Fr. Groeschel & blaming children for sexual abuse

Posted on August 31, 2012 by elizabeth

When I was making my journey into the Catholic Church, I listened to Father Groeschel pray the Rosary on his “The Rosary is a Place” CD. Those were the most meditative, gentle and calming prayers I’d ever heard. I also watched Fr. Groeschel’s TV show on EWTN. Fr. Groeschel was preeminently kind, compassionate and reflective. Today, my heart is broken after reading his recent comments regarding the priest sex scandals wherein he blamed children for seducing priests:

Suppose you have a man having a nervous breakdown and a youngster comes after him. A lot of the cases, the youngster–14, 16,18–is the seducer.

Fr. Groeschel also added that he didn’t think first-time abusers should be jailed because “their intention was not committing a crime.”

Fr. Groeschel’s interview with the National Catholic Register were quickly taken down and replaced with an apology, including these words from the Editor in Chief:

The editors of the National Catholic Register apologize for publishing without clarification or challenge Father Benedict Groeschel’s comments that seem to suggest that the child is somehow responsible for abuse. Nothing could be further from the truth. Our publication of that comment was an editorial mistake, for which we sincerely apologize. Given Father Benedict’s stellar history over many years, we released his interview without our usual screening and oversight.

Mark Shea–prominent Catholic writer and apologist–chimed in asking for mercy on Fr. Groeschel and also including an official apology from Fr. Groeschel’s religious order.

As I mentioned, my heart is broken. The Church’s inability to root out the sin in its midst–especially as it pertains to protecting children–was a huge factor in my recent disillusionment.

As a woman who experienced abuse inside a church, might I offer some ideas for how Catholics can graciously handle this situation?

Take full responsibility. No caveats. No rationalizations. No blame shifting (aka, “the media is unfairly attacking us!”). I’m talking to you, Mark Shea. Yes, there is a time for mercy, but blaming the “feeding frenzy” instead of the actual horrific comments is not merciful, it’s dishonest.
National Catholic Register’s apology dodges full responsibility. By saying Fr. Groeschel’s comments only “seem to suggest” victim-blaming, NCR hedges its complicity in promoting such harmful, abuse-enabling tactics.
Furthermore, is NCR sorry for Fr. Groeschel’s harmful opinions or just sorry they didn’t edit his comments?
Alleged senility is no excuse. If Fr. Groeschel is truly senile, why was he giving an interview to a huge Catholic media outlet in the first place?
Catholic apologists should refrain from downplaying priest sex scandals by saying hey! Abuse happens everywhere! That is irrelevant and evasive.
The Catholic Church and its ministers are not above the law of the United States of America. A first-time child sexual abuser ABSOLUTELY should go to jail.
Children are NEVER responsible for being abused.
Instead of being surprised by Fr. Groeschel’s comments, perhaps Catholics need to examine more closely the culture of silence and complicity which fosters victim-blaming and excuses perpetrator responsibility.
Examine our own consciences and think about the ways we elevate our heroes and refuse to hold them accountable. Which is to say, I’m guessing this isn’t the first time Fr. Groeschel has expressed such horrific ideas–it’s probably just the first time he got caught.
Ask our bishops and Catholic leaders to forcefully and publicly renounce these harmful ideas and institute true, transparent changes in how clergy interacts with children.

For my part, I need to go cry for a bit. Nothing–and I mean, nothing–breaks my heart more than exploitation of children. I’ve written extensively about the abusive methods of Mike & Debi Pearl and I saw change happen. But honestly, the catastrophic victimization of children in the Catholic Church just overwhelms me. I feel discouraged. Is the Church even capable of righting these wrongs? God have mercy on us all.

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http://www.fromtwotoone.com/ from two to one

I saw this yesterday and was horrified and saddened the rest of the day. As a Catholic, I am so disturbed and like you, overwhelmed at times, at how the super-patriarchy refuses to take responsibility for the exploitation of innocent children.

