I know this sounds totally forward. Because hey, I just met you and this is crrrazy but here’s my pharmacy number, so call me maybe. Actually, screw maybe. Let’s make this official, baby.
Adderall, you just saved my life. Imma marry you.
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:
- You make my brain go “ahhh.”
- Which is far better than my brain screaming: WTF IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW???! (which is pretty much how my brain acted all summer before it met you).
- You’re easy like Sunday morning even at 3:30pm on a school afternoon.
- You remind me of things I would have otherwise forgotten.
- Like: that dental appointment this morning. (Side bar: I never really minded forgetting about dentist appointments except now, apparently, I can’t forget things if I try so thanks for that, I guess).
- I was on time today without even trying.
- Well, OK. I tried a little bit. But basically, I was all: check it, world! I’m all punctual and shit and I didn’t even break a sweat, yo.
- Because, frankly, we ALL know the difference between sweat-equity and inherited-equity. I got to feel all inherit-y, today. Like my brain was just BORN this way.
- It was almost as good as feeling like I was a Kardashian.
- Wait. WHAT?
- You know, like I was famous just for being famous?
- Like I didn’t have to earn my fame? I didn’t have to do anything at all except just walk around with this fully functioning brain and be all: why, yes, I did remember to show up for my dental appointment. ON TIME, bitchez! Somebody snap my pick-cha!
- YEAH, ADDERALL. You make me feel that way.
- Also, I didn’t have to drink Diet Coke today.
- And I only had one teensy-weensy pup o’ coffee.
- Which is far better than my usual 500 lb. BOWL of coffee, followed by a GALLON of iced-tea followed by a Diet Coke. Followed by more tea.
- Followed by 8 million trips to the loo.
- OMG. I just said loo.
- Look, Adderall! You’re even making me all proper British!
- Next thing you know I’ll be saying queue instead of line and biscuit instead of cookie.
- Beloved Adderall, do you think you could also take away my wrinkles?
- Thank you ever so much.
- Gratefully yours,
after my insurance company dropped coverage of my ADD meds earlier this summer (Focalin XR), I finally figured out a way to get 4 annual visits to a psychiatrist and my HMO agreed to pay for a portion of Adderall. my brain! it feels normal-ish again! also? I don’t have any cavities! Yay, flossing.