Fundy Catholics, equal-opportunity hate mail and cussin’ priests

Posted on June 4, 2012 by elizabeth

In retrospect, it was naive of me to think I’d ever fully escape fundamentalism. The truth is, I’ve found it wherever I go. And now, I’ve stumbled across fundamentalists in the Catholic Church. Yay, me.

At first, I didn’t recognize them because their parlance and peculiarities were different than my native fundamentalism. But eventually I discovered that the I Love the Latin Mass bumper sticker is to Catholic fundamentalism what the In Case of Rapture, This Vehicle Will Be Unmanned bumper sticker is to evangelical fundamentalism.

And then I wore my veil to Mass. All of a sudden, I was being approached by eager little cadres of Catholic traditionalists who hoped that my wearing the veil would spread to others. To my dismay, I realized they saw me as a harbinger of new wave traditionalism. I gotta admit: after that, I stopped wearing the veil regularly. I felt like it was a distraction to others and the last thing I wanted to become was a poster-child for ANY agenda within the Church.

For me, true freedom is the option of wearing or NOT wearing the veil. My conscience is not bound by the veil and I refuse to get all dogmatic about it. Wearing a veil is precisely one of those things which can easily derail and divide people. That’s not why I entered the Church. I came to the Church because of the Eucharist.

I also began to realize that the one common identifier between all fundamentalists is their propensity for sending unkind emails and/or cussing you out if they believe you are “threatening The Fullness of Truth!” Fundamentalists–regardless of affiliation–believe it is their holy duty to correct, rebuke and exhort everyone; even complete strangers. And that is how I eventually realized I’ve landed smack-dab on the Not Catholic Enough watch-list.

Like their Protestant fundamentalist counterparts, fundamentalist Catholics seem to pine for the golden days of yore. I actually have no idea what the Golden Era of Catholicism looked like–I entered the Church during the ongoing sex scandals.

To me, the Church has always been plagued with sinful priests, corrupt officials, egregious nepotism. And I fully expect it will only get worse. None of this bothers me. It does seem to bother some of my old acquaintances who wonder how the hell I could leave the frying pan of evangelical fundamentalism for the fire of Catholicism.

I dunno. I guess nothing really surprises me anymore. To err is human. Being human means screwing-up a lot. What’s so shocking about that? Which is to say, when a priest cussed at me a couple weeks ago, I just figured he was having a bad day and decided to pray for him (although I cried for awhile before I got around to praying). Every single church I’ve ever attended has been shot through with all kinds of human problems, failings and corruptions.

Again, I came to the Catholic Church for the Eucharist and if the Eucharist stays, I stay.

Besides, cultish behavior is everywhere. I mean, fundamentalism is even in baseball! Our family quit Little League because we couldn’t handle the cult of fanatical coaches/parents. Which is to say, every institution managed by human beings will have their resident fundamentalists, traditionalists, purists.

So, where do I fit?

The short answer: I don’t (I suspect I’m not the only one?).

I am a religious misfit and I have made my peace with that. I will always feel like an immigrant inside the Catholic Church. And I will never feel at home in the secular world. What keeps me grounded in faith is my love for Jesus. And when my faith fails, what keeps me grounded is His love for me.

That love is important because all things pass away. Nothing remains. Eventually we will have to detach ourselves from everything and everyone.

Since entering the Church I have been sustained by the Eucharist while also experiencing loneliness, darkness, discouragement, confusion. But my hope is not in institutions or the humans who run them. If they stand, I thank God. If they fall, I still thank God.

All that matters is that I sought God and I found God. The Eucharist is my sustenance and my small task is to love Jesus back. That single, little task keeps me centered, even while the storms rage around, in and through the Church. Even when they say I’m not “Catholic enough.”

“Our faithfulness to a small task is the most healing response to the illnesses of our time.” –Henri Nouwen

 

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  • Lauren B

    It’s okay…I don’t fit either. Just as I am trying to be at peace with knowing that the church includes all of us (with all of our crazy idiosyncrasies, rituals, and doctrine), I am also learning to be at peace with the fact that I will probably never fit–because there is no one true mold. I’m learning that following Jesus has A LOT of gray area, and that so many of us try and make it black and white to make ourselves feel better about the unknown. 

    Thanks again for another great post! 

  • Michelle Hughes

    While I’m a cradle Catholic-who-fell-away-and-reverted…this post speaks volumes to me!  Thanks for writing it. 

  • http://humbled-pie.blogspot.com/ Kari

    So, so beautiful in so many ways – and though by an entirely different path, so much my experience.

