Throwing out the baby with the bathwater?


Here’s the thing: whenever someone warns you against “throwing the baby out with the bathwater,” they are trying to control you. And scare you. They are afraid your actions threaten their dearly held beliefs.

First of all, what if there isn’t a baby in the bathwater? What if ya got twins? ;-)

The thing is, people get scared when someone refuses to go along with the prevailing wisdom or conventional practices of the group. When anyone comes along who seems to defy the norms or whose very existence is a massive exception to the rule, people get scared and perceive this person as a threat. As a result, they will try to control and subdue the threat.

They will try to silence you. They will threaten you. They will call you names.

Many people, unfortunately, react in fear when they see someone who looks, acts or speaks differently than themselves. Instead of responding in love and with a genuine desire to understand, fearful people will attempt to maintain conformity at all costs.

You must have enough courage to hear your true, inner voice. Furthermore, you must act on that true, inner voice. You can’t let mockery, ridicule or threats prevent you from living the authentic life you were meant to live.

Remember that wisdom is justified by its fruits. If you are choosing to live in a way that directly contradicts the accepted norms of society, you are allowing yourself the opportunity to grow into the fullness of God’s dreams for you.

Did you know God has a dream for your life? Don’t let the naysayers and accusers hinder you from reaching that dream. Instead, shut out their words. Record a new soundtrack for yourself filled with words that fan the flames of your exciting destiny.

God loves you unconditionally and you are not BIG enough to screw up His dream for your life. No matter what happens–even you fail and fail again–keep going. There is no such thing as a “missed opportunity.” As long as you are still breathing, there is time to get back on track. And anyway, detours are often necessary time-outs.

There are things to be learned in all the dead-ends, tangents and scenic routes of life. In fact, if you haven’t gotten off track in awhile, maybe it’s time for a nice scenic drive down a road you haven’t explored yet.

You living your life is not a threat to your company, job, church, family or friends. If anyone discourages you from following the dream God has placed in your heart, it’s time to get new friends. While traveling your own path might seem lonely at first, don’t get discouraged. I can promise you that eventually you will be joined by fellow travelers who totally GET IT and GET you.

Sometimes the realization of your dream might look utterly different than what you expected. That’s OK. We usually don’t have a very clear vision about our destination when we start traveling. But as we go through the refining process of the journey, we gain a better understanding of how everything we experience works together for our good.

In the end, believe. Believe. Believe.

And as Winston Churchill once said: “Never, never, never give up.”

How do I know all this?
Because I just had a dream come true (I’ll share more soon). :)

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  • Zeckle3

    While I agree with you in just about all you have said in this post, “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” has meant something different to me. It has helped me not to dismiss someone simply because we disagree on one thing. It has always made me seek the value in the other person or in the tradition I may disagree with. The truth or value in that person, tradition or idea may express itself differently in what I do. 
    But I love your words “you are not big enough to destroy God’s dream for you.” Thanks for that.

  • Sarah

    Oh my gosh elizabeth, I actually walked in to a bible study this morning and the speaker was in the middle of saying “we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bathwater”.   Wow.   I kept wondering what she may have been talking about….and actually, there was an air about the study that just made me feel uncomfortable, but I couldn’t put my finger on just what.  I think as humans (Christians or not) there is great temptation to push away the unfamiliar/uncomfortable out of fear.   Where God’s perfect love exists, fear cannot. (1 John 4:18)  You always get my wheels turning.  Thank you for that!

    • Anonymous

      Yes, when an inclusive person uses this phrase, it can mean something GOOD and loving. Alas, I’ve only had experience with this from people who want to control me or who are irritated with a question I’m asking. :)

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_Q5YTEFNFJWKBEODEODGVZFEEDE Ronald

    “Many people, unfortunately, react in fear when they see someone who looks, acts or speaks differently than themselves.”

    AMEN to that!

    My inlaws go to a tiny little fundy church…and it’s that way. We’re going up to visit them next week. So, we have it planned that we will drive up there on Sunday…and drive back on Saturday. Last year, when we were there, I literally walked out during the sermon. Couldn’t take it anymore. Wow. I got it from everyone when we got home!
    And, it’s even more challenging when you’re an “Aspie”, with Asperger’s…”conforming” is NOT an option…

    good post today, Elizabeth!

  • KatR

    YES. Sometimes, you need to throw out the bathwater, send the baby to live with a nice Swedish atheist couple and set the bathtub on fire.

    You know, just to provide one example.

    • Anonymous

      What?! Why set a perfectly good bathtub on fire when you could fill it with cheap wine and throw a party for all your friends? ;-)

      • KatR

        After that judgemental baby’s been sitting in it?

  • Anonymous

    You are so creative in your ideas and thinking, Elizabeth.  I love that!

  • http://www.joshbarkey.com/ josh barkey

    It’s also possible, I think, that there’s not much of a wrong track, either.

