortacrunchy.net SortaCrunchy

    Elizabeth – like so many, I am so proud of your courage and willingness to share what you experienced in your own life. As so many have already said, it is so, so important to be a voice for those with no voice.

    The peace of Christ to you, sister. I know many will be moved by your words and your presence on the show!

  • http://bunny-trails.blogspot.com Dianne – Bunny Trails

    Way to go! You are braver than you think in doing this.  As others have said, if it saves the life of even ONE child, isn’t it totally worth it? There will always be opposition when you are doing what God calls you to do. My boys & I are currently reading through Nehemiah, and he had opposition from within, from without, and in all sorts of forms. But he clung to what he knew the Lord had called him to do and was steadfast in the work. He refused to be derailed by the opposition. “I am doing a great work so that I cannot come down.” Nehemiah 6:3. Truly, you are doing a great work. 

  • Beakerj

    Good for you woman! As a Brit their philosophies read like something medieval. Even those who follow behavioural modification (based on early behaviourism) acknowledge that punishment is not effective as a deterrent after a certain point, so  it’s poor use of a limited technique as well as being morally reprehensible. As for it being Biblical, well…words fail me. Except swear words which I’ll resist using here.

     As a former children’s sevices worker here in the UK anything like this would be considered both abusive & extremist. If corporal punishment was being used for a very young child, as they advocate, the calvalry would be sent in. If I saw this in the street I’d intervene.

    Well done for taking a stand: these kinds of teachings & their perpetuators must be challenged at every level, & their very real flaws exposed & repudiated.

    I wouldn’t use their techniques to train my dogs, who like children, do not do everything I consider poor behaviour out of sheer willfulness.

  • theresa46

    I was not beaten, but I wish someone like you had stood up for me many years ago when I was being emotionally beaten!!
     There is NOTHING christian about physically beating anther person, and to do so to someone under your care and protection is WRONG!!!!!

  • Andrea

    Thank you, thank you, thank you for speaking up. 

  • Anonymous

    Thank you, Elizabeth. I appreciate how candid you are, and how open you are about your own past in the church. I have been the “good Christian girl” all my life, and now, at 28, I have only recently begun to find the courage to say that I think things my abusive pastor father did were wrong. I know now that he (and many others, like Rev. Pearl) twists religion to serve his own ends, but it’s incredibly hard to speak up against abusive situations, especially when you’re trying to hang on to a semblance of the faith that was originally encouraged by those who also hurt you. Thank you for your honesty and your courage — your voice does make a difference.

    • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com Tracey

      I think one of the reasons it’s hard is because you know in your heart something is wrong, but you can’t put your finger on just what and can’t verbalize it at first. It takes awhile and some outside exposure to come to a place where you “get” it. 

  • Ashley Swango

    Speaking out against child abuse is the right thing no matter how elequently or not may have stated it! Being “Christian” doesn’t mean you buy into some harsh, uber conservative lifestyle so you can “earn” God’s grace. Grace is freely given, and not earned! To say you are more or less Christian by how you live or raise your children comes from not understanding how grace works. Ignore your critics, and the Pearl supporters, for they are misguided!

  • Joy

    True dat. I hope you get SOME sleep tonight. The only story you can share is the one life has given you. Share boldly.

  • Anon

    They use, as one of their sources of information, a website that has to carry a warning that only those over age 18 are allowed on the site, and is about using physical “discipline” on wives!  Before you worry about if you think that you were less than perfectly articulate during the interview, consider that.  They are freaks, in my book. 

    I also notice that they use some translation ofthe Bible that I have never heard of before.  I am bilingual and I am very well aware that one word in one language can have many different translations to another language and end up meaning something completely different than what was originally said, and it often depends completely on the translator’s opinion of what is the intent of of the original word. 

    In the Bible, we have translations of translations, often times even with a few more translations thrown in. 

    If you want to use “spanking” in place of words like “discipline” or whatever, then that is one way of looking at things, but it is a narrow and arguably incorrect translation. 

    “Rod” is another word that can be used to indicate a weapon that should be used against another person, or it can indicate, figuratively, providing guidance, as a shepherd provides for his flock (and no shepherd worth his salt is going to go around beating on his sheep) providing limits and preventing access to danger-as one would prevent a small child from running off a cliff.  I consider the “rod” that should not be spared as a figurative term that means limits, guidance, and restricting access to dangerous areas that thechild is not prepared to navigate safely yet.

    I appreciate you speaking out, I suspect that you were far more articulate than you have given yourself credit for, just as I tend to do, myself.  Saying something, is far better than nothiing, as saying nothing implies consent.

    • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com Tracey

      An interesting factoid about the rod and raising sheep. 

      I did that as a teenager. I learned to use a Shepard’s crook when we had to work the flock for shearing or loading, or whatever. It is used as a tool to guide, to single out, etc. Before I had sheep, I thought the hook part of the crook was to be used around the neck, however, that’s not the case at all. It’s used to hook under the front leg and shoulder area of any given animal you are looking to redirect or single out. It stops them immediately and doesn’t restrain them in a way where they could injure themselves and become more afraid. 
      So even the method of separating out, is meant to be gentle and not forceful. 