The one that really gets me from this specific story is #3: “Is NCR sorry for Fr. Groeschel’s harmful opinions or just sorry they didn’t edit his comments?” The media needs to get their stuff together and also take responsibility for their words.
Anonymous

I’ve heard many times that when the Church is most in need of reform, God always provides a saint who manages, somehow, to step up to the task that seems overwhelming. Have we met this person yet? Was it JPII? Are we still waiting? I don’t know. In time, we’ll know. But maybe not in our lifetimes. It may be that the institutional change we’re hoping for happens so gradually that we can’t tell it’s happening at all. All we can do is what you’re doing–by being our conscience–and what I’m doing–by promoting a God-centered vision of sexuality–and hope God gets us where we need to be. It’s not enough. But then, nothing we do ever is.

KatR

You don’t need a saint. Catholic hierarchy seems plenty capable of righteous fury and legal action when its directed at women who use birth control. They just have to give a damn about stopping the sexual abuse of children in the church. So far they haven’t.

Anonymous

Respectfully, this is all the same issue–use of the sexual powers in a way not intended by God. And righteous fury or not, the hierarchy’s not making much headway with either one. We definitely need a saint. More than one.

Katharine

That the Church is unable to root out this deeply entrenched problem does not mean it’s wrong about birth control.

Anonymous

Oh, dear, that wasn’t at all what I meant. I’m totally on board with Church teaching on sexuality–I’m only saying that the hierarchy as it stands hasn’t really had any success in convincing people otherwise.
KatR

It’s not a matter of the church being “wrong” about birth control. It’s a matter of the response of the Catholic Church hierarchy. Even if they, evidently, believe that a woman on birth control is equivalent to a raping priest (which, I can’t even formulate a response to that), they certainly aren’t treating the two issues the same.

http://cuppboard.blogspot.com Elizabeth Erazo

my heart broke when i read his comments, and i thought of you, too. i’ve been weepy all day, hearing it replayed at work on the news over and over. it is so difficult to know this is happening, especially from a man who was so involved working with children. It certainly makes alarm bells ring, doesn’t it?

If indeed Fr. Groeschel is experiencing senility, then his community needs to take care of him to prevent things like this from happening. My grandfather told my dad once “Someday, I’m going to get old, and I’m going to start saying things that I shouldn’t say, and trying to do things I shouldn’t do. I’m sorry for it, but please try to stop me.” I always wonder what experience he had behind saying that, but it strikes me as wise. Fr. Groeschel’s community should have known – if he is actually senile – that he should not be involved in certain things anymore, because in some ways – he is no longer himself.

Even, however, if he WAS sick, how did these comments pass through the interviewer’s ears, get typed up, and published without alarm bells ringing?! Who did the interview?? The fact that NO ONE from the time the interview occurred to the time it was published caught the disturbing, wrong comments tells me something is rotten in the state of the Church, and in the NCR.

Anonymous

From what you wrote, your grandfather sounds like he was a wise man. I agree, the comments should have been scrutinized by the managing editor and others prior to publication. As for your last sentence, the NCR is a private publication. It claims to have high standards, but I don’t think it is an arm of the Church. I don’t think it gets a Nihil Obstat or an Imprimater from a bishop. So, the blame for what happened doesn’t belong to the Church. It belongs to NCR.

Rae

Re 2 & 8: One of the things that saddens me most is how clearly this reveals that the NCR is continuing, under EWTN, the same sort of evil that it perpetuated under the Legionaries. This sort of thing doesn’t just slip by unedited outside of a specific sort of culture.

Which brings me to the fact that, as heinous as Father
Groeschel’s comments were, they actually make complete sense when you think of a subculture in which girls are told that they had better not wear short skirts or they might get raped.

Anonymous

Thank you so much for this, Rae. YES and YES.

Anonymous

I’m speculating. I have no inside information. But I think Fr.
Groeschel needs our compassion not our indignation. As soon as I heard about this incident through another blog, I immediately thought of two mitigating circumstances about Fr. Groeschel. First, he is quite old and is probably in a declining mental state. It happens, even to the best minds. (I, myself, am experiencing such a decline, so I know how it feels.) Second, he suffered a horrific car accident some years ago—I’m not sure how long it has been—but he was elderly even then, and those traumatic injuries, from which he almost died, probably exacerbate his diminishing capacities.

