Losing my sh*t at Disneyland

Posted on September 3, 2012 by elizabeth

This lady on the ride is freaking out and yelling at the employee who is just trying to do his job and all I can think is: “Calm down, lady. Take it easy. Where’s your dignity?”

But she’s not calming down, she’s just getting started because she TOLD them–did you hear me?–she TOLD them there were three kids and three adults so why–WHY–are they re-checking this and holy shit if they start fucking around with Jackson so-help-her-god-she-is-losing-her-shit!

Which made me wonder what she looks like when she loses her shit because so far this thing? This yelling thing she’s doing in front of all of us? This is Not Losing Her Shit?

I’ve been avoiding looking at her because the first time I looked at her she tried to draw me into her little meltdown and all I wanted was to just ride the ride. I didn’t want to get involved. But I can’t help it, I glance over at her and that’s when I see the huge, ugly scar that emerges from under her armpit and slices up to her back. She has another long scar on her shoulder–like she’s survived a war or maybe multiple surgeries.

And I feel really lame.

Because I had judged her.

This is a woman, I realize, who has had to fight maybe her whole life. I don’t know what she’s had to fight but something tried to take her down. Maybe more than once. And she survived. She is here now, at Disney’s California Adventure, trying to have a fun day with her kids and she feels threatened because this employee is trying to take that away.

At least, that’s the story I come up with–maybe it’s totally off. The point is, I saw her and seeing her helped me quit judging her.

So what if she has no dignity? You don’t have time for dignity when you’re fighting for your life, do you? You don’t have to CALM DOWN when you’re in a battle for your survival.

What I realized was that I judged her before I knew her story, before I really saw her. And that makes me sad. I don’t want to be that person–the one who criticizes and judges everyone.

I can tell I’m making progress with this because I’m noticing it. Like, I didn’t notice it before. But I notice now when people talk shit about other people. And I notice it when I draw negative judgments about someone based on one thin-slice of their life. And you know what? I don’t like that about myself. I’m no longer indulging it.

None of us are better than anyone else. In fact, I’m so damn aware of my failures right now that it’s all I can do to bear the weight of my own shortcomings.

What I know is that we all have back-story. Someone could look at a thin-slice of my life and write a gossipy narrative, too. Oh, yes. They could.

Eventually, the ride started up and guess what? I cried all the way through. Maybe from now on we could all give each other a little break, yes? Maybe lay off the judging, how about that?

Sometimes the happiest place on Earth is really the saddest. Or the most enlightening…

This entry was posted in EE Sees OC!, Her Royal Mommy-Ness, Life in The OC. Bookmark the permalink.
  • Lara

    I love you. Thank you for this challenge and these beautiful thoughts.

  • http://www.heretichusband.com/ Heretic Husband

    It’s hard to get past our tendency to judge other people. It’s a fact that we make excuses for ourselves but not for others (the phenomenon has got a name in sociology circles, I think, but I can’t remember it). For instance, the person who cuts you off in traffic is a jerk, but when I cut off someone, it’s always for a very good reason.

    It’s been shown that this happens frequently when people are driving, probably because you can’t see the person in other car very well. So you’re right – looking at the other woman is what helped you not to judge her.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1664722259 Debra Neufeld

    Hmmmm…I’ll have to think about this one. I get giving someone grace, like, hey, they are probably having a rough day. But I also know a LOTS of people who have had rough lives, and would never treat someone the way that woman was treating an employee. I don’t know that just because she’s possibly had a rough life that she gets to take it out on others. She still needs to grow, too. I can give her grace and still see that it’s not an acceptable way to treat someone.

  • http://www.facebook.com/gena.b.roberts Gena Brewer Roberts

    Awesome. I started noticing over the last couple of years. I only think I’m getting better until I realize I’m judging people who are NOT noticing….know what I mean?

  • KatR

    But on the other hand, you have Disney guy, who doesn’t make a whole lot of money, and is on his feet all day, and probably gets two fifteen minute breaks and a half an hour lunch, and more than likely gets kicked all day long by people who do it because they know they can.

