Or, as my middle school boy mumbles: “Twunny.”
Yeah, I got twunny days. Cue: EMOTIONAL MELTDOWN.
I wish I felt more excited. From the way people keep talking, I’m supposed to Be All Pumped Up.
“Are you excited?” they ask. And all I can think is: “Yeah, I’m excited like going to the guillotine is exciting.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic,” they say.
“Fine. I’m excited like going to get a root canal is exciting.”
Honestly, all I wanna do is crawl under the covers and suck on Xanax lollipops–if there is such a thing.
I mean, I WROTE about the smarmy recruitment tactics of my childhood cult. I don’t wanna BECOME that. Cue smarmy, self-promoting author hawking her book on street corners: “TODAY IS THE DAY OF SALVATION! BUY MY BOOK!”
So, I’m gonna keep it simple: Hi, I have a book. Please buy it.
There. Done. And now, let me sweeten the deal, K? (In the least smarmy-way-I-could-imagine-please-bear-with-me):
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I learn nothing from my successes except how disappointing they are and how they rarely live up to my expectations. I learn far more from my mistakes because they give me the opportunity to learn something about myself and about reality. Thing is, if I’m not learning anything, I’m not failing enough. Or failing big enough. This is why, in 2014, I resolve to Fail More, Fail Boldly and Fail Better.
Reality doesn’t work the way I want it to work. My plans–mwah-ha-ha–MY PLANS–are futile attempts at pretending I have control over reality. I am Master of my Destiny! I haz the controoollllll! Yeah, no. I have no control. This is what failing more teaches me. Failing more gives me an opportunity to come face-to-face with my profound frailty, my inability to bend reality to my liking. As William Blake once wrote, “A fool who persists in his folly becomes wise.” I intend on failing so hard and so often this year that my only option is total dependence on grace.
Remember when i was gonna blog every day? HA HA HA. Remember my 31 Days of the Little Way that was more like A Few Days Before I Got Bored and Moved On? And then there were the failed drafts of my book. Honestly, I lost track of how many Final Drafts I turned in. Probably something like eight. Or ten. But all these failures taught me how to better manage my limitations. I have limitations and as much as I’d like to pretend I can Do All The Things, I really can’t. Failing boldly teaches me to slow down. It’s OK to take my time, apparently.
Failing better simply means failing differently. I don’t have to over-commit to blogging because I already failed at that last year. This whole Philosophy of Failing More means learning to fail in a different direction. PROGRESS! At least I’m failing in new ways and not repeating the insanity of failing in all the old ways.
I’m kinda stoked about my book release (“Girl at The End of the World” releases March 18, 2014!) because I can’t wait to see how hugely it fails to sell. I wrote a real good book (if I do say so myself) and I’m very proud of it (it only took me about 80 billion failures to get it written). But even industry insiders don’t know how well my book will sell. Do you know why this doesn’t bother me? Because even if my book doesn’t sell, I did my absolute best and THAT counts as an Awesome Fail Better.
I call that progress. A life fail lived.
Got a call from my editor this afternoon. I could hear him smiling through the phone. My book is d-o-n-e. His words: “It’s heartwarming, heartbreaking, funny, insightful and all the things we want a memoir to be.” My book is officially off to production. And I’m officially off to pop some champagne and celebrate!!!! I did it, you guys. It was impossibly IMPOSSIBLY difficult–did I mention I wrote THREE full drafts? But today, it’s all worth it. I’m really proud of the book I’ve written for you. “Girl at the End of the World” releases March 2014!!! p.s. I totally thanked YOU READERS in my Acknowledgments. Because OBVIOUSLY. Wouldn’t be here without you. I love you people. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox. EE. p.p.s. nothing says GLAMOROUS like a sparkly cocktail dressed with a plastic playground in the background (and my dog’s butt), AM I RIGHT?? Just keepin’ it classy, yo.
It’s real, you guys. It’s happening. My book is now available for pre-order on Amazon! The release date is still March 2014, but my publisher–Convergent Books, a new imprint of Random House–has it up on the Convergent Books website, too. It’s super exciting to see my AUTHOR profile up next to Addie Zierman and the other wonderful authors at Convergent. Squeeeeeeeee! *happy dance*