  • B. King

    Elizabeth, I praise God for you and your voice. I’m so glad that you were/are willing to speak up on behalf of abuse.

  • Leah

    Dear Elizabeth,
    I will be praying for you along with I am sure many others. I feel absolutley sickened when I think of the abuse done to children – some of the most helpless and dependent members of society in the name of *Christianity*. Thank you for speaking out and not only helping children, but also showing what Jesus is really about. I cannot imagine the courage it took to sit beside that man.  I hear you are feeling frightened and vulnerable because you have a need for love and support.  Just chiiming in to let you know that many, many people who are Christian’s do support you and stand alongside you in our own communities, speaking out against these atrocities. God bless you.

  • http://www.leighkramer.com/ HopefulLeigh

    I am thankful for your voice, EE.  I’ll be watching the show and praying.  May this lead to the end of the Pearls’ misguided and abusive teachings.

  • http://www.gracetags.com Janelle@GraceTags

    Good for you! I’m so happy you’re speaking out. 

    Janelle

  • http://www.diannaeanderson.net Dianna

    HIGH FIVE!

    That’s all I can say for right now. Thank you for this post. And I will be sure to find a way to watch that Anderson episode (also: YOU GOT TO MEET THE SILVER FOX. THAT IS A LIFELONG [okay, couple of years] DREAM FOR ME. JEALOUS).

    Whoa, lots of caps lock there. Sorry. Must have hit the key. Yes, that’s it. Accidental. ;)

  • http://www.alisonstrobel.com Alison

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  • Erika Morrison

    You rock my world. And I am SO proud to call you “friend”.

  • http://www.bookwormbeauty.com B. Rose

    You are so brave. I look up to you for having the courage to speak out, and not letting fear or intimidation or other people’s opinions cow you from speaking the TRUTH and from doing your part to save children’s live. Thank you. We love you & are supporting you!

  • http://openmindsandopenhearts.blogspot.com Amy

    Praying many will come to know the horribleness of this method through this show. You ARE helping! It wasn’t exactly the same or to this degree but I had an instance where someone did something against me yet claimed I had called them unChristian. I believe they were sincere but Christians don’t always act it. I also agree with someone who said that people who think that way don’t really understand grace and the God of mercy I have come to know. I will be watching from my father in laws as we don’t have tv.

  • szthdy

    hugs

  • Laurie Mathers

    “I have received some pretty mean-spirited backlash….from other Christians.”   I’ve found that this is the most painful backlash of all.  I don’t know when I will have the stomach to watch the show, but I will keep you in prayer.

  • http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com Cynthia @ The Hippie Housewife

    Echoing the many others applauding your courage in speaking out about this. Remaining silent is indeed worse than saying it badly; thank you for that encouraging reminder. Praying for God’s peace to rest on you, sister.

  • Stacey

    You rock, girlfriend!  So proud of you for speaking up.  It amazes me to see the woman you have evolved into over the past eight years since I first met you.  I cannot wait to watch on Monday.  I give you mad props – I would not have been able to sit next to that creep – I would’ve beaten the crap outta him!  I should’ve gone with you as your bodyguard!  LOL.  

    BTW, outfit looks fierce.  Love purple ;)

    • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com Tracey

      Creep is right. He’s a total creep. And I said before I would have liked to punch his lights out. 

      Stacey and Tracey; the light punchin’ crap beaters….

  • http://thehomespunlife.com Sisterlisa

    Well said my friend. When we left an abusive church, I was constantly accused of speaking out “wrongly”. Well pardon me if a wounded person sobs or spits a bit when angry with people like that. How dare anyone make accusations against the wounded, while sticking up for the abusers. I have no doubt you’ll get awful criticism for this, but I’m standing with you!

  • http://devinrose.heroicvirtuecreations.com/blog/ Devin Rose

    Will the entire show be available online at some point, or just clips? (We don’t have any TV.)

  • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com Tracey

    (((hugs)))

  • Clairezip

    That website made me literally sick to my stomach.  I actually thought I was going to throw up.  It also made me want to swear all sorts of profanities.  I CANNOT believe that S*** is done in the name of God and HOW in the world do they NOT get sent to JAIL??!?!   These caps are tame compared to what is going on in my mind!

    • Handsfull

      At first I thought the site was someone having a laugh – I couldn’t believe someone was actually SERIOUSLY doing this!!!
      UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!  I feel sick for these women.

  • http://www.ayoungmomsmusings.blogspot.com Melissa@Permission to Live

    Thank you for not remaining silent. And thank you for putting it that way. I’ve had a lot of flack over my posts on patriarchy/Quiverfull stuff, and I’ve wondered if I said it wrong, but it’s better than saying nothing.

  • Handsfull

    Elizabeth – this sums it all up.
    Read Joshua 1 v 9
    Well done!