    • Anonymous

      Great point! I’m not defending freak outs or treating people poorly–there’s NO justifiable reason for treating other human beings abusively. What I’m trying to examine is my my dismissive attitude toward her. The Disney employee handled the situation so professionally that it was a good example to me. Does that make sense or am I muddling it?

      • KatR

        I guess I don’t see how you judged her. I mean, if she had been standing there minding her own business and you had negative thoughts based on her appearance, yes, judgement. But it sounds like she was being an almighty ass at Disney, and you thought to yourself, “wow, she’s being an almighty ass at Disney”.

        • Verity3

          I think the issue is not whether we can question each other’s behavior, but whether we can question the acceptability of people based on their misbehavior. Does that make sense? It’s one thing to say Being An Almighty Ass at Disney is wrong. It’s another to say Being an Almighty Ass at Disney makes one a Bad Person, while Being An Almighty Ass at a Car Accident is something a Good Person is allowed to do.

          • Anonymous

            Yes. This is what I got from the post as well.

  • JasonFSU

    Maybe pre-judging is wrong, but for crying out loud, it’s only Disney. If you told me she had just been in a car accident or was going through a hurricane, I’d say “yeah, losing your mind in public can be justified.” But unless she or her family were truly being threatened, she not only lowered the experience for herself and her family, but for all who got to witness her meltdown. It think too many people have no real dignity (or as my wife recently observed “have discretion in public”) anymore. There is no respect for self or others. A lax code of public decorum. Everything is always out in the open for all to see. I say, barring unusually threatening circumstances, public meltdowns are both sign of lost dignity for for the meltee and our culture.

    • Anonymous

      I tend to agree with you on this. Then again, I don’t know that it’s ever been any better–barring perhaps Jane Austen’s England? People have always treated each other like crap. Maybe it just was more passive-aggressive and dressed up with “bless yer hearts.” But it was still ugly. For my part, I’d rather people were open and blunt about this stuff rather than hiding their unkindness under “nice” manners.

  • Ex-Ride Operator

    Disney is usually more than willing to accommodate medical restricitons. If she had special needs, it’s up to her to do her research and find out how Disney can help her BEFORE she gets to the park. Yelling at some poor ride operator for something out of his/her control is childish, and sets a bad example for her children. Indeed, her behavior ruined the family’s fun day at Disneyland, not the situation. Call me judgey if you will, but we are all responsible for our own behavior, and how we react in stressful situations, regardless of past experiences/traumas/illnesses. We either rise above, or sink into the mire.

    • Anonymous

      I think you missed the point. It’s not whether or not she should be yelling at the ride operator (or anyone for that matter)… It’s learning not to insta-judge those whose actions don’t line up with our perfectly ordered world.

  • Verity3

    Thank you for this, EE. I believe that from Jesus’ perspective, a person’s whole story does matter. And if we want a Christlike perspective, we can’t disregard it.

  • Gina

    Great post. Gave me a lot to think about.

  • http://twitter.com/SoHeresUs Christie

    I love this. We can’t possibly know what is going on in someone’s life. Maybe she’s just a self absorbed jerk, but maybe this is about something far deeper, something we can’t begin to understand. Why not err of the side of grace. Of course she was behaving badly, but choosing to believe the best is always a good idea. Being angry and huffy about someone else doesn’t make anything better.
    I also was a ride operator one summer. People are ridiculous and unreasonable. And I wish I had chosen to be forgiving and let stuff go, rather than paste on a smile and curse them in my heart. It wouldn’t have changed anything, except for me.

  • annmarie

    I’m reading a book by Henri Nouwen called The Way of the Heart. I highly recommend this book if you have not already read it. I am not finished with it yet, but so far it is changing my way of thinking about so many things. It’s mind blowing. I keep putting it down and shaking my head yes and writing things down and almost crying for how insightful it is . I love Nouwen and this book is one of his best! Here’s one remarkable quote ..”the compassionate person is so aware of the suffering of others that it is not even possible for him or her to dwell on their sins.” I think you should compassion for this woman. You were a great witness to your children, who I am assuming were with you and watching.

