ElizabethEsther.com

Why I've banned Victoria's Secret catalogs from my home

I've banned Victoria's Secret catalogs from my home. Not because I dislike lingerie but because I enforce a zero porn policy. And maybe that sounds harsh but that's exactly what a Victoria's Secret catalog is: soft-porn.

It's difficult enough at the mall--my sons know to avert their eyes every time we pass that store--without bringing it home. I know I'm not alone. I know there are thousands (perhaps millions?) of mothers out there trying to raise their children with a sense of courtesy, respect and morality.

I'm sorry, Victoria's Secret, but I will not allow blatantly objectified images to shape my child's sexuality. 

Images are powerful things and I think it's almost impossible for a young girl to develop a healthy body-image when she's fed images of photo-shopped, airbrushed, scantily clad, freakishly thin supermodels.

And what happens to a young boy whose unawakened sexuality is assaulted--yes, assaulted--from a young age by pornographic images? 

At the very least, these images present a false understanding of sexuality (all fun & games! no obligations!) and at the worst, they create pleasure centers in the brain that revolve around immorality.

I'm also troubled by the normalization of these images in public. Since when did a 2-story high poster of a mostly naked woman become anything other than an egregious offense to decency? Not to mention morality. If protecting my children means avoiding the Victoria's Secret corner of the mall, so be it.

I believe the porn epidemic sweeping our nation indicates we have a serious problem on our hands. Sometimes I feel powerless to stem the pornographic tide that actively seeks to hurt my children.

I know I can't control every single little thing, but so far as it pertains to my home, my turf, my sanctuary--I will fight back the tide. It's my job to protect and defend my children's sexuality.

But I can't do it alone. I need other like-minded mommies. Especially if we're going to protest the proliferation of public porn. Maybe we could call ourselves MAPP (Mothers Against Public Porn)? :)

What do you think about Victoria's Secret/Soft-Porn catalog?
Do you take your children inside the VS store? Why or why not?
Do you think VS would censor/moderate their store posters if enough moms complained?

Apologizing For My "Accidental" Pregnancies.

"Did you plan to have another one so soon?" the woman asked me.

"Oh, no," I said, laughing. "Jude was a big surprise. He was our 'oops' baby!"

And we both laughed.

Later that evening, Matt told me that what I had said bothered him.

"Jude wasn't an accident," he said.

"I know that," I said.

"Well, when you say that Jude was a 'surprise' or an 'oops baby', that's what you're implying."

He had a point. The truth was, I had been embarrassed. I felt like I had to apologize for my fertile womb because people--even complete strangers!--often made ignorant, unkind comments.

I'd been asked how long I was going to "breed like a rabbit," if I was from Utah, if I was going to throw away my life in order to be "just" a mom and why I would "waste" my college education.

When I was in my early twenties, I was a sensitive, fearful, first-time mom. And I took those silly, ignorant comments personally. I felt attacked.

Crazily enough, people rarely treated my husband with the same disrespect. In fact, whenever he was out in public with our children, strangers would coo over the babies and praise him for being a good, involved father.

The automatic assumption was that because he was carrying a child he was a good father. Which he was, of course. It's just that when I was out in public with more than two children, I got asked if I knew how to use birth control.

But that stuff doesn't bother me anymore. Maybe it's because I've grown up a little and don't crave the affirmation of other people as much?

Besides, if I had waited until I was "financially secure" and had achieved all my personal and professional goals, I wouldn't have these FIVE beautiful, amazing people in my life! Now THAT would be tragic.

I don't have any "oops babies." They're all precious, they're all wanted.

I don't apologize anymore.

Former Embryo On Board. Or why I quit The Pill.

I've always considered myself pro-life, even after I started taking birth control pills at age 20. As a pro-lifer, I believed that a unique human being was created at the moment of conception. I believed that a fertilized egg was human life.

When I was 19 I started having extremely difficult periods. A doctor recommended I begin birth control pills to regulate and lesson my symptoms.

"These don't cause an abortion, right?" I asked the health-provider at my university medical clinic.

"No," she laughed, "of course not. The Pill just prevents ovulation."