I believe he should have been retired from public life following that accident, but I guess the reason may be that he was allowed to carry on because he is so revered. Perhaps no one wanted to let go of this esteemed man. Another factor may have been that those who have close and frequent contact with someone don’t notice or realize the dementia. Again, this is pure speculation on my part.

I didn’t read Mark Shea’s remarks, so I cannot comment on them. But, Elizabeth, I believe you are coming off too harshly on Fr. Groeschel. I think your harshness is a result of your own traumatic experiences, so you need compassion, too.

On the other hand, maybe Fr. G. is just a jerk. But I don’t think so. As Jesus himself might say, “Father, forgive him, for he knows not what he does.” But maybe forgiveness is the hardest thing God asks of us.

http://cuppboard.blogspot.com Elizabeth Erazo

However, even IF Fr. G was in mental decline, the fact that NO ONE in the process of conducting, writing, and publishing the interview thought “hey, that’s some disturbing stuff he’s saying, lets not publish this” shows some major red flags.

I think Elizabeth is justified in her response, because in reality, this isn’t just one incident – it is an indicator of a bigger problem that is illustrated by many Catholics’ response to the abuse.

Anonymous

I absolutely agree that someone at NCR should have squelched the publication of the article. I tend to think the old fellow was taken advantage of in some way, but, again, I’m speculating.

It is still my opinion that a lot of the rhetoric is too harsh toward Fr. Groeshel, and I would prefer to hear gentler criticism.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=11018683 Elizabeth Larson-DiPippo

You’d prefer a gentler criticism?!? EE’s criticism is about as gentle as it gets! She specifically stated how this mans ministry had blessed her, but these comments NEED to be denounced, especially by people who have supported him in the past. Where is the call for gentleness on behalf of the victims?

Anonymous

Thanks, Elizabeth. Great points. As I’m beginning to see, there is a complicity of the lay people. I can certainly understand the natural instinct to protect our own beloved priests but NOT at the expense of moral integrity. There is a bigger underlying problem, here, and I’m beginning to think WE ALL play a part in it. When the lay people turn a blind eye and refuse to speak up when they see abuse happening–or when they hear comments like Fr. Groeschel’s–they become part of the problem, too. No wonder it’s taken so long for these scandals to be fully and thoroughly addressed!

Katharine

“For it must needs be that scandals come” and there have always been. It’s still the one true Church, thank God for that.

Anonymous

Honestly, this is the kind of attitude that really grieves me. It’s so full of religious pride. Yes, children were raped by priests but THANK GOD it’s still the ONE, TRUE Church! That kind of attitude is also a cop-out. It’s like plugging your ears and singing lalalalala so you don’t actually have to confront the evil staring you in the face. Those who stand idly by while children are being abused are ALSO responsible.

Anonymous

Elizabeth, I guess I’m not understanding your response. People can believe that the Catholic Church is the one true Church and not be okay with sexual abuse by priests. There’s nothing prideful in believing this either. In fact believing that the Catholic Church is the one true Church should make one even MORE anxious than would otherwise be the case to have sexual abuse on the part of priests exposed and handled quickly and seriously.
Katherine can speak for herself, but I think I feel the same way she does, ie, an overwhelming volume of horrible misdeeds on the part of priests and bishops can be brought to light, but leaving the Church is not an option – because the Church was founded by Christ. And we thank God, in spite of whatever trials we suffer, that He did leave us His Church.

http://twitter.com/Rockybalboa211 Louis Gonzales

Isn’t it already a given though that a Catholic would consider her/his Church to be the “One True Church” founded by Christ on Earth?

Anne

I agree Elizabeth, the middle of a thread on sex abuse is not the place to be throwing the “we are the one TRUE church” cheer out there. I’ve sat thru too many One True Church rallies where Catholics presented our faith to be the Cadallic of faiths and other faiths to be junkier cars. I always felt we should always just live our faith and let it speak for itself. It is a statement that is fueled by ego and arrogance. No matter what we do or what the popes or cardinals or bishops do we are still the ONE TRUE CHURCH…**sigh** Lord please bring us all healing and direction.