  • http://www.ericpazdziora.com Eric

    I really sincerely admire you for having both the courage to speak up to his face and the grace to not beat him insensible with a quarter-inch plumbing supply line. 

    Also, I am losing what little respect I had for the Christian Post by the minute. What a perfectly vile piece of sh…oddy journalism. 

  • http://www.adamshome.blogspot.com Erin Adams

    Courageous woman!  
    “Still, I truly believe in living a courageous life–from the heart. Just know that I am very human. Right now as I type this my fingers tremble.”  
    that is what courage is, still walking out & doing the right thing, even though you are quaking in your boots.  Yes?!  
    How can I watch online?  I don’t have network television.  And I want to watch in the evening without the children watching.

  • Peter Anderson

    God bless you for speaking up! You’re so brave for exposing false teaching. 

  • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

    There’s a story about my wife working in the infant room of a church’s mother’s day out program. Her coworker with a wooden spoon with which she hit her own baby. Other inappropriate responses with infants. My wife reporting it. Coworker being let go, but nothing further being done. My wife’s frustration.

    Of course, anyone who knew the story of the way she bonded with my older son when we were just dating, the way she leaped into action to help me as we discovered the abuse he was experiencing and its extent, and the way she poured herself into caring for and healing him (even if he still probably doesn’t realize it) would not have been surprised at her reaction at any child being abused.

    My own childhood is … complicated. But she’s the perfect partner for me. We feel the same. I can think through things, but I sometimes have trouble starting an action. (Though I will note that when a social worker and a therapist (the former ‘off the record’) both told me I needed to get my son away from his environment, out of the state, and let the two states’ legal systems work things out or he might not survive or survive vaguely intact, I acted without hesitation and damn the consequences.) My wife acts. She pushes people. She demands action from others in ways I never could.

    It’s not a matter of being perfect. That will never happen. It’s about acting and speaking as best we can, imperfectly as that will inevitably be.

    And ‘complicated’ as my childhood was, thank God I wasn’t raised in anything like the Pearl system. I’m stubborn to my core. Always have been. That would not have gone well.

  • Sally Clarkson

    Don’t worry. I have embarrassed myself often in writing, speaking, and attempting to minister. It always makes me want to run away and quit trying to speak encouragement and truth–but then I have one more quiet time. 

    But some day, you will see Jesus face to face, and you will know for sure that pleasing Him was all that mattered and He will wipe away your tears and he will say, “You were so brave–you listened when I said, “Woe to the one who causes the least of these to stumble, and you became a mouthpiece of my gentleness to those whose hearts wanted to follow me in gentleness.”I am praying for you and hope you will walk in the light, grace and love tomorrow. Remember, no matter what people say, the Lord is near and he loves you. Peace, be still. Thanks for being brave.

  • http://www.tulipgirl.com Tulipgrrl

    Thank you for your words, shared from the heart, shared in public, shared with love, shared imperfectly. . .

    May God give you peace this weekend. . .

  • Taoiii

    I pray, God fortify elizabeth as she weathers this storm;
    protect her from shame and reproach;
    uphold her noble cause, to protect children from abuse and hypocrisy.
    Lord plead speak to the hearts of the mighty who abuse the helpless while proclaiming that they do You a service.
    please humble them.

    Lord I also pray for those who do survive abuse and for those who have perished from it. as You welcome them to heavenly habitations, please honor their sacrifice by using it to end this cruelty and to save other children.

    Lord, please restore charity to Christianity; turn the hearts of the fathers to the children; establish civility in families & in the public
    square.

    put a fence of protection around the vulnerable and the helpless; succor the traumatized; heal broken hearts and tormented minds.

    Lord, especially in this hour, draw elizabeth within Your arc of safety, grant her refuge ‘neath the shelter of Your wings until these be calamities be overpast.

    For these and all blessings in Jesus’ name I pray.

  • DonS

    EE – wonderful article!  It’s inspiring to know that everyone has doubts and fears and wants to do the very best they can.  I didn’t know about this episode until today; now I cannot wait to watch and watch as these details are brought to light. Thank you for framing it with this entry so I will be more informed as I watch. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=713933948 Emelie Hallberg

    “If I make mistakes and don’t speak perfectly, forgive me.
    It was better than remaining silent.”

    I think I’m gonna write those words on a piece of paper and put it up on my wall. So, so true. 

    (this is to say, yes, your courage inspires me)

    Peace and love to you

  • Claire

    Protecting children does not make you a liberal (I hate that term anyway), and it certainly doesn’t make you un-Christian!  I’m sure that you did beautifully, and I’m looking forward to seeing the show.  

  • http://www.throughaglass.net Kari

    Hey, EE, I am a reader from time to time. I set my TiVo. I am so proud of you.

  • http://twitter.com/noggingrande Joe Watkins

    Where oppression and abuse is occurring, especially in the name of Jesus, it must to rebuked. Thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless and for challenging the loudest people in the room. May God grant you peace and strength when you are attacked for being an ambassador for his Kindgom. 

