No treats at school on Valentine’s Day?

Posted on February 4, 2012 by elizabeth

A school near Boston has asked parents to refrain from sending treats to school on Valentine’s Day. Today on Fox News, I debated Dr. Keith Ablowabout whether this was a necessary restriction. I think children should be allowed to enjoy their holiday celebrations–my kids love planning the fun gifts and treats they’ll bring for their friends. Of COURSE we set limits and teach them how to exercise self-control and moderation. I tried to keep the debate clean and on-topic. I’ll let you be the judge of whether my opponent afforded me the same respect. p.s. did you know “Mommy Blogger” is a dirty word? :)

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  • Mara

    Whoever said “mommy blogger” is a dirty word can go stick it in their ear. :) :D ;)

  • http://www.blessedisthekingdom.com Fr. Christian Mathis

    That guy was a complete jackass. I’m all for nutrition, but does that mean kids can’t have a celebration every now and then? You were even respectful enough to suggest if the principal didn’t want the kids eating candy at school it could be passed out at the end of the day. 

    • LizzyZ

      I agree. Dr. Ablow turned a debate into an argument and I say you won it when you suggested the end of the day for candy.  The rest of the time he continued to discredit himself with his rude insinuations: “…this MOMMY blogger…” Ugh.

  • gooddaysunshine

    You were eloquent and full of class.  As usual. 

  • Mara

    Okay, watched it.
    Dr. Ablow was WAY out of line with you. 
    You were gracious.
    He was rude. He was arrogant. He was blame shifting. And quite frankly, he is completely uninformed!

    The school principal DOES answer to the parents and the community. The parents and the community ARE the authority in this situation. The Principal’s salary is paid for BY the parents and community through our tax dollars. We pay his salary. We pay for our schools. Dr. Ablow doesn’t pay for that school and neither does the principal. Yes these schools are OUR schools. The principal is hired to run it. If he makes a bad call it is OUR job to deal with it. The principal DOES answer to us. He is not his own authority that answers to no one. That sort of authority is what feeds the Narcissistic personality.
    And what I saw this being about, more than the candy and sweets, was Ablow’s obsession with authority. His view of authority is screwed up and I feel so sorry for anyone that he is in authority over.

    And if Dr. Ablow really is that arrogant and rude, then yes, he can stick it in his ear (And I’m being as polite as I can and far more polite that what he deserves. Bless you EE for being as gracious as you are. It is a good thing in you.)

  • Mara

    Okay, I thought I was done. But the more I think about Ablow the more incensed I get.

    I understand that homeschooling has gone down a bad road toward patriarchy and quiverfull crap and I am disgusted with Vision Forum and all the other groups that are engaging in a hostile take over of homeschool.

    But originally, before the movement went bad, one of the reasons people homeschooled is because of arrogant #$%s like Ablow. There was a professional snobbery among teachers and principals in school districts. The establishment decided that they knew what was best for children and they looked upon parents as the problem, something they needed to rescue the poor, helpless, innocent children from. They demanded that the kids go to school, then wanted to take all the power of the parents away and have all the authority themselves.

    I hear that arrogance in Ablow now. He and this principal are the superior, all knowing professionals that must save these children from the horrible mommies and mommy bloggers who don’t know how to properly care for their own children and are determined to give them whatever they want and turn them into little narcissists.

    Stick it in your ear, Ablow. You don’t know better how to raise these kids than the mommies and daddies.

    POWER TO THE MOMMY BLOGGERS!

    (Okay, hopefully I’m done this time. Sorry EE. You must have caught me on a bad day with this one.) 

  • http://thecannyfamily.blogspot.com/ Autumn

    i feel sorta classless for writing this out loud. but that guy was just a jackass. wow.  no argument, just attacking you? what?

  • http://www.sarahlcc.com/ Sarahlcc

    Tosh. Does this guy even have kids? I feel sorry for them. No Valentine’s Day Treats!!???!