http://twitter.com/Rockybalboa211 Louis Gonzales

Father Groeschel is also reported to have fallen the morning of the interview. Personally, I believe that his comment deserves criticism and, in a small way, he deserves to be criticized as well for stating those horrible comments, yet I do also believe that forgiveness and mercy should be shown towards Father Groeschel. He’s a really good kind man who throughout his life has done a lot for the civil rights of others, and has also helped New York’s elderly and poor through his counsel program. He has, in the past, passionately defended priests whose priestly right’s have been taken away simply for being accused of molestation. This in a way what happened to Padre Pio when the Vatican took away his priestly rights after unfounded allegations of sexual misconduct were hurled against him. I remember one case, presented by EWTN, in which the priest lost his ability to say mass after being accused of molestation, even though, no substantial evidence was ever brought against him. To me, this is probably the type of message that Father Groeschel was trying to state, yet because of certain factors he misspoke and his message became incredibly horribly muddled.
Jen in Ontario

Thank you for these words. A fellow member of my parish posted the original article on her Facebook yesterday, and I was horrified… until I realized that to her, the Church is just as much a part of her faith as Jesus. And that made me angry – that people have so much faith in the church that they believe the wrong that the church has done is justified! I have no desire to be a “good” Catholic if that means supporting the heirarchy and not working towards what the Lord requires of us – to act justtly and love mercy.

The “Prayer for Frustrated Catholics” that has been circulating around the web was my prayer last night.

Anonymous

The Church is everyone of us. It is composed of saintly and sinful people and everyone in between. The Church is the Body of Christ, so, yes loving the Church is synonymous with loving Christ. If one looks at the Church as merely the hierarchy, if one focuses on sin only, one is not seeing the Church. Yes, the Lord taught many things and most of us struggle to do good and to avoid evil, because we have a fallen human nature.

When judging one’s own sin(s), as well as those of others, there are three things to consider: 1) the sin itself: Is it truly evil? 2) knowledge: Does the person doing it know it is evil and chooses to do it anyway? 3) Freedom: Does the person doing it have any extenuating circumstances that diminish the gravity of the sin? Many of us look only at the first piece. God looks at the whole picture.
http://twitter.com/Rockybalboa211 Louis Gonzales

Well, to Catholics, the Church is the Body of Jesus and Peter is the Rock of the Church, while Jesus is the Cornerstone of Faith. We are called to follow all the Churches teachings since we can’t consider ourselves Catholics if we don’t. We don’t have to support priests who abused children, yet our faith in the church shouldn’t waver.

Jen

And to me, when the church covers up abuse, excuses it, blames the victims for it and believes that its representative (priests) are above the law of the land, my faith in the church waivers.

Yes, we all sin. But does not mean that we shouldn’t try to stop it, vs covering it up and doing it again.
Anonymous

Here’s the distinction, Louis: Yes, Catholics would say the Church was founded by Jesus Christ but the institutional side of it is being run by humans. Good, faithful Catholics OUGHT to call out abuses of power in our Church. And when the hierarchy is faithless, good Catholics SHOULD speak up.

Colleen

I so agree with you, Elizabeth.
I think we need to have faith in Jesus Christ. Not the church. The
church is run by humans. Humans sin. Humans make mistakes. What really
helped me in the midst of the sexual abuse scandal was a homily I read.
The priest was saying just this – We have to take priests off of the
pedestal. We have to remember who it is we worship. We worship Jesus
Christ. Jesus who will never let us down.
If we remember this, we do not get disillusioned with the Church, just the humans who fail us.
If
we remember this. we can still love our Church, but we need to have a healthy attitude about who is God and
who is not.

Jen

Thank you, Elizabeth and Colleen, for articulating what I was trying ton say so much better than I did. Blessings to you both!

http://twitter.com/Rockybalboa211 Louis Gonzales

I absolutely agree. Actually, the archbishop here in San Antonio, Texas (Where I live) actually gave a sermon which he told everyone that it was their responsibility to make sure that priests were doing what they were supposed to be doing and that at the first sign of abuse, one should report it to the church and the authorities.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Theresa-Thompson/1525414797 Theresa Thompson

Groeschel is nearly 80 years old. A few years back, he was almost killed in an auto accident that left him disabled; it has definitely taken a toll on him. I have known him for two decades, and recently spent an afternoon with him. I’ve read his books, listened to his tapes—on sexual abuse—and have come to know a great priest. To condemn him for one part of one interview is wholly unjust.
This is the last paragraph written on news release from the Catholic League for civil and religious rights…here is the link….
http://www.catholicleague.org/fr-groeschel-under-fire/

Anonymous

So what if it was just ONE part of ONE interview? The words were spoken, the words were typed up, the words were published. The accusations are NOT scurrilous–there are no “scandalous claims” being made here. Fr. Groeschel spoke those words. He is now being called to account for them. As is NCR.