  • Sherri

    Thank you for speaking out regarding abusive child rearing practices. Because of you and others  that were raised in extremely abusive religious systems speaking out, I had to examine how I raised my children. I am ashamed and appalled at what damage I have caused my sons. My heart breaks and tears flow because I truly thought I was doing what was best for them. I have asked God for forgiveness and apologized to my sons and begged their forgiveness for “breaking” their God-given will. In my case, the Pearls were not the source of the bad parenting teaching, bad theology was and it runs rampant throughout Christianity. 

    Hopefully, because of your courage and willingness to do the hard thing, someone else will re-evaluate their parenting style and see their children as the treasures that they are with the end result being no more dead or broken children.

  • Rebecca

    I think that it’s awesome that you have the strength to confront such misguided people….and I think that their continued entrenchment in their ideas and methods at the cost of even one child’s life I’d evil….I will pray that God continues to give you the strength to confront people like them.

  • Beonkey

    I, for one, cannot WAIT to see what you have to say today. Your are intelligent, passionate, and you’re heart for children is beautiful. So proud of you!

  • Mattie

    Praying for you! Thanks so much for speaking out on the behalf of those who have been abused by these teachings.

  • Anonymous

    I think you are doing the right thing, Elizabeth. 

  • http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com even one sparrow

    Thank you for speaking out, for being bold, for saying things that I could never say because I have never experienced it like you have.  I am spreading the word and retweeting your tweets on this issue!  It’s so important.

  • http://profiles.google.com/eaandfaith Hannah Thomas

    ”’Additionally, if the Pearls had shown a little humility, grace and
    genuine sorrow about these tragedies, then the line of questioning
    wouldn’t be as tough.”’

    That is key!  They came across as to busy trying to defend their books, and their teachings first and foremost.  The children that died were more important.  They didn’t treat those children with the respect they deserved. 

    If they felt the need to defend their teachings, books, etc.  That’s understandable I guess.  Would Jesus ask them to defend their ministry before the children?  No.

    Their response was responsible for the tidal wave they received, and they can say they are sorry for the children at this point – but it would be mute.  The concentration should have been first on the children that died, and showing true remorse should have been a given.  Showing remorse doesn’t say you agree that their books were responsible.    Why don’t they get that? 

    The way they came off relayed a huge heart issue to people.  If they are to prideful to stop and look at that?  They have hardened their hearts.  It has nothing to do with the media attacking Christianity.  The Pearls were under attack by Christians WAY before this story was on CNN.  Mr. Pearl also had plenty of time to make his case.  Both are bad excuses and diversions.

    Humility, Grace and Genuine sorrow would have gone a LONG way even if people still don’t agree with his teachings on child rearing.  Its sad that they don’t get that.  Laughing at his critics is insulting – which was the response in the past.  If they can’t grasp that comes across as ‘cold’ maybe they need to consider a publicist.   Seriously.

  • Lara

    You are so brave.  My thoughts, prayers, and love are with you today.  Hugs.

  • Anonymous

    Again, I think you did a great job, and just as you said, it’s better to speak badly (which you did not) than to not speak at all.

  • Guest

    Thank you for speaking up.

  • Cynthia Kunsman

    Elizabeth,

    You remind me of Sir Edmund Burke (a very high compliment):  The only thing necessary for evil to prevail is for good men to do nothing.

    I’ve heard some feedback about the show from two people in another part of the country (I have 2.5 hours to wait until the show airs in my local area.)  Everything that I’ve heard already was great, and no one said anything about saying anything badly. 

    I also heard that Pearl sat like a stoic and didn’t seem to feel a bit bad about the suffering described by others.  That also speaks volumes, too.

    I’m proud, proud, proud of you.

    • Cynthia Kunsman

      What were you worried about?  It was great.

  • Joni Boetticher

    I’m mostly a lurker here on your blog but I just wanted to add my voice to the others’ and say thank you for speaking out. I watched the program this morning and I think you did a wonderful job.

  • http://www.inamirrordimly.com Ed_Cyzewski

    May God’s grace and peace go with you this weekend.

  • Sara

    wanted to shoot you a note of encouragement.  I haven’t watched the interview–I probably won’t.  The entire subject makes me ill.  My great joy as a mother of four is watching my children blossom into the unique individuals that God made them to be, and my job as a steward of my children under God is to help them grow.  The idea of purposely trying to break their will is horrific.  I am extremely grateful for your dedication as an advocate for these children.

  • Jason

    Saw you on Anderson today. You were awesome. With a six month old daughter I cannot imagine using the pearls method of abuse. My parents used a lot of their methods on me and my siblings as we grew up, and although they didn’t take it to extremes I have to believe there could have been better ways to raise us. Thanks for championing this cause. It has caused me to honestly think about how I want to conduct myself as my daughter gets older. I am 100% sure I can do it without hitting her, and I will fiercely defend that position with my church friends who I know are going to disagree.

