We’ve reached that point in the summer where all the trips have all been taken, the crafts crafted, the sunburns burned, the camps camped, the library trips all tripped out and now the mothers are going cross-eyed from providing 24/7 entertainment. I mean, “educational activities.” I mean, ACADEMIC ENRICHMENT.
During this last month of Summer Break, our children are lying around like fattened sloths, one hand in a huge bag of chips, feet propped up on the couch, staring with glazed-over eyes at a re-run of Sponge Bob.
And the mothers have locked themselves in the bathroom with the new Civil Wars album and US Weekly. Well, I’m not being entirely honest, here. I’ve locked myself in the bathroom with my laptop and noise-canceling headphones. Same-same.
I have a good excuse. I have WORDS that must be shed abroad in the hearts of the US Education System; mainly, it’s about damn time we abolish this stupid thing called Summer Break. Of course, I’m ONLY saying this for my children’s sake. I would never suggest this because *I* need them to go back to school–heh-heh, what sort of mother would do that?
The point is, this whole summer break thing needs to stop. Children don’t need breaks. Mothers do. Children should work year-round. You know, to prepare them for this thing we call Adult Life. Summer break used to be about work, anyway. Harvesting crops. Baling hay. Sifting the wheat from the chaff, or so I’ve heard. Back in the day, children weren’t taking summer breaks to lollygag around the house whining for MORE GO-GURTS! but taking summer break to work their asses off on the family farm.
So, if we’re not going to abolish summer break, we should at least re-institute the family farm. But wait, no. This reminds me. Last year we had the “Brilliant Idea” of letting go of our gardener because: TEACH THE BOYS HOW TO MOW THE LAWN. Even better, we got a push mower. Because HARD WORK!
And now my yard looks like it belongs to Miss Havisham. I like to call it “Crunchy.” Or eco-friendly. Or “Wild California.”
But I digress.
Let me put it this way: NOTHING GOOD is happening on Summer Break after August 1st. This last month of summer is simply unfettered, full-on, unapologetic, indulgent gluttony and laziness. Our children MUST learn! They MUST work! NO MORE SUMMER BREAK because Mama has a stack of US Weekly’s to read.