What I’m beginning to see in these comments is a troubling trend: the reason why priests have been allowed to perpetuate abuse of children is because LAY CATHOLICS cover-up for them!

http://twitter.com/Klutzylutz Krista S.

Elizabeth, I just wanted to commend you on an article well written. You are neither mean nor cruel nor unforgiving in this post. Yet, you do not let some horrible comments slide by! I appreciate your grace and balance in this, showing mercy does NOT mean sweeping these comments under a rug and pretending they weren’t said. It should be addressed and corrected. Perhaps sweeping things under the rug and assuming things were just anomalies are one of the reasons the whole scandal came to be in the first place, yes?

Just because he made these comments does not negate the good which he has done over the years. BUT, we all do good. AND we all say things that need correcting. When I mess up and have a wrong view of something, or speak in a way that is offensive and seriously concerning, I would hope people would gently point it out to me and not just assume it was a fluke and a bad day. (And if I am saying them as a public figure…chances are the rebuke will come publicly too.)

Guest

I am replying to myself here… just read his apology and he does specifically say that a priest who abuses is always in the wrong and always responsible. That’s good for him to clarify and take responsibility for what he said.

Anonymous

His apology was a step in the right direction.

Anne

I can undertand how strongly you feel given that your experience of abuse as a child in a church. I share the same struggles in the Catholic Church that you have. When I think about one of my own children being abused my anger level rises significantly in regards to the church’s response to abuse.
I do think Father Benedict is sincere in his apology and God only knows what he meant and what he did not mean. I personally stay anonymous on the internet because I easily mis-speak and the internet is not forgiving once you are out there. I feel more distressed about the NCR publishing it. No one read this before it was published? They pride themselves on accuracy and truth. They are such a thorough group and they let this one slide? I call it selective hearing.
I don’t find the NCR particularly merciful. They were owned by the LC up until 2011. They seemed to put more time and energy in speaking out against the nuns than they did in speaking out against the LC since EWTN took ownership. They report only in a certain Catholic genre and don’t moderate comments to well and if you don’t fit into their box then there is not a place for you.
I watched a video on youtube recently by Father James Martin entitled, “sex abuse and the grandiose narcissist”. It was in reponse to the Penn State scandal. He is the first priest I have heard comment that while people who knew about abuse and did not report it were removed at Penn State they were not in the Catholic Church. I can’t remember the specifics of what he said but I know I finally felt some validation. I’ve been asking that question for a long time and have never understand why not only the abusers but people who knew about abuse and did not report it were not removed by the leadership of the church. (?????)
Keep on seeking the silence it will bring you healing and peace because you will meet God there.

Anonymous

I have to say I stopped reading NCR about two years ago b/c it honestly felt like a very scary place. Comments were–quite frankly–awful and judgmental. I don’t need that kind of drama. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Anne

I wanted to say that I whole heartedly agree with all your points. I see strongly how the laity are protective of the heirarchy.
And I wanted to add the he did a HUGE mis-speak. Very very serious mis-speak and there is a fall out from that. It did cause hurt and while there can be forgiveness there is damage that needs to be repaired. It leaves me wondering how deeply ingrained these attitudes are in the church.
And yes I agree, NCR combox is not a healthy place to be. It actually resembles the parish I belonged to for a couple of decades:(

Anonymous

I’ve been really disgusted and disheartened by the comboxes on alot of Catholic sites. I occasionally return to some of these sites because I find the topics interesting. I read the comments, however, and am reminded of why I don’t go there more often.

