The videos were from 7 years ago. James was a baby. Jewel was a toddler.
My mom looked so young. It was before her cancer.
My Dad laughed a lot. It was before our church fell apart.
My sister was there. It was before she moved far away.
My grandma was there. It was before she died.
The few times the camera was on me, I wanted to reach in and pull myself out of the video and give myself a hug. I wanted to tell that Young Me:
There are going to be a lot of hard times ahead. You will feel like God has abandoned you. You will be very confused. But it's going to be OK, I promise. The Lord loves you and He's never going to let you go---even when you run away from Him. It's OK to let go. He's holding you. Someday, you're going to be so happy, so peaceful, so content, you'll wonder how it all happened. It's not going to be easy. But it's going to be so worth it!
And it's true. It hasn't been easy. It still isn't. But when you walk with Jesus, He makes all things beautiful in His time.