    ~A misfit, as well

  • Dixibehr

    \I felt like it was a distraction to others and the last thing I wanted to become was a poster-child for ANY agenda within the Church.\

    My feelings EXACTLY!

    A dear young, pious, and zealous friend at our Eastern Catholic Church is much exercised that the women don’t wear veils (among other things).

    Nevertheless we have seen THREE healings out of the seven cancer patients in our little community, it was announced Sunday.

    Why? Because we love each other and responded to the pastor’s request that we all spend just three minutes in prayer for them. 

    God showed us this mercy despite

    1. Our not even knowing their names (and we still don’t.)
    2. Unveiled women, chairs, some abbreviations in the services, and other lapses in observance of externals.

    Ubi caritas et amor….

    • Sarah

      Wait, what’s wrong with chairs?

      • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

         Chairs or pews were a relatively late Western church addition. If you look at ancient churches (and modern ones retaining the same architecture) there were a few places for the old or infirm to sit, but they were mostly open floor. Christians traditionally stood for the liturgy. (Well, they might sit on the floor for the sermon/homily.) Eastern Orthodox, Oriental Orthodox, Eastern Catholic tend to retain (though it’s not an absolute thing) the traditional architecture and practice of standing during liturgy. And during penitential services, it’s hard to do a full prostration when there are pews or chairs around. ;-)

      • Dixibehr

        This is something hard to explain to Western Christians, and especially to Protestants (I don’t pretend to know your faith), but in the Orthodox and Byzantine Catholic tradition, our services make more sense when the nave is not filled with pews or chairs.

        Don’t ask me to go into the details here. Scott Morizot has already made some comments. Practical observation: toddlers and little kids are better behaved when they aren’t pinned to one spot with their views blocked by furniture, but are free to move around, look at icons, and such.

        OTOH, the creeds do NOT say that pewlessness/chairlessness are marks of the Church.

        • Sarah

          Thank you both! 

  • http://www.seeprestonblog.com Preston Yancey

    Amen, amen.

  • http://twitter.com/byzcathwife priest’s wife

    LOVE THIS! (and I am pretty darn traditional….because my rite is very traditional…..and this is me) I have decided to stop changing into a skirt if I am already wearing PANTS when I see my ‘traditionally traditional’ friends- a skirt is mandatory (for me by my rules) for church…and I don’t veil. In the Byzantine catholic Church it is more a country-city thing.

  • Peony Moss

    “Not Catholic Enough watch-list”

    It is hilarious who ends up on that list.  Some keepers of the list have the Pope on there, so anyone on that list is in good company. 
    I know somebody who was a full-on traditional (not “fundy”) Catholic – lace veil, attending the Extraordinary Form with her bevy of lovely children – who got called out by another parishioner, in the most piously passive-aggressive way, for wearing a veil that was soooo pretty, how could it not be a distraction?

    For you, for Lauren, and for any other Catholics who feel like they don’t “fit in” in the Catholic Church…. it breaks my heart to hear it, and I hope and pray that feeling wears away in time.   As Lauren says, there is no mold.  But there is a place in the Church that you and you alone can fill, and I’m so thankful that you’re on board to fill it.

  • http://somuchshoutingsomuchlaughter.com/ suzannah {the smitten word}

    this is lovely and sad, and i know that not-home feeling.

    i love your closing quote. let us be faithful in small things…and heal. xo

  • http://dwellinhope.blogspot.com/ mfaw

    I knew this would be good from the title!!  HA!  I feel the same way. It’s why my blog is named Made for Another World!! 

  • Jasm

    I’d like to think if we don’t quite fit in, we’re doing something right.

  • Gina101

    “Again, I came to the Catholic Church for the Eucharist and if the Eucharist stays, I stay.”    Amen.   :)

  • Nina Murphy

    Elizabeth, God bless you.   Brilliant.  Sometimes it takes a lot of pain to be humbled enough to come to those realizations.  Yours is one of the few blogs I take the time to read anymore.  Just simply:  thank you.  XOXO

