Are you a stay at home mom? You must be SO unhappy and unhealthy!!

Posted on January 19, 2012 by elizabeth

A new APA study shows moms with jobs are happier and healthier than moms who stay home with their kids during infancy and preschool years. Yeah, I have a few things to say about that.

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  • Lindsey

    You’re awesome, EE.  :)

  • http://thecannyfamily.blogspot.com/ Autumn

    that’s a solid! 

    my heart raced on your last post. couldn’t.even.imagine. but, as a mom, of course i could, i just won’t let myself. hoping tommorow brings something a little better.

  • http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com even one sparrow

    I love being a stay-at-home mom.  I think it’s a privilege, and one I’m not sure I’ll be able to have forever.  Also, I am in a position where I COULD choose to work more, but I’m limiting myself at 10 hours/week so I can spend more time with my daughter.  I won’t get these years back.

    • http://evenonesparrow.blogspot.com even one sparrow

      In general, I am really surprised at this study.  I would want specifics of what populations they studied and where the funds came from to support the study.

  • Happy geek

    My very first thought on reading the link is, “so?”
    Parenting isn’t all about happiness. It is about people doing what they think is best for Their family.
    Should mom be miserable and depressed all the time? NO.
    But like you said, being a SAHM in the early stages isn’t all sunshine and rainbows.
    I agree with you. Really, do we need to continue the mommy wars?
    Being a mom is hard enough without any additional guilt.

  • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

    Hmm. I read the PDF of the study linked inside the press release to which you linked. The hypothesis being tested was really that mothers working part-time would rate better on the various scales than either mothers working full-time or those staying home full-time. That had apparently never been tested. The focus was comparing the effects of part-time to full-time employment. That’s pretty clear in the results. And the study also extended from birth to fifth grade (thus the ten year span) specifically because the authors found that previous studies had focused on the pre-school period.

    I’m also not sure I would characterize using the Center of Epidemiological Studies – Depression Scale as the measure of the mother’s well-being as asking them if they are “happy.” Depression and depressive symptoms are rather different than transitory feelings of sadness or happiness. That’s certainly one of the common scales used, so if it’s not valid in the context of the study, then we would have to question its value as a diagnostic tool in general.

    I’m not familiar with the various scales and wasn’t interested in learning enough about them so I could interpret the various tables, so I couldn’t really evaluate the results myself. The authors found some of their hypotheses were supported by the data and some weren’t, but where they were supported, they made sense to me.

    In the conclusion, I note that one of the ways the authors hope the study will be used is to view part-time work as a legitimate path toward building a career and offer it as a legitimate option rather than simply as a cost-saving and disposable mechanism.

    I also don’t find it surprising in today’s world that stay-at-home mothers of young children would struggle more with depression and depressive symptoms. I remember when my wife and I were first married. We had all the issues surrounding my older son, so between taking him to his various doctors and other appointments, my wife really didn’t have the option of working. Then a couple of years later, we had our first child together. Especially when you’re toward the lower end of our economic spectrum, as we were, the neighborhoods in which you live tend to be largely empty during the day. It can be extremely isolating. It’s not like the days when extended families and large households lived life together. Most are like we were. No extended family in the area. Her friends all worked. Few, if any, other mothers and kids in the area during the day. (And those who are around tend to be running home daycare — perhaps unlicensed.) In that environment, who wouldn’t suffer?

    But the goal or at least hope of the authors is that this would help make part-time work (as opposed to full-time) a more legitimate and viable option than it currently is. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing.

  • https://creativecommons.net/prosario2000/identity Pedro M. Rosario Barbosa

    One of the thing I want to say, is that a lot of studies seem at first to be absolutely meaningless, or sometimes they appear to be a total waste of time an energy on something more ephemeral. Yet, at the end of the day, these data are not really useless.  Sometimes it lets us know which of our biases (regardless our political or religious leanings) is really flawed.  Regardless on whether the origins of the studies are male-centered or not, we have to know, in the end, what were the criteria to measure “happiness” … since happiness itself is an abstract concept.

    Also, a word of caution.  I haven’t seen the study, and I plan to read it this weekend.  However, Scott Morizot’s statement seems plausible regarding the scientific study.  Let’s remember that the press wants to sell … and that is the key word in all of this.  I usually do not trust press headlines regarding scientific studies.  In most cases, the press overblows the findings, but when you read the research, in reality the content is far more modest.  (By the way … not only this happens to popular newspapers, it also happens with popular margazines about scientific research, and are found in the commercial arena).  Morizot’s response apparently gives you the details that deflate the news, to what I presume is much more factual information.

