One of my first problems with praying was that I approached it with my perfectionistic personality. I wanted a rule-book for prayer. I wanted rules and formulas because above all, I wanted to do it the RIGHT WAY.
When it comes to prayer, I've learned that doing it RIGHT WAY can be a huge obstacle to actual praying.
I love what Thomas Merton says about prayer: It is a risky thing to pray, and the danger is that our very prayers get between God and us. The great thing in prayer is not to pray, but to go directly to God. If saying your prayers is an obstacle to prayer, cut it out. Let Jesus pray. Thank God Jesus is praying. Forget yourself. Enter into the heart of Jesus. Let Him pray in you. The best way to pray is: stop. Let prayer pray within you, whether you know it or not.
The first thing I learned about prayer is that it means just being still. I discovered that sitting still was a ginormously difficult discipline for me. I could not sit still with an empty mind for one minute. Literally, I could not STOP for 60 seconds.
One way I learned to still my mind was by praying The Lord's Prayer several times until my mind focused. Sometimes it helped if I also physically knelt.
I had to get over the stigma of repeated prayers. Many times there were no actual words for the prayers I needed to say. So what I did instead was to hold the emotion of a particular issue or person in my mind while also saying the Lord's prayer. This helped me focus.
Many times my prayers were fragmented conversations with God. Little aspirations of spirit that I would offer up while washing dishes, driving, or rocking my babies. These weren't focused intercessions so much as mental checks, bringing my present awareness back into contact with God. Sometimes it was something as simple as: Jesus, I love you. Sometimes it was a Scripture verse.
I used to pray only when I needed something or before meals. Now I pray all through out the day. Thanksgiving is a form of prayer. It's a mental adjustment, bringing my attitude into line with the blessings God abundantly and daily bestows.
I discovered that gratitude is infectious and progressive. The more gratitude I practiced, the more grateful I became. I could thank God for all the big things, of course. But I could also thank Him for all the little things, too: thank You my babies slept through the night. Thank You for helping me find my keys.
At first I thought it was ridiculous to ask God into the daily, mundane events of my everyday life. Did God really care if I found my keys? Did God really care if my babies slept through the night?
Well, I let go of that evaluation and just did a reckless experiment. To my complete delight, He DID care! I knew this because it was positively delightful for me thank Him for everything. The more I thanked Him, the better I felt, the more peace I had, the less obsessive I was about controlling every little thing.
I even got to the point where I was thanking Him for unpleasant things. Thank You, Lord, for this trial. I don't know why I'm in it, but thank You and please help me.
Thanking God for everything was a huge source of release for me. Things that I had been holding onto for YEARS were slowly becoming unbound. This didn't mean my circumstances were changed or that other people changed but that I CHANGED. The facts of my past remained the same, but I no longer identified with the anger, betrayal, shame or guilt.
Prayer helped me identify myself in Christ Jesus. Who He said I was became far more important than who other people said I was, who I thought I was or who my family was.
My journey into prayer all started with one simple word: STOP.
John Bunyan once wrote: In prayer it is better to have a heart without words, than words without heart.
Tomorrow's post: Praying Through Distractions...stayed tuned!