  • Miles O’Neal

    When I finally found the freedom to quit worrying about whether I fit in, and to just be me (God didn’t make me to “:fit in”; he’s made it clear that he made me weird for good and awesome reasons), I started finding (and being found by) a bunch of awesome people who also don’t fit in. We are scattered across congregations (and indeed, continents). We meed face to face, and via the internet. And life is better than ever.
    To our amazement, we even found a congregation of people who are free, who don’t worry about fitting in. Some of the elders show up dressed up, some in cargo shorts. I can be on the praise team in shorts and tie dye or a cowboy outfit. It’s awesome.
    But the year before we came home to True Life, we had no “official church home”. We just visited around for a year. But we met in large and small gatherings with other people who just love Jesus, and had a blast.
    “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I’m smack dab in there with them.” Any phool of a Pharisee can add rules and restrictions to that, but I somehow doubt Jesus plays by such rules today any more than he did ~2,000 years ago.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, it’s truly about the Eucharist.  Amen! Amen!  Also, yes, the Catholic faith is for everyone and we are probably all misfits.
    Elizabeth, I think this is my favorite of your posts. 

  • Sarah

    Uh, can you tell us what 
    In Case of Rapture, This Vehicle Will Be Unmanned means? Is it, unmanned because the former driver has been raptured? 

    • Lynn

      Yup.

  • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

    Hmmm. I can’t imagine my mother putting an “I love the Latin Mass” bumper sticker on her car, but she does prefer the Latin Mass and attends that whenever possible. Mom does tend to dive headfirst into anything she pursues, but the Church has given her a great deal as she has fought her own battles. I’m not clear on all the precise designations, but I believe “Lay Carmelite” describes the particular place my mother has found.

    In my mother’s case, I think it’s less the language of the Tridentine Mass (though she knows Latin, so there’s not a language barrier in it for her per se) and more the other structural changes that were made in the Mass. The changes weren’t simply adopting the vernacular. I’ve actually spent some time and thought looking at the way the liturgy developed in the Eastern and Western churches and, since I went to a Catholic school for several years, have Catholic family and friends, and one side of my wife’s family is Catholic, I’m pretty familiar with the modern Mass as well. I think the change to use the language of the people rather than Latin (the way the Eastern Church has pretty much always operated) was a good thing, though some of the English translations I’ve encountered have been pretty … plain. I’m less sure about some of the other changes. For instance, it seems to me the change in the orientation of the priest in relation to the people and the altar communicates something very different.

    But then, I’m the Baptist who thinks about such things; who longs for the Eucharist, but sees no open path to it. The former Hindu(ish) person who deeply appreciates the uniquely personal, panentheistic nature of the Christian revelation of God and thus reality. So I know what you mean about not fitting in much of anywhere.

    I do know what you mean about baseball. Our children have done lots of sports growing, but our younger son was the only one who tried baseball and then just for one season. Little League was worse than all the other youth sports combined. It was even worse than football (which my older son played) and I wouldn’t have believed that possible.

    But whatever you do, there will be people who think you’re “too much that thing” (as I know my Mom is sometimes perceived as being “too Catholic”) and others will think you’re “not enough of that thing” (as in “not Catholic enough”, whatever that means). That seems to be an aspect of human group interaction — whatever the group might be.

    Or so it seems to me, anyway.

  • Anonymous

    I love this part: “Wearing a veil is precisely one of those things which can easily derail and divide people.” There are so many of those things. It’s like human nature is to go looking for ways to create division. It frustrates me all the time.

  • Margaret

    Ha! A “golden age of Catholicism”. AHAHAHAAAAAA anyone who tells you that there was one needs to have their head examined. For most of history priests were viler and bishops were corrupted than anything we can imagine. Sometimes people imagine that the early 1900s when the American immigrant church was equally scared of hellfire and engaging the outside world was our heyday. But even then there was a terrible clericalism that brought us to the horrible sex abuse that was perpetrated throughout the 20th century.

    Do I wish the pews were packed the way they were 100 years ago? Sure. But what we have now are people drawn there out of love ( for the Eucharist, for God, for the Mystical Body of Christ, you name it). And numbers-wise, love is not nearly as effective a recruitment tool as fear and self-righteousness. But it truly bears fruit that will last.
    That my friend is why you will not count me among those who wish we had the church of the 19th century(but with indoor plumbing). There’s a whole big church out there with all kinds of people. Here comes everybody.

  • TheresaEH

    When I became a “born again Catholic” and returned to the church I discovered that there are ………how shall I put this, “pshycologically challanged” individuals in every catholic church.  well meaning, but……  I donot wear a doily on my head, but if I were to attend a mass in latin I would wear a nice hat.  I have come to the conclusion that God puts these individuals on earth so that we may grow in virtue! But it does not mean we have to invite’em to live with us or not report’em to the authorities if need be.  The church is  full of “stupid, ignorant, misguided” and sadly even a few Judas’s.  But Jesus knew this when he founded it over 2000 years ago and it is still here. 

