I'm on the brink of signing up for yet another gym membership. Mostly for the tantalizing prospect of taking an uninterrupted shower while my twins are in the free child-care.
I could care less about the actual exercise.
But I've been down this road before and it always ends badly. See, I just don't like gyms.
I dislike waiting in line for a machine. I dislike swabbing up other people's sweat/flu germs. I dislike working out next to men.
Especially the ones who grunt at themselves in the mirror.
I get so self-conscious in a gym that it's impossible for me to work up a sweat. And frankly, I hate sweating in front of other people.
I've tried everything: elliptical, treadmill, aerobics classes and even that most infuriating invention of modern exercise--the spinning class.
Maybe I'm just an idiot, but I can't think of anything more futile than vigorously pumping my legs and...going nowhere. Infuriating!
"Try one of the group classes," Matt told me. So I did.
"YOU'RE CLIMBING A BEAUTIFUL ALPINE MOUNTAIN!" the instructor shouted as we toiled away. In place.
"NOW WE'RE HEADING DOWN A WOODED PATH!" she yelled, excitedly. "CAN YOU HEAR THE WATERFALL?"
Some guy actually whooped "HECK, YEAH!" in response. And atheists think belief in God is ridiculous.
I'm telling you it's easier for me to imagine Jesus walking on water than to imagine a lame, alpine waterfall while crammed into a foul-smelling room with 30 other sweaty bodies.
But that's just me.
The problem, of course, is that I need exercise.
Because Weight Watchers has helped me lose 8 lbs. But I still have 10 lbs. to go and honestly, those lbs. aren't going anywhere unless I get my groove on.
Maybe I'll have to imagine lame, alpine waterfalls after all.
But I'm definitely waiting until flu season is over.
