I'd like to know which fashion designer took a hard look at 99.9% of the American population and thought: "Yeah! Skinny jeans! That'd be a GREAT idea!"
Because unless you're an emaciated supermodel or a pre-pubescent boy, skinny jeans are a disaster.
It's so unfair. Just when I make my peace with boot-cut jeans, some genius decides that denim leggings are hot. And now I can't find a pair of stinkin' boot-cut jeans anywhere.
I mean, seriously. Pair up some skinny jeans with a tank top and I resemble a stuffed sausage, fresh from the meat-packing plant.
I don't know about you, but I'm a real woman. Not a mannequin.
Which is to say, I have hips.
Not that men look any better in skinny jeans. In fact, skinny jeans should come with a warning label for men.
WARNING: MAY CAUSE STERILITY. WEAR AT YOUR OWN RISK.
Skinny jeans just need to die. Especially acid-washed skinny jeans. And with it? V-neck shirts for men.
Really, who thought men in v-necks was a good idea? Ick. Men of the world: spare us your hairy cleavage.
It's just ridiculously frustrating. Most of what qualifies as fashion these days makes me wanna throw up a little.
Why can't we just go back to long dresses and hoop-skirts? Frankly, I'd rather wear a corset to show off my waist than skinny jeans to show off my muffin-top.
I'm calling for a revolution. Let's demand real fashion for real women. How about maxi-dresses WITH SLEEVES, for starters?
Chubby-armed women of the world unite!
Skinny jeans, your days are numbered.