  • tanya

    Amen.

    I wish those who feel the need to critique others would spend more time looking in the mirror.

    Faith is a personal journey.  I don’t believe there is a right way to have a relationship with God.  I know the Catholic hayday was over 2000 years ago.  I don’t think veils, prefered language, clothing, etc. have much to do with hearing Jesus’ message.  Didn’t they all hear in in their own language?  Didn’t he help the sick, the ‘unclean’, the poor, those dressed in rags.

    He wasn’t a religous snob.

  • Mark S.

    Well written! I had to laugh when you wrote this post, at least at parts of it. Some of it is just sad. The “not-catholic-enough” contingent is here too on the East Coast, in my diaconate formation, in blogs, nasty notes (love one another?). in my parish (fortunately just a few and our pastor is very, well, pastoral). You have it exactly right. It’s all about the Eucharist. Keep your eyes on Christ alone in his gift of himself and the rest is just noise. 

  • KatR

    Yeah, typically when people start pining for the “Golden Era” of whatever, they usually mean “back when we could do people dirty and not get called out for it”.

  • Anonymous

    Yes, the Eucharist is definitely our sustenance. : )

    You’ve clearly given the chapel veil issue alot of thought, and I know other people’s behavior is not the ONLY thing influencing your decision to wear a veil or not, but I guess I wouldn’t want to see other people’s behavior influencing any woman on this issue at all. As you said in your entry about veils, it’s not about our relationship to other humans. For me, wearing a chapel veil just feels more reverent in the presence of the Eucharist. (Not that I can articulate WHY it feels more reverent; it just does.)

    When I started wearing a chapel veil, I think *I* was the person most distracted by it, because I think I was the only person in my parish who did so, and I felt extremely self-conscious. Were others distracted? I hope not, since it has nothing to do with them. I’m sure they got used to it soon enough anyways. Do people read into my wearing one? Again, not sure, but other people’s speculation is beyond my control.

  • Handsfull

    People who wish everything was still like it was back in the ‘good old days’, whatever their particular good old days were, generally have a very limited understanding of what the good old days were actually like.

    I get very annoyed with people who say that the world is in the worst state it’s ever been in.  Really?  How about when the driveway to a party was lit by burning humans, back when Nero was around.  Is ‘now’ really worse than ‘then’?  Or people paid money to watch other people be eaten alive by animals?  Or when you could be drowned for being a witch for almost any reason at all?
    It’s just ignorance to make pronouncements like that.

    Then there’s people who wish the church was like it was back in the 50′s and 60′s when the pews were full and everyone came to church.  I’ve read books written then, and they were saying exactly what we say now – what a degenerate generation they’re living in, how these are the worst times of all, and how they wish it could be like ‘the good old days’ a generation or so ago!

  • http://lookingforthebrighterside.blogspot.in/ KF

    Just read this out loud to the DH, thanks for the laughs – we really needed them. SPOT ON! Although, being an Australian cradle Catholic who didn’t think anyone wore veils to Mass anymore (except a certain local order of nuns originating in Germany and little old Italian ladies  - my Mother-in-law is one of those, and even she doesn’t), I have to admit to a little double-take on the veil wearing (even though I ‘ve read what you previously wrote about it, did a double take then too!). I guess that makes me (oh and my husband) “Not Catholic Enough” also. Well, we’ve had that thrown at us before and survived to tell the tale! :-) Not that you shouldn’t veil, of course, if it’s right for you. Just expressing my limited experience.

    Seriously though, thanks for expressing your devotion to  and experience of  the Eucharist, am bookmarking this post, I can foresee a time when I (or hubby) might want to share it

  • Katharine

    Love skirts, and veils, and the Latin Mass. But I won’t say you’re not Catholic enough. Just missing out on beautiful truly Christ centered (eucharist) centered worship. Too bad :(

    • Anonymous

      Uhhhh, right. You’re just calling me “not Catholic enough” in a passive-aggressive, nicey-nice way.

    • http://heretichusband.blogspot.com/ Heretic Husband

      How do you know what she’s missing out on?  

    • KatR

      I prefer the falsely Christ centered worship myself.

