Can anything good come out of Internet drama/arguing?

Posted on May 24, 2012 by elizabeth

As we approach another election season, I’m half-tempted to stay off the Internet entirely. My whole social network is morphing into a state of near-constant debate (and I’m including myself, here!). So much arguing! And what good does it accomplish? After receiving my no-cancer diagnosis a couple weeks ago, I’ve been re-thinking how I use the Internet. I wanted to share my thoughts in a video because it’s important to remember we’re all real people with real faces, real voices and real feelings.

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  • http://beccafied.wordpress.com Becca

    Oh, man, this is so true!   Even though I very rarely chime in on comment-section debates, I often end up reading every-single-comment and get so bogged down in the debates.   And it just fuels my fears and doubts (example: Obviously I am WRONG about EVERYTHING and clearly God hates me.)  And I don’t really know what to do about it, because I don’t want to give up reading blogs altogether (I get SO MUCH from yours and Rachel’s and Sarah’s) but I can’t seem to muster up the self-control to not scroll down to the comments.

    Oh, and this also reminded me of last week’s Mars Hill (Bell, not Driscoll) sermon.   He shared a story about when the girl who writes the Sarcastic Lutheran blog met an online heresy hunter in real life, and they became friends even though they disagree on a lot.  I just thought it was lovely.

  • http://GrittyGrace.com Martha Brady

    hi Elizabeth E.  just wanted to let you know how much I loved your post today.  It was a more vulnerable version of you that was dear.  just wanted to tell you how sweet and dear your soul is.  

    i’m in austin, TX visiting my daughter and welcoming grandbaby #7  (grand-girl #5).  it has been fun, but we are headed home tomorrow.  i’ll try to visit more often.  i always love your writing…just haven’t gotten around to visit much this year.  i’ve been trying to do some catching up on projects around the house.  I was getting VERY far behind!

  • http://www.likeawarmcupofcoffee.com Sarah Mae

    Beautiful. Amen. 

    Plus, you get an award for your soothing voice. :)

    • Anonymous

      I love you so much. I am so grateful for what God has done in our friendship. I treasure you.

  • http://brucegerencser.net/ Bruce Gerencser

    I am with you on this one. We often forget..behind every blog post, comment, Facebook comment or tweet is a real, breathing, feeling human being.

    I also know how illness can cause reflection… I suffer with a debilitating illness..it reminds me every day how short life is.

    Bruce

    • Anonymous

      Bruce, there’s nothing like illness to make the brevity of life abundantly clear. Physical suffering can be an opportunity for great good–some of the largest, most expansive souls have suffered chronic debilitating illness. You are in my prayers today.

  • http://teamaidan.wordpress.com/ Heather

    This is so true and a great reminder to think before we speak, type, tweet, whatever. I have to say it was very impactful to see a video of you. It really did bring home the message of “real” life versus whatever this is we’re doing on our computers. Thanks for sharing this way.
    (and I LOVE #3 from yesterday)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4QMUQWAZLLY4IXV7UKUW42HTSQ jeanelane

    God has blessed you by giving you this insight.  Isn’t it great when we can make a giant leap in our spiritual growth because of these insights from the Holy Spirit?  What would we do without him?

    • Anonymous

      Aw, thank you Jeanelane. I’m not sure it’s a “giant leap” :) , but nonetheless, it was an insight that came as the result of prayer–so yes, I hope it was the Holy Spirit. And yes, what WOULD we do without the Holy Spirit? We’d be so lost. Thank you for reading.

  • http://www.seetheking.blogspot.com/ Lauren S

    “God opposes the proud, even when they’re right, and gives grace to the humble even when they’re wrong.” So good to think about. Thanks.

  • Anonymous

    I really enjoyed this. Thanks, EE.

  • Anonymous

    Well said. Thinking much the same as you. I just choose not to engage. It isn’t passive avoidance, it is an active choice. You, once again, speak for a lot of us. Blessings!

  • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

    I was reminded of a conference call at work yesterday in which three people were going back and forth talking over each other. I tend to filter out most of that as noise and pay just enough attention to grasp the gist of what everyone is saying. I won’t, as a general rule, speak over people, so when calls/meetings head that direction I don’t tend to say much. (And calls/presentations I lead often conclude early as I try to convey the important information as quickly as I can, take questions, and be done.)

    There was a time when I would expend the energy and effort to pick apart statements and point out where people were wrong in such situations, but I’ve learned that I really don’t need to. I will always get the opportunity, either later in a meeting, at a later discussion, and/or in writing between to present what I perceive as the best solution or approach. And I’m generally able to do so effectively enough that I’ll correct any significant problems in the path of the project. It’s a balancing act, especially since any large project always involves things I can’t simply do myself. But I’ve never had a project fail despite the inevitable bumps. And I’ve noticed that people in all the different camps that inevitably form usually will speak with and work with me, oddly enough.