  • http://parentingmiracles.net/ JessieLeigh

    Okay.  To be perfectly honest, I think a very valid argument COULD be made for the other side of this– the whole “no candy” side.  (Personally, I don’t feel strongly enough one way or the other, but I think there’s a good defense for either angle.)  HOWEVER.  What a pompous, demeaning attitude he brought to the table!  I went into this open-minded, and left outraged and offended.  I applaud you for your gracious demeanor throughout.

  • Sarah

    School parties with no treats is spreading to the Chicago burbs as well. What’s the point of having a party without treats? Wellness begins at home, not at a school party.

  • http://somewiseguy.com ThatGuyKC

    What a jerk. I think he’s just jealous of your awesome hair.

  • Jim

    He gave you no respect and talked down to you….let your kids bring in the candy and see what happens….lets take our country back from these folks who want to control every aspect of our lives

    • Vosslers

      See, I don’t think it’s respectful to teach our kids to just totally buck authority and do what they want. That doesn’t create the foundation for a good community at all.

  • http://prosario2000.myopenid.com/ Pedro M. Rosario Barbosa

    I think that I have conflicted feelings about the issue per-se, yet I think it is a cheap shot to be confrontational against you, especially when it is pretty obvious that he doesn’t read your blog at all.  His attitude was completely uncalled for.  I’m sorry that there are still people who “debate” without insulting in some way in the process.

    • Vosslers

      I agree to the conflict about how much candy our kids are exposed to/get. My issue was, as you said, how he treated her. And his opinion that the principal rules the school, so get out. That principal needs to realize who hired him … the people.

  • http://lookingattheprettythings.blogspot.com/ Suzin

    Unbelievable!!!!! No other words!!!!! Sadly, I don’t expect a whole lot more out of Fox…sorry to say!

  • http://saltandgrace.wordpress.com/ Cara Gabrielse

    wow. dr. keith does need to go to the principal’s office. nice retort elizabeth. you seemed rational, he seemed like he was trying to stir up controversy somewhere. 

    just curious, what do you think about the title “mommy blogger?” i know you are a mommy and a blogger but the way it’s used sometimes seems condescending. 

    • Handsfull

      Yeah, I agree.  It’s often said kind of like they’re saying ‘oh you’re just an amateur at this whole blogging thing, doing it in your spare time… you silly little piece of fluff!’
      Very demeaning.

  • Vosslers

    Oh my stars. How did he become so illogical? The school ANSWERS to the community. The schools do not retain rights over my children. EVER. He is completely misinformed. Is he somehow responding in backlash to other parenting mistakes of helicopter parenting and parents who try to get kids grades changed? If so, he messed this one up royally. This is not about parents trying to take away the principal’s authority.

  • Emily Moothart

    Wow.  I honestly can’t believe he was serious.

  • http://grace-filled.net/ jen

    Can we say “rude” re: Ablow?

  • Devon

    omg…yes, Elizabeth, “You ARE the problem”!!  Obviously this guy was probably slighted at one too many Valentine’s Days.  He’s cranky!   Gracious as usual, Elizabeth Esther – and your hair was pretty rockin’. 

  • http://twitter.com/mcqueenofhearts Jenny McQueen

    this guy obviously finds principles to be a higher authority than parents. Also, I think he has mommy issues from the way he says the word. 

  • Sarah o.

    EE, I couldn’t pay attention to your intelligent conversation…because I’m too busy coveting your HAIR!  Looking gorgeous girl!  :)

  • P0rtraitPainter

    I was shocked too that he just seemed to attack you out of nowhere and accused you of being overindulgent.  I would hardly call a treat on a special occasion overindulgent.  But you handled it with class and you looked great too.

  • Clairezip

    That guy was a jackass and you were gracious and lovely.

  • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

    Wow, that guy was so disrespectful. Where did FOX find him?

    You did great, as usual. :)

  • Tifanni

    What an ass. You did fabulous EE, dispite his rudeness.
    The problem with childhood obesity is not one day of candy, but a life of inactivity. Maybe the principal should ban video games and TV for all of his students and require that each parent provide physical activity for their child. I love how he believes that he can overstep the parents of his children in deciding what is “right” for the students. I am pretty sure an outright ban on sweets will do nothing but make sweets more desirable. Remember Prohibition, teaching our children moderation and self control seems like a much better solution.