    • Anonymous

      ok, that right there is a WHOLE other blog post! You should write it. Because, YES! we seem to get obsessed with STAYING ON COURSE, when life really isn’t a non-stop flight. it’s a meandering river.

      • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

        “Life’s not a song.

        Life isn’t bliss.

        Life is just this.

        It’s living.”

        Spike in the musical episode of Buffy in season six. If you haven’t seen it (and pretty much the rest of BtVS, you’re life is not complete).

        As someone whose life by almost anyone’s definition has never been “on track” off-roading life can be hard and dangerous and I’ve been very, very lucky. I know that. But by God, I have lived. Good. Bad. Painful. Abusive. Joyous. Surprising. Tender. Full of unexpected love. It’s my life and I wouldn’t trade it.

        • Anonymous

          “Understand we’ll go hand-in-hand, but we walk alone in fear.”

          OMG the “Once More With Feeling” episode was  pretty much the Cliff’s Notes of my post-cult life.

  • Grandmother

     This is good. I am an asker-of-questions who sort of shut myself down for a number of years. Quite a number of years, in fact.  Dreams vanished somewhere along the way too.  I think the creativity thing got lost  in there, and then the depression kicked-in. That was finally the wake-up call for me to pay attention and get some help.

    The progression you name here really mirrors my experience. The depression has lifted and I have started asking questions  again. Much more than ever. A little quietly for now, but they are there and they aren’t going to ever go away. I think my accidental discovery of your blog was the catalyst that stirred me to ask and ask and ask some more.  Creativity is stirring again too. So are DREAMS next???? :-)

    I am really looking forward to hearing more of your story!

  • Tara S

    I like your take on the baby and the bathwater. As a child of the Secular 90′s, I often feel like *I* was the baby thrown out with the bathwater, but I certainly don’t blame people for trying to make changes for what they perceived to be the better!  You have to throw out the bathwater or you’ll get cholera. If you forgot a baby in there, you say, “Oh, hey! Sorry baby! I didn’t see you there. Are you okay? Come inside the house, have a cookie.”  

    Seriously, if people never threw out their bathwater that would be DISGUSTING.  That saying should mean “keep an eye out for babies”, not “keep the gross old water in the tub until you all die.”

  • Ms. Jones

    indeed. i have seen dreams come true as well. so many dreams and heart’s desires.

  • http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com Matt @ The Church of No People

    Elizabeth, I never thought of babies and bathwater that way.  But I think you are right.  The phrase is used to temper what the last person just said.  ”Let’s not go overboard,” in other words.  Wise thoughts.

  • http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

    Well crap. I was well into my usual over-sharing, overly long comment and my browser crashed and I lost it all. I’m too tired now to start over. Just imagine it.

    Lengthy “blah blah blah” with perhaps one or two pithy lines somewhere in it.

  • TheresaEH

    Please do not keep us hanging to long eh!! I LOVE happy endings to dreams.  Those girls are just aDORable.

  • birdsong

    “They will try to silence you. They will threaten you. They will call you names.
    Many people, unfortunately, react in fear when they see someone who looks, acts or speaks differently than themselves. Instead of responding in love and with a genuine desire to understand, fearful people will attempt to maintain conformity at all costs.
    You must have enough courage to hear your true, inner voice. Furthermore, you must act on that true, inner voice. You can’t let mockery, ridicule or threats prevent you from living the authentic life you were meant to live.”

    It has taken me along time to separate myself from the type of people you refer to here.  It was/is my pathology to want to try to engage these types of people. I’ve been praying for the grace to get away from this behavior.  It is hard because my life was/is so emeshed in it. I believe I am finally at that last conversion point where I can filter, ignore and not engage the fearful people who attempt to maintain conformity at all costs. (But you know it is hard because the most vocal people in the Catholic Church are the ones that act this way)

  • Nicki

    Wow. So much goodness here! I love to hear about dreams coming true, so please tell us soon!

  • Falfie4

    I’ve used this phrase when having conversations with fundamentalists who are so caught up in black and white thinking, but your post has made me wonder if some of my motives may be controlling or manipulative in nature.  hmmmm, something to ponder.  :)

    Oh my, life tends to take many, many unexpected turns if you let it.  I never imagined my life would be what it is today, but I absolutely love it!  Look forward to hearing about your dream being realized! 

  • Kathy Harter

    Damn.  My husband and I recently left out pretty unhealthly church…. i say unhealthly because when I say abusive, i feel a bit guilty (that should tell me something huh?)  Anyway, we sort of feel like we are sort of displaced and not sure where we fit…. this post was really encouraging for both of us… thanks!

  • jean.e.lane

    “Many people, unfortunately, react in fear when they see someone who looks, acts or speaks differently than themselves.” 
    I had to kind of chuckle when I read this because the picture of your 2 girls, your twins, are spitting images of YOU!

    Yes.  The world is filled with fear.  Too bad the Church is, many times, too much in the world and not enough abiding in the Vine.