  • Holly

    Just saw it – watched it with my older kids.  You did great, EE.  (())  Be brave, be strong – much love!

  • Kathy K.

    I haven’t seen the show yet, but I thank  you for speaking out.  Bless you for this!

  • http://www.karissajoelle.wordpress.com Karissa

    Thank you for your courage.

  • Jennifer DAmato

    Thank you for speaking out.  Thank you for bringing this issue to light!  About 5 years ago I read the Helpmeet book in a church woman’s bible study and it just about broke me and my marriage.  I knew others were reading the child rearing book and the things I heard scared me.  I really believe someone out there is going to really hear what needs to be heard to help them escape these lies that they are living under. 

  • Mark S.

    Your totally rocked! I can’t believe you actually sat on the same sofa. Words fail me and as a Catholic Christian, I will use this experience as  an act of mortification by saying no more about the other one on that sofa.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1213520795 Jessica Harrington

    I wasn’t able to see the Anderson Cooper show today, so I hope to see it online when available.  Let me just applaud you for your boldness, and for speaking up on behalf of children who are victimized by No Greater Joy’s philosophies, and the parent’s who have been mislead.  The Pearl’s are taking this opportunity to label it as an attack on Christianity.  I am praying that pastors and leaders of healthy churches will speak up and continue to expose the danger of following the Pearl’s.  Their teachings are no where within the bounds of healthy parent/child relationships.  I have a feeling you are right about him not being used to being questioned.  I hope he felt very nervous.  The scrutiny he is facing is just a fraction of the collective pain he has brought to many children and families.  

  • Claire

    You did great!  I felt so sorry for you when you had to shake his hand.  Just looking at him and listening to his cold demeanor made my skin crawl;  I can’t imagine having to sit in close proximity and touch him.  Yes, he got interrupted, but as you say, he had plenty of air-time, and I totally agree that he is clearly not used to answering questions, at least not in a give-and-take dialogue type of way.  Even if he wants to defend his methods and deny responsibility in the deaths, his total lack of emotion after hearing the descriptions of what these kids went through is a red flag.  (As is the demeanor of the mother on that 911 call.)  And, I also totally agree with your take on spanking in anger vs cold/calculating spanking.  I’m not a big fan of any type of spanking, but it seems to me that it would be a lot more confusing for a child when a parent is showing no emotion while bringing them physical pain.

  • http://twitter.com/kristinrawls Kristin Rawls

    Here’s the gist of what I said on Twitter (not sure if you saw my comments or not, @kristinrawls:disqus
    ): I think your passion powerfully got the message across. I think what you said probably resonated with a lot of people. I didn’t think you came across as inarticulate or ill-informed in the least. I thought what you did was really brave and important, and I’m glad you got a chance to confront him there.

    As for what Pearl said: I mean, he DEFINITELY didn’t make any new friends there. His refusal to acknowledge that there are differences between raising a child and raising an animal came across as morally repugnant, I’m guessing, to 99.9% of the people who watched today – that is, all but the most deeply indoctrinated.

  • http://www.marydemuth.com Mary DeMuth

    I’m so proud of you.

  • http://sofolo.tumblr.com sofolo

    I just watched the segment on Anderson. I grew up around families that implemented the Perl philosophy on discipline and when my wife and I decided to marry and start a family we were given copies of To Train Up A Child and Created To Be His Helpmeet. It didn’t take long for us to realize the insanity and danger of this ideology when directly applied in the real world. Thank you for speaking out. I applaud your courage and passion for truth. May your voice resound in the hearts of parents and give them the courage to stand up and be beacons of light even when the result is alienation from their immediate religious community.

    Namaste, sister.

  • Melanie

    You did great!  and you looked cute, too.  I also could not believe you had to sit on the same couch as he did, and I could feel your disgust when he offered his hand.

    You were elegant and articulate.  No need to question yourself!

  • Meg Moseley

    You did very well, EE. You may never know how many parents you’ve influenced by speaking up. Thank you! 

    • Clairezip

      maybe even the nervous mom sitting next to you.  Lord, have mercy.

  • Amy

    Elizabeth, God bless you for speaking out on this issue.  Regarding your doubts and anxiety, remember when you were growing up in that abusive home that you were taught to question yourself and to not believe that you could think for yourself.  Others did your thinking for you.  So at this time all of those negative messages are surfacing when you’re faced with people like the Pearls who may remind you of those adults in your childhood. Remember, God has given you an amazing opportunity to be a voice for those with no voice.  And God will give you strength to do the work He has called you to do.

  • Clairezip

    Oh man – you are my hero!!  I am watching the show right now and I feel like I’m watching one of my friends – I’m cheering you on and tearing up and so proud of you!  You have great courage standing up on behalf of the voiceless!   

  • Molly

    Just watched it.  Great job, Elizabeth.  Seriously.  Feeling very thankful that you had the guts to go on the show. 

  • http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/ The Cult Next Door

    Thank you, Thank you dear friend for speaking out about this terribly indoctrination……May the souls of the children lost to this terrible abuse rest in peace.