    Online interaction can be similar. A lot of it is noise, and I tend to screen a lot of that out. I don’t even read or visit sites that are little but noise. But there’s valuable stuff and really interesting people out there. I don’t know that I contribute much, but some of them have definitely have enhanced my life experience and perception of the world around me in different ways.

    Just a few random thoughts that popped into my head. Hope you have a fun weekend with your family.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you, Scott, for giving an example of how “talking over each other” happens in real-life. I’ve had a similar experience recently–with a priest, actually–and at one point in the conversation I just stopped and bowed my head because we were accomplishing nothing. The Holy Spirit was NOT there anymore. So much arguing seems to be about the meaning of words, but I think if we could all slow down and listen to each other’s stories–the story behind the words–we would be led into deeper understanding and empathy for each other. Thank you for your online contribution, Scott. I know you don’t think many people read you–but I want you to know that I visit your site frequently because your spiritual insights bring me much comfort and peace. Thank you for what you do.

      • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

         You know, my insight at work came a decade or so ago. There was this person who was trying to contribute but who was both opinionated and comparatively (to the rest of us) clueless. Finally in one group meeting, I had “had enough” as the saying goes. I proceeded not only to pick apart and expose the way he was wrong in everything he said, but I did so in the most humiliating way possible. I got quite a few laughs from the other team members.

        Afterwards, though, I began to see what I had done. I had polarized the team and I had declared “open season” on this person. Others were happy to follow in my wake. And I saw the effect it had on him. Nothing I said had been “wrong”. (I’m rarely wrong in my technical analysis and insight at work.) And yet everything I had said was wrong in every way that matters.

        So I wrote and sent an apology to everyone, whether they had been present or not. I didn’t qualify the apology in any way. Subsequent events had already demonstrated that I had been technically correct, but I didn’t use that to justify what I had done. I simply stated the truth. My actions were wrong and being technically and factually “right” did not justify those actions in any way.

        After I did that, both the project manager and the overall team leader (I was technical lead on the most critical piece, but not lead over the whole project) privately told me they appreciated what I did. Neither of them had any idea how to restore the team to a functional state. They couldn’t take any action against me because I was “right” and everyone knew it. That would have only made things worse. Besides, they needed my contribution. The project could still succeed without the other individual. It could not have succeeded without me.

        Things weren’t sunshine and roses after that, but it did heal the worst of the damage. And others on the team couldn’t very well attack that person after I had publicly apologized.

        I like to think that at least some of the time, I can learn from experience.

        I’m actually surprised you read more than the very occasional post on my blog. Yes, I know a small handful of people read at least some of what I write. But I still mostly write for myself and am bemused that others find my sometimes labyrinthine thoughts interesting.

        Well, I say I write for myself, but I actually started my blog because I was diagnosed with celiac disease. I had flirted with the idea of my own blog for years (and had hosted blogs for others), but that was the impetus that finally pushed me to start my own. I thought my reflections on celiac disease and the things I had learned and knew I would learn might help some of the other people out there. I knew when I decided to publish my own blog that I didn’t want to be a celiac specific blog and that I would publish some of my own thoughts, but I never thought others who didn’t already know me would find them interesting. Heck, I even made my blog as visually drab and boring as possible to discourage the sort of traffic looking for something stimulating or interesting.

        Anyway, I try to listen more than I speak now. I wouldn’t say I necessarily succeed, but I do at least try.

  • KatR

    Post Blog Comment Regret Syndrome. You don’t even have to say anything mean, you just have to choose to engage when you KNOW there is no chance of anything good coming out of it and then fall down the rabbit hole. I’m trying to get better about this.

    My favorite is when there is so much arguing on a blog that the comments have idented to the point where you can’t even read them anymore, its just chunks of white space.

    • Anonymous

      PCRS! YES! Post Comment Regret Syndrome! Wow, that is profound. And what a fantastic visual reminder–when so much arguing has happened–all that’s left is white space. Dude. Thank you, Kat.

  • in wonder

    i think this post reflects…the greatest of these is love. :)

  • Falfie4

    Love the personal connection through the video!  And I love the statement that God opposes the proud even when they are right and gives grace to the humble even when they are wrong.  How liberating and convicting at the same time! 

    On a completly unrelated note, I also love the paint color in the background.  Do you happen to know the name of it?

  • Joebronx3

    I especially like to post various things in all caps, BECAUSE THEN IT IS LIKE I AM SHOUTING AND FORCING PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO ME  :)

  • http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/ mfaw

    Can i just say, i love you.