"Is she your first?" the elderly gent asks me. I'm holding Jossy, tickling her and making her laugh while we wait for the rest of the family outside the candy store.
"No," I answer, smiling. He waits, expectantly. I don't want to say it, but the other kids are coming so he's gonna figure it out anyway. "She's my fifth."
His face changes, almost sours at my answer. He shakes his head.
"Well, at least you don't have 14 kids like that crazy lady who had octuplets."
"Right," I answer. I don't know what else to say. Would he believe me if I told him how many strangers have compared me to "that crazy octuplet mom" in the past three weeks? Probably not.
I don't blame these folks. People tend to see our family as one big herd. They don't see individuals. So it's easy for them to think: "Oh, hey, you're a big family! What do YOU think of Nadya Suleman?"
Honestly, I don't have much of an opinion about her in particluar. Now that the 14 children are here, we should extend compassion--and not judgment--to Nadya Suleman. Yes, what Nadya did was wrong. But the way she is being attacked is wrong, too. And if Mommy is being attacked, this will hurt her children.
What Nadya Suleman did (having babies to meet her own psychological needs) and how she did it (via a sperm donor and thereby intentionally depriving her children of a father) is abhorrent. It's morally reprehensible to view human beings as a means to an end. It's dehumanizing to view children as the means or hindrance to achieving one's dreams. Human beings are not commodities to be bought and sold for our own personal happiness.
However, no matter how they got here, children are a blessing. Children are a gift. All children. Not just those born into affluent, two-parent families. Our culture doesn't really get this. Sure, it's OK for Brad & Angie to have a bunch of kids. But overall sentiment seems to be that Nadya Suleman should have aborted several of hers.
When strangers react negatively to seeing me with all my children, a little part of me feels like I need to produce a husband and W-4 to prove that not everyone who chooses to have a big family is irresponsible. But this would be pointless. We live in a pro-choice culture. Explaining my pro-life lifestyle to a stranger would be like explaining Dante to my babies. They truly wouldn't understand. Also it's impossible to explain theology in 2 minutes.
So until I figure out how to do that, I guess I'll have to put up with being compared to Nadya Suleman.
I don't know what the answers are for Suleman. I have many of the same questions: how will she support, feed and nurture all those babies? How will those children thrive without a father? Who should help her?
I know one thing for sure: the only reason I can do my job well is because I have an awesome team-mate. I have a devoted, loving, responsible father for my children.
Fathers are important. No, fathers are VITAL.
It's tragic that Nadya Suleman didn't think so.