  • Renee

    LOL!! I could not be happy working “outside the home,” right now. Aside from having a nursing newborn and three older kids, my house would never stay clean/organized/caught up, and that alone would make me depressed! :-)

  • http://www.downtoearthwomen.blogspot.com/ Tracey

    Perhaps a study of stay at home moms who had outside help with housework and those who didn’t would be more telling? 

    I know I’d be happier with a full time maid. 
    Good grief. 

    • Anne Boyd

      me too! No nanny- I’ll do the parenting- but a chief cook and bottle washer- OH YES!

  • Nurse Bee

    As a working mom, I would generally disagree (with APA, not you).  But then again maybe not all working moms have a huge guilt complex over working.  

  • http://blog.amberlbaker.com Amber Baker

    I wonder if this study is showing us that there are plenty of women out there who weren’t ready to take the selfless plunge of motherhood. They enjoy being in the work sector because they get to do what they want to do it. They aren’t dictated by a dependent, helpless infant. I know I’m not ready yet to be selfless, amongst other reasons. There could be several factors of selfishness, loneliness, being overwhelmed, boredom (a lot of my new mom friends are bored out of their minds, so they get me to come over to have adult conversation with them.) On and On. So perhaps it’s not the staying at home that’s the problem. It’s the mindset and community surrounding. 

  • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

    I am actually LOL. For real. Love this.

  • LizzyZ

    Honestly, I’m not sure why this study upsets you as much as it does. Why does this study have to be proposed by a man? Why do you see it as pitting mothers who work and those who stay home against each other?

    Maybe it’s because I’m a medical professional, or that I’ve struggled with depression all my life leading to serious post-partum depression, or that I’ve been both a stay at home mom, full-time working mom, and part-time working mom; or that I feel I’m surrounded by a very balanced group of women regarding this topic, but I was intrigued to read the results of this study rather than upset.

    As Scott pointed out the press release doesn’t tell the whole story. The quantitative differences are statistically significant, but not headline-making. So to brand it as who is “happier” than the other is technically true, but might be considered by some to be disingenuous. The measurement used for symptoms of depression (NOT the same as happiness) is an industry favorite because of its completeness. I’ve used it both professionally and personally and I think it’s a pretty useful tool. The interesting thing is when you have a scale ranging from zero to 60 a difference of 1 or 2 points between the at-home-mom group and the part-time-working group isn’t all that much in reality. (The scary thing is I can’t remember a time when I scored on that scale as low as the average respondent…)

    I’d also like to point out that the study looks at answers collected from five different times during the child’s first 10 years, not just the infant months.

    The older I get the more I think these sorts of “mom competitions” are created and perpetuated by moms. I really don’t see men having much, if anything, to do with mom issues.

    • http://southernxyl.blogspot.com/ Laura

      Right.  They’re called the “mommy wars” for a reason.

      Years ago our preacher said that “studies show” that money correlates to happiness only up to a certain amount, and after that more money didn’t make any difference.  I think that’s about right.  Absent outstandingly bad things like chronic disease, homelessness, and so on, our happiness is what we make it.  My mom used to sing to me that song about “you can’t roller skate in a buffalo herd, but you can be happy if you’ve a mind to.”

      As you say, depression is a different thing altogether, not just a lack of happiness.  I’m not saying that you can bootstrap yourself out of depression at all.

      FWIW, I worked outside the home from the time my daughter was 11 weeks old.  She’s 24 now.  Just before Christmas she told me that her daddy and I had been awesome parents, and “I’m really happy with the way I turned out.”  I’m happy with the way she turned out too.  The proof of the pudding, right there.

    • http://www.throughaglass.net Kari

      I agree. I am not sure why it upset you so much. I see it as a positive for both sides – hopefully we will continue to push for more workplace flexibility in this country and for strong support systems for all moms.

      As a working mom, I do feel healthier and happier having an outlet. For me, that’s my job. I also want to point out that when I had to go back to work, no one was saying, “This will be great for your family,” or even, “You can do this.” I heard, “I am so sorry,” and, “This is the hardest thing you will ever have to do.” So, from my perspective, it’s nice to hear that there are some people who don’t think that leaving my kid makes me an unhappy lady.

  • theresaEH

    Hmmmm, I think the “experts” missed interviewing the working moms in my office, as  they have made it very clear that they would prefer to stay at home with their children!

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    Hey EE,
    I agree with you. Pitting mothers against mothers is ridiculous and the premise of the study is pure poppycock. Being a mom is a tough job regardless of whether you work outside the home or not. The challenges are just different. All moms work am I right? :)

    Being a parent isn’t about personal happiness. It’s daily self-sacrifice and near death experiences. Don’t get me wrong, I think parenthood is also a joy-filled adventure, but it’s often messy and haphazard as well.

    BUT… the study was conducted by 2 women so that was kind of surprising.