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Category Archives: Grief&Loss
My shadow days are over
I finished my book and emailed it to my editor. One minute later I freaked out. It was like giving birth and then mailing off your baby. I’ve been wandering around for a week in a daze. I have anxiety. … Continue reading
Posted in Grief&Loss, My Book
25 Comments
Feel something real
I took off my clothes and let the sun touch my skin. I put on a bikini and marveled at the feeling of breeze on my midriff. I stretched out on the chaise lounge and fell asleep under blue sky. … Continue reading
Posted in Grief&Loss, Her Royal Mommy-Ness
19 Comments
Can we ever fully escape our past?
My great-uncle’s death has reanimated a host of ghosts, all of them seemingly rising from the pit of my past at once; demanding to be heard. I did the most sensible thing I knew how to do: called my therapist, … Continue reading
Posted in Faith, Grief&Loss
11 Comments
Death and disowning and making peace with estrangement
My great-uncle died last week; entering that final silence, a deeper silence than all the silences between us. Uncle E. was my grandfather’s identical twin brother. How did identical twins become so distant? How did they build walls of silence, … Continue reading
Posted in Grief&Loss
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Losing your dreams to find them
“In an odd kind of way, I know how to do this,” I say to my sister, the phone cupped between my ear and shoulder. I’m folding laundry. I know how to lose it all. I know how to live … Continue reading
Posted in Faith, Grief&Loss, Her Royal Mommy-Ness, Life in The OC
15 Comments
This is how it happens–a near-death experience
This is how it happens. You sit down to write a to-do list and your child falls out of a 2nd story window. In the twinkling of an eye it all changes. I keep coming back to this half-finished to-do … Continue reading
Posted in Childbearing, Faith, Grief&Loss, Her Royal Mommy-Ness
64 Comments
I am push. I am pull. (Or just allergic to ownership/co-dependency?)
“Why don’t you wear your wedding ring?” she asks. “I have sensitive skin,” I say. “It itches.” The reason trips off my tongue so easily now. It’s the reason I use. It’s what I say. And it’s true–partially. But at … Continue reading
If God speaks to so many people, why isn’t our world better yet?
There is one phrase that people of faith use to explain the decisions they make, the beliefs they believe and justify actions they take. There is no arguing with this phrase. It’s a power phrase that shuts down any further … Continue reading
Posted in Faith, Grief&Loss, World Vision: Bolivia
63 Comments
Why Mark Driscoll scares me
I read Mark Driscoll’s explanation about why he invited his readers to mock effeminate worship leaders. I’m not calling it an apology because, well, it wasn’t. Was it? But I guess it’s reassuring to know there are elders holding Mark … Continue reading
Posted in Cults, Grief&Loss, RecoveringFundamentalist, Religion
33 Comments
An ending & a beginning
I attended a funeral today, so you'll have to forgive me if I'm a little disorganized and more emotional than usual (as if that's even possible?). The funeral was simple and sweet, a fitting tribute to my best friend's Grandpa. … Continue reading
