"Did you plan to have another one so soon?" the woman asked me.
"Oh, no," I said, laughing. "Jude was a big surprise. He was our 'oops' baby!"
And we both laughed.
Later that evening, Matt told me that what I had said bothered him.
"Jude wasn't an accident," he said.
"I know that," I said.
"Well, when you say that Jude was a 'surprise' or an 'oops baby', that's what you're implying."
He had a point. The truth was, I had been embarrassed. I felt like I had to apologize for my fertile womb because people--even complete strangers!--often made ignorant, unkind comments.
I'd been asked how long I was going to "breed like a rabbit," if I was from Utah, if I was going to throw away my life in order to be "just" a mom and why I would "waste" my college education.
When I was in my early twenties, I was a sensitive, fearful, first-time mom. And I took those silly, ignorant comments personally. I felt attacked.
Crazily enough, people rarely treated my husband with the same disrespect. In fact, whenever he was out in public with our children, strangers would coo over the babies and praise him for being a good, involved father.
The automatic assumption was that because he was carrying a child he was a good father. Which he was, of course. It's just that when I was out in public with more than two children, I got asked if I knew how to use birth control.
But that stuff doesn't bother me anymore. Maybe it's because I've grown up a little and don't crave the affirmation of other people as much?
Besides, if I had waited until I was "financially secure" and had achieved all my personal and professional goals, I wouldn't have these FIVE beautiful, amazing people in my life! Now THAT would be tragic.
I don't have any "oops babies." They're all precious, they're all wanted.
I don't apologize anymore.

Why I've banned Victoria's Secret catalogs from my home
I've banned Victoria's Secret catalogs from my home. Not because I dislike lingerie but because I enforce a zero porn policy. And maybe that sounds harsh but that's exactly what a Victoria's Secret catalog is: soft-porn.
It's difficult enough at the mall--my sons know to avert their eyes every time we pass that store--without bringing it home. I know I'm not alone. I know there are thousands (perhaps millions?) of mothers out there trying to raise their children with a sense of courtesy, respect and morality.
I'm sorry, Victoria's Secret, but I will not allow blatantly objectified images to shape my child's sexuality.
Images are powerful things and I think it's almost impossible for a young girl to develop a healthy body-image when she's fed images of photo-shopped, airbrushed, scantily clad, freakishly thin supermodels.
And what happens to a young boy whose unawakened sexuality is assaulted--yes, assaulted--from a young age by pornographic images?
At the very least, these images present a false understanding of sexuality (all fun & games! no obligations!) and at the worst, they create pleasure centers in the brain that revolve around immorality.
I'm also troubled by the normalization of these images in public. Since when did a 2-story high poster of a mostly naked woman become anything other than an egregious offense to decency? Not to mention morality. If protecting my children means avoiding the Victoria's Secret corner of the mall, so be it.
I believe the porn epidemic sweeping our nation indicates we have a serious problem on our hands. Sometimes I feel powerless to stem the pornographic tide that actively seeks to hurt my children.I know I can't control every single little thing, but so far as it pertains to my home, my turf, my sanctuary--I will fight back the tide. It's my job to protect and defend my children's sexuality.
But I can't do it alone. I need other like-minded mommies. Especially if we're going to protest the proliferation of public porn. Maybe we could call ourselves MAPP (Mothers Against Public Porn)? :)
What do you think about Victoria's Secret/Soft-Porn catalog?
Do you take your children inside the VS store? Why or why not?
Do you think VS would censor/moderate their store posters if enough moms complained?
Posted on January 28, 2010 at 12:01 AM in Birth Control, Parenting--toughest job out there, Societal Commentary | Permalink | Comments (48)
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