  • Anonymous

    And all God’s people said?

    Amen

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Christy-Chomer-Karnatz/611216017 Christy Chomer Karnatz

    I’m coming to that point myself. I’d rather believe the best about people. There is enough crap that I am positive is crap. I’d like to believe that I can gracefully allow someone else to have a really bad moment. Love hearing a thought process that is so similar to my own. Usually I hear either extreme judgement or extreme “I am so holy”ness. The reality is, we really never completely know. =)

  • Cindy Tunstall

    Great post! I’m still chewing on this. I spent the last 7 year’s working in Christ centered recovery. When the participants start sharing your heart is forever changed. Each one of us has been through so much. Some of us are able to fake it or get by with our dignity in tact–others that is just too much right now.
    Loved your perspective. I would have cried too. I might now. Wow! Thanks for sharing this with us! Your words moved me!

  • Ami

    I really enjoyed this post. I don’t need to defend people’s ridiculous behavior, but I should try to not label a person without really seeing ALL of them. It’s opening our eyes and trying to know someone’s heart instead of instantly dismissing them as “a problem” or “trouble.”
    Thanks for reminding me of who I want to be.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1287632656 Sky M. Bailey

    Once I was in a hurry to get to an appt. I was racing thru town because I was late and some dumba$$ teen was right on my tail…and there’s nothing I hate worse than tailgaters! His little truck was inches from my bumper & it even looked like he was waving his arms as if to say “get outta my way, lady!” Finally I’d had enough. I pulled over, got out and walked back to give him a lecture. He looked like he was 16. I yelled “Who taught you to drive? You’ve been tailgating me for two miles! What a punk!” He listened to my un-Christianlike rant and pointed to my car. “Is that your purse?” Um….yeah. The only dumba$$ around was ME because I had left my purse on the roof of my car and somehow it miraculously survived my two mile race thru town. The teen had been trying to get my attention because he didn’t want me to lose my purse and wallet. Not my best moment, that’s for sure.

  • falfie4

    Oh, this hits home today. I’m always so torn between applying my training (understanding that everyone is the way they are for a reason) and just wanting to be a human being who just may not like someone. I met someone today that I just didn’t like. It would be so easy to write this person off because they just aren’t a good person… at all. But, I keep getting gentle reminders that they have a story and they didn’t become a jackass for no reason. So, thanks for the very timely reminder!

  • mnjsmom

    I realize this response is rather late to the game. I actually did lose sh*t at Disneyland a few years ago. The circumstance that set me of was, in retrospect not that big of a deal. My then 8 year old son opened our car door in the parking lot a little too quickly and dinged the car next to it. The teenager driving it got a little snarky and I lit into her with unbelievable rage. Thank God my husband was with me and he diffused the situation. I was appalled with my behavior and spent the rest of our visit near tears but tried to keep a brave face so my kids could enjoy the trip. You see, on a normal day I am pretty mellow and even tempered.

    At this point in my life I was overwhelmed, my mom had dementia and breast cancer that was not responding to treatment. I was her primary caretaker at the time and the trip to D’land was a break in the routine. My response to the teenager was pent up anger and frustration from the stress that I was feeling from my personal situation at the time.

    I guess my point is you truly don’t know what is going on in others lives. I’m sure there are people in that parking garage who judged me like crazy, but I hope there was an Elizabeth or two in the crowd.

  • www.thejourneyismydream.com

    I remember as a mom of 1, judging other moms when their kids acted out in public. I am now a mom of 4 and I am more than certain I am judged when they have their meltdowns. Maturity brings better perspectives. :)

  • http://lovingfromtheinsideout.blogspot.com Connie

    Love. Love!

  • http://www.facebook.com/MyNameIsCakeandIamFUNKY Katharine Shea McKinney

    With you 100%. I understand fully what you mean. I’ve been dealing with judgement quite a bit this week, so this spoke to me.