  • Cheryl Chamberlain Duwe

    Brilliant!  Beautiful!  We find Jesus in surprising places these days… sometimes, even in the church!  ;-)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_4IT4DGRFTG5EKMBMW4IAXGYCVY bbjamfan

    I’m not Catholic enough either. And I live down the road from the American capital of fundamentalist Catholicism that comes complete with their own fundy bishop and a bunch of lemmings hanging on his every proclamation. To make it even more fun, I graduated from Catholic high school in that diocese (long before converting) and many of my old friends are marching lockstep to that drum. When I converted, one of them cheerfully told me that the great thing about being Catholic is “you don’t have to think about things; the Church just tells you!” ACK. 

  • birdsong

    and ask questions both online and inperson.  I don’t accept basic tenets of the Catholic faith such as God sends you to hell if you miss Mass.   I refuse to tell my kids that God will send them to hell if they miss Mass.  I can’t believe people really think God will send their kid to hell if they go on a school trip for the weekend and are unable to go to Mass because of circumstances/location.  I don’t want to know that God.  Now I have had years where I went to Mass 365 days and even now I love daily Mass.  Like you the Eucharist gives me a great deal of grace and God is very present to me in the Catholic Church. I just do not want any part of what the ultra-conservative movement is doing or being in the church. I know there is much good but I have been in the middle of the arrogance and the name calling too long to see the beauty of it right now.
    When I first starting reading your blog I thought you would soon be along side the best of the elite Catholics in the blogging world.

    It is a real win to the fundamentalist side of the church when a new convert like you comes along. Then I realized you would be on the “Not Catholic Enough watch-list” because you were not repeating after every other word you wrote I AM FAITHFUL TO THE MAGISTERIUM and I do not ask questions. That usually has a specific meaning referring to a few teachings of the church and must be adhered to by the interpretation of those who have set the definition.

    Meaning if you believe marriage is a sacrament between a man and a woman but you apologize to your neighbors for voting against gay marriage you are not getting off “the list” any time soon. Or if you use the birth control pill for medical reasons, even though this is within church teaching, and you admit it on your blog you are not getting off “the list” either and you likely now have a highly suspcious ** next to your name which indicates that a catholic blog may have once posted an article by you on their blog, something about motherhood not being your only calling, but you will likely not get invited back at this point unless you fall more clearly in line with that set definition. There is no gray in this definition–either you are in or you are out. And let me tell you if you do not already know there is alot of infighting among this group..much discord. (Which is confusing in and of itself because there is a very narrow set definition but some need to argue that even more)

    I confess I have been dishonest in the past with people in my parish community. I am now in the process of leaving after 20 years. Not intentionally dishonest but I often did not speak up because I was trying to adhere to the set definition when I really truly did not see things as black and white. I tried to work things out by reading and commenting on Catholic blogs (ones who adhered to the set definition). I thought surely I would get it, eventually. But I didn’t fall in step and often my questions must have come across as being troll like and antagonistic. Because if you come to these blogs you have already arrived and if you have not arrived you are to pretend you have.

    Now I see more clearly and am working to reconcile my own inconsistencies and to be in a community where I can be honest

    • birdsong

      oooppps…this is the begining of my comment…

      “When I first starting reading your blog I thought you would…

      and this is the last paragraph…..

       ”Now I see more clearly and am working to reconcile my own inconsistencies and to be in a community where I can be honest (now go to top of comment..)  and ask questions both online and inperson. I don’t accept basic tenets of the Catholic faith such as God sends you to hell if you miss Mass. 

      not sure how that got messed up….

      • Anonymous

        The Catholic Church does teach that there are certain circumstances in which it’s acceptable that someone will miss Mass. I wouldn’t presume to speak to your or your child’s circumstances in particular, but the Catholic Church makes no blanket statement that missing Mass will automatically result in condemnation to Hell.

        In fact, as far as I understand, the Catholic Church makes no definitive statements about anyone being condemned to Hell. The Church teaches that we RISK eternal damnation by ignoring what Christ taught (since Christ Himself spoke about Hell as punishment for sin.) And we’re supposed to “keep holy” the Sabbath Day, since again, that was what Christ taught. But as far as I know, we’re supposed to commend everyone who has died to Christ’s mercy and pray for his or her soul.

        • birdsong

          gigi,

          If you had listened to me you would have heard that for 20 years I have been deeply involved in a faithful catholic community. I have studied the catechism intensely.  I know EXACTLY what the church teaches.  I know exacly what to say and how to act with people to accepted in the in crowd and I am tired of being dishonest and I will be no more.

          You are doing in my opinion what Elizabeth wrote above..”you believe it is your holy duty to correct, rebuke and exhort everyone”. Make sure they know what the church teaches and yes there is the clause in there often forgotten that we do not know who goes to hell if anyone. However,  the church teaches it is a mortal sin to miss mass, that means hell and you are required to get a dispensation from the Bishop for a circumstance such as a school trip.  It is complete NONSENSE to me.  That God plays this type of game with your soul.