That same line was repeated by every OB/GYN I've asked since that time. What I didn't know was that I could still ovulate. It's called "breakthrough ovulation." And if I could ovulate, that egg could be fertilized.

In other words, I could become pregnant without ever knowing it.

Here's how: two years ago I found out that the Pill doesn't JUST prevent ovulation. The Pill also works by thinning the lining of the uterus so that a fertilized egg is unable to implant in its mother's womb.

Essentially, the child is starved of nutrition, dies and is flushed out of his/her mother during her next period.

I'll never forget the day I found this out. I literally shook from head to foot. I was so ANGRY that none of my OB/GYNs had told me the whole truth about how the pill works.

But most of all, I was horrified to think that by taking the Pill for so many years I had probably unwittingly aborted some of my children.

My pro-life beliefs had collided head-on with my anti-life practices. I felt like such a hypocrite. It made me sick with regret.

More than that, I was faced with a scary decision. Up until that moment, I had taken The Pill without remorse and without second thought. Now that I knew the truth, could I still take The Pill?

I realized I could not. Quitting the Pill was the only intellectually honest and morally consistent thing to do.

When I told Matt about what I had discovered, he was curious but not entirely convinced. However, as a true gentleman, he would never ask me to act against my conscience.

So, I threw away my pack of Pills.

The next month I was pregnant.

In my case, the blessing was double.

I was pregnant with TWINS!

Are You Having More?

I've been sick on and off for three weeks. First it was the tummy flu on Christmas Eve, then I caught whatever cold/sinus infection my kids had. Funny, the laundry kept piling up and the kids kept asking for food. I really need a "pause" button for my life.

When I finally dragged myself into the doctor, she examined me and then said: "Well, it looks viral."

Which means it's not an infection yet. So come back in two days. Problem is, I don't have a sitter in two days. Also, I have 5 children.

And then, taking a closer look at my chart she said: "Is there any chance you might be pregnant?"

Well, there's always a chance.

Instead I said something super intelligent like, "Well...uh...I don't think so?"

She eyed me. I eyed her.

"Did I mention I have a hiatal hernia?" I chirped.

I think changing the subject is a great way to avoid uncomfortable conversations. But the truth is, for a long time I didn't know how to answer the question I get asked most often: "Are you having more?"

So, I've thought long and hard about the answer. I've come up with a genius, earth-shattering answer:

I DON'T KNOW.

Brilliant, right?

And here's the clincher: it's true. I really don't know.

I mean, after #1 was born I thought I was done. Really. I was fine with only have one, precious, sweet child. After #2 was born I thought FOR SURE I was done. After #3 I made Matt promise me that WE WERE DONE. And he agreed. Then we had twins.

All I'm saying is: I wasn't the girl who wanted a big family. My mom can testify to the fact that I used to go around proclaiming: "I'm never having kids!" Well. Never say never. And also, never underestimate how God is going to work in someone's life.

I'm living proof that God works miracles. He's the One who changed my mind. He's the One who had me falling in love with these little souls and my vocation as a mother. He's the One who completely changed my mind about using artificial contraceptives. Best of all, He did it gently and reasonably.

This means that my mind and heart changed because He did it; not because someone quoted a bunch of verses to me about having a full quiver or scared me out of having babies by lecturing me about social responsibility, population control or questions about how we were going to afford it. Basically, I didn't let anyone guilt me into or out of having babies.

It took me having 5 children before I finally realized that I don't know as much as I thought I did. That God's plans are far better than my own.

There's no fear in this. At least, not like there used to be. I used to be freaked out about having babies. I still walk into the hospital and demand an epidural right now, thank you very much. But God has filled my life with so much love that it's pushed the fear into the far corners of my mind.

All this to say: my heart is open to more. If that's what God wants for me, that's what I want, too. If this is it, I'm totally content.

Because ultimately, God is in it. He's in this life with me. And really, I can't think of anything more holy or beautiful than partnering with God in the creation of new life.

So yeah, I've been sick for three weeks. And the laundry is stinkin' crrrr--aazy! But still, it's totally worth it.

Am I having more?

Y'know what? I don't know! And I'm OK with that.