Of Migraines and Weak Faith
Before I felt pain, I saw stars. And black spots. The top of my vision shimmered, like tiny heat waves. Then I started shivering. I didn't know what was happening but suddenly, a solid wall of pain crashed into my forehead. I've only had migraines a few times in my life. This one was the worst.
It even hurt to breathe. Every tiny movement made me feel like I was going to vomit. Light felt like arrows, piercing.
It all happened so fast. One minute I was happily dancing away in my Zumba class. A few minutes later, I was clutching my head and thinking I might pass out.
But I had to pick up the kids from school. I really don't know how I did it. I honestly have never felt head pain like that. Somehow I got everyone home, called the twins' preschool to let them know I'd be late and then I went to bed. The older children went upstairs and I covered my eyes and tried to lie very still.
The headache lasted for 8 hours. Today it's gone but it's weird: my brain feels bruised. And I feel all trembly and emotional.
I'm just going to admit it: physical pain immediately and completely humbles me. I have a super low pain threshold and this migraine pain totally undid me. Today, as I'm thinking about it, I feel rather ashamed. I'm a total wimp.
I'm not very good at enduring pain. I just want it to stop, stop, stop. As I was moaning in bed, I felt like I would do anything to make the pain stop.
I prayed. No, actually. I begged. I stopped just short of bargaining with God because I totally suck at holding up my end of the bargain. And He knows that. So, I figured it might diminish my chances of actual pain relief if I promised to do something I probably wouldn't get around to doing.
And then I started asking: Why, God, why? Which is a pretty immature question, if you ask me. I should have been saying: Why NOT me?
Suddenly, I felt pretty pathetic. There are so many people who live with unbearable chronic pain every day. Why don't I ever think about those people? Why don't I ever do something to help THEM?
So, I started talking to God about how often I neglect people who need my help.
And then I was like: do other people talk to God when they have migraines?
So, I switched over to talking to Mary. And St. Jude. Is there a patron saint for migraines? Because there so totally should be.
And then when it was so unbearable I thought I might have to go to the hospital, I texted Matt one of my usual End of the World Texts which I'm not repeating here but it may or may not have said something like I'm dying, I love you, please play Mozart's Ave Verum Corpus at my funeral.
To which he replied with one of his usual, It's-All-Going-To-Be-OK texts:
Another little virus.
And I have to admit, it's super annoying when you're in complete agony for someone to shrug it off to another "little" virus. And, strangely enough, it's also oddly comforting.
And then God totally answered my prayer because my husband came home early from work and spent the rest of the afternoon grocery shopping, making dinner, giving the twins their baths....all while I moaned and groaned and dashed to the bathroom for random bouts of sickness.
And that's when I realized: maybe I do have weak faith, but God still answered my prayer.
He didn't take away the pain but my husband did come home early from work to help me.
Plus, also? I didn't die. So, there's that.
But from now on, I'm ONLY using Excedrin. That blasted Advil didn't even TOUCH the pain.
Any ideas for what I can eat/drink today to help restore my bruised, aching, trembly little head? Do share!