          • Anonymous

            The Catechism states that a dispensation from one’s pastor is sufficient, actually, if a dispensation is needed. And none is needed for things like illness.

            Wow, defensive much? I did “listen” to you by reading your posts and quite frankly, I didn’t feel that your first (and now your second) would leave a reader with an accurate impression of what the Church teaches, which is imo much more reasonable than you make it sound. I don’t “rebuke” people personally, but I do usually correct whatever appears to me to be misinformation about the Catholic Church when I see it or hear it.

          • birdsong

            Exactly gigi you “..”you believe it is your holy duty to correct, rebuke and exhort everyone”.  And you make that clearer with each post!!!!  As for the catechism interpretation it depends on which fundy Catholic you are talking to and I did not even bring up illness as an excuse of for missing Mass. Gigi please understand I have been surrounded by you for 20yrs.  20 years!!!! of people who feel they are offering the more correct interpretation of the catechism. I weep over the lost time and energy.  I have been surrounded by the constant need to correct and exhort. If you are unable to see that that is what you are doing then you seriously need to take a closer look at yourself.  My defensiveness at this point is just exasperation…

  • Karla

    This part I love… I am a religious misfit and I have made my peace with that. I will always feel like an immigrant inside the Catholic Church. And I will never feel at home in the secular world. What keeps me grounded in faith is my love for Jesus. And when my faith fails, what keeps me grounded is His love for me.
    It is the place of Jesus… being criticized by the scribes and pharisees (the traditionalists and fundamentalists of his era), misunderstood by the people in his home town, fully human but not fitting in either. Just keep breathing in the Spirit, breathing out the fear, breathing in the love, breathing out the pain, breathing in compassion, breathing out anything that is not of Jesus. Bless you.

  • crazymom13

    I am an on-fire convert who cares for the dying for a living and Im certain that I surely fall on the “not Catholic enough” list of many people. 

    I think heterosexuals ruined marriage long before homesexuals tried to change it. I wear pants, send my kids to public school, use the F word, refuse to do family dinner meals that are supposed to save society and a number of other things. 

    After I was on EWTN, I was approached by some ladies about joining some inner club and I declined. I discussed my hospital project that provides free burial for miscarried and stillborn babies and when asked, I told them we dont do a Catholic burial (its a secular hospital) we do an interfaith burial. I was told I “needed to speak to a Priest about my activities”. I almost laughed out loud. 

    You are in good company

  • Bugbog

    Hi Elizabeth, I just read your previous post “why I wear a veil.” You should go back and read it. I wear my veil for the exact same reasons you wore yours. It is a beautiful thing. And every church/ faith/ religion is going to have its share of overbearing zealots, but that doesn’t mean I should take off my veil just to keep from being like them. Who cares about the obnoxious overly pious?

    I do crave Latin and the “good old days.” (I  DO have a window sticker on my car that says “It’s better in Latin” It is so cute.) Or really I just ache for a mass that is beautiful, reverent and holy. I’ve had it up to here with “Hallelujah!! Praise God! Protestant-wanna-be” masses. I just long for the sacred to feel sacred. I don’t want mass to feel like I just turned on the local Christian Pop Music Radio Station. “Our God is an Awesome God He Reigns…” 

    I ache for Mozart. 

  • http://www.mypuzzlefix.com/ Robyn

    I was raised in the Traditionalist movement of the Catholic Church, the kind who sincerely believe they are more Catholic than the Pope.  They were not as spiritually abusive as your family church apparently was, and I emerged relatively unscathed (though my sister was not so lucky, and has the PTSD to prove it). Anyway, when I said goodbye forever to the holier-than-thou attitude I was raised with and embraced obedience to the hierarchy, my personal symbol was NOT wearing a chapel veil any more. I felt kinda naked without it, and silly to be making an issue out of it, but I knew that God understood what I meant by it. I still won’t wear one (unless I’m visiting church with a family member who’s still in the movement, in which case I’ll respect THEIR beliefs). I thought of this in your post about silence. Maybe doing “more” and being more humble and wearing a veil is better in general, but it’s not better for me ’cause I have baggage. And maybe being an active spiritual heavyweight is better in general, but not for you ’cause you have baggage. God knows it all, of course, and he’s right there with us, shaking his head with us, and saying, “I know, I KNOW, right?”