Colleen

I watched that same youtube by Father Martin. I am an incest survivor and he described my father exactly. It was an “aha” moment for me. It helped me understand why people sometimes sympathize with the abusers or make excuses for them. Believe it or not, even a little thing like that can be affirming for a victim.

Colleen

I am an incest survivor. As children, many of us survivors blame ourselves for the abuse. We think it must be all our fault, that we are not good enough, and if we would only be perfect, the abuse would stop. What Fr Groeschel said hurts more than people realize.
http://faithandfood.morizot.net/ Scott Morizot

This statement needs to be emphasized and restated over and over until people start to get it.

“Children are NEVER responsible for being abused.”

I was never a victim of clerical sexual abuse, incest, or some of the things others have mentioned in the thread. But I was abused more than once by more than one person over the course of my childhood. And for some of it, it took decades to even admit to myself that it was, in fact, abuse.

I think of Akin’s comments about “legitimate” rape and I’ll note that despite the public disavowals, Paul Ryan cosponsored a bill with Akin to change ‘rape’ to ‘forcible rape’ which is what Akin says he meant instead of legitimate. (I don’t see the difference.)

I don’t know anything about the priest in question, but it is true that dementia can completely change your personality and cause people to say bizarre things, so I wouldn’t take it as representative of his life if it’s otherwise been what people have described.

But the culture (and it extends far beyond the Catholic Church) that perpetuates attitudes that blame the child? Yeah, I’m sick and disgusted by it.

Anonymous

Thanks for this, Scott.

Tara S

We should only be leaping to Fr G’s defense if people are calling for his blood. I haven’t heard anything like that. To be jumping to his defense and crying for mercy just because people are displaying shock and hurt at his comments is beyond ludicrous. It’s like “come on, that airline pilot didn’t *mean* to fly drunk, crash, and be the only survivor! We can’t just start doubting his character and taking away his flying license! There are extenuating circumstances!” This is to dismiss the hurt point of view because being hurt and upset when a hurtful and upsetting thing is said or done is somehow unjust and unmerciful. I don’t think most people sending this message realize how oppressive and belittling and disempowering it is. It is the respectable face that decent people lend to evil. It is unchristian and inhumane.

Mercy and a firm response are not mutually exclusive, and the kind of mercy that denies a firm response to protect the truly injured parties is a spurious, elitist, bad kind of mercy indeed.

If we care about Fr G’s soul and his declining state, we will act firmly and immediately. He should be removed from the public eye and removed from a position providing counsel to people who need a steady hand and a clear mind. His comment should be thoroughly repudiated at the highest level. And then, only when this is done, we can go on remembering what he was really like, and having compassion for his unfortunate decline.

But to beg the public to just ignore what he has said, when that exact view has so enabled the culture of sexual abuse in religious and secular communities and has so bitterly added to the pain of abuse victims is a very very poor choice.
Jack Isaacks

1. Fr. Benedict himself apologized and withdrew his remarks. He has also been a clinical psychologist, so he might empathize with the underdog.

2. I know a grown man who was seduced by a 17 year old at his Pentecostal church. Both were thrown out, and both (including the 17 year old) were told that God hated them. Let’s not kid ourselves. While the civil law has to draw the line somewhere, 17 year old males know EXACTLY what they want sexually. (BTW, the age of consent is as low at 16 in different states. 18 is NOT universal.)

KatR

1. In what alternate universe is a pedophile an “underdog”?

2. So 17 year olds know exactly what they want sexually, and are in total control, but grown men are “seduced”. I’m more than a little tired of churches of all stripes telling men that everyone else BUT them are responsible for their own sexual behavior. (You were seduced! Her top was too low cut! Porn makes you act this way!)
Anonymous

Your comment is absolutely disgusting, Jack. Children are NOT capable of consent no matter what they “want.” This is acknowledged by law, no matter the claims of pedophiles and those who protect them. ANYONE who even SUGGESTS a child is capable of consent is enabling the exploitation of children. Your comment is so positively despicable, I am permanently blocking you from ever commenting on my site again. I rarely take action like this but to somehow suggest a pedophile is an “underdog” and that CHILDREN are capable of consent just totally crosses the line for me.

Fr. Groeschel & blaming children for sexual abuse

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