    • http://outofthesilverchair.blogspot.com/ The Cult Next Door

      oops….meant “terrible” not “terribly”….long day @ work :)

  • Darcy

    Did you see that the CP article linked to a quote and website on Domestic Discipline?!?! Wow. And don’t Google DD unless you want to lose your lunch.

    • Stephanie

      What is CP?  I would like to see this.

      • Hermana Linda

        CP is The Christian Post, the article EE linked to.

  • Kristen Rosser

    Remember that it was the Pharisees who persecuted Jesus the most.  

  • Claire

    Oh, and I forgot to mention that when Michael Pearl talked about pulling babies’ hair when they bite during nursing, I had a strong urge to reach through the TV screen and pull his beard.

    • Holly

      I know.  All you have to do is pull the baby in toward you – it causes the baby’s jaw to release.  No pulling hair necessary.

      He made it sound as if you *had * to do it – it was the only way.

  • http://www.airlinelifeandairlinewife.com Falfie4

    I pray you find peace and comfort in these next few days.  I can’t even imagine how difficult it must have been to face him and his supporters.  And, I just want to say for the record… there were 3 people on that stage on one side and one person opposing them.  How is that biased against Mr. Pearl??  

    I totally agree with your statement that speaking out imperfectly is better than not speaking out at all.  Can you imagine if no one spoke out against him?!  But, I can relate to the anxiety you are experiencing.   I hope that you will continue to speak out and grow stronger as you do.  There will always be people who oppose you.  I know it is hard to believe this in the heat of the moment (believe me, I know since I’m working through this right now!), but you are the one who is right.  They are sick people.  You have found the truth.  And, I pray that your words lead others to know the true God who is full of loving kindness. 

  • Bootsy328

    Elizabeth,
    I am so sorry that you were involved in cult, and my heart goes out to all children who have been abused, but to blame the Pearls or anyone teaching that spanking is inappropriate is just plain wrong.

    I watched the show and felt that Rev. Pearl was never given an appropriate opportunity to share what is taught in his book.  There is zero abuse taught in his book, and you should know this if you have read it. 

    We raised four godly kids who were all well behaved, have no psychological issues and know what it means to discipline appropriately.  Laving any marks on a child is not right, but to condemn  the vast majority of parents for spanking their kids because some parents are abusive is not right.  I also believe drinking wine is appropriate and will not take responsibility for those who abuse alcohol, especially when they kill others.

    I am with you against abuse, but feel badly that you did not make clear that you in were a cult, not a church.

    • KatR

      Spanking an infant is abusive. That is taught in Pearls book. Pulling an infants hair and pinching him on the neck is abusive, and I heard that come out of his OWN MOUTH on the show.

      Yes, a parent can spank a child without it being abusive. But the physical and emotional sadism described in Pearls book IS abusive. Terrorizing a child into compliance is NOT necessary.

      • http://theeternaldance.blogspot.com/ Lynelle

        plus, Pearl is clearly a cult leader himself.

        • Bootsy328

          Why do you disparage a man before you have ever read his theology or know anything about his church?  Do you know that he is one of 4 or 5 ministers in his church who might speak on a Sunday, and that his primary ministry is in prisons winning the lost?  He has zero demands on those who listen to him expect to check out everything he teaches with their own study of God’s Word.  It will be interesting the day you meet Him in heaven and come to understand that perhaps not everything he teaches is perfect, but he is a man greatly used by God in my life and the lives of many. 

          • Nina

            He’s a baby-beating, evil animal. And so are you. Go away.

          • http://twitter.com/kristinrawls Kristin Rawls

            “In prisons winning the lost” aka preying on truly captive audiences.

          • http://theeternaldance.blogspot.com/ Lynelle

            @694dae23e73b5c17ab22495814510219:disqus  You are right that I don’t know him personally and don’t know much about his church.  I’ll take back the comment about him being a cult leader, since I can’t back that up sufficiently.

            I will say that the things I’ve heard him say, or words that he’s written . . . and the way he speaks . . .  are very reminiscent of the controlling behavior of a man who once led a group I was part of, which I consider to be a Christian cult.  this doesn’t mean that no one hears truth within the group . . .   it means that people are manipulated and harmed by the application of various scriptures.

             Religion is so easily used to control others’ behavior, “for their own good.”  I’m sure Mr. Pearl thinks he is doing good through this book he’s written.  And it sounds like he’s doing some good with a prison ministry.  

            Any good done does not negate the harm done.

            We all have our journeys.  I hope this man is able to see the ways in which he is promoting harmful beliefs and using the “God card” to back it up.  Believers have a hard time not doing something, when they are convinced the message is from God . . . even when the Spirit within is crying out, telling them it’s wrong.  (I have experienced this)

            I do not judge his soul.  That’s God’s business, not mine. 
            I’d be delighted to see him in heaven.  I’d be delighted to see every person who’s ever lived in heaven, because this would mean they’ve seen Love, and let go of things that are not love.