  • Nancy

    The guy was a total jerk.  But . . . I agree that my kids Valentine haul will be way more than is good for them.  They will have parties during the school day with lots of treats, then they will lug home a bag of 27 Valentines, 95% of which will have candy attached.  We cull some of it because of food allergies, and still have a ton left over.  I then sneakily throw some of it away . . . but feel bad being wasteful, and for the parents who’ve spent money on it.  Last year, my oldest two made Valentine bookmarks.  This year, I think we will buy some that have stickers or tatoos attached instead of giving candy.   

  • Anonymous

    I am going to be brave and step in and say I don’t think he was being that unreasonable.  I like the idea of my kids learning to celebrate in ways that do not involve food.  It would be so wonderful Elizabeth if all moms were like you and gave their kids guidance on nutrition.

    The reality is that too many parents do not care.  From what I see America is not getting the message.  Diabetes is as epidemic and 10 years from now we will be seeing 20 somethings in ERs across America having heart attacks due to having diabetes since childhood and the damage it causes.  (Type II diabetes is the type of diabetes that is preventable).  I work with people day in and day out who have chronic illness mainly due to the poor choices they make with food (obesity, diabetes, heart disease, some types of cancer..).  This perhaps slants my vision which I hope you all would give me a tiny bit of understanding on. I am burnt out from the suffering I see. 

    America has a serious problem with its relationship with food.  My kids can have treats at home. We celebrate as a family.  There is absolutely no need for them to come home with a boatload of candy from school.

    • Anonymous

      One more thing:  when I was growing up we were thrilled on Valentine’s Day to make our mailboxes and get all the valentines in school. There were no treats attached and we never felt deprived one bit.  Yes–there is definitely too much focus on food.  You  may find people in the medical profession take a different stance on this.  Doctors get weary of seeing the fallout from poor health habits and the illness they need to manage

  • Verity3

    Here in February, we are STILL enjoying my daughter’s Halloween stash. It’s an opportunity for lessons in moderation and sharing.

    Seriously, that’s the best he’s got? “Poor, persecuted principal”? That’s what he’s going with? The hierarchalist camp needs to get over their obsession with “freedom” to control others. This is such a clear example of why a focus on “individual liberty” is inadequate when it allows those at the top (or pretending to be at the top) to have all of it.

  • kj

    Unfortunately my computer is acting up, and I can’t view what sounds like a pretty intense discussion.

    As a mother of three children, two of whom have anaphylactic food allergies- I cringe at the amount of food that is handed out in schools- it is not a RIGHT to have huge food parties in school.  A party can happen without food, or with minimal food. 

    Every time an unknowing parent sends in a treat for some special day- my child is either excluded, or risks his life by eating something that could send him to the emergency room.  It isn’t just about diabetes.  And in our school- special ‘treat’s are a weekly occurence. 

    I don’t have an issue with well planned, well controlled occasional parties- but why do the valentines need to come home with chocolates and lollipops and all this ‘extra’-  when I was a child- it was a card.  Period.  And I sure dont’ remember having big hour long parties. 

    Our children are at school to learn.  Recognizing special days doesn’t have to be a massive event filled with candy, cupcakes, and chocolates. 

  • Elizabeth Stough

    I don’t actually care either way as to having candy or not at a school party. As someone with allergies who usually can’t eat anything at a party, I will tell you they can be alot of fun without the food. The party is in the attitude.

    However, why has no-one pointed out the obvious hypocrisy? School lunches are known for being especially un-nutritious. How are the schools teaching good nutrition on a daily basis? This is a topic I keep seeing in the news chronically (ketchup as a veggie, etc.), yet the principal is decrying candy on Valentines day? It doesn’t make any sense to serve semi-nutritious food and then get all high and mighty about candy. Maybe this school is different, but it doesn’t seem likely.