            My desire is to encourage people to trust their hearts.  To trust the wisdom that God has given them, over what any person tells them (no matter how many verses have been attached to the teaching.  We all know how easily scriptures can be manipulated).  Listen and then meditate on it . . . and do what is right.  Don’t allow another person to push you into behaviors that your deeper wisdom knows is not right.  

            God is love.  In our heart of hearts, each of us was born with the knowledge of what real love is.  
            What I heard presented by Mr Pearl was not love.
            He is free to say what he believes.  Others are free to accept it or not.  
            Exposing people to the repercussions of accepting Mr Pearl’s version of truth, will enable and strengthen people to look to God; look to Love, when making decisions.

            And seriously.  He’s made this stuff up!  He’s taken certain verses and decided how one should interpret them and come up with very specific (and, might I add, sometimes horrific) ways to apply them.

            As we used to say in my old group.  You may be sincere.  But, you can be sincerely wrong.

      • Bootsy328

        If you want to redefine the terms “abuse” you win the argument.  My wife would flick her infant’s cheek each time they would bite her as she nursed.  They did not like the minor amount of discomfort, but it was far from abuse.  What Pearl is referring to is a small amount of discomfort to teach an unreasoning child to stop biting Mom’s nipple.  It is far more effective and practical than not feeding the child, giving up nursing, or allowing the child to keep nipping.  Ouch!  The thought of that hurts me :) .

        • Anonymous

          Hey, guess what? I refuse to debate you. There are lots of other places on the Internet for you to go defend Michael Pearl. This blog is not one of them. If you want to defend spanking infants and “flicking” them while they nurse? Do it elsewhere.

          • Bootsy328

            No worries Elizabeth… I wish you the best, and all of us who believe in mild spankings are horrified for kids who get beat. 

        • Nina

          Yeah, well you’re a disgusting abusive animal. You’re a cowardly, lily-livered, pathetic creep. Take your sick, abusive “methods” somewhere else. You’re not wanted here or anywhere else. Go back to whatever toilet you crawled out of and stay there.

  • Anonymous

    Can you post the link to the whole show?  I do not have access to it

  • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com Tracey

    At least Dobson is a child psychologist and has extensive and many years experience as such. Pearl has no formal education in any form of child development or psychology. 

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-A-Ollendorff/1128498376 Thomas A. Ollendorff

      i find dobson to be sinister, and his smooth tone & proper credentials make him even more of a threat to helpless children.
      to a toddler, a parent is the size of a giant.
      if a parent who was abused himself as a child, or who is frustrated or humiliated by a bad day at work, decides to unload his pent up fury on his own small child, that child has no place to turn for safety.

      leaving the o.t & the epistles aside, i cannot see ANYthing in the gospels of Jesus that favors big people unloading their fury on children.

  • Gomire Marshall

    I watched today and I thought you did well. I thought your point about punishment that is administered in a cold calculating manner being more confusing than punishment delivered in anger was well made.

  • http://elissaanne.tumblr.com Elissa

    Two other things (I was previously signed in under Gomire Marshall). When you mentioned that the book was first published in 1994, I was struck by how recent that is. This is not some thousand-year-old biblical document we are talking about. Can’t there be room for growth on the author’s part, especially when evidence of abuse is becoming clear? Why the need to be so dogmatic about a 15 year old book? Secondly, as far as the article that claims the show was twisted, if the authors of that article are going to link to such a horrendous website as the domestic discipline site, then I think that rests the case. 

  • KR

    Have you written your own views on disciplining your children? Would love to hear your thoughts, especially with the background you have in the Pearl’s principles.

    • Bootsy328

      Hi KR,
      If you are referring to me, I feel it best not to share my views on disciplining children in deference to Elizabeth.  Unless she would like me to. What you would find is consistent discipline with lots of love and kids who turned out fabulous, with very little extra energy or extra ordinary discipline.  They just learned that “no” means “no” from a very young age.

      I do not think that parents have to spank to teach discipline and “no.” But it sure is an easy tool when used sparingly, and out of love, knowing that the child will be a teenager and adult some day. Better to teach it young than to lose the battle like so many parents have done.

      You may dialogue with me at Bootsy328@yahoo.com if you like and as a courtesy to Elizabeth, I will leave my views off of this blog.

      • KR

        No asking EE.

  • Tricia Lawrence

    Thank you, EE. Thank you, thank you, thank you. From someone who was 19 when she first encountered this book, I could NOT have done what you did with such courage. You ROCKED it.

    Thank you for giving a voice to the voiceless. You did something amazing for Sean, Lydia, and Hana. We will never forget them. And you spoke up for the children who are in danger from this book even tonight. I stand with you. We will not shut up until they are safe, even if we cry because it hurts, even if we say it wrong because we’re facing such evil in person. We will NOT STOP.

    Hugs. Peace, my sister.

  • Retha

    Don’t worry about the critics. That article is truly uninformed and prejudiced. They don’t even see that asking questions of the Pearls – and the link to child killing – is not synonymous with denying the Bible, or opposing all physical punishment.They say the Bible should be taken literally, and then quote from an unknown translation that is clearly a paraphrasing, as opposed to literal, rendering.They link to a domestic discipline site. No reasonable person would value their opinion.

    • Holly

      Seriously.  I just checked out the domestic discipline site.  Wow.  Unreal.  Simply unreal – and couched in such “godly” language.  It is nauseating.  EE, someday, take on that topic.  K?  :)

      Their linking to the site, quoting from it – that says a lot.

      • http://biblicalpersonhood.wordpress.com/ Retha

        Holly, I read one such site some time ago, after it was mentioned on the site of a patriarchy supporter.

        I did not even enter this site. Some things would just disturb me for no purpose at all.

  • Carissa Houston

    You did an amazing job getting your point across!  You were absolutely clear and passionate.  You must be the kindest woman in the world –  I would have grabbed that plumbing line and smacked MP upside the head with it when he told the DA to “bring it”.  Thank you for standing up as a Christian who does not believe kids need to be broken!

  • http://www.truth-makes-freedom.blogspot.com/ Katherine Gunn

    I just want to encourage you. There is nothing more difficult than facing our own abuse head on and talking about it. You have great courage (the trembling is normal). Thank you.

  • Brenda King

    Elizabeth, I saw the show and Wow… You were *wonderful*! You provided a reasonable yet passionate voice.  How Mr. Pearl could remain defiant after your plea to understand how harmful his teachings are, I’ll never know.

  • frogla

    You rock my friend!! Thank you for speaking out and for standing up against the evil abuse and death!! you were amazing eloquent clear and brave!! xoxo 

  • Stephanie

    Sorry if this has already been answered, but where exactly does he link to the CDD site? 

    • http://elissaanne.tumblr.com Elissa

      page 2

    • Hermana Linda

      He is quoting someone from the site and give the URL.  The last time I checked, the link didn’t actually work, but the URL  was there so it was easy to fix.

  • http://juliediterrell.wordpress.com/ Julie

    I just want to add my “thank you” to this long list. I am in awe of the bravery you have shown!!! Way to stand for truth and not let the opposition get to you! God bless you and direct you as you continue to defend the defenseless. “Speak up for those who
    cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed.
    Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice.”
    (Proverbs 31:8, 9 NLT)

  • http://rawfaithrealworld.wordpress.com/ RawFaith

    I grew up in a home where I experienced extreme abuse just about every day by a mother who seemed like a saint to the outside world. My grandmother came to visit one time, and my mom couldn’t keep up the charade any longer and started to abuse me. The moment my grandmother stepped between the two of us and stopped my mother changed my life because I didn’t feel alone and someone actually saw. I believe there will be parents who will watch that show and change their parenting style. Your willingness to speak up will change their lives… the lives of the whole family. Thank you!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-A-Ollendorff/1128498376 Thomas A. Ollendorff

    i could not figure out how to sign in the other day, when i added this prayer to your thread, so i am re.posting it here in this reply to another of my shares.

       .   .

    I pray, God fortify elizabeth as she weathers this storm;protect her from shame and reproach;uphold her noble cause, to protect children from abuse and hypocrisy.Lord plead speak to the hearts of the mighty who abuse the helpless while proclaiming that they do You a service.please humble them.Lord
    I also pray for those who do survive abuse and for those who have
    perished from it. as You welcome them to heavenly habitations, please
    honor their sacrifice by using it to end this cruelty and to save other
    children.Lord, please restore charity to Christianity; turn the
    hearts of the fathers to the children; establish civility in families
    & in the public square.put a fence of protection around
    the vulnerable and the helpless; succor the traumatized; heal broken
    hearts and tormented minds.Lord, especially in this hour, draw
    elizabeth within Your arc of safety, grant her refuge ‘neath the shelter
    of Your wings until these be calamities be overpast.For these and all blessings in Jesus’ name I pray.

  • http://theeternaldance.blogspot.com/ Lynelle

    an additional point is . . . even if he did have some good ideas . . . it’s a cookie cutter approach, assuming we are all identical, and that there’s only one way to do things correctly.

    much of religion approaches life and reality this way.  none of us fits exactly the same mold as another.  that’s the beauty of being human.

  • http://raisingpaityn.blogspot.com Tiffany

    I deeply admire your courage and grace under such pressure.  I also admire how… professional you were with your speaking.  I wonder if I would have been able to be as calm as you were, and in doing so, you only made your words that much more strong and convincing.  You were speaking from a place of truth, not anger.

    Thank you so much for doing this.  The Pearls are not alone in teaching this reprehensible form of “parenting.”  Their voices are strong and convincing and tempting (isn’t that the very nature of evil?).  Thank you so much for being a light in the darkness.

  • EmilySAHMiAm

    Elizabeth, you are so strong! I admire your courage. Your children are so fortunate to have a mother like you. Similarly, “remaining silent is worse than saying it badly.” Truly